View source for Bubble Bass Reviews/transcript

{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr}}
{{L|''[The episode begins with Patrick popping up from below the camera to begin his show.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Hello everyone, and welcome to my show! Today's episode is...}}
{{L|''[The camera moves to the right to show a collection of hazardous items.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|..."Try This at Home!" So kids, get ready-}}
{{L|''[A big red logo with the word "Wrong" is stamped on screen.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Wrong!}}
{{L|''[A zoom out shows Bubble Bass in a Nostalgia Critic-styled outfit.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|More like "Don't try this anywhere." I mean, how's that dynamite even staying in the toaster? Is it anti-gravity dynamite or-}}
{{L|Mama Bass|''[opens the door]'' Bubble Bass! I'm doing a load, so send up your dirties!}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[deflates in embarrassment and walks to the stairs]'' Mother, I am busy making art!}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Well, I'm busy doing laundry, so put your stinky little costume in the basket!}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|It is a uniform, and you know it!}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass is hit by the laundry basket and falls to the ground. The scene glitches to his show's intro, consisting of sliding videos of himself and the logo.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|I hate it! It's trash. Ugh! "The Bubble Bass Reviews Show."}}
{{L|''[The scene cuts to Bubble Bass' computer, showing a drawing of him with the text "Bubble Bass REVEIWS Show!" and "Episode #674" on the slide.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Welcome to "The Bubble Bass Reviews Show," episode 674. ''[scrolls to the next slide showing an edited version of the Patrick Star Show logo]'' Today's review, ''The Patrick Show''...}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches to Bubble Bass getting into his seat with the laundry basket still stuck in his head.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|...with me, your host. ''[pulls the basket off]'' Bubble Bass. ''[shakes off the imprints left by the basket]'' Now, let us begin as we always do with our first segment...}}
{{L|''[The scene cuts back to the slides with Bubble Bass sighing and the text "YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN REAL LIFE" in it.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|..."You Can't Do That in Real Life." Oh, uh, let me move my mouse out of the way and-}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass tries to move his cursor off-screen, but ends up moving the slide and revealing his Kitten Princess background.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Huh?! Wait, uh, you're not supposed to see this!}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass covers the camera and the scene glitches to footage of Patrick and Squidina at a campfire in the woods.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|The right clip, this time. Just watch. ''[clicks the video to make it play]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Today's been really nice.}}
{{L|Squidina|Yeah.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[circles his cursor around the campfire]'' Look at this! Fire? Underwater? ''[brings back his slide and enlarges it]'' You can't do that in real life!}}
{{L|''[The camera moves from showing the computer to showing Bubble Bass' face up close.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[cackles]'' I hope someone gets fired for this! ''[cackles]''}}
{{L|''[The scene cuts away from Bubble Bass's face. His glasses are all fogged up.]''}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Bubble Bass! Pizza bagels are ready!}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[rubs his glasses clean]'' Pizza bagels! Oh boy!}}
{{L|''[The scene cuts to Bubble Bass, his head being off-camera, with a plate of pizza bagels next to him.]''}}
{{L|Mama Bass|A special treat for a special boy.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Thank you, mother. Oh joy, I...Is that on?}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass covers the camera and the scene glitches to Bubble Bass outside in a robe with a sword.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Excelsior!}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches back to Bubble Bass with a photo showing two Patricks with different front teeth.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Patrick's tooth shaped mystery shall never be solved! Which brings us to our next segment.}}
{{L|''[The picture on-screen changes to one of Patrick in a clown costume with the words "You Goof'd" next to him.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|"You Goof'd!"}}
{{L|''[The scene transitions to Bubble Bass' TV. He walks up to it with a VHS labeled "Pat 054."]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Today's goof is from episode 054.}}
{{L|''[The TV turns on and footage of Patrick playing baseball plays.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Welp, here goes nothing!}}
{{L|''[Patrick throws the baseball to the right. It ends up in GrandPat's mouth coming in from the left. Bubble Bass pauses the clip and points.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|There! The baseball clearly enters frame right to left...}}
{{L|''[The scene transitions to Bubble Bass still pointing at the TV while randomly in a Christmas-themed room with a Christmas hat.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|...whereas, previously, it was traveling left to right. The shots don't hook up! My immersion is ruined. You had one job, and you goof'd!}}
{{L|''[Artwork of Bubble Bass flailing his arms with several icons and the text "You Goofed" jumps onto the screen. The scene glitches out to Bubble Bass with a wig and cat paws dancing to K-Pop.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Nya, nya, kitten princess!}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches out to Bubble Bass holding a seahorse figurine.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Limited edition "My Tiny Seahorse."}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches back to Bubble Bass in his chair.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|And now...''[pulls out a can of cheese, gulps it down and burps hard]''...Bubble Bass Reviews is brought to you by canned nacho cheese.}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass' mother comes downstairs and moves the camera towards her.]''}}
{{L|Mama Bass|No, no, no, no, no. It's time for a word from your mama!}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[shocked]'' Mother!?}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Nuh-uh. I pay the bill for the worldwide internets, and I can interrupt your sad little show anytime I want.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|But, Ma!}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Shush you. Listen up, home viewers. My son needs help. He's pathetic. He needs a job. Maybe one of youse knows someone who's hiring. Full disclosure, he is not good at anything. Maybe he can work in animation.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Ma! ''[slams his fist on the desk]'' Only losers work in animation!}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Ugh, look at this. ''[pulls out Bubble Bass' underwear]'' There's skid marks on all his underwear. ''[pulls up Bubble Bass' action figures]'' Oh, and he buys multiples of the same superhero dolls. ''[drops the figures]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[grabs them from the floor]'' Hey, those are mint on card!}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Home viewers, hear a mother's plea! Please, somebody, pretend to be his friend. Take him outdoors! ''[pushes the camera towards the window]'' He hasn't been exposed to natural light in 12 weeks!}}
{{L|''[Mama Bass pulls away the curtains, letting the light come out. Bubble Bass hisses and jumps from his seat in response.]''}}
{{L|Mama Bass|''[runs back upstairs]'' It is a gosh darn tragedy, I am telling you!}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Uh, anyway, moving right along. ''[presses a button on his mouse to make another clip pop up]'' Let us take a look at another clip from episode 227F of ''The Patrick Show''.}}
{{L|''[In the clip, Patrick stands perfectly still, until his pants fall from his waist.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Oh no! My pants fell down! ''[wobbles around]'' Whoa! Whoa! Oh, somebody help me! ''[falls to the ground]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Every episode of this show should be tossed in a dumpster and set on fire! ''The Patrick Show'' is a crime against humanity, and- and- and everyone involved with it should be thrown in jail! Patrick for starring in it, Squidina for producing it, and the lawnies for watching it!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[farts]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|I'm just glad my audience isn't that pathetic. ''[faces his "audience" of action figures]'' Right, fellas? ''[picks up one of them and pretends it is speaking]'' Bubble Bass Reviews is the greatest show ever! ''[cackles]'' I couldn't agree more.}}
{{L|Mama Bass|''[enters the room]'' Bubble Bass?}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[winces]''}}
{{L|Mama Bass|You had better not be talking to your dolls again! ''[exits the room and slams the door]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[laughs nervously]'' Anywho, let's get back to business. ''[clears his throat]'' ''The Patrick Show'' is the worst show on television!}}
{{L|''[The scene zooms out to show Squidina's laptop. Patrick and Squidina are watching Bubble Bass' rant.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Patrick Star and Squidina are the enemies of the state. Oh, they make me so angry! ''[babbles]''}}
{{L|''[Patrick closes the laptop]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Huh, I guess Bubble Bass isn't exactly a fan of the show.}}
{{L|Patrick|Well, maybe we ought to go have a little talk with him.}}
{{L|''[The room turns dark. Thunder is heard as a thunderstorm starts.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Oh, and we better bring an umbrella since it just started raining.}}
{{L|''[Patrick pulls out an umbrella and he and Squidina leave the house.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Good call.}}
{{L|Patrick|Call who?}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches to Bubble Bass throwing a basketball. It fails to go into the hoop.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[exhausted]'' Touchdown. ''[pants]''}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches to Bubble Bass sitting next to his TV with a remote.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Need another reason not to watch ''The Patrick Show''?}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches closer to the TV. Patrick is raising his hand in the footage.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Look at this! Patrick's got a regular sea star hand!}}
{{L|''[The TV transitions to Patrick giving a thumbs-up to Cecil.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Three scenes later, he's got thumbs!}}
{{L|''[The scene glitches to Bubble holding his camera still.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Ugh, it's so enraging! ''[picks up a box of donuts]'' It makes me want to hate-eat an entire box of powdered donuts! ''[scarfs down the donuts]''}}
{{L|''[Outside the house, a thunder strike occurs as Patrick and Squidina walk to the door.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[finishes the box and throws it out]'' One box wasn't enough! I'm still angry! ''[picks up two more boxes of donuts]'' I need more hate donuts!}}
{{L|Mama Bass|''[enters the room]'' Bubble Bass! Your friends are here to see you.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[confused]'' Friends? But I don't have any.}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Said their names are Patrick and Squidina.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[shocked]'' Hm? Patrick and Squidina? Okay, show's over!}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass turns off his camera and runs up the stairs.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Tell them I'm not home!}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass shuts the door and boards it up. He turns off the lights and walks back to his couch exhausted. A thunder strike occurs and Bubble Bass jumps when he sees Patrick and Squidina banging his windows.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Bubble Bass...}}
{{L|Squidina|Bubble Bass...}}
{{L|''[Patrick opens the window, letting the water in, which soaks Bubble Bass' action figures.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[screams]'' My mint condition action figures!}}
{{L|''[Squidina opens the other window, causing the water to enter there too and soak the box of comics.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[screams]'' My comic books!}}
{{L|''[The water from outside reaches Bubble Bass' video game console.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|Ooh, my retro gaming console!}}
{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina jump inside. Bubble Bass screams as they get closer to his couch.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|We've been watching your show, Bubble Bass.}}
{{L|Squidina|Yeah. We heard everything you said about us.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[screams and runs up to the door]'' Mother! ''[bangs on the doors to no avail]'' Mother!}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass looks out the window to see Mama Bass is busy cutting carrots.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Bubble Bass.}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass turns around and sees Patrick and Squidina walking up the stairs as another thunder strike is heard.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|We watched every episode.}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass screams again and tries to pull out the wood blocking the door. He turns around as he sees that Patrick and Squidina have him cornered.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[crying]'' I'm sorry!}}
{{L|''[The thunder outside reveals Patrick and Squidina's disgruntled faces.]''}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so, so sorry! I'm sorry for everything!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[gets really close to Bubble Bass' face]'' Thank you.}}
{{L|Squidina|Your hours of constructive criticism of ''The Patrick Show'' have been enlightening.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|''[bewildered]'' Huh?}}
{{L|Patrick|Your show changed our lives! It showed us all the things ''The Patrick Show'' was doing wrong so we can fix them!}}
{{L|Squidina|We were so inspired, we decided to return the favor!}}
{{L|Patrick|We made our own review show to review your review show!}}
{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina pull out a laptop with the review's logo, "Review Review," on it. Bubble Bass chatters his teeth.]''}}
{{L|Patrick & Squidina|It's time for...}}
{{L|''[The scene zooms in onto the laptop.]''}}
{{L|Patrick & Squidina|"Review Review"!}}
{{L|''[The scene cuts to Patrick and Squidina in a desk.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|The show where we review Bubble Bass Reviews. Patrick, take it away.}}
{{L|Patrick|Normally when you stain your clothes, you feel embarrassed, but that's what we love about Bubble Bass! No shame. Let's take a look some of Bubble Bass' most memorable stains!}}
{{L|''[A montage begins of Bubble Bass talking while various stains are on his body. The first one is of grape juice]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Episode 26, grape juice!}}
{{L|''[The second clip has Bubble Bass with an oatmeal stain.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Episode 32, oatmeal!}}
{{L|''[The third clip has Bubble Bass with a ketchup stain.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Episode 41, ketchup!}}
{{L|''[The last clip has Bubble Bass with a chocolate syrup stain.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|And episode 48, chocolate syrup.}}
{{L|Patrick|There are 527 more stain examples, but we just don't have the time! Squidina.}}
{{L|Squidina|Bubble Bass throws a lot of tantrums. So we made a supercut of the loudest ones!}}
{{L|''[Another montage of various clips of Bubble Bass screaming, one of which at his mother, plays.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|It's super entertaining. Patrick.}}
{{L|Patrick|Bubble Bass works really hard. You can tell because of all that sweat that comes off him.}}
{{L|''[A clip of Bubble Bass whining while sweating heavily plays.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|It's like Niagara Falls, for crying out loud.}}
{{L|''[The scene cuts back to Patrick and Squidina showing Bubble Bass the video.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|This episode has two billion views already!}}
{{L|Squidina|Pretty cool, huh, Bubs?}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass breaks down the door and runs outside. His mother walks out the door. Patrick and Squidina follow suit.]''}}
{{L|Mama Bass|I can't believe it! My son is outdoors, participating in physical activity! And it's all thanks to his new friends!}}
{{L|''[Bubble Bass pants trying to get as far as he can. The clouds clear and the sun becomes visible in the sky.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Hey! The sun's coming out!}}
{{L|Mama Bass|Bubble Bass, you get back here and put on some sunscreen. You're gonna get burned.}}
{{L|Bubble Bass|I'll be fine, mother!}}
{{L|''[The sun shines a beam at Bubble Bass, making him burst into flames, ending the episode.]''}}