View source for A Taste of Plankton/transcript

{{SpoilerRecent}}
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
{{L|''[The episode opens on an exterior shot of the Chum Bucket. Plankton is sitting on a chair and watching TV.]''}}
{{L|Narrator|And now back to ''The World of Gross Sea Life''. ''[a title card is shown with various sea creatures on it; it shows a slide with the Realistic Fish Head]'' Observe how this ingenious parasitic isopod ''[it sticks out its tongue, which has a parasite on it]'' finds a new home by attaching itself ''[the fish closes its mouth]'' inside a fish's mouth, becoming its new tongue.}}
{{L|Plankton|Ooh... ''[grins]''}}
{{L|Karen|That's the most ''[shows a vomiting emoji on her screen]'' disgusting thing I've ever seen!}}
{{L|Plankton|''[jumps down from chair, grunts]'' Disgustingly genius! It's giving me a wonderful idea! ''[points to a pot of glue being poured]'' I'll glue myself to SpongeBob's tongue! ''[rubs hands together]'' By hiding right in that fry cook's face, I'll be in the perfect position to ''[wiggles fingers]'' collect the Krabby Patty sample. ''[evil laugh]''}}
{{L|''[The glue bubbles and pops. Hot glue spills on Plankton, making him scream and flail. Karen pulls him out of it; his lower body is ripped, revealing pink skin and his underwear.]''}}
{{L|Karen|Ooh, what could possibly go wrong?}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition to Plankton, dressed in a pink costume, exiting the Chum Bucket with Karen.]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[points to suit]'' Clever disguise? Check. ''[shakes empty jar]'' Sample container? ''[puts it in his suit]'' Check. ''[takes out glue]'' Glue? Check. Time to begin Operation Tongue Oppressor! ''[sits down and practices licking]''}}
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple. SpongeBob is ironing a pair of his pants.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|An iron a day keeps the wrinkles away. ''[dumps bricks out of his pants, hears doorbell ringing and heads to the door]'' Ooh, I hope it's a salesman.}}
{{L|''[He opens the door to see Karen, dressed up and with a paper plate mask tied on her screen.]''}}
{{L|Karen|Candygram.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Ooh, I just love a poetry slam candygram!}}
{{L|Karen|Poetry? Well, okay. Roses are red. Candy is sweet. Uh, eat with your mouth, not with your feet?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[pauses, then waves hand]'' Words to live by.}}
{{L|''[Karen gives him a heart-shaped box of candy and leaves. SpongeBob sits down on the couch. All the holes are full of candy, except one with Plankton in it.]''}}
{{L|Plankton|That's it. Eat the delicious little Plankton.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I'll just have one little candy. ''[eats one, pauses, looks around]'' Who am I kidding? ''[eats the entire box, except Plankton]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Come on, you dolt! Eat me!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[picks him up]'' Oh, this pink candy looks so delicious!}}
{{L|Plankton|Yes! Yes!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[hands it to Gary]'' But I saved it just for you, Gary! ''[throws Plankton into Gary's mouth]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[screams]''}}
{{L|Gary|''[teeth spin like a garbage disposal]''}}
{{L|''[Fade to black. Fade back in to SpongeBob's house, with a trash can outside. SpongeBob, carrying a scooper, takes out a litter bag and puts it on top.]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[nervous whimpering, leaves trash can]'' I have to get inside that mouth breather's mouth. ''[shrugs]'' Maybe disguise myself as a door-to-door dentist. ''[waves hand dismissively]'' No, that's not a thing.}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob steps on Plankton.]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Ow!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Ew! I stepped in some old gum. ''[glances around, peels Plankton off]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[groaning, screams as SpongeBob throws him into his mouth and chews him]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[blows a bubble, which pops]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[groaning]''}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob chews Plankton, making him scream.]''}}
{{L|Plankton|And now I just have to glue myself to his hideous tongue. ''[stands up, takes out glue bottle and struggles to open it]'' Come on! ''[SpongeBob bites the glue, gluing Plankton to his tongue]'' Oh... Yes! ''[laughs]''}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob walks along, with his Krusty Krab hat on. He takes a book out of his pocket.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''The Tiny Book of Tortuous Tongue Twisters''. Perfect for my morning exercises. My tongue has to be in tip top shape to taste my patties.}}
{{L|Plankton|Tongue twisters?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[enunciating, swinging Plankton around]'' The squad of odd cod abhorred the sassy cephalopod.}}
{{L|Plankton|The pain! Huh? ''[sees the Krusty Krab]'' This dream scheme gone full steam guarantees Eugene screams. ''[his tongue is twisted]'' Oh, boy, now I'm doing it.}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob walks into the Krusty Krab, past Squidward, who is cleaning a table.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Morning, Squidward!}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob's bad breath wraps itself around Squidward's neck.]''}}
{{L|Squidward|''[groaning, hyperventilating]'' Ugh, your breath smells like chum.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[breathes on his hand, smells it, nose burns off]'' It is a bit stinky.}}
{{L|Plankton|''[pushes SpongeBob's teeth away]'' You try passing through a snail's intestines and see what you smell like.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[takes out breath spray]'' A little breath spray should help.}}
{{L|''[He sprays it. Plankton screams and his eye burns.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[smacks lips]'' Better get some patties out of the freezer for today's orders. ''[opens the freezer door and turns on the lights]'' Oh, no! We're out of patties! ''[zoom out to show the freezer empty]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Of course you are.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Which means I get to make a whole new batch. Hooray!}}
{{L|Plankton|Even better! ''[closes SpongeBob's teeth]'' I'll have a front row seat to the whole process.}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob opens the cabinet. It contains only green jars with letters printed on them.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|A little secret ingredient A...}}
{{L|Plankton|Secret ingredient A?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[pours some A in, then B]'' Two blobs of B, ''[kicks C, D, and E]'' some C, D, E, ''[spins G and tosses it, then catches it]'' G, ''[pours a measuring cup in]'' two cups of this, ''[dumps a red substance on]'' a jar of that, ''[sprinkles some white dust from Z]'' and just a pinch of Z.}}
{{L|Plankton|What's this guy making, alphabet soup?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Mix well. ''[mixes the jar and splats it back down]'' Perfect. Now for the taste test.}}
{{L|Plankton|That's it, baby. ''[opens jar]'' I only need one sample. ''[yells as SpongeBob tries to lick the spoon, hits the mixture]'' My eye!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Ugh, these patties are kind of bland. I can't taste them at all. Time to get a little creative. ''[walks away and returns with stinky cheese]'' Ah, maybe some Limburger cheese will help. ''[puts it in]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Oh, no, not Limburger!}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob mixes it and tastes it. Plankton's eye waters.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Still blah. ''[dumps a jar of sauerkraut in]'' Ooh, how about a little sauerkraut? ''[throws some glowing green peppers in]'' Flying Dutchman peppers, ''[lifts his hat to reveal a jar of a gross substance]'' and this old jar of toe jam. ''[puts it in, mixes it, and puts it to his mouth]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Good Neptune, not in your mouth!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[chews]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[groans, faints]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[smacks lips]'' Still doesn't have any taste.}}
{{L|Plankton|Oh, I've made a critical error! ''[looks at glue]'' My glue has covered that dope's taste buds.}}
{{L|Squidward|''[leans through order window]'' Get a move on, SpongeBob! The orders are piling up!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|No problem, Squidward! ''[puts some of the mixture on the grill]'' Uh, I guess it'll have to do. ''[exits with a plate of patties]'' The Krabby Patties are ready, Squidward.}}
{{L|Squidward|Whatever.}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob gives the patties to the customers.]''}}
{{L|Woman customer|Hey, Neptune, I'm starving!}}
{{L|Male customer|Finally!}}
{{L|''[The woman eats the patty and is disgusted.]''}}
{{L|Woman customer|Is this even food?}}
{{L|Male customer|''[eats the patty, turns purple, it goes back up]'' Ew! This is disgusting!}}
{{L|Customers|''[choking, spitting up]''}}
{{L|Fancy woman|I'll never eat here again!}}
{{L|Pink woman|I've had better garbage!}}
{{L|Orange man|It tastes worse than chum!}}
{{L|''[Pan over to Mr. Krabs' office. He is taking a bath in his money.]''}}
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Mmm... ''[exits office in his underwear]'' Worse than chum!? ''[takes a patty and bites it, his eyestalks burn up, runs to SpongeBob]'' What have you done to my patties?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[steps out of his office, chews it]'' Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. The patties have no flavor at all today.}}
{{L|Krabs|No flavor? More like too much flavor! ''[looks in SpongeBob's mouth]'' They taste like the Flying Dutchman's long johns.}}
{{L|Plankton|''[looks nervous, whistles]''}}
{{L|Krabs|I'm afraid your taste buds are worn out, boy-o. ''[shuts SpongeBob's mouth]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Whew.}}
{{L|Krabs|Until your tongue recovers, you're off grill duty. Turn in your hat and spatuler.}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob holds out his spatula and Krabs pries it away from him.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[groans, deflates, exits]''}}
{{L|Plankton|That's one more for the failure pile. Time to abandon tongue. ''[pulls on suit zipper, but nothing happens]'' Ah, blast. The zipper's covered in glue.}}
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick sitting on his rock and armpit farting.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|My left armpit still sounds a little sharp.}}
{{L|Patrick|Hmm. My left armpit still sounds a little sharp. ''[twists his armpit hair, armpit farts again]'' That's better. ''[sees SpongeBob walking up]'' Hey, SpongeBob.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[sadly]'' Hey, Patrick.}}
{{L|Patrick|What's the matter?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I can't taste a thing. My tongue is broken.}}
{{L|Plankton|He goes to ''Patrick'' for advice? It's the nitwits leading the dimwits.}}
{{L|Patrick|Your tongue's probably just dirty. That happens to me all the time. ''[shows his gross tongue]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' You're the smartest smart person who ever smarted! Give me a little runoff music, maestro.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[armpit farts rapidly]''}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house. He is in his bathroom, and takes out some soap.]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Sweet Neptune! ''[SpongeBob scrubs him rapidly and sticks the soap in his mouth]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[spits out soap, smacks lips]'' I need something stronger.}}
{{L|''[Cut to a Boat Wash sign.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|This should do the trick. ''[walks in, holds his mouth open]''}}
{{L|''[Plankton gets scrubbed by rotating brushes, groans, gets blasted with hot wax and screams, and a hair dryer blows his face back. SpongeBob exits the car wash, with Plankton looking cleaned up. SpongeBob runs up to a man on the street.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|May I borrow your hat, sir?}}
{{L|Man|Oh, of course!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[licks hat, saddened, hands it back]'' It tastes like emptiness.}}
{{L|Man|''[licks hat]'' Tastes fine to me.}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition back to SpongeBob's house.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, my poor tongue is just worn out. Guess it's time for a new one!}}
{{L|Plankton|What!?}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob takes out his tongue and unzips it, puts it on a rack, and picks out a new one. He zips it on.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Haha, silly me. Why didn't I do this earlier?}}
{{L|''[He hears a doorbell and goes to answer it. Patrick is at the door.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Can I borrow that dirty old tongue of yours?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Of course. ''[leans back and grabs Plankton]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[plotting]'' Patrick eats more Krabby Patties than anyone. Why didn't I do this earlier? ''[Patrick takes him]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Sorry, my old tongue's a little loud.}}
{{L|Patrick|That's okay. ''[rips out his tongue and puts Plankton on]''}}
{{L|Plankton|''[rubs hands together]'' Perfect!}}
{{L|Patrick|I'm just gonna go grab a bite to eat ''[fade to him at the Chum Bucket]'' at the annual chum-eating contest!}}
{{L|''[Zoom out to show the contest, with him competing against the Ice Cream King and a hillbilly. A "Grand Prize" sign has a paddleball on it.]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Chum-eating contest? Was that today?}}
{{L|Karen|On your marks, get set, chum!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[starts eating the chum]''}}
{{L|Plankton|Oh, why can't I have a detachable tongue?}}