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{{BTranscript
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
|prev = Party Pooper Pants
{{L|''[SpongeBob is sitting inside of his mailbox, happily humming. He checks his watch. Incidental 154 arrives, opens the mailbox, and SpongeBob suddenly pops out.]''}}
|title = Chocolate with Nuts
{{L|SpongeBob|Hi, mailman!}}
|next = Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V
{{L|''[Incidental 154 drops his mail, screams in terror, and runs away.]''}}
|titlecard = Chocolate with Nuts.jpg
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, ''[gets out of the mailbox]'' see you tomorrow!}}
|season = 3
{{L|Patrick|''[walks up]'' Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?}}
|episode = 52a
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's see... ''[looks through the mail]'' Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, hey! A magazine! ''[looks at the magazine]'' That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.}}
|airdate = [[June 1]], [[2002]]
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[look inside the magazine]'' Whoa!}}
|seasonname = three
{{L|SpongeBob|Look at these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living! ''[a picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown. It has an inflatable pool floating in the water.]'' This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!}}
}}
{{L|''[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money.]''}}
(SpongeBob is humming inside of his mailbox. He checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox.)
{{L|Patrick|''[points at the man's feet]'' This guy's got shoes!}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Give me that! ''[takes the magazine out of SpongeBob's hands]'' Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!}}
SpongeBob: Hi Mailman!
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.}}
(The mailman yells in fear and runs off)
{{L|SpongeBob|What kind of things?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|How should I know? Things people want to buy! ''[walks off]'' Now keep your paws off my mail.}}
SpongeBob: O.K, see you tomorrow!
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it, Patrick! We gotta become entrepreneurs!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Is that gonna hurt?}}
(SpongeBob gets out of the mailbox. Patrick walks up.)
{{L|SpongeBob|Quick, Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Uh... ''[sweats]'' More time for thinking.}}
Patrick: Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?
{{L|SpongeBob|No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[pops up behind him]'' A chocolate bar?}}
SpongeBob: Let's see... (Looks through the mail) Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine!
{{L|SpongeBob|That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'N-Mart carrying many chocolate bars.]''}}
(SpongeBob looks at the magazine)
{{L|SpongeBob|Fancy living, here we come!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Make way for a couple of entrepe-nooers!}}
SpongeBob: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.}}
SpongeBob and Patrick: (They look inside the magazine) WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!
{{L|''[SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door. Incidental 6 opens the door.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, could we interest you in some ''[holds up a chocolate bar]'' chocolate?}}
SpongeBob: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!
{{L|Tom|Chocolate? Did you say, chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Yes, sir. ''[holds up two chocolate bars]'' With or without nuts?}}
(A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown)
{{L|Tom|Chocolate?! ''[screaming]'' Chocolate?! Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away, and then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "Chocolate!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house.]''}}
SpongeBob: This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, the first guy didn't count. This is our real first step! ''[Incidental 118C opens the door]'' Good morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Chocolate bars, eh?}}
(A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money)
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise! ''[Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants, and he quickly looks at them]'' No, no, no, no, wrong. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?}}
Patrick: (Points at the man's feet) This guy's got shoes!
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Oh, most certainly, sir!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Well, ''[chuckles]'' no self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! ''[holds up a bright-orange bag]''}}
Squidward: Give me that! (Takes the magazine) Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow... what is it?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!}}
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?
{{L|''[SpongeBob tries to touch it.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[pulls the bag away]'' But, I'm wasting my time. ''[walks inside]'' You don't need these bags.}}
Squidward: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|We need 'em! We need 'em!}}
 
{{L|''[Incidental 118C grins. The scene changes to Incidental 118C counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags.]''}}
SpongeBob: What kind of things?
{{L|Incidental 118C|So long, boys! Happy hunting! ''[laughs when the two aren't looking]'' Suckers... ''[walks back inside and closes the door]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[singing as they run off]'' Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!}}
Squidward: How should I know? Things people wanna buy! (walks off) Now keep your paws off my mail.
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's try next door! ''[walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot. Incidental 118C comes out]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Yes?}}
SpongeBob: That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[suspicious]'' Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. ''[holds up two large maroon bags]''}}
Patrick: Is that gonna hurt?
{{L|Patrick|We'll take 20!}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house. Incidental 49 comes out.]''}}
SpongeBob: Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
{{L|Incidental 49|Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?}}
Patrick: Uh... (sweats) More time for thinking.
{{L|Incidental 49|That sounds heavenly! I'll take one!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|One chocolate bar, coming up! ''[opens up a bag, only to find another bag]'' Huh? Eh... Huh? Huh? Uh, uh, uh... ''[attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants]''}}
SpongeBob: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.
{{L|SpongeBob|I know they're in here somewhere!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 49|''[looks at her watch]'' I don't have time for this. ''[goes back inside, and then suddenly SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]''}}
Patrick: A chocolate bar?
{{L|SpongeBob|I've got it! One chocolate bar for the nice— ''[sees something off camera; it is revealed to be Tom, still screaming]''}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate!}}
SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|SpongeBob|—lady.}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! ''[He chases SpongeBob and Patrick as the chocolates fly out of the latter two's bags and run for their lives.]''}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.}}
(The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars)
{{L|Patrick|Huh... I got it! Let's get naked!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?}}
SpongeBob: Fancy living, here we come!
{{L|Patrick|He said we were mediocre...}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it! He made us feel special!}}
Patrick: Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! (He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers")
{{L|Patrick|Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags! ''[runs to the door]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No, wait, Patrick! ''[Patrick freezes in place]'' Why don't we try being nice?}}
(SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house)
{{L|Patrick|Oh, okay.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door.]''}}
SpongeBob: O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick knocks on the door. Incidental 60 opens the door.]''}}
(SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door, a fish opens the door)
{{L|Incidental 60|Hello?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I love you.}}
SpongeBob: Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some (holds up chocolate bar) chocolate?
{{L|''[A harp is heard playing. Incidental 60 stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut in disgust; a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try. ''[rings the doorbell. Incidental 60 opens the door]''}}
Tom: Chocolate? Did you say, ''Chocolate?!''
{{L|Incidental 60|Please. G-Go away!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Um, ''[clears his throat]'' H-H-How you doin'?}}
Patrick: Yes sir. With or without nuts?
{{L|Incidental 60|How am I doing?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Wanna buy some chocolate?}}
Tom: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!''''' '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!'''''
{{L|Patrick|We got him now!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 60|Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?}}
''(SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "CHOCOLAAATE!!!")''
{{L|''[Patrick's belly is bubbling.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Hee hee, it tickles!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 60|As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang. ''[holds up a picture of him being obese at age 13]'' You can keep that for five bucks.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I'll take ten!}}
(The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking. A sad song plays.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that we're too easily distracted.}}
SpongeBob: O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step!
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Huh?}}
(A Con man opens the door.)
{{L|''[Far cut.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[raises his fist]'' Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.}}
SpongeBob: Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?
{{L|Patrick|''[removes the pictures from his face]'' What?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[holds out his hand]'' Let's shake on it.}}
Con man: Chocolate bars, eh?
{{L|Patrick|''[looks at SpongeBob confused]'' Did you say something?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the other customer's house. SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view.]''}}
SpongeBob: Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember, Patrick, focus.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the door. SpongeBob knocks on it. Incidental 37B answers.]''}}
Con man: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!
{{L|Incidental 37B|Yes?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.}}
(Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants)
{{L|''[Patrick somehow moves up to Incidental 37B with his eyes going in and out back and forth.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 37B|Why is Chubby here staring at me?}}
Con man: No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick's eyes.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Focusing.}}
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, most certainly, sir!
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of Incidental 37B's house.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 37B|''[freaks out]'' Back up, Jack! ''[slams the door on Patrick's eyes]''}}
Con man: Well, (chuckles) no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! (He holds up a bright-orange bag)
{{L|Patrick|Oof! ''[moves his eyes around]'' Nice place you got in here.}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is eating a chocolate bar.]''}}
SpongeBob: Woooooooow... what is it?
{{L|SpongeBob|I can't understand what we're doing wrong.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I can't understand anything.}}
Con man: It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!
{{L|SpongeBob|There must be something to this selling game that we're just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the sign.]''}}
(SpongeBob tries to touch it)
{{L|Patrick|''[reading the sign]'' Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They are most certainly not delicious!}}
Con man: (pulls bag away) BUT, I'm wasting my time. (Walks inside) You don't need these bags.
{{L|Patrick|''[smiling]'' Not the way I use 'em!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yet they sell millions of bags a day!}}
SpongeBob and Patrick: We need 'em! We need 'em!
{{L|Patrick|Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[happily]'' That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick run off. Cut to another house.]''}}
(The Con man grins, the scene changes to the Con man counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags)
{{L|SpongeBob|We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|The kill!}}
Con man: So long, boys! Happy hunting! (Laughs when the two aren't looking) Suckers... (walks back inside)
{{L|''[SpongeBob uses the doorbell. Mary answers.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Yes?}}
SpongeBob and Patrick (singing as they run off): Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, young lady. ''[winks at Patrick, who chuckles]'' We're selling chocolate. ''[gets a closer look at Baby Prunes]'' Is your mother home?}}
SpongeBob: Let's try next door!
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87.]''}}
 
{{L|Mary|Mom!}}
(SpongeBob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Con man comes out)
{{L|Baby Prunes|''[enters from the right side of the house in a wheelchair. She is seen shriveled up to the point where she appears to be merely a head and a spine]'' What, what, what's all the yelling?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to mom.]''}}
Con man: Yes?
{{L|Baby Prunes|You just can't wait for me to die, can you?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
SpongeBob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
{{L|Incidental 87|They're selling chocolate.}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|Chocolate?}}
Con man: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. (Holds up two large maroon bags)
{{L|Incidental 87|Yeah!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes.]''}}
Patrick: We'll take twenty.
{{L|Baby Prunes|What, what are they selling?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Chocolates!}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|What?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Chocolates!}}
(Scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out)
{{L|Baby Prunes|I can't hear you!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|They're selling chocolates!}}
Sadie: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?
{{L|Baby Prunes|They're selling chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Yeah!}}
SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?
{{L|''[Cut to a close-up of mom smiling.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.}}
Sadie (captions on TV call it Woman and Credits on TV call it Lady Fish.) : That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
{{L|''[Cut back to view Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|I always hated it!}}
SpongeBob: One chocolate bar, coming up!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob sweating.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...}}
(SpongeBob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants)
{{L|Patrick|''[comes from the top left]'' You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes, Incidental 87 is heard constantly saying "No!"]''}}
Sadie: I don't have time for this.
{{L|Baby Prunes|Live forever, ya say? I'll take one. ''[Incidental 87 slaps her face]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the outside. Incidental 87 pays SpongeBob a dollar.]''}}
(Sadie goes back inside, and then SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar)
{{L|Baby Prunes|''[from inside the house]'' Come on, you lazy Mary! ''[cut to Incidental 87]'' Start rubbing me with that chocolate!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|''[looks at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily]'' I hate you. ''[slams the door. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
SpongeBob: I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-
{{L|SpongeBob|If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[raises his fist]'' Hooray for lying!}}
Tom: '''CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!'''
{{L|''[Bubbles transition to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|It'll make your hair grow.}}
SpongeBob: -lady.
{{L|''[Cut to Fred.]''}}
 
{{L|Fred|Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!}}
(Tom chases SpongeBob and Patrick again while screaming '''CHOCOLAAAATE!''')
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick has a sad face this time.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you sound smart.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the customer holding money.]''}}
 
{{L|Customer|''[southern accent]'' I'll take 20!}}
(The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner)
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.}}
SpongeBob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
{{L|''[Cut to the two Patricks.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick 2|Just in time.}}
Patrick: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you fly!}}
SpongeBob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?
{{L|Patrick|You'll fall in love!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll bring world peace!}}
Patrick: He said we were mediocre...
{{L|Patrick|You'll walk through walls!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[echoing]'' You'll rule the world!}}
SpongeBob: That's it! He made us feel special!
{{L|''[Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|This'll be the best lie yet!}}
Patrick: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!}}
(Patrick runs to the door)
{{L|''[A "customer" opens the door slightly.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|What can I do for you boys?}}
SpongeBob: NO, wait Patrick!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.}}
(Patrick freezes in place)
{{L|Incidental 118C|Really?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer", who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body. He limps out of the door at his doorstep.]''}}
SpongeBob: Why don't we try being nice?
{{L|Incidental 118C|Small world. What's the matter with you guys?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned.]''}}
Patrick: Oh, okay.
{{L|SpongeBob|''[nervously]'' Uh... We've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer."]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Ah, some guys have all the luck.}}
 
{{L|''[A violin begins playing.]''}}
(Scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door)
{{L|Incidental 118C|I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. They both have faces meaning that they were about to cry.]''}}
SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
{{L|Incidental 118C|At night, ''[as SpongeBob looks up sadly, a tear runs down his face]'' I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer", the wires snap.]''}}
(Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door)
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[about to fall]'' Oh, no!}}
 
{{L|''[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps.]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Hello?
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[on the last step]'' Ow.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
Patrick: I love you.
{{L|SpongeBob|Quick, Patrick, let's help him!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of the house. SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left, carrying the "customer."]''}}
(A harp is heard playing, the customer stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.)
{{L|SpongeBob|Careful, put him down gently.}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick drops the "customer"'s head. A glass breaking sound is heard. Cut close to the "customer."]''}}
SpongeBob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[in pain]'' Ow...}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
(SpongeBob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door)
{{L|SpongeBob|Poor, poor man. If there's anything, anything we can do to help you?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer."]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Please, G-Go away.
{{L|Incidental 118C|There is one thing... as you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars. ''[gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes.]''}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Cut to the "customer" looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]''}}
SpongeBob: Um, *clears throat* H-H-How you doin'?
{{L|Incidental 118C|Such nice boys, ''[Cut to a close-up of the "customer" laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as Incidental 118C from earlier who sold SpongeBob and Patrick the bags to hold the chocolate bars.]'' it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A sucker-roonies like those two! Ha ha ha!}}
 
{{L|''Cut to the street.]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: How am I doing?
{{L|SpongeBob|''[grunting]'' Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to. ''[He trips up on a rock and falls.]'' Whoa! ''[makes another grunting noise. Cut to him with a box flat on his face]'' Let's face it, Patrick. We're failures.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[walks in from the left, carrying a box]'' I can live with that. ''[places his box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]''}}
SpongeBob: Wanna buy some chocolate?
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's change our names to Why and Bother.}}
 
{{L|''[Tom appears behind the box.]''}}
Patrick: We got him now!
{{L|Tom|Chocolate! ''[his screaming knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over.]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick babble]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?
{{L|SpongeBob|''[simultaneously with Patrick]'' No, no! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Please...}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[simultaneously with SpongeBob]'' No! Have mercy on me! Please spare me!}}
(Patrick's belly is bubbling)
{{L|''[Cuts to Tom laughing manically.]''}}
 
{{L|Tom|Finally! I've been tryna catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... ''[turns back to normal]'' I'd like to buy all your chocolate. ''[holds up a large amount of cash]''}}
Patrick: Hee hee, it tickles!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to Tom, SpongeBob, and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick are melting.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Thank you for your patronage.}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow full of cash.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?}}
(The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13)
{{L|''[Cut to the money in the barrel. SpongeBob pops out.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: You can keep that for 5 bucks.
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|But what are we gonna spend it on?}}
Patrick: I'll take 10!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[thinking]'' Hmm...}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen at night. Cut to the inside of the boat.]''}}
(Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking, a sad song plays)
{{L|Squidward|''[walking in from the left]'' Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.}}
 
{{L|Teen 5|Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.}}
SpongeBob: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.
{{L|''[Cut to Squidward shocked.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?}}
(Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures)
{{L|Teen 5|Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs ''[leans over to Squidward]'' and their dates.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and her mom; Mary is seen holding a glass.]''}}
Patrick: Huh?
{{L|SpongeBob|So, how long have you two ladies known each other?}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|What? What did he say?}}
(Far cut)
{{L|''[The screen fades to black.]''}}
 
[[ru:Шоколад с орешками/Стенограмма]]
SpongeBob: (raising his fist) Let's make a pack right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.
 
Patrick: (Removing pictures from his face) Huh?<br />
SpongeBob: (Holding out his hand) Let's shake on it.
 
Patrick: (Looking at SpongeBob confused) Did you say something?
 
(Cut to the other customer's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view)
 
SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, focus.
 
(Cut to the door, SpongeBob knocks on it, customer answers)
 
Purple Fish: Yes?
 
SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate?
 
(Patrick somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth)
 
Purple Fish: Why is Tubby here staring at me?
 
(Cut to Patrick's eyes)
 
Patrick: Focusing.
 
(Cut to the inside of the customer's house)
 
[[Purple Fish]]: Back off, Jack!
 
(The customer slams the door on Patrick's eyes, Patrick is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door)
 
Patrick: (Moving eyes around) Nice place you got in here.
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene)
 
SpongeBob: I can't understand what were doing wrong.
 
Patrick: I can't understand anything
 
SpongeBob: There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!
 
(Cut to the sign)
 
Patrick: (reading the sign) Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious!
 
Patrick: (smiling) Not the way I use them!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)<br />
SpongeBob: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!
 
(Cut to Patrick)<br />
Patrick: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: (Happily) That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!
 
Tom (subtitles on TV call it Man.) : '''CHOCOLATE!!!!!!'''
 
(SpongeBob and Patrick run off, cut to Mary's house)
 
SpongeBob: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill!
 
Patrick: The kill!
 
(SpongeBob uses the doorbell, Mary answers)
 
Mary: Yes?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: Hello, young lady.
 
(SpongeBob winks at Patrick, Patrick then chuckles)
 
SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate. (Getting a closer look at Mary) Is your mother home?
 
(Cut to Mary)<br />
Mary: Mom!
 
Mother: (Entering from the right side of the house) What, what, what's all the yelling?<br />
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces)
 
(Cut back to Mary's mother)
 
Mother: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?<br />
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
Mary: They're selling chocolate.
 
Mother: Chocolate?<br />
Mary: Yeah!
 
(Cut to Mary and Mom)
 
Mother: What, what are they selling?<br />
Mary: Chocolates!
 
Mother: What?
 
Mary: '''CHOCOLATES!'''
 
Mother: I can't hear you!
 
Mary: '''THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!'''
 
Mother: They're selling chocolate?
 
Mary: '''YEAH!!'''
 
(Cut to a close-up of Mary's mother smiling)
 
Mother: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.
 
(Cut back to view Mary and her mom)
 
Mother: I always hated it!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob sweating)
 
SpongeBob: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...
 
(Patrick comes from the top left)
 
Patrick: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.
 
(Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard saying no constantly)
 
Mother: Live forever you say? I'll take one. (Mary slaps her face)
 
(Cut to the outside, Mary pays SpongeBob a dollar)
 
Mother (From inside house): Come on, you lazy Mary! (Cut to Mary) Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
 
Mary (looking at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily): I hate you. (Slams door)
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!<br />
Patrick: (Raising fist) Hooray for lying!
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh)
 
SpongeBob: It'll make your hair grow.
 
(Cut to Fred)
 
Fred: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick has a sad face this time)<br />
SpongeBob: It'll make you sound smart.
 
(Cut to the customer holding money)
 
Customer (southern accent): I'll take 20!
 
(Cut to Patrick)
 
Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.
 
(Cut to the two Patricks)
 
Patrick 2: Just in time.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over)<br />
SpongeBob: They'll make you fly!
 
Patrick: You'll fall in love!
 
SpongeBob: They'll bring world peace!
 
Patrick: You'll walk through walls!
 
SpongeBob: (ecoing) You'll rule the world!!
 
(Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts)
 
(Cut close to Patrick)
 
Patrick: This'll be the best lie yet!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)
 
SpongeBob: Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!
 
(Customer opens door)
 
Customer: What can I do for you boys?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)
 
SpongeBob: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.
 
Customer: Really?
 
(Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body)
 
Customer: Small world. What's the matter with you guys?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned)<br />
SpongeBob: (nervously)Um, we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.
 
(Cut to the customer)<br />
Customer: Well, some guys have all the luck.
 
(A violin begins)<br />
Customer: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry)
 
Customer: At night, (A tear runs down SpongeBob's cheek) I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
 
(Cut to the customer, the wires snap)
 
Customer: (About to fall) Oh, no...
 
(A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps)
 
Customer: (On the last step) Ow...
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, let's help him!
 
(Cut to the inside of SpongeBob's house)
 
(SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left)
 
SpongeBob: Careful, put him down gently.
 
(Patrick drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer)
 
Customer: (In pain) Ow...!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)<br />
SpongeBob: Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?
 
(Cut to the customer)
 
Customer: Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars.(jestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes)
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene)
 
(Cut to the customer looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by)
 
Customer: Such nice boys, (far cut to the customer) it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!!
 
(Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his coustume off to reveal himself as the Con Artist from earlier)
 
(Cut to the street)<br />
SpongeBob (grunting): Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.
 
(SpongeBob makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to SpongeBob with a box flat on his face)
 
SpongeBob: Let's admit it, Patrick. We're failures.
 
Patrick (Walking in from the left): I can live with that. (Places box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound)
 
SpongeBob: Let's change our names to Why and Bother?
 
(Tom appears behind the box)
 
Tom: '''CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!''' (Screams and knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over)
 
(Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
(SpongeBob and Patrick babble)
 
SpongeBob: No! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Pleaseeee.
 
Patrick: No! Don't hurt us, Tom. Please Spare Me!
 
(Cuts to Tom laughing manically)
 
Tom: Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you...I'd like to buy all your chocolate. (Holds up a large amount of cash)
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss)
 
(Cut back to the three, SpongeBob and Patrick melt)
 
SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage.
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow)
 
Patrick: Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?
 
(Cut to the money in the barrel, SpongeBob pops out)
 
SpongeBob: Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.
 
(Cut to the two)
 
Patrick: But what are we going to spend it on?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob thinking)
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen)
 
(Cut to the inside of the boat)
 
Squidward (Walking in from the left): Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.
 
(Cut to the server)
 
Server: Sorry, but the whole restraunt has been rented to a private party.
 
(Cut to Squidward shocked)
 
Squidward: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt?
 
(Cut to the Server and Squidward)
 
Server: Oh, a couple of rich entrepuners and their (leaning over to Squidward) dates.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and Mary's mother, Mary is seen holding a glass)
 
SpongeBob: So, how long have you two ladies known each other?
 
(Pause)
 
Mother: What? What did he say?
 
(Fade to black)
[[Category:Transcripts]]

Latest revision as of 22:42, 1 May 2025

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