View source for At Home, on the Lam/transcript

{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr}}
{{L|''[The episode opens with the Star house at night.]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[using tweezers to place a figure on a chocolate diorama]'' One last chocolate Schnorkle Schnobble ''[holds up a miniature edible flag]'' and the Klopnodian flag... ''[tosses the flag into her mouth and eats it, then spits it out and places it onto the spear]'' And this Klopnodian war diorama is officially done! ''[walks over to Cecil, who is holding a stick being held by GrandPat and Squidina]'' And I couldn't have done it without you as reference.}}
{{L|Cecil|Looks great, honey. ''[the chocolate soldiers fall down a drool river]'' And I love the water feature.}}
{{L|Bunny|Water feature?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[drooling over the diorama with hypnotic eyes]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[gasps, grabs Patrick by the head]'' Oh, no, you don't! ''[wipes away the drool with a cloth]'' This diorama is going to the Klopnodian Chocolate Fest tomorrow. So don't you dare take a single bite, or else-- ''[grabs Patrick's cheek]'' look at me-- there will be consequences. ''[thunder rumbles, lets go of Patrick's head]'' Understood?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[gulps]'' Yes, Mom.}}
{{L|Bunny|That's my good boy. ''[picks up Patrick and throws him into the other room]'' Now it's off to bed with you.}}
{{L|Patrick|Whoa! ''[crashes off-screen]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[walking out of the kitchen]'' Got to get up bright and early for the festival! ''[looks at the diorama before turning the lights out and leaving]''}}
{{L|''[The sun slowly rises before a rooster is heard crowing.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[yawns, scratches himself, then falls off his bed and onto a stool in front of a mirror; humming while combing his eyebrows]'' Huh? ''[drops comb, looks at chocolate-covered hands]'' What the--? It can't be. ''[licks hand]'' Oh! It's chocolate.}}
{{L|Bunny|''[opens bedroom door]'' Patrick. You haven't seen my war diorama, have you?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[sweating as Bunny gets up to his face]'' No, why do you ask?}}
{{L|Bunny|''[grabs Patrick's mouth and licks the chocolate from it]'' Just as I suspected-- Klopnodian chocolate.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[getting in front of Bunny]'' But I didn't eat your doily-rama! ''[grabs Bunny's dress]'' I swear! Or, at least I don't remember.}}
{{L|Bunny|Oh, Patrick, you lied to me. And now it's time for the consequences!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[instantly runs away]''}}
{{L|Bunny|Oh, Patrick. You can run. ''[pulls down a zipper on her head to reveal herself in a war-like outfit]'' But you can't hide. ''[whistles to summon Tinkle, pulling out a pair of underwear from a laundry basket]'' All right, Tinkle. Catch Patrick's scent.}}
{{L|Tinkle|''[sniffs underwear, passes out]''}}
{{L|Bunny|You'd think Tinkle would be used to that smell.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[running up the stairs, panting]'' Gotta hide! Gotta hide! Gotta hide! ''[runs into the wall, leaving a hole, then continues running up the stairs]'' Oof! Gotta hide! Gotta hide! ''[enters Squidina's room}}
{{L|Squidina|''[sliding a contract to her dolls]'' I'll give you scale plus five, and that's my final offer. Huh? ''[hides her dolls and takes the contract]'' Jeez, can't ya knock?}}
{{L|Patrick|No time! Momsequences! Please! ''[begging, grabbing Squidina]'' You gotta hide me! Or this might be the last episode of "The Patrick Show."}}
{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[gasp as Bunny knocks on the door]''}}
{{L|Bunny|Oh, Squidina! ''[enters the room as Squidina is pouring tea into cups for her dolls]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Yes, Mother?}}
{{L|Bunny|I've been looking for your brother. Have you seen him?}}
{{L|Squidina|No. ''[chuckles]'' Don't think so.}}
{{L|Bunny|Then you wouldn't mind if I took a look around, would you?}}
{{L|Squidina|''[gulps, spills tea]'' Be my guest. ''[chuckles nervously]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[takes off a cloth to reveal a camera]'' Aha! Huh? ''[something under Squidina's bed rattles, which she goes over to]'' Aha! ''[lifts bed to expose a dust bunny]'' Gotcha now! Huh?}}
{{L|Dust bunny|''[roars, then runs away]''}}
{{L|Bunny|Dust bunny? ''[raises fist]'' Yeah, you better run! I guess this means Patrick isn't here after all.}}
{{L|Squidina|Phew! Yep, just me and the dust bunnies. ''[pours drool from her teapot]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[voice heard]'' Glug, glug, glug, glug.}}
{{L|Bunny|''[takes the teacup and chugs it, licks lips]'' Aha! A mother would know her son's drool anywhere.}}
{{L|Squidina|Huh?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[head and legs emerge, then runs away]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[at the door, points]'' And I'll be back for that dust bunny.}}
{{L|Cecil|''[humming as he paints the wall blue]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Dad!}}
{{L|Cecil|Oh, hi, son! ''[gestures to painted window on the wall]'' I thought the room could use more light, so I painted a window. Now to wait for the sun to rise.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[rolls in a ball and runs into Cecil, then breaks out of his teapot]'' Oh! Mom's hunting me down because she thinks I ate her dumpy llama! ''[grabs Cecil's apron]'' You gotta hide me.}}
{{L|Cecil|''[pushes Patrick back, sighs]'' Son, I-- I didn't want you to find out like this, but your ol' man is no stranger to hiding. ''[tosses off apron]'' I've done some things I'm not proud of. I assumed a sweet, innocent man's identity. My real name isn't even Cecil.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[grabs and shakes Cecil]'' No time for stories! You gotta hide me!}}
{{L|Cecil|''[pushes Patrick along]'' Sure, son! ''[a paintbrush moves across the screen as the scene changes to him holding Patrick in front of a painted hole]'' There you go. It's a tunnel to ''[pushes Patrick]'' freedom!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[waves and runs away into the hole]'' Bye, Dad! Love you!}}
{{L|Cecil|Now ''[holds up a lime paintbrush and bucket]'' to buy him some extra time.}}
{{L|Bunny|''[enters]'' Patrick? Aha! ''[turns "Patrick" around on the floor to reveal a disguised Cecil]'' There you are.}}
{{L|Cecil|''[as Patrick]'' Uh, hi, Mom. ''[gets handcuffed, normal voice]'' Uh-oh. ''[yelps as Bunny picks him up and carries him]''}}
{{L|Bunny|I am so disappointed in you. I ought to tell your father.}}
{{L|Cecil|''[paint starts falling off]'' No, please! Don't tell GrandPat!}}
{{L|Bunny|What do you mean? ''[looks up and gasps]'' You're not Patrick!}}
{{L|Cecil|No, but I am Cecil, and always have been.}}
{{L|Bunny|''[grumbles, lowers Cecil]'' Now it's time to show Patrick some ''[kicks Cecil away]'' consequences! ''[breaks through the painted hole and begins running]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[running and screaming, bumps into a wall, then runs upward, bumps again, then continues running; slithers through a cramped path, then uses his tongue to knock on a tiny door]'' Help!}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[answers the door, his eye emerges]'' Is that you, kid? ''[grabs Patrick by the mouth and pulls him out and into the room]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[grabs GrandPat's beard]'' She's after me!}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[pushes Patrick away, then places a bag]'' Don't worry, kid. Get in the bag. I'll smuggle you out to Paris, to freedom!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[gets into the bag]'' Okay. Thanks!}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[zips up the bag]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[inside the bag as tires squeal]'' Whoa!}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[off-screen as a ship horn blows and seagulls call, then gets poked around in the bag]'' All aboard! ''[holding a baseball bat in front of the bag hung up]'' Rogue wave! Brace for impact! ''[hits the bag with the bat]'' Yah! ''[drops the bat as he comes back with a bucket of water to pour onto the bag]'' Oh, no, it's a storm! ''[hits the bag with the bucket and comes back with cymbals, clashing them]'' Oh, no, it's lightning! ''[tosses cymbals which hit the bag, and comes back with more cymbals]'' Oh, no, it's cymbals!}}
{{L|Bunny|''[drops down into the room, looking around]'' GrandPat, have you seen Patrick?}}
{{L|GrandPat|'Bout time you showed up. ''[tosses away cymbals and picks up the bag]'' I got your chocolate chomper right here. ''[unzips the bag to reveal a hole in the bottom]'' Case closed.}}
{{L|Both|Huh?}}
{{L|Bunny|Where'd he go?}}
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick in Paris, France, wearing a French outfit at a table in front of a woman.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[laughs with French accent]'' Merci bamboo. ''[opens his mouth wide and eats the cheese on the fork]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[pulls down the scene, which is on a wallpaper]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[drops to the floor, then screams and runs away; tosses a heavy Patrick head statue away to reveal a hole, which he squeezes into and falls just before Bunny and GrandPat arrive]''}}
{{L|Bunny and GrandPat|''[growl]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[running underground, then flails, screams, and falls down onto some mud, moans and looks up]'' Huh? ''[sees a chocolate house up ahead, which he walks to]'' What? Oh. ''[uses the doorknob and opens the front door]''}}
{{L|''[Camera pans right inside the house, including two chocolate starfish parents and a chocolate baby.]''}}
{{L|Chocolate dad|Oh, hello, stranger.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[rubs his eyes with his tongue while he drools]'' Whoa. ''[rapidly shakes head]'' Where am I? What is this paradise?}}
{{L|Chocolate dad|Well, every house has a secret chocolate room if you look hard enough. ''[winks]''}}
{{L|Patrick|My mom is after me because I ate the dorky grandma, which I didn't do but I totally might have done because it sounds like something I'd do. ''[begging]'' So I need your help, or she's gonna "consequences" me!}}
{{L|Chocolate dad|Don't worry. We'll do anything you need.}}
{{L|Patrick|Anything?}}
{{L|Chocolate dad|Anything.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[touches the chocolate dad's arm]'' What a sweet, innocent man you are.}}
{{L|''[A chocolate bar moves across the screen as the scene changes to Bunny and GrandPat underground.]''}}
{{L|GrandPat|What are you gonna do with that cocoa criminal when you find him?}}
{{L|Bunny|Give him his ''[bangs fists together]'' just desserts. Let's go. ''[jumps down while holding GrandPat]''}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[screams, turns into a parachute, and lays over Bunny]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[tosses GrandPat aside and approaches the chocolate house while aiming a vacuum; picks up, sniffs, and licks the doormat]'' He's close. ''[drops doormat; breaks the door to get into the house]'' All right! Show yourself, Patrick! ''[looks up]'' Huh?}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[looks up]'' Holy cannoli.}}
{{L|''[The camera moves around to show various chocolate messes created by Patrick, who is sitting on the ground and eating the place.]''}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[points]'' Aha! Caught you chocolate-handed!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[stands up]'' But I didn't eat any more chocolate. ''[gestures to a remade Klopnodian chocolate diorama, which the other two approach]'' I remade your doily mama.}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[picks up a chocolate soldier and inspects it with a magnifying glass]''}}
{{L|Bunny|You hand-carved all this chocolate yourself?}}
{{L|Patrick|Yes, with my mouth. It all started five minutes ago. ''[waves arms to start a flashback]''}}
{{L|Chocolate dad|''[screams, then laughs]'' Just kidding. I told you I'd do anything to help.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[tosses the piece into his mouth and eats the chocolate dad's arm]''}}
{{L|Chocolate dad|I bet you're wondering how my family and I got here. See, my name is Cecil, and-- ''[Patrick eats his face off]''}}
{{L|Patrick|No time for backstory. ''[voiceover as Patrick chews]'' So I worked and worked ''[takes chocolate soldiers out of his mouth and places them]'' and built it all from scratch. ''[he and Bunny smile at each other]''}}
{{L|GrandPat|Well, that doesn't make up for it! ''[points to Patrick]'' That little thief still needs to pay the price for eating the original! ''[Tinkle chomps on his butt and tugs]'' Hey, hey! What-- what are you doin'?}}
{{L|Tinkle|''[sniffs, barks]''}}
{{L|Bunny|Tinkle, what's wrong?}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[Tinkle rips on his beard]'' Yeow! ''[a chocolate soldier drops from his beard as he lands]''}}
{{L|Tinkle|''[pants]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[pushes GrandPat aside and picks up the soldier]'' That's the chocolate from the original diorama!}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[laughs nervously]'' Where'd that come from?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[points to GrandPat's beard]'' From your beard! ''[rips GrandPat's head off to reveal his real head]''}}
{{L|Patrick and Bunny|''[off-screen]'' GrandPat?}}
{{L|Patrick|It was you all along!}}
{{L|GrandPat|That's right! I ate it! I ate it all! And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling whippersnappers! ''[flashback to earlier, where Bunny turns the kitchen lights off]'' I waited until the coast was clear, ''[pops out from behind a cactus, then slithers to the diorama]'' then used my old army training to approach the target. ''[bangs fists together next to the diorama]'' I fought against those creepy Klopnodian cowards in the war. ''[takes a house and eats it]'' Also, I was hungry.}}
{{L|Chocolate Klopnodian soldiers|''[running and screaming]''}}
{{L|GrandPat|''[his tongue extends out to the soldiers, which grabs them, and he eats them; he then lifts the entire table to eat the entire diorama, making him fat; voiceover]'' Sweet revenge. ''[uses toothpick; cut to him tiptoeing in an asleep Patrick's bedroom]'' Then it was a simple matter of covering my tracks ''[uses a tool to rub chocolate onto Patrick's face]'' by pinning the blame on the most obvious suspect. ''[lowers as Patrick snores; end of flashback]''}}
{{L|Bunny|''[bangs fists together]'' Time for a lesson you'll ''[repeatedly pokes GrandPat's beard]'' never forget. ''[cut to her using a shovel to shove chocolate bars into an obese GrandPat's mouth]'' I hope you enjoy your just desserts.}}
{{L|Patrick|''[eyes widen]'' Just desserts. ''[drools, and puts a cup underneath it to stir; tosses spoon and chugs the drool, then continues drooling]''}}
{{L|''[The words "In Memory of The Chocolate Family" appear on a black screen, which fades out.]''}}