View source for Sing a Song of Patrick/transcript

{{EpisodeTranscript}}
{{L|Patrick|''[reading a comic book. Screams]'' No, no! ''[starts crying then stops]'' Yay! ''[laughs]''}}
{{L|Nerd|Well, if only Inaudible Lad were here right now.}}
{{L|Patrick|Oh. ''[eats comic book]'' Nothing satisfies like a good story.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[walks up to Patrick with a stack of comic books]'' Are ya ready to go, Patrick?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[screams]'' Get back, I wasn't going to eat all of you!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Patrick, it's me!}}
{{L|Patrick|Sponge-- ''[burps and a piece of paper lands into SpongeBob's face]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Ew, what's this?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[takes the piece of paper]'' Well, whatever it is, it's mine! Unless I don't want it! ''[inspects the piece of paper and gasps]'' SpongeBob, what do all these words say?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|It's an ad. ''[talks in an announcer tone]'' Dear Comic Book Reader.}}
{{L|Patrick|That's me!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[continues as announcer]'' Have you ever thought about turning one of your poems into a hit song on the radio?}}
{{L|Patrick|I never thought about anything!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[continues]'' Send in your poem and $100 and we'll make it a hit! ''[uses regular tone of voice again]'' Can we go now? My arms are getting tired.}}
{{L|Patrick|I want to send in a poem, and everyone would love it, and I would be a star!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|You can't always trust ads in comic books. Those X-Ray specs I ordered couldn't see through people's skin at all! ''[makes a disgusted face]'' Only their clothes! Plus, you don't have $100. ''[SpongeBob's wallet falls out of his and struggles to pick it up]'' Patrick, could you get my wallet? ''[Patrick picks up SpongeBob's wallet]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Hey, look. ''[pulls out $100 bill from wallet]'' I just found $100! It's a sign that I should make my hit record.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, that's my comic book money!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[indignant]'' It's a sign! A sign that fell from the back of your pants. I've learned to trust signs like that. ''[walks away]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Patrick. ''[the comic book store clerk shows up]''}}
{{L|Comic Book Store Clerk|Hey, you going to pay for those comics? ''[SpongeBob's arms fall off with the comics]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|No. ''[gets kicked out]'' Ow! Can I have my arms back?}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|I wish not to be disturbed, SpongeBob, for I am about to erupt with a masterpiece. ''[walks away]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Good luck. ''[doorbell rings]'' Coming-- ''[Patrick slams door against SpongeBob]''}}
{{L|Patrick|SpongeBob, could I borrow a pencil and some paper and a place to work? ''[cut to Patrick at the desk]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[hovering the pencil over the paper]'' SpongeBob! This pencil is broken! Why won't it make words?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|You have to think of the words yourself. ''[walks away with the laundry]''}}
{{L|Patrick|I think I wrote a poem once. ''[flashback to Patrick's childhood]''}}
{{L|Young Patrick|A Poem, by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom. ''[eats his poem and then burps and takes a bow]''}}
{{L|Gym Teacher|How many times do I gotta tell ya? This is Gym Class! ''[blows whistle and everyone starts throwing dodgeballs at Patrick, who takes cover]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[present time]'' Ohh, dodgeballs.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[shadow figure of himself holding a dodgeball and wearing an evil grin]'' Oh, Patrick!}}
{{L|Patrick|''[screams]'' Don't hit me with a dodgeball! ''[hides under the desk and SpongeBob turns on the lights and Gary pops out of his shell]''}}
{{L|Gary|Meow.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Why would I hit you with a dodgeball?}}
{{L|Patrick|I've never told anyone this, I wrote a poem once.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[gets shocked]'' No!}}
{{L|Patrick|Wait! There's more. When I read it to the class, they pelted me with dodgeballs! Just because we were playing dodgeball! ''[starts crying]'' Whyyyyyy?! ''[dramatic music plays]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[stops Gary's record player]'' You can play your records later, Gary. Patrick, is that why you've been having trouble writing?}}
{{L|Patrick|I'm worried my poem's not gonna be any good and you're going to hit me with dodgeballs.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, I don't even own a dodgeball. Do you, Gary?}}
{{L|Gary|''[saying no suspiciously]'' Meow.}}
{{L|Patrick|If you're serious, I can do this. I'm even gonna use my brain.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|That's the spirit, Patrick! I'll open a window. ''[cut to SpongeBob's house with an opened window with Patrick struggling to write the poem]''}}
{{L|Patrick|''[tapping his head with the pencil]'' Come on, you stupid brain! Work! ''[Patrick's brain starts working and smoke comes out]'' It's working! ''[struggling as he starts writing]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[knocking]'' Patrick, don't strain yourself. ''[Patrick continues struggling as Squidward opens the window]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Now, what's going on? ''[smells and smoke and reacts in disgust]'' What is that horrible smell? ''[SpongeBob comes out]'' Is Patrick thinking again?}}
{{L|Patrick|I'm making art!}}
{{L|Squidward|Patrick, it smells like something crawled in your brain and died.}}
{{L|Patrick|That's the creative process at work! ''[Squidward closes the window]'' Ready to go to the post office? ''[shows a letter with his poem in it]'' I need to mail in my masterpiece.}}
{{L|French Narrator|The next day... ''[cut to Bigshot Records]''}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--and that's why you're my cookie-wookie teddy bear!♪}}
{{L|Guitarist #1|I hate my life.}}
{{L|Keyboardist|I hate your life, too, dude.}}
{{L|Band Manager|People! We have 17 more songs to finish this hour! Next up is: "I Wrote This" by Patrick Star. ''[sniffs then holds his nose]'' Yick. ''[Guitarist #2 then takes it]''}}
{{L|Guitarist #2|This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up.}}
{{L|Guitarist #1|Oh, yeah... ''[eyes shrink, disintegrate and crumble into ashes]''}}
{{L|Band Manager|I don't care how awful his poem is! We spent his 100 bucks already!}}
{{L|Guitarist #1|Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. And a 1, and a 2 and a-- ''[cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried]''}}
{{L|Mortician|They wanted you to have this.}}
{{L|Patrick|My song. Ahh... ''[cut to SpongeBob's house]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|[excitedly] Come on, let's hear it.}}
{{L|Patrick|Um, I don't know. You're not gonna throw any dodgeballs at me?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I don't see any dodgeballs here, buddy. Just an artist and his work.}}
{{L|Patrick|Yeah; and me too! Now sit down and get comfortable.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[sits on his red life preserver arm chair, while Patrick pushes a big stereo sound system in front of him]'' Uh, Patrick?}}
{{L|Patrick|''[on top of the stereo]'' SpongeBob SquarePants! Are you ready to rock?! [cheers] ''[SpongeBob screams as Patrick lands on the chair and turns on the music, which blasts loudly through the stereo]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[covering his ears]'' It's really loud!}}
{{L|Patrick|You need it louder?! Okay! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!}}
{{L|Lead singer|''[singing Patrick's song]'' ♪Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star. I made myself a sandwich. My mommy named it Fred. It tastes like beans and bacon. And it smells like it's been dead. ''[Gary hears the song and quickly went into his shell and comes out with a pair of earmuffs]'' Writing stuff is hard so I use a pointy pencil. Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point. ''[Patrick shakes his head to the music and sings along but going "Lalala..."]'' P.U., what's that horrible smell?♪}}
{{L|Singer|Drum Solo! ''[A drum solo is then heard. The  wallpaper texture on SpongeBob's house starts to peel apart and plants start to rot and become dead and the picture frame of Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants shakes as well]"}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪I have a head, it ends in a point. pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point.♪ ''[in their picture while it's shaking, Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants get annoyed at the song and Mrs. SquarePants turns the picture over]'' ♪This song is over, except for this line, you win this round, broccoli!♪ ''[the song ends as SpongeBob's house collapses and the stereo crashes on top of SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
{{L|Patrick|That was awesome! Did you like it or did you really, really like it? Give me your completely honest opinion of how great it was.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[looking like he wants to insult it]'' Oh...hmm... how do I put this delicately-- That was the best song I ever heard!}}
{{L|Patrick|Do you really think so?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|We need to get that song on the radio!}}
{{L|Patrick|Then let's go right now, come on! ''[takes SpongeBob's arm off as he prepare to leave]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Darn, I just got that arm back. ''[cut to the radio station where SpongeBob and Patrick are going to put the song on the radio]''}}
{{L|Patrick|I can't wait to see look on their face once they hear this. ''[They go inside and an employee offscreen screams and kicks them out and closes the door]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Did you see the look on his face?}}
{{L|Patrick|Yeah. Did you see his ears?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I didn't know they could turn inside out like that. Now, how are we going to get your record on the radio?}}
{{L|Patrick|What record? ''[They see the antenna]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I got an idea! ''[Cut to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof. Wind howls as SpongeBob and Patrick staty to shiver]'' We just have to play your record from the top of this antenna.}}
{{L|Patrick|Carry me?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Huh? Patrick-- ''[Patrick lands on top of SpongeBob and SpongeBob picks him up, struggling]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Tally ho! Mush! Onward and upward! ''[SpongeBob is struggling to get to the top of the antenna]'' Faster, SpongeBob! Faster! ''[Patrick sees a satellite go by. They get to the top of the antenna. Patrick stands on SpongeBob's face, takes out his record player and then puts it on the top of the antenna, the record player wobbles and falls off and Patrick catches it]'' Oh! Hmm-- this record won't stay put.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[mumbling inaudibly]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Good idea. ''[takes out bubble gum and throws it in his mouth and chews on it, while making noises and he blows a bubble]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[mumbling impatiently.]'' ''[Bubble pops and sticks to Patrick's mouth]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Oh, yeah. I forgot. ''[then pulls the gum off and sticks it to the bottom of the record player and puts it on the top of the antenna and turns on the music, Once it's playing, Ralph is walking past a radio in a store]'' }}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star--♪}}
{{L|Ralph|''[screams. Billy is driving in his boat]''}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--I made myself a sandwich, my mommy named it Fred--♪}}
{{L|Billy|''[screams]'' It's! In! My head! ''[continues screaming as his boat spins around and crashes]''}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--It tastes like beans and bacon, and smells like it's been dead,♪ ''[two fish are walking around, listening to the music]'' ♪Writing stuff is hard so I use a pointy pencil--♪ ''[Jimmy's head explodes]''}}
{{L|Frank|Lucky.}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Point--♪}}
{{L|Harold|''[to his girlfriend, Evelyn who are at the beach as the song plays]'' This song always makes me think of you.}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--P.U., what's that horrible smell?♪}}
{{L|Singer|Drum solo! ''[A drum solo is heard as Evelyn hits her boyfriend, who goes flying. Everyone is panicking and running around because of the song. Scooter and the lifeguard tip the boat over]'' }}
{{L|Billy|Stop!}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--I have a head, it ends in a point--♪ [Two fish are then seen in a aircraft vehicle]}}
{{L|Fish|''[covering his ears]'' My ears! ''[they pull the controls off and they jump out of the plane with parachutes]''}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point--♪ ''[the plane lands into a fireworks storage, it explodes and fireworks start]'' ♪--This song is over, except for this line--♪}}
{{L|Old Man Walker|I like it. ''[He hums the song]''}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--you win this round, broccoli!♪ ''[song ends but begins once again. SpongeBob and Patrick see that Bikini Bottom's having a party as fireworks are seen]."}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, it looks like Bikini Bottom is throwing a party. and you know what a party needs.}}
{{L|Patrick|Uh, bean dip?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, that is important. But I was thinking about music! Turn it up, Patrick! ''[Patrick turns the volume way up]''}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪It tastes like beans and bacon--♪}}
{{L|Fred|''[covering his ears]'' Where is that awful song coming from?}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--And it smells like it's been dead--♪}}
{{L|Fred|''[points to the radio station]'' To the radio station! ''[Everyone marches angrily to the radio station]''}}
{{L|Lou|[Seen as a torch vendor] Torches! Get your torches! ''[Everyone gets a torch]''}}
{{L|Harold|[Is seen selling pitchforks] Pitchforks! You can't be an angry mob without pitchforks! ''[Everyone gets a pitchfork]''}}
{{L|Nat Peterson|(is seen selling Cotton Candy) Cotton Candy! Get your cotton candy! Can't throw a riot without cotton candy! ''[Everyone misses the cotton candy but then continue to march, SpongeBob and Patrick climb down the antenna]''}}
{{L|Lead Singer|♪--I have a head. It ends in a point--♪}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Look at that, Patrick! ''[Notices that the angry mob is coming]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Oh, you mean the angry mob with the pitchforks and torches?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[laughs]'' That's not an angry mob, Patrick. It's your fan club!}}
{{L|Patrick|Fan club? ''[The song finally ends as the angry mob chatters indistinctly once arriving]'' Yee-whoo! We should sing them a song!}}
{{L|Fred|Who's responsible for that song on the radio? ''[SpongeBob and Patrick jump off the roof]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Why, he's right here. Patrick Star, Musical Genius. ''[Patrick drones and burps]''}}
{{L|Fred|Let's get 'em, boys! ''[They start to chase them. But, SpongeBob & Patrick found a cure. They beat them up but SpongeBob and Patrick play with instruments wildly. Patrick plays with a purple guitar, while SpongeBob plays with a chainsaw and a tambourine. They pant heavily while they got rid of the mob]''}}
{{L|Patrick|And that was my new song called, "Ayrrgh..."}}
{{L|Fred|You know, It's not that bad.}}
{{L|Jimmy|Yeah. At least it got that first terrible song out of our heads.}}
{{L|Patrick|Oh, yeah. My song. ''[strums his guitar]'' Oh, Twinkle, Twinkle, Patrick Star-- ''[They heard a whistle blow, It was actually Patrick's gym teacher from his childhood]''}}
{{L|Gym Teacher|Patrick! Looks like you need another lesson! Dodgeballs ready! ''[Everyone takes out a dodgeball]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Uh-oh. ''[The crowd starts throwing dodgeballs at SpongeBob and Patrick, who take cover as dodgeballs eventually fill the screen, The episode ends]''}}