View source for The Haunting of Flim-Flam House/transcript

{{Transcript-cleanup}}
{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr}}
{{L|''[The episode opens up with Patrick sitting on a chair behind a glowing ball.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Welcome, one and all, to the mystical Patrino the Great's ''[glowing text saying "Seance Hour" appears on screen]'' Séance Hour! Today, ''[pushes the ball]'' we will resurrect the soul of my beloved microwave burrito!}}
{{L|''[Transition to the exploded microwave, with a burrito exploded.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|I overcooked it this morning, and it died! ''[the scene cuts to him]'' In order to speak to the great beyond, I'll need... ''[pulls out his underwear]'' my Wedgie Board!}}
{{L|''[Patrick places the Wedgie Board on the table and uses the planchette.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Eeny, meeny, miny, ''[the Wedgie Board glows]'' Ooh... ''[the glow makes a happy face]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Is that you, burrito?}}
{{L|''[The Flim-Flam Brothers appear.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Hey, what's the big idea?}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Yeah! This ain't Bora Bora!}}
{{L|Patrick|The FlimFlam Brothers?! Oh, they aren't burritos... I knew I should've changed into a fresh Wedgie Board this week.}}
{{L|Squidina|Wh-h-oa, whoa! Sorry about the casting mix-up, folks!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Yeah, we're sorry, too! We was on our way to a possibly ''[snaps, changing into regular clothes]'' permanent vacation!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Yeah, on account of...}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers|Our house is ''haunted!'' ''[lightning strikes; they shiver]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Yeah, you're ghosts. You're haunting it.}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Not us!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Another ghost!}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers|''We're'' being haunted!}}
{{L|Squidina|Ghosts can be haunted? This I gotta see! I smell a Patrick Show special!}}
{{L|Patrick|Maybe ''this'' is what you're smelling.}}
{{L|''[Patrick throws the Wedgie Board into the laundry basket, where Bunny is holding it.]''}}
{{L|Bunny Star|Oh, good. I was just on my way to the incinerator.}}
{{L|Squidina|Let's get a move on. I'm sure we have a long trip ahead of...}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|''[cuts off Squidina]'' And we're here.}}
{{L|''[Lightning strikes.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|How did we never notice the spooky house next door?}}
{{L|Patrick|I noticed it. Patrino the Great sees all! ''[steps on a rake, making him switch to his regular clothes]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|''[sarcastically]'' Welcome to our formerly "happy home."}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|I can't even look at it.}}
{{L|''[FlimFlam brother 1 snaps his fingers, opening the door.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Uh, what's wrong? I think it looks lovely.}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Yeah, that's the problem!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Every night we trash every room in the house...}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|...Deck the halls with cobwebs...}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|...Ghostify all the portraits, but in the morning...}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers|...the joint's cleaned up!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|We'll show ya what we mean. ''[they go into the house and ruin it]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|All ditchy and dirty, just how we likes it.}}
{{L|''[The FlimFlam Brothers twist Patrick and Squidina's heads, while the house transforms again.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|''Now'' see for yourself.}}
{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina untwist their heads.]''}}
{{L|Patrick and Squidina|Huh?!}}
{{L|''[Cuts to 4 shots; the living room, ceiling lights, a fireplace, and a cat pillow.]''}}
{{L|Patrick and Squidina|This place really ''is'' haunted!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|And that's why we need your help.}}
{{L|''[Slide transition to the living room, where Patrick and Squidina help the FlimFlam brothers.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|First things first, we gotta ses what kind of ''phantom foe'' we're dealing with, so let's install cameras everywhere.}}
{{L|Patrick|You got it, sis! ''[tries to install a camera, but ends up breaking it]''}}
{{L|''[Cut to camera interior.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Um, maybe we should let the FlimFlam Brothers set these up.}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Our pleasure. ''[uses his hand to make the cameras float]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Bada-bing!}}
{{L|''[FlimFlam brother 2 automatically installs all the cameras.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Great! Now let's make a real mess to make sure we get a ton of footage!}}
{{L|''[Patrick makes holes in the wall.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Ye-he-heah, like that! You're doing it!}}
{{L|Patrick|Doing what now?}}
{{L|''[Transition to Patrick and Squidina dumping trash, while FlimFlam brother 1 spits coal everywhere. Patrick uses boots to collect mud, and spins into the house.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Hah, we did it, gang! This joint has never looked heapier, nor cheapier.}}
{{L|''[Squidina yawns and wraps herself up in a cobweb in the sofa.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|In the morning, we'll see what the cameras picked up.}}
{{L|''[Patrick yawns and uses the FlimFlam brothers to make a pillow and a blanket. Cut to exterior of the FlimFlam Brothers' house. Slide transition to daytime. Cut to interior. Patrick is sleeping in, and the FlimFlam Brothers are having 5 o'clock shadows.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Good morning, ghost hunting gang!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|What's so good about it...}}
{{L|''[The FlimFlam Brothers scream.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|The cleanliness never gets less creepy!}}
{{L|Squidina|That ghost really went to work last night. Let's see what we're up against.}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|That's one speedy specter.}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|And scary-sounding, too.}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Wait a minute, that's Patrick!}}
{{L|Squidina|''[gasps]'' What's that? Patrick! Ooh! I wreak it again and look at its face.}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers and Squidina|Patrick!}}
{{L|Patrick|That is one handsome ghost.}}
{{L|Squidina|Uhh, Patrick, that's you.}}
{{L|Patrick|''I'm'' the ghost? I can walk through walls! ''[crashes into a wall off-screen]'' Okay, maybe I'm not the ghost.}}
{{L|Squidina|Alright, time for plan B.}}
{{L|''[Transition to Squidina and Patrick.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|The Ghost Catcher 5000!}}
{{L|Patrick and the FlimFlam Brothers|Ooh...}}
{{L|Squidina|Make a mess, Patrick! Patrick?}}
{{L|''[Patrick falls and breaks the ceiling lights.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|What's that, now?}}
{{L|''[Squidina grabs Patrick and everyone hides behind the sofa. A ghost appears and it's trying to clean up a mess. Squidina tries to suck in the ghost with the Ghost Catcher 5000. The ghost tries to avoid it. It catches a piano instead. The Ghost Catcher 5000 explodes and everything is returned back to normal.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Anyone got a plan C?}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Well, we know one thing ghosts can't resist! ''[the FlimFlam Brothers snap their fingers]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers|Ghost party!}}
{{L|Patrick and Squidina|Ghost party?}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Time for you twos to join in!}}
{{L|Patrick and Squidina|Awesome!}}
{{L|''[Patrick, Squidina, and the FlimFlam Brothers start partying.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Patrick, come check out the photo booth!}}
{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina enter the photo booth, while Patrick leaves a trail of chips. The ghost appears and cleans up the trail. It gets in the photo booth and everyone fights it. Patrick and Squidina escape the fight and they both go back to their bodies.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Alright, let's see what's under this cloak.}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers, Patrick and Squidina|Old Man GrandPat?!}}
{{L|Squidina|But, why are you a ghost?}}
{{L|GrandPat|It's actually a very long, meandering story. I was...}}
{{L|Patrick|Phew! Saved by the bell.}}
{{L|''[Patrick looks at the front door window.]''}}
{{L|Bunny|Yoo-hoo!}}
{{L|Patrick|Mom? What are you doing here?}}
{{L|Bunny|Well, it's actually a very long, meandering story. I..}}
{{L|Squidina|Uh, can you give us the short version, mom? We're kinda busy here.}}
{{L|Bunny|GrandPat's soul is just out of his body again. He kicks the bucket in his sleep every night, but he never gets up.}}
{{L|Squidina|So, uh, GrandPat, why haunt ''this'' house?}}
{{L|GrandPat|Cause I rented it to these two freeloaders when they were alive.}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Yeah, well above market value!}}
{{L|GrandPat|Until they pay up, I'm leaving them alone.}}
{{L|''[GrandPat and the FlimFlam Brothers start arguing.]''}}
{{L|Bunny|Oh, kids! Would you mind getting GrandPat back in his body? It's starting to get a little ripe. ''[inserts the body below the door]'' Have fun! Mwah!}}
{{L|GrandPat|And another thing... Oh, no. I ain't going back in there. I've got unfinished business.}}
{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina chase after GrandPat to get him back in his body.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|Alright, you knuckleheads! Enough is enough! Break it up, break it up!}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|We'll do this ourselves!}}
{{L|GrandPat|Just what are you two freeloaders doing with my body?! ''[the lights go out]'' No! Not... interpretive dance!}}
{{L|''[GrandPat's body starts dancing.]''}}
{{L|GrandPat|That does it! ''[pulls the body's tongue]'' I draw the line at youngster dance moves! ''[He goes in, attacking the FlimFlam Brothers, which ends up ruining the place.}}
{{L|Squidina|Patrick! I think the spectral energy from the ghost fight along with air connection to the house, is causing...}}
{{L|Patrick|That sounds like a long, meandering story. Let's just get outta here.}}
{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina exit the house by going through the wall. They fall down on the ground and the house explodes, along with the FlimFlam Brothers and GrandPat falling.]''}}
{{L|GrandPat|Oh, shoot! Back in this ripply sack of bones again! Oh, well. At least you two can't live here anymore! ''[laughs and walks away]''}}
{{L|Squidina|We're really sorry your house got killed.}}
{{L|''[The FlimFlam Brothers laugh.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 1|What are you sorry about, kid?}}
{{L|FlimFlam brother 2|Don't you know what happens when you kill a haunted house?}}
{{L|''[The haunted house transforms and glows blue.]''}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers|Ghost house! ''[they both go in]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Well, they seem happy.}}
{{L|Patrick|They sure do, Squidina. Let's go home.}}
{{L|FlimFlam Brothers|Get in here, you's twos!}}
{{L|''[Cut to interior while Patrick is dancing.]''}}
{{L|Squidina|Why not? You only die once!}}
{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina laugh. and the episode ends.]''}}