Chopping Spree/transcript: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 19:51, 12 June 2025

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-{{Transcript-incomplete}}
+{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr}}
-{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr
+{{L|''[The episode opens with Patrick, wearing a robe in a chair near a campfire in his house. He is eating chocolate ice cream.]''}}
-|title = Chopping Spree
+{{L|Patrick|''[looks at the camera]'' Hmm? ''[swallows]'' Hello. Didn't see you there. ''[tosses spoon, puts ice cream tub on like a cap]'' Welcome to Patrick's Reading Hour. ''[grabs a comic book]'' Tonight's selection is the comic book classic, "Pat the Hapless and the Search to Slaughter the Smell." ''[licks finger to turn the page]'' Our journey begins in the mystical land of Patgar.}}
-|seasonnumber = 3
+{{L|''[A comic book panel is shown, where Pat the Hapless is holding a sword in front of a three-headed bird monster.]''}}
-|airdate = {{Flag|USA}} {{Time|July 31}}, {{Time|2024}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|''[in the air]'' Give up, Pat the Sapless. You cannot defeat me now that I have control over the mind of the Jabbersquawky.}}
+{{L|Jabbersquawky|''[middle head roars, left head whistles]'' ''[right head speaks]'' Polly wanna crack your skull!}}
-}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[holds up sword]'' Puny parrot no match for Pat the Hapless. We'll make into excellent poultry feast.}}
-*''[The episode begins when Patrick is eating something.]''
+{{L|Beelzebass|Not if I send you to your alaka-doom! ''[controls the Jabbersquawky to go after Pat the Hapless]''}}
-{{L|Patrick|Hello, didn't see you there.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[leaping in the air]'' Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee! ''[slices the heads off of the Jabbersquawky]''}}
-{{L|Patrick|Welcome to Patrick's Reading Hour, tonight's selection is the comic book classic, ''Pat The Hapless and The Search to Slaughter the Smell''. ''[smacking lips]'' Our journey begins in the mystical island of Patgar.}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|Wha?}}
-{{L|Beelzebass|Give up, Pat the Sapless, you cannot defeat me now that I have control over the mind of the Jabbersquawky!}}
+{{L|''[The Jabbersquawky's remains fall to the ground, getting goo on Pat the Hapless.]''}}
-{{L|Jabbersquawky|''[The second head roars, The first head whistle.]'' Polly wanna crack your skull!}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|People of Patgar, you are now safe from the beast.}}
-{{L|Pat the Hapless|Puny parrot no match for Pat the Hapless, we'll make it to excellent poultry feast!}}
+{{L|Civilians|''[cheering and applauding]''}}
-{{L|Beelzebass|Not if I send you to your alaka-doom!}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|Yeah, yeah, victory is yours, again. ''[snaps fingers to vanish]''}}
+{{L|Villagers|''[a stench hits their noses, disgusting them]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[covered in the stench, sniffs and sighs]'' That's the smell of victory, fragrance of champions. ''[jumps onto a Puffsaur]'' Ha-ha!}}
+{{L|Puffasaur|''[roars, retracts trunk as it smells the stench, a tear coming out of its eye]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[points ahead]'' Homeward, mighty Puffasaur. ''[rides through the town]'' You can all thank me later.}}
+{{L|Civilians|''[disgusted from the stench]''}}
+{{L|''[The stench envelops the screen as the Puffasaur has arrived at Pat the Hapless' home.]''}}
+{{L|Puffasaur|''[stops, then angrily tosses the stench away]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[still covered in the stench, enters his house and puts away his sword]'' Dragon, sweet dragon. ''[lounges in his chair and sighs]''}}
+{{L|''[The stench from his armpits spreads all throughout the house, and leaks outside.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[sips drink]'' Hmm. Beverage more pungent than usual. ''[knocking is heard at the door]'' Who dares disturb Pat's quality time? ''[holds ax, then answers the door to see some people in cloaks]'' Have at thee! ''[lowers ax]'' Oh, it's just you, Dragon Carcass Owners Association.}}
+{{L|Middle DCOA member|We've been getting complaints.}}
+{{L|Left DCOA member|From the coven of neighbors.}}
+{{L|Right DCOA member|About ''[points]'' you.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|What is it this time? ''[pulls down rope to show holiday lights]'' Crogsmas lights out of season? ''[holds lawn gnome]'' Lawn gnomes too tacky?}}
+{{L|Left DCOA member|''[holds hand up]'' Nah. The issue at hand is, ''[lowers cloak to reveal his face, nose clenched with a clothespin]'' you absolutely reek, dude.}}
+{{L|Middle DCOA member|Everyone's complainin'.}}
+{{L|Right DCOA member|''[both lower cloaks]'' Yeah, you gotta take a bath.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[blows raspberry]'' Pat the Hapless don't have products for bath. Only products for ''[holds several bloody weapons]'' bloodbath.}}
+{{L|Middle DCOA member|''[holds out piece of paper]'' Here, take this.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[drops weapons and picks up the paper]'' Huh? ''[reading]'' One free bath bomb at Bath & Bludgeon Works?}}
+{{L|Middle DCOA member|''[all pull up their cloaks]'' Clean up before tomorrow.}}
+{{L|Left DCOA member|Or you shall incur.}}
+{{L|DCOA members|''[moving backwards]'' A strongly worded letter! ''[leaves fly by in the wind as they fade out]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[narrating as Pat the Hapless jumps on his Puffasaur]'' So Pat the Hapless boarded his Puffasaur ''[scene transitions to Pat the Hapless riding his Puffasaur]'' and rode through the searing desert until he reached his final destination, ''[Pat the Hapless stops before a sign]'' the Shopping Maul.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[rides Puffasaur to the front desk]''}}
+{{L|Buff guy|''[points down]'' Pay the parking fee to get in.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[takes out two heads, which groan; tosses them into the container]''}}
+{{L|Buff guy|Is this some kind of sick joke? ''[points to a sign with a 3 and a fish head]'' It costs three heads to get in, or are you some kind of dummy that can't read? ''[laughs, then Pat the Hapless slides his head off]'' Oy! Happy shopping.}}
+{{L|''[The hand gate lifts up, and Pat the Hapless enters the building. Several other creatures are already inside.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Crog-darn it. Mall parking packed today. ''[points ahead]'' Hark on yonder, the compact parking! ''[squeezes between two creatures, which pushes both sides of them completely out of the way]'' Perfect. ''[lets go of the Puffasaur's ropes and slides down, then presses a remote to lock it in place like a car]''}}
+{{L|''[Two men with ski masks each crank a wheel to open a door. Pat the Hapless walks through.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Bellowing barnacles, mall vast. It will take eons to find bath bomb... bomb... ''[gasps, approaches a floating map and takes it]'' An enchanted mall map. ''[fist bangs the hand that held the map]'' Many thanks. ''[map extends along the floor]''Huh. Mall really is vast. ''[map ends near Beelzebass]''}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|''[holding action figure packages of him and Pat the Hapless]'' Which of these would look better on my collector's shelf? I don't have enough allowance to get both. Ooh, ''[drops figures]'' you.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|My mortal--}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|Enemy.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[holds his ax and yells, lunging at Beelzebass]''}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|''[lunges at Pat the Hapless]''}}
+{{L|''[Both scream again, then suddenly stop.]''}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|Wait a minute. We're not on the clock.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Oh, yeah. Sorry. Force of habit.}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|''[puts arm on Pat's shoulder]'' You're too dedicated to your job, my friend.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Pat struggles with work-life balance. Therapist say it no good.}}
+{{L|''[Both stand in silence for a moment.]''}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|''[clears throat]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|So, uh, Pat kind of in middle of quest here.}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|''[holds out hands]'' Yes, yes. Well, I-- I'm also on an important quest.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[both cross paths]'' Oh, and since I didn't get to do this earlier. ''[slices Beelzebass' head off]''}}
+{{L|Beelzebass|Ooh. ''[chuckles, Pat leaves]'' You always were a thorough one. ''[sighs, picks up his head and leaves]'' At least I have something for my collector's shelf.}}
+{{L|Jabbersquawky|''[squawks past the screen as the scene transitions to Pat the Hapless looking at a map, which moves ahead as he walks.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[narrating over himself]'' To get bath bomb, Pat must traverse the Court of Food.}}
+{{L|''[A smell pulls on Pat's face and gestures ahead, where a mermaid holds out corn dog samples.]''}}
+{{L|Mermaid #1|♪ Free. ♪}}
+{{L|Mermaid #2|''[holding plates of newt eyes]'' ♪ Free. ♪}}
+{{L|Mermaid #3|''[holding plates of chicken legs]'' ♪ Free. ♪}}
+{{L|Mermaids|♪ Free samples! ♪ ''[blink repeatedly]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|The food sample sirens. ''[walks ahead]'' Must not get distracted by their savory wiles.}}
+{{L|Mermaid #2|''[holds up a newt eye to Pat's face]'' Deep-fried eye of newt? ''[screams as Pat grabs her face to throw her aside]'' Whoa!}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[eats the samples]''}}
+{{L|Mermaid #3|''[holding up a philly cheese snake]'' Philly cheese snake? ''[gets tosses aside by Pat and screams]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[eats the samples]''}}
+{{L|Mermaid #4|''[holding a beverage]'' Boneba tea? ''[gets spun and tossed by Pat]'' Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!}}
+{{L|Mermaid #2|''[holding up a centipede]'' Boiled centipede?}}
+{{L|Mermaid #3|''[holding up a dead lizard]'' Lizard kebab?}}
+{{L|Mermaid #4|''[holding up two pieces of cheese with eyes]'' Eye cheese?}}
+{{L|Mermaids|''[all speaking simultaneously]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[screams while holding his ax, then slices the free samples and the mermaids' hands to catch them with his mouth]'' Mmm, finger food. ''[walks away]''}}
+{{L|''[A video game style map appears, and Pat's character moves to the right.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[narrating]'' Thus, Pat the Hapless continued on his quest, ''[Pat moves past a room indicated by a sword and shield]'' searching for the Bath & Bludgeon Works. ''[the Pat character moves back to where he started and gets frustrated]'' But he got a little lost, and he ended up back where he started.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[reading map, groans]'' Pat grows ''[tosses map]'' weary of this mall. ''[to a fountain]'' Oh, almighty Crog, bestow such luck upon Pat the Hapless that he might complete his journey to Bath & Bludgeon Works. ''[turns around]'' While you work on that miracle, Pat the Hapless shall make camp. ''[falls asleep, snoring]''}}
+{{L|''[Two goblin-like figures appear, cackling. They carry Pat away, who wakes up.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[wakes up, his limbs tied to a metal board]'' Huh? What's this? Torture chamber? ''[strains to try to break free, groans]'' Huh?}}
+{{L|Fred|''[stretches his legs out on a torture chamber, yelling]''}}
+{{L|Woman|''[walking along a spiky treadmill]'' Oh! Ow! Ow!}}
+{{L|Man|''[climbing wall of hot coals]'' Whoo! hot! Whoo! Oh, feel the burn. Feel the burn.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|This worse than torture chamber. This Health and Fitness Center.}}
+{{L|Goblins|''[cackling, step out of the shadows to reveal themselves]''}}
+{{L|Blue goblin|That's right.}}
+{{L|Green goblin|''[shakes protein shake]'' Would you like a protein shake? ''[drinks shake, burps, then crushes it with his head, tossing it away]'' Or a complimentary stretch? ''[cranks a lever to make Pat's limbs stretch]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[groans]'' Why am I here? Pat the Hapless in peak physical condition.}}
+{{L|Green goblin|Are you sure? If you sign up today, ''[points to clipboard]'' you'll get a 20% discount off our ''[rubs clipboard in Pat's face]'' lifetime membership.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[groans, breaking free as his muscles grow]'' Ahh! Ahh! Time to cancel your membership to ''[holds ax]'' life.}}
+{{L|Goblins|''[scream off-screen as slicing is heard]''}}
+{{L|''[The double doors are destroyed, and Pat comes out with the goblins' heads.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[groans]''}}
+{{L|Green goblin|Okay, okay. How about we throw in a free water bottle? ''[both scream as Pat tosses their heads away]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[looks at map]'' Now, where that bath bomb? Huh?}}
+{{L|Blue fish|''[up above, opens a scroll]'' Hear ye, hear ye.}}
+{{L|Civilians|''[gathering around]'' Huh?}}
+{{L|Blue fish|There is but one bath bomb left in ''[the bath bomb is seen on a store tower in the store]'' Bath & Bludgeon Works.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[off-screen]'' Bath bomb.}}
+{{L|Blue fish|''[off-screen]'' This last bomb is now 50% off!}}
+{{L|All but Pat the Hapless''[run off]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Oh, no, you shan't! ''[throws ax]'' Hee-yah!}}
+{{L|''[The ax chops the four civilians' heads off. Pat catches his ax and the heads are tossed to the side.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[runs and climbs up the tower]'' Finally, at long last, Pat the Hapless journey comes to its triumphant end. ''[tries to grab the bath bomb]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[grabs the bath bomb]'' Oh, boy!}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Huh?}}
+{{L|Patrick|I forgot this comic came with a free jawbreaker. ''[puts the bath bomb in his mouth, slides his teeth, and swallows, making soap come out of his ears]'' Mm, lavender-flavored.}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[growls]'' All this for nothing? ''[eyes turn into bombs that explode; wields axe as lightning strikes]'' Leedle-leedle-leedle! ''[runs, turning into a giant saw blade, slicing off three customers' heads]''}}
+{{L|''[The three heads land on a kid's ice cream cone.]''}}
+{{L|Perfume lady|''[to Pat]'' Hello, welcome to the perfume department. ''[Pat comes by to slice her head off; her body sprays perfume on her head]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[shouts, then slices cobra heads off of three vases, which spill perfume on his body; exhales]'' Ooh, that feel better. ''[sniffs, perfume takes over his body]'' Hmm, stench of failure more pleasant than stink of victory. Hmm, ''[shrugs]'' call that a win. ''[walks off]''}}
+{{L|Heads|''[groaning as a janitor sweeps them up]''}}
+{{L|''[A head sweeps by the screen as the scene transitions back to Pat's house.]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[still having perfume stench, sips drink as a knock is heard at the door; growls, tossing drink, answers the door with arms crossed]'' Hmph.}}
+{{L|''[The DCOA members are seen.]''}}
+{{L|Left DCOA member|Well, have you done as we requested?}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Pat cover with perfume, Death Knell Number Five.}}
+{{L|''[The perfume covers the DCOA members' faces, making their eyes red and tear up.]''}}
+{{L|DCOA members|''[scream]''}}
+{{L|Left DCOA member|It's somehow even worse than before! ''[all swell and blow up, collapsing]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|Huh. ''[closes door, sits in chair with glass]'' Ah, finally. Nothing else can ruin day. ''[his house tilts, making him fall onto the camera]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[snoring in his chair as the comic book falls]'' Huh? ''[sits up]'' Oh, sorry, folks. Sometimes reading bores me to sleep. ''[reaches for the comic book]''}}
+{{L|Pat the Hapless|''[growls, chops Patrick's head off with his ax]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[head falls on his body]'' I guess this is where we part. ''[camera irises out on his head]''}}