Bummer Jobs/transcript: Difference between revisions
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{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr}} | |||
{{L|''[The episode begins with Squidward appearing to be fishing for something on what seems like a dock.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|''[sighs happily]'' Nothing like a relaxing morning fishing... ''[The camera zooms out to reveal Squidward fishing on the roof of the star house.]'' ...for a deadbeat! ''[laughs evilly]''}} | |||
{{L|''[He appears to be moving the line up and down, and someone is straining to catch it. Then, when he reels it up...]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|Gotcha! You're paying for your newspaper subscription today, Mr. Star. ''[strains]'' Huh? What the...? ''[he opens up the newspaper to discover that all the coupons from the newspaper are gone and grumbles angrily in response]''}} | |||
{{L|''[Inside the Star house, Patrick and Squidina are watching TV, while Cecil is holding tons of coupons.]''}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[happy]'' Would you look at that? I just made six bucks in coupons from a magic floating newspaper!}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|Way to go, Dad!}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|Time to get ready! ''[tying his tie]'' The sea bunny runs around the coral away from the barracuda and then hops back in his hole. ''[it then shows that Cecil made it a little too tight.'']}} | |||
{{L|Bunny|''[just arriving in the room]'' So dapper. ''[kisses Cecil, who then chuckles]''}} | |||
{{L|Bunny|We'll be back later!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Wait! ''[jumps off the couch and grunts]'' "Be back" means that you left. Where you going?}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|To our jobs, of course.}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[confused]'' What is jobs? ''[moves his jaw sideways]''}} | |||
{{L|Bunny|''[whispers to Cecil]'' Dear, I think it's time for ''the talk''.}} | |||
{{L|''[Cecil then walks over to a little Patrick who looks like he's ready for a baseball game.]''}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[calmly]'' Put down the baseball mitt, son. ''[Patrick does just that]'' You see, Patrick, when an employee and an employer love each other very much, a brand-new job is born! ''[Patrick looks in awe.]''}} | |||
{{L|Bunny|''[happy]'' A job gives your life meaning. A purpose!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[gains facial hair]'' I want one of those job thingies!}} | |||
{{L|Bunny|''[proud]'' Our man-child is becoming a man-man!}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|Oh, good. Maybe he can move his can-can out of the house-house.}} | |||
{{L|''[Bunny and Cecil blow deeply into some balloons which turn into suitcases. Then, the door opens. Bunny and Cecil sit on the balloon suitcases which deflate and take them to work.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Where can I get a job and find my porpoise?}} | |||
{{L|''[He bonks into the wall and falls on the floor. Then, a blue porpoise in a red shirt, appears.]''}} | |||
{{L|Porpoise|Don't look at me. I ain't got it.}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|I already have ''my'' dream job. ''[Cloud letters then appear above Squidina]'' Producing ''The Patrick Show''.}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[destroys cloud letters]'' That show's a hoot. The pink guy is so dumb!}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|Come on, brother. It's time to start the show!}} | |||
{{L|''[The scene then changes to the TV, where Slappy Laszlo and the little boy are watching the show.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|Let's see what's percolatin' on ''The Patrick Show''!}} | |||
{{L|''[It shows a curtain on the screen and opens to reveal Patrick trying to tie a tie.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|The sea bunny runs around the coral...}} | |||
{{L|Slappy|''[clapping]'' Oh, yay. Whoo.}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Away from the barracuda and hops back into his hole.}} | |||
{{L|''[When he's done, unfortunately the tie isn't done well enough, causing him to try again.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[slightly frustrated]'' On today's show, we're getting jobs. And to get a job, you have to know to tie one of these doohickeys.}} | |||
{{L|''[He then hits a mug which breaks off-screen. Unfortunately, the tie isn't done well enough, and it snaps into pieces. Patrick then gets more fabric, but he gets more tangled as he struggles to tie it.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|And the bunny and the barracuda go out for coffee and the boat gets a flat! ''[He keeps struggling and as he gets up, he gets his rear-end on the screen and Slappy is amazed. And as the kid skateboards away, Patrick flips the TV screen and lands on Slappy.]''}} | |||
{{L|Slappy|3-D effects! I love this show!}} | |||
{{L|''[He then walks with the tie choking him, and sees SpongeBob.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[confused]'' Huh?}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Hi, SpongeBob. Fancy meeting you here. ''[restrained chuckle]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Hi, Patrick. Trying out a new look?}} | |||
{{L|''[SpongeBob gets the tie off Patrick, and the latter inhales deeply.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Yeah, I'm looking for a job.}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, what a coincidence. I could also use a job. ''[Popeye impression]'' Myeh, 'cause I'm a little low on lettuce and I need some scratch for spatulas, see?}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|It's ''not'' a coincidence, SpongeBob. It's just two similar things happening at the same time.}} | |||
{{L|''[The two then walk off, and Squidina follows them on her bike.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|''[wearing a Pat TV camera]'' Oof, I guess "The Patrick Show" is goooing mobile today.}} | |||
{{L|''[The two are at the Scuttle-N-Save looking for a job.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Jobs!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs! Jobs, jobs?}} | |||
{{L|''[SpongeBob then whistles, and when an employee turns around, she mistakes him for a cereal box.]''}} | |||
{{L|Incidental 104| Oh, one more box.}} | |||
{{L|''[She then puts him in a boat trunk.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|That tickles.}} | |||
{{L|Incidental 104|I'm so sorry. I thought you were a box of cereal.}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, I wish.}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Hold on, I'm getting a feeling.}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|That we should become bag boys!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|No, it's just this darn rash. You gotta see this!}} | |||
{{L|''[He pulls up his shirt to show a rash that says "Be a Bag Boy." Bubble transition to Patrick and SpongeBob at the grocery store practicing their first job as bag boys.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[slightly nervous]'' Ah, okay, here we go. My very first bag boy duty.}} | |||
{{L|''[He carefully attempts to put the eggs, flour, and watermelon in the bag, but the customer is impatient. Meanwhile, Patrick is doing it really fast.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[in a quick tone]'' You're going too slow, SpongeBob. Bagging is all about speed, baby!}} | |||
{{L|''[He adds more and more items in the bag. The customer comes to get the bag, but it seems to be really heavy.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Oh no, I missed one.}} | |||
{{L|''[Patrick gets an anvil and puts it in the bag, causing the man to crash through the floor.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[clapping]'' Nice job, Patrick. Now watch me.}} | |||
{{L|''[He stuffs the bag, and smashes it with a mallet.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Ka-pow! There.}} | |||
{{L|''[He then folds the smashed-up bag into a paper sailor hat, and puts it on the customer's head.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Ooh, très chic.}} | |||
{{L|Customer|''[sarcastic]'' Thanks.}} | |||
{{L|''[Patrick is then seen juggling a box of Kelpo cereal, two tomatoes, mayo, and an orange juice bottle, but he is blindfolded.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Hup-hup-hup.}} | |||
{{L|''[He then messes up, and all of the groceries start going everywhere. The customers all start screaming and running. The manager then comes to see about all the hullabaloo.]''}} | |||
{{L|Scuttle-N-Save manager|''[angry]'' What is going on out here?}} | |||
{{L|''[His face then gets splattered with a tub of strawberry ice cream. Blindfolded Patrick puts the manager in a bag, and the latter is red with anger, literally.]''}} | |||
{{L|Scuttle-N-Save manager|''[angrily, to SpongeBob and Patrick]'' You barnacle brains are done!}} | |||
{{L|''[He gets the two, stuffs them in a cannon, and literally fires them as bag boys.]''}} | |||
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick fly in the sky.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick and SpongeBob|We completed a job!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|I think I'm getting the hang of the "job" thing, but did I find my porpoise?}} | |||
{{L|''[They then stop at a traffic light, and the porpoise passes by.]''}} | |||
{{L|Porpoise|''[angrily]'' It's pronounced "purpose."}} | |||
{{L|''[The traffic light turns green, and they arrive at Incidental 82's household. When they knock down a part of her fence, they see a rainbow of "Opportunity."]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[as a salesman]'' Psst, hey, lady. We're lookin' for a job. You think we could, uh, paint that fence for you?}} | |||
{{L|Incidental 82|Oh, of course. What sweet boys.}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|We could touch up a few of your wrinkles, too.}} | |||
{{L|''[He takes out a putty knife. It then shows an odd closeup of the old lady, and she is offended by Patrick's comment and walks away. Then, Patrick and SpongeBob attempt their second job: fence painters. But, they do it messily.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|♪Oh, this is the way we paint the fence. Paint the fence, paint the fence. This is the way we paint the fence. For the nice old lady.♪}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Perfect!}} | |||
{{L|''[It shows that they are done, and the fence is rainbow colored. The camera then moves up to the old lady's house, and a part of the house falls off.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|This house could use some help too.}} | |||
{{L|French Narrator|Two idiots later...}} | |||
{{L|''[The old lady then reappears, and the house is covered with a giant white cloth.]''}} | |||
{{L|Incidental 82|''[slightly confused]'' Oh, it's, uh, lovely. Thank you.}} | |||
{{L|''[SpongeBob then opens the fence door for the lady.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[to Incidental 82]'' You haven't seen anything yet. Ta-da! We gave your house a makeover.}} | |||
{{L|''[It shows the house now sporting a blonde wig, black eyelashes, blue eyeshadow, pink blush, and red lipstick.]''}} | |||
{{L|Incidental 82|''[mumbles incoherently]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Isn't she beautiful?}} | |||
{{L|''[The house then winks, making all of the other houses gain a crush on her. The old lady then faints.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|A job well did.}} | |||
{{L|''[They then get fired from the second job. Bubble transition to Incidental 118C paying his fare to a taxi driver.]''}} | |||
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[paying the taxi driver]'' Thanks for the ride in your stinky cab.}} | |||
{{L|Cab driver|Your money makes this job tolerable.}} | |||
{{L|''[Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick watch and get an idea.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' Let's be taxi drivers!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[grabs an old man and puts him on his back]'' Why take a taxi when you can ride with Patsy?}} | |||
{{L|Short tan senior|What's a Patsy?}} | |||
{{L|''[The two then attempt their third job: "Patsy" drivers. SpongeBob is then shown Patsy driving Incidental EHS10.]''}}{{L|SpongeBob|''[exhausted]'' Your stop's coming up.}} | |||
{{L|''[Patrick is then seen carrying Incidentals 178, 95, and 159, and lots of their items.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|So, arrivals or departures?}} | |||
{{L|''[SpongeBob is then shown carrying a giant taxi cab.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, sir.}} | |||
{{L|''[The two are then shown carrying a robber and a cop.]''}} | |||
{{L|Incidental 118D|There's no escape for you this time, Rocky.}} | |||
{{L|Rocky|You'll never get me, copper.}} | |||
{{L|''[The cop then arrests him and takes him away.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Lunch time!}} | |||
{{L|''[Squidina finally arrives and turns on a TV.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|''[to the viewers]'' While they take a break, let's all watch another hard-boiled episode of ''"Noir-Sense."''}} | |||
{{L|''[It then shows Snapper and Gills interrogating Fred.]''}} | |||
{{L|Gills|Now, where was your leg on Tuesday night?}} | |||
{{L|Fred|My leg?}} | |||
{{L|Snapper|We knows it was you.}} | |||
{{L|Fred|''[gulps]'' M-m-m-my leg?}} | |||
{{L|Gills|Myeh, so you won't talk, eh? Hey, Snapper, show him what we'll do to his leg if he don't make with the chin-waggin'.}} | |||
{{L|Snapper|It would be my pleasure.}} | |||
{{L|Fred|''[worried]'' My, l-l-l-leg?}} | |||
{{L|Snapper|You'll get a little of this. ''[He uses a nut crusher on his leg.]'' Ouch!}} | |||
{{L|Gills|And also some of this. ''[He painfully twists his leg.]'' Oh!}} | |||
{{L|Fred|''[confused]'' My leg?}} | |||
{{L|Snapper|How 'bout a little of this?}} | |||
{{L|''[He shaves his leg in a form of torture.]''}} | |||
{{L|Gills|Ah! He's shavin' against the grain!}} | |||
{{L|''[Snapper and Gills keep torturing themselves, while Fred appears to have a sly grin on his face.]''}} | |||
{{L|Fred|''[happily]'' I confess, I did do it! With my leg.}} | |||
{{L|''[He then shuts the door on his leg while leaving.]''}} | |||
{{L|Fred|''[screaming]'' My leg!}} | |||
{{L|''[The episode of "Noir-Sense" ends just as Cecil gets home from work, and he is dressed in a football outfit. Cecil is humming, then Squidward knocks on the door.]''}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|Hey! It's that weird guy who wants my money again.}} | |||
{{L|''[In an attempt to get away, Cecil hides his face in the lampshade.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|I can see you, Mr. Star.}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[through a megaphone]'' Nobody's home!}} | |||
{{L|''[Squidward sighs, and then sees Patrick and SpongeBob Patsy-ing Squidina and a worm.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|That moron lives with this moron. Maybe HE can get the cash. Hey! How would you two like a job?}} | |||
{{L|''[The two hear him, fling off Squidina and the worm, and run over.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Sure. I'm still looking for a porpoise.}} | |||
{{L|Porpoise|What do you want from me? Hmph!}} | |||
{{L|''[The porpoise then walks away.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|It's very simple. Just collect my newspaper money from Mr. Star.}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Who's Mr. Star?}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|''[slightly annoyed]'' Cecil. Your father?}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Oh, ''him''! Oh, but his name's not Seashell. It's Dad.}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|That's my dad's name, too!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|No way! ''[high-fives SpongeBob]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Jinx!}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|Do you think you can possibly handle this job?}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Of course. You're not talking to a couple of noobs.}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah, we've had ''[raises three fingers]'' three jobs since breakfast.}} | |||
{{L|''[Bubble transition to Patrick and SpongeBob on their first attempt: just knocking on the door.]''}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[muttering]''}} | |||
{{L|''[Cecil then slams the door shut on SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|Well, did you get the money?}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Nope, he sent us packing.}} | |||
{{L|''[Patrick and SpongeBob hold up suitcases.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|''[angrily]'' Try harder!}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Harder?}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|What do we do?}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Uhh...}} | |||
{{L|''[Squidina clears her throat, and shows the two a sign that says "We gotta be like those tough guys on TV."]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Oh, we gotta be like those tough guys on TV.}} | |||
{{L|''[Bubble transition to Patrick and SpongeBob as detectives for their second attempt: getting the newspaper wet.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[like a detective]'' That's an interestin' newspaper you get delivered.}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[peeking out the door]'' Wha–?}} | |||
{{L|''[Patrick then is shown holding a glass of water, and he is about to pour it on the newspaper.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|Be a shame if it was to get all wet and soggy.}} | |||
{{L|''[A woman is then heard screaming in the background.]''}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[gasps]'' Not the Sunday edition!}} | |||
{{L|''[He then uses the vacuum through the mail slot, sucks up the newspaper, and gets it inside the house.]''}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[angry]'' You ain't getting my money!}} | |||
{{L|''[Bubble transition to their third attempt: putting their feet down, literally. Patrick then knocks on the door.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[shouting]'' We're gone now! ''[giggles]''}} | |||
{{L|''[Cecil then opens the door.]''}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|Oh!}} | |||
{{L|''[He attempts to close the door, but Patrick's foot is in the way. He tries again, but then both Patrick and SpongeBob's feet are in the way. He then puts his foot on the top. Shoes then start piling up on the feet, until SpongeBob and Patrick fall from the shoe tower.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[like a detective]'' Myeh, looks like we'll have to give this mug the "big tip."}} | |||
{{L|''[Bubble transition to Patrick and SpongeBob operating a crane. They tip the house over, and all the newspapers fall out along with Cecil. SpongeBob and Patrick then walk towards Cecil.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|''[angrily]'' We gotcha now, deadbeat!}} | |||
{{L|Cecil|''[takes a nickel out of his ear]'' Here, take my filthy lucre!}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|''[takes the nickel]'' Yoink. Thanks.}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|Ahem. I'll collect my money now.}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|And I'll collect our pay.}} | |||
{{L|''[He then splits the nickel in half and gives one half to SpongeBob.]''}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob|Ooh!}} | |||
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[laughing]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidward|Huh? ''[He then puts his newspaper bag on his head and starts screaming.]''}} | |||
{{L|''[Bubble transition to Patrick and Squidina in the production room.]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|So, what did we learn today, Patrick?}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|I don't want any more jobs. They're too much work. I have found my true porpoise: doing my TV show!}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|''[slightly disappointed]'' Really? Then what do I do with this?}} | |||
{{L|''[She pulls a blanket off of the porpoise.]''}} | |||
{{L|Porpoise|''[angrily]'' Let me go, you little– ''[dolphin chirp, as he says bad word #11]''}} | |||
{{L|Squidina|Hey, watch your language! This is a family show.}} | |||
{{L|''[Patrick then walks over and pulls up his shirt, revealing his rash that says "The End," and starts scratching it.]''}} | |||
{{L|Patrick|The End is so itchy.}} | |||
{{L|''[The episode then ends with Patrick still scratching his rash.]''}} | |||
Latest revision as of 21:07, 25 June 2025
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