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(Spongebob is humming inside of his mailbox, he checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox.)
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob is sitting inside of his mailbox, happily humming. He checks his watch. Incidental 154 arrives, opens the mailbox, and SpongeBob suddenly pops out.]''}}
Spongebob: Hi Mailman!
{{L|SpongeBob|Hi, mailman!}}
 
{{L|''[Incidental 154 drops his mail, screams in terror, and runs away.]''}}
(The mailman yells in fear and runs off)
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, ''[gets out of the mailbox]'' see you tomorrow!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[walks up]'' Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?}}
Spongebob: O.K, see you tomorrow!
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's see... ''[looks through the mail]'' Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, hey! A magazine! ''[looks at the magazine]'' That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[look inside the magazine]'' Whoa!}}
(Spongebob gets out of the mailbox. Patrick walks up.)
{{L|SpongeBob|Look at these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living! ''[a picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown. It has an inflatable pool floating in the water.]'' This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!}}
 
{{L|''[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money.]''}}
Patrick: Hey, the mails here! What did you get?
{{L|Patrick|''[points at the man's feet]'' This guy's got shoes!}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Give me that! ''[takes the magazine out of SpongeBob's hands]'' Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!}}
Spongebob: Let's see... (Looks through the mail) Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine!
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.}}
(Spongebob looks at the magazine)
{{L|SpongeBob|What kind of things?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|How should I know? Things people want to buy! ''[walks off]'' Now keep your paws off my mail.}}
Spongebob: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it, Patrick! We gotta become entrepreneurs!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Is that gonna hurt?}}
Spongebob and Patrick: (They look inside the magazine) WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!
{{L|SpongeBob|Quick, Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Uh... ''[sweats]'' More time for thinking.}}
Spongebob: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!
{{L|SpongeBob|No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[pops up behind him]'' A chocolate bar?}}
(A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown)
{{L|SpongeBob|That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'N-Mart carrying many chocolate bars.]''}}
Spongebob: This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
{{L|SpongeBob|Fancy living, here we come!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Make way for a couple of entrepe-nooers!}}
(A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money)
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.}}
Patrick: (Points at the man's feet) This guy's got shoes!
{{L|''[SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door. Incidental 6 opens the door.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, could we interest you in some ''[holds up a chocolate bar]'' chocolate?}}
Squidward: Give me that! (Takes the magazine) Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!
{{L|Tom|Chocolate? Did you say, chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Yes, sir. ''[holds up two chocolate bars]'' With or without nuts?}}
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?
{{L|Tom|Chocolate?! ''[screaming]'' Chocolate?! Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away, and then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "Chocolate!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house.]''}}
Squidward: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, the first guy didn't count. This is our real first step! ''[Incidental 118C opens the door]'' Good morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Chocolate bars, eh?}}
Spongebob: What kind of things?
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise! ''[Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants, and he quickly looks at them]'' No, no, no, no, wrong. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?}}
Squidward: How should I know? Things people wanna buy! (walks off) Now keep your paws off my mail.
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Oh, most certainly, sir!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Well, ''[chuckles]'' no self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! ''[holds up a bright-orange bag]''}}
Spongebob: That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow... what is it?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!}}
Patrick: Is that gonna hurt?
{{L|''[SpongeBob tries to touch it.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[pulls the bag away]'' But, I'm wasting my time. ''[walks inside]'' You don't need these bags.}}
Spongebob: Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|We need 'em! We need 'em!}}
 
{{L|''[Incidental 118C grins. The scene changes to Incidental 118C counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags.]''}}
Patrick: Uh... (sweats) More time for thinking.
{{L|Incidental 118C|So long, boys! Happy hunting! ''[laughs when the two aren't looking]'' Suckers... ''[walks back inside and closes the door]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[singing as they run off]'' Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!}}
Spongebob: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's try next door! ''[walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot. Incidental 118C comes out]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Yes?}}
Patrick: A chocolate bar?
{{L|SpongeBob|''[suspicious]'' Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. ''[holds up two large maroon bags]''}}
Spongebob: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|Patrick|We'll take 20!}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house. Incidental 49 comes out.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 49|Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?}}
(The scene changes to Spongebob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars)
{{L|Incidental 49|That sounds heavenly! I'll take one!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|One chocolate bar, coming up! ''[opens up a bag, only to find another bag]'' Huh? Eh... Huh? Huh? Uh, uh, uh... ''[attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants]''}}
Spongebob: Fancy living, here we come!
{{L|SpongeBob|I know they're in here somewhere!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 49|''[looks at her watch]'' I don't have time for this. ''[goes back inside, and then suddenly SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]''}}
Patrick: Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs!
{{L|SpongeBob|I've got it! One chocolate bar for the nice— ''[sees something off camera; it is revealed to be Tom, still screaming]''}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate!}}
(Spongebob and Patrick walk up to a house)
{{L|SpongeBob|—lady.}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! ''[He chases SpongeBob and Patrick as the chocolates fly out of the latter two's bags and run for their lives.]''}}
Spongebob: O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.
{{L|''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.}}
(Spongebob runs up and knocks on the door, a fish opens the door)
{{L|Patrick|Huh... I got it! Let's get naked!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?}}
Spongebob: Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some (holds up chocolate bar) chocolate?
{{L|Patrick|He said we were mediocre...}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it! He made us feel special!}}
Fish: Chocolate? Did you say... CHOCOLATE?
{{L|Patrick|Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags! ''[runs to the door]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No, wait, Patrick! ''[Patrick freezes in place]'' Why don't we try being nice?}}
Patrick: Yes sir. With or without nuts?
{{L|Patrick|Oh, okay.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door.]''}}
Fish: Chocolate? CHOCOLATE?! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick knocks on the door. Incidental 60 opens the door.]''}}
(Spongebob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. The fish chases them while screaming CHOCOLAAATE!!)
{{L|Incidental 60|Hello?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I love you.}}
 
{{L|''[A harp is heard playing. Incidental 60 stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut in disgust; a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try. ''[rings the doorbell. Incidental 60 opens the door]''}}
(The scene cuts to Spongebob ringing the doorbell of another house)
{{L|Incidental 60|Please. G-Go away!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Um, ''[clears his throat]'' H-H-How you doin'?}}
Spongebob: O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step!
{{L|Incidental 60|How am I doing?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Wanna buy some chocolate?}}
(A Salesman opens the door.)
{{L|Patrick|We got him now!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 60|Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?}}
Spongebob: Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?
{{L|''[Patrick's belly is bubbling.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Hee hee, it tickles!}}
Salesman: Chocolate bars, eh?
{{L|Incidental 60|As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang. ''[holds up a picture of him being obese at age 13]'' You can keep that for five bucks.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I'll take ten!}}
Spongebob: Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking. A sad song plays.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that we're too easily distracted.}}
Salesman: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Huh?}}
(Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants)
{{L|''[Far cut.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[raises his fist]'' Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.}}
Salesman: No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?
{{L|Patrick|''[removes the pictures from his face]'' What?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[holds out his hand]'' Let's shake on it.}}
Spongebob and Patrick: Oh, most certainly, sir!
{{L|Patrick|''[looks at SpongeBob confused]'' Did you say something?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the other customer's house. SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view.]''}}
Salesman: Well, (chuckles) no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! (He holds up a bright-orange bag)
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember, Patrick, focus.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the door. SpongeBob knocks on it. Incidental 37B answers.]''}}
Spongebob: Woooooooow... what is it?
{{L|Incidental 37B|Yes?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.}}
Salesman: It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!
{{L|''[Patrick somehow moves up to Incidental 37B with his eyes going in and out back and forth.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 37B|Why is Chubby here staring at me?}}
(Spongebob tries to touch it)
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick's eyes.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Focusing.}}
Salesman: (pulls bag away) BUT, I'm wasting my time. (Walks inside) You don't need these bags.
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of Incidental 37B's house.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 37B|''[freaks out]'' Back up, Jack! ''[slams the door on Patrick's eyes]''}}
Spongebob and Patrick: We need 'em! We need 'em!
{{L|Patrick|Oof! ''[moves his eyes around]'' Nice place you got in here.}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is eating a chocolate bar.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I can't understand what we're doing wrong.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I can't understand anything.}}
(The Salesman grins, the scene changes to the Salesman counting money. Spongebob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags)
{{L|SpongeBob|There must be something to this selling game that we're just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the sign.]''}}
Salesman: So long, boys! Happy hunting! (Laughs when the two aren't looking) Suckers... (walks back inside)
{{L|Patrick|''[reading the sign]'' Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They are most certainly not delicious!}}
Spongebob and Patrick (singing as they run off): Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!
{{L|Patrick|''[smiling]'' Not the way I use 'em!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yet they sell millions of bags a day!}}
Spongebob: Let's try next door!
{{L|Patrick|Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[happily]'' That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!}}
(Spongebob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Salesman comes out)
{{L|Tom|Chocolate!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick run off. Cut to another house.]''}}
Salesman: Yes?
{{L|SpongeBob|We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|The kill!}}
Spongebob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
{{L|''[SpongeBob uses the doorbell. Mary answers.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Yes?}}
Salesman: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. (Holds up two large maroon bags)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, young lady. ''[winks at Patrick, who chuckles]'' We're selling chocolate. ''[gets a closer look at Baby Prunes]'' Is your mother home?}}
Patrick: We'll take twenty.
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87.]''}}
 
{{L|Mary|Mom!}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|''[enters from the right side of the house in a wheelchair. She is seen shriveled up to the point where she appears to be merely a head and a spine]'' What, what, what's all the yelling?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to mom.]''}}
(Scene changes to Spongebob knocking on the door of a different house, a lady comes out)
{{L|Baby Prunes|You just can't wait for me to die, can you?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
Lady: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?
{{L|Incidental 87|They're selling chocolate.}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|Chocolate?}}
Spongebob: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?
{{L|Incidental 87|Yeah!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes.]''}}
Lady: That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
{{L|Baby Prunes|What, what are they selling?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Chocolates!}}
Spongebob: One chocolate bar, coming up!
{{L|Baby Prunes|What?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Chocolates!}}
(Spongebob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants)
{{L|Baby Prunes|I can't hear you!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|They're selling chocolates!}}
Lady: I don't have time for this.
{{L|Baby Prunes|They're selling chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Yeah!}}
(The lady goes back inside, and then Spongebob pulls out a chocolate bar)
{{L|''[Cut to a close-up of mom smiling.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.}}
Spongebob: I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-
{{L|''[Cut back to view Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|I always hated it!}}
Fish: CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob sweating.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...}}
Spongebob: -lady.
{{L|Patrick|''[comes from the top left]'' You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes, Incidental 87 is heard constantly saying "No!"]''}}
(The fish chases Spongebob and Patrick again while screaming CHOCOLAAAATE!)
{{L|Baby Prunes|Live forever, ya say? I'll take one. ''[Incidental 87 slaps her face]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the outside. Incidental 87 pays SpongeBob a dollar.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|''[from inside the house]'' Come on, you lazy Mary! ''[cut to Incidental 87]'' Start rubbing me with that chocolate!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|''[looks at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily]'' I hate you. ''[slams the door. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
(The scene changes to Spongebob and Patrick sitting in a diner)
{{L|SpongeBob|If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[raises his fist]'' Hooray for lying!}}
Spongebob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
{{L|''[Bubbles transition to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|It'll make your hair grow.}}
Patrick: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!
{{L|''[Cut to Fred.]''}}
 
{{L|Fred|Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!}}
Spongebob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick has a sad face this time.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you sound smart.}}
Patrick: He said we were mediocre...
{{L|''[Cut to the customer holding money.]''}}
 
{{L|Customer|''[southern accent]'' I'll take 20!}}
Spongebob: That's it! He made us feel special!
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.}}
Patrick: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!
{{L|''[Cut to the two Patricks.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick 2|Just in time.}}
(Patrick runs to the door)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you fly!}}
Spongebob: NO, wait Patrick!
{{L|Patrick|You'll fall in love!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll bring world peace!}}
(Patrick freezes in place)
{{L|Patrick|You'll walk through walls!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[echoing]'' You'll rule the world!}}
Spongebob: Why don't we try being nice?
{{L|''[Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|This'll be the best lie yet!}}
Patrick: Oh, O.K.
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!}}
 
{{L|''[A "customer" opens the door slightly.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|What can I do for you boys?}}
(Scene changes to Spongebob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.}}
Spongebob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
{{L|Incidental 118C|Really?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer", who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body. He limps out of the door at his doorstep.]''}}
(Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door)
{{L|Incidental 118C|Small world. What's the matter with you guys?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned.]''}}
Customer: Hello?
{{L|SpongeBob|''[nervously]'' Uh... We've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer."]''}}
Patrick: I love you.
{{L|Incidental 118C|Ah, some guys have all the luck.}}
 
{{L|''[A violin begins playing.]''}}
(The customer slams the door shut)
{{L|Incidental 118C|I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. They both have faces meaning that they were about to cry.]''}}
Spongebob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.
{{L|Incidental 118C|At night, ''[as SpongeBob looks up sadly, a tear runs down his face]'' I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer", the wires snap.]''}}
(Spongebob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door)
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[about to fall]'' Oh, no!}}
 
{{L|''[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps.]''}}
Customer: Please, G-Go away.
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[on the last step]'' Ow.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
Spongebob: Um, *clears throat* H-H-How you doin'?
{{L|SpongeBob|Quick, Patrick, let's help him!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of the house. SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left, carrying the "customer."]''}}
Customer: How am I doing?
{{L|SpongeBob|Careful, put him down gently.}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick drops the "customer"'s head. A glass breaking sound is heard. Cut close to the "customer."]''}}
Spongebob: Wanna buy some chocolate?
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[in pain]'' Ow...}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
Patrick: We got him now!
{{L|SpongeBob|Poor, poor man. If there's anything, anything we can do to help you?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer."]''}}
Customer: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, blubber boy/
{{L|Incidental 118C|There is one thing... as you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars. ''[gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes.]''}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Cut to the "customer" looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]''}}
(Patrick's belly is bubbling)
{{L|Incidental 118C|Such nice boys, ''[Cut to a close-up of the "customer" laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as Incidental 118C from earlier who sold SpongeBob and Patrick the bags to hold the chocolate bars.]'' it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A sucker-roonies like those two! Ha ha ha!}}
 
{{L|''Cut to the street.]''}}
Patrick: Hee hee, it tickles!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[grunting]'' Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to. ''[He trips up on a rock and falls.]'' Whoa! ''[makes another grunting noise. Cut to him with a box flat on his face]'' Let's face it, Patrick. We're failures.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[walks in from the left, carrying a box]'' I can live with that. ''[places his box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]''}}
Customer: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.  
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's change our names to Why and Bother.}}
 
{{L|''[Tom appears behind the box.]''}}
(The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13)
{{L|Tom|Chocolate! ''[his screaming knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over.]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick babble]''}}
((((MORE TO COME))))
{{L|SpongeBob|''[simultaneously with Patrick]'' No, no! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Please...}}
[[Category:Incomplete transcripts]]
{{L|Patrick|''[simultaneously with SpongeBob]'' No! Have mercy on me! Please spare me!}}
{{L|''[Cuts to Tom laughing manically.]''}}
{{L|Tom|Finally! I've been tryna catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... ''[turns back to normal]'' I'd like to buy all your chocolate. ''[holds up a large amount of cash]''}}
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to Tom, SpongeBob, and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick are melting.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Thank you for your patronage.}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow full of cash.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?}}
{{L|''[Cut to the money in the barrel. SpongeBob pops out.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.}}
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
{{L|Patrick|But what are we gonna spend it on?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[thinking]'' Hmm...}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen at night. Cut to the inside of the boat.]''}}
{{L|Squidward|''[walking in from the left]'' Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.}}
{{L|Teen 5|Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.}}
{{L|''[Cut to Squidward shocked.]''}}
{{L|Squidward|But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?}}
{{L|Teen 5|Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs ''[leans over to Squidward]'' and their dates.}}
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and her mom; Mary is seen holding a glass.]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|So, how long have you two ladies known each other?}}
{{L|Baby Prunes|What? What did he say?}}
{{L|''[The screen fades to black.]''}}
[[ru:Шоколад с орешками/Стенограмма]]

Latest revision as of 22:42, 1 May 2025

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