Dad's Stache Stash/transcript: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 19:50, 12 June 2025

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-{{Transcript-incomplete}}
+{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr}}
-{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr
+{{L|''[The episode begins with an exterior shot of the Star family house.]''}}
-|title = Dad's Stache Stash
+{{L|Patrick|Leftover breakfast! ''[fade into the kitchen, where he is looking in the fridge]'' And we're having the best leftovers of all! ''[pulls out pot of spaghetti]'' Cold spaghetti! ''[pours spaghetti over the dinner table, where his family is sitting at, then tosses the pot aside]'' Dig in! ''[all begin slurping on the spaghetti, except for Cecil, which Patrick notices]''}}
-|seasonnumber = 1
+{{L|Bunny, Squidina, and GrandPat|''[all sigh, stuffed]''}}
-|airdate = {{Flag|USA}} {{Time|May 1}}, {{Time|2023}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[slurps spaghetti]'' Uh, Dad, you weren't stucking on the spaghetti pile at all. Is something wrong?}}
-}}
+{{L|Cecil|No, nothing's wrong, son. I just didn't want leftover spaghetti. I wanted lasgna. Let me just check the ol' flavor saver. ''[sticks tongue in mustache, pulls out lasagna]'' Aha! ''[eats lasagna]'' And a cup of leftover chowder. ''[wrings chowder into bowl, then slurps soup]''}}
-{{L|''[The episode opens with Patrick opening the fridge, as he finds the cold spaghetti]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[gasps]''}}
-{{L|Patrick|Leftover breakfast! And we're having the best leftovers of all! ''[takes the cold spaghetti out]'' Cold spaghetti! ''[Patrick runs to the table, where Bunny, Cecil, GrandPat and Squidina are, and then dumps the whole cold spaghetti on the table]'' Dig in! ''[Patrick then joins his family in sucking on the spaghetti, except for Cecil, as Patrick then turns to look at Cecil, as Bunny, Squidina and GrandPat sigh, then Patrick finishes his last bit of the cold spaghetti]'' Uh, Dad, you weren't sucking on the spaghetti pile at all. Is there something wrong?}}
-{{L|Cecil|No, nothing's wrong, son. I just didn't want leftover spaghetti. I wanted lasagna. Let me just check the ol' flavor saver. ''[Cecil licks his mustache, as he checks the "ol' flavor saver", then finds a lasagna-like sandwich, and pulls it out]'' Aha! ''[Cecil then moves the lasagna into his mouth, as he now eats it]'' And a cup of leftover chowder. ''[Cecil squeezes his mustache to get the leftover chowder out, then uses his spoon, and slurps on the chowder]''}}
-{{L|''[Patrick gasps in reaction at Cecil, while Cecil finishes licking his face for the bits of leftover chowder on his face]''}}
 {{L|Cecil|Yummy!}}
-{{L|Bunny|''[Bunny moves out of the table off-screen, as she hugs Cecil 'round the neck on-screen]'' Oh, yummy and handsome! ''[Bunny touches Cecil's mustache, as Cecil looks at her]'' Your father just looks so grown-up with his mustache.}}
+{{L|Bunny|Oh, ''[puts arm around Cecil's shoulder]'' yummy and handsome! Your ''[touches Cecil's mustache]'' father just looks just so grown-up with his mustache. ''[Cecil blushes]''}}
-{{L|''[Cecil's mustache blushes in reaction to Bunny's love about Cecil and his mustache]''}}
 {{L|Patrick|Oh, do I have a mustache yet?}}
-{{L|GrandPat|''[GrandPat's right eye leans closer to see if Patrick's mustache is there yet]'' Let me take a look. ''[GrandPat then sees Patrick's center of his face on close-up]'' Hmm, nope. You're smoother than a baby's bottom. ''[GrandPat slurps on his own grey beard]'' And so am I. ''[snickers]''}}
+{{L|GrandPat|''[eye bulges out]'' Let me take a look. ''[Patrick's upper lip shows his reflection]'' Hmm, nope. You're smoother than a baby's bottom. ''[slurps, touches beard, which forms a handlebar mustache]'' And so am I. ''[snickers]''}}
-{{L|Patrick|Dad, why does GrandPat have a mustache, and you have a mustache, and even Mom has a mustache?}}
+{{L|Patrick|Dad, why does GrandPat have a mustache, and you ''[Cecil touches his mustache]'' have a mustache, and even Mom has a ''[close-up of Bunny's thin facial hair]'' mustache?}}
-{{L|''[Bunny's close up of her small mustache shows up, as she blushes pink due to Patrick's question]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[blushes]'' Ooh!}}
-{{L|Bunny|Ooh!}}
+{{L|''[Pan over to Squidina drinking a glass of milk.]''}}
-{{L|''[The camera then pans fast to Squidina drinking her cup of milk]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[Squidina gets a milk mustache]'' And Squidina too! When am I gonna get my ''[eyes water up]'' own mustache?}}
-{{L|Patrick|And Squidina too!}}
+{{L|Cecil|Well, I was gonna wait until you were older, but, uh, come to think of it, I was about your age when I got my first mustache. ''[walks over to Patrick, wraps arm around his shoulder]'' So today's  your lucky day. ''[opens mustache curtains to reveal a large room of mustaches]'' Behold!}}
-{{L|''[Squidina stops drinking, to reveal her "milk mustache"]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Ooh!}}
+{{L|Cecil|The Star Family 'Stache Stach!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[looks at a regular mustache]'' Wow! ''[looks at a much longer mustache]'' Whoa! ''[looks at starfish statues spouting water from their faces]'' Waweewa!}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[walking with Patrick]'' Countless generations of ''[camera pans past multiple Star family paintings]'' Star men, women, and beyond all have their mustaches immortalized here.}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[pointing to mustache in a glass display]'' How do you pronounce this?}}
+{{L|Cecil|"Cousin Fred."}}
+{{L|Patrick|Oh, makes sense.}}
+{{L|Cecil|All of these mustaches are yours to wear.}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[head twists around]'' Wow... ''[points ahead, camera pans over to a black mustache in a glass display up ahead blocked by various hazards]'' even that one? ''[thunder booms]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Oh, that mustache... that mustache must ''[wags finger]'' never be worn.}}
+{{L|Patrick|W--w--what do you mean?}}
+{{L|Cecil|Oh, nothing. Well, I gotta go ''[touches mustache]'' groom my mustache for ten hours, leaving you completely unsupervised. Have fun! ''[runs off]'' Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[rubs hands together and laughs evilly with an evil grin, then grabs a mustache in a glass display labelled "MR. MIAMI"]''}}
+{{L|''[Patrick walks backwards into a dressing room, and comes out wearing the mustache and a 1980s outfit.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|It's showtime. ''[shirt collars flip upward]'' Hmm? Radical. ''[sunglasses fall onto his face]'' Bodacious. ''[in front of a realistic car]'' What else can these puppies do?}}
+{{L|''[Mustache transition to Patrick in front of a Viking mustache.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Ooh, the Viking. ''[lifts glass display]''}}
+{{L|''[Cut to Patrick in a viking outfit lifting GrandPat from the couch with a fork.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Her dee, her dee, herdee. ''[shaking GrandPat on fork]''}}
+{{L|GrandPat|Whoa!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[yodeling]''}}
+{{L|''[Cut back to Patrick in front of a handlebar mustache.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[lifting up glass display]'' The Handlebar...}}
+{{L|''[Cut to Patrick in a thug outfit, using his handlebar mustache as a handlebar as a motorcycle is heard revving. He drives himself in a circle in front of his house, kicking up sand everywhere. Patrick then takes another mustache, labelled "THE SURREALIST."]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|The Surrealist.}}
+{{L|''[Patrick puts on the mustache, and he starts warping, eventually into a melting clock. He is then seen back at the mustache displays.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|The Roosevelt! ''[hits the display, making the mustache land on his face]'' Gah! ''[gasps as he notices he is holding a gigantic stick]'' Ah! Big stick! ''[hits with stick, breaking the walls around him]''}}
+{{L|''[Cecil is combing his mustache in front of a bathroom mirror as a chunk of the ceiling falls onto his head.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Oh! Ow! ''[laughs]'' Kids and their mustaches.}}
+{{L|''[Cut back to Patrick grabbing multiple mustaches.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[grabs long mustache from wall]'' This 'stache. ''[breaks glass display for plumber mustache]'' This stache! ''[several mustaches are in mid-air and fall down]'' These! ''[dumps drawer full of mustaches]'' Those, and ''[appears wearing brown facial hair while holding a bowling ball against a bowling background]'' dad 'stache and ''[appears in front of notebook paper background with acne, braces, glasses, and minimal facial hair]'' bad 'stache! Moose 'stache! ''[rips off mustache from moose head]''}}
+{{L|Moose head|Err?}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[wearing gigantic mustache]'' Big 'stache. ''[appears in detective outfit with thin mustache]'' Small 'stache. ''[wearing and holding various mustaches]'' All 'stache! ''[mustache transition to him sweating and panting on top of a pile of mustaches]'' Well, that's all of 'em. ''[looks at mustache guarded by hazards]'' Hmm? Or almost all of them...}}
+{{L|''[Clockwise transition to Patrick cutting the construction tape guarding the mustache with a pair of hedge clippers. An ominous close-up of the mustache inside a glass display occurs.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[shrugging]'' What's the worst that could happen? ''[tosses glass display and puts on mustache, then starts contorting and screaming, then falls down]''}}
+{{L|''[A shadow of the now-evil Patrick appears.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[now evil with a villain-like outfit, laughs sinisterly with an evil grin]''}}
+{{L|''[Cut to Patrick with a rope, entering the living room, where Squidina, Bunny, and GrandPat are sitting on the couch.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[sinister laughter]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Why are you laughing like that?}}
+{{L|Patrick|No reason.}}
+{{L|Bunny|And why are you dressed like an old-timey villain?}}
+{{L|Patrick|No reason.}}
+{{L|GrandPat|''[points to rope]'' And what are you doing with that rope?}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[ties family together with rope, laughs sinisterly and twirls mustache]''}}
+{{L|''[Patrick picks up his family members and takes them outside.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[running, laughs sinisterly as he runs across two hills and places his family on a railroad track]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[unimpressed]'' Really? Tying people to railroad tracks? Hasn't this been done before?}}
+{{L|Patrick|Oh, it's been done before--done to death! ''[laughs sinisterly, walks away on mustache]''}}
+{{L|''[Cut to Patrick in front of the Patrick Show stage, sitting behind a desk with a button. Rube is in a chair next to him.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Hey, everybody! If you're just joining us, my guest today is Rube Goldfish.}}
+{{L|Rube|''[raises arm]'' Hey, y'all.}}
+{{L|Patrick|So Rube, what are your thoughts on trains?}}
+{{L|Rube|Trains? Oh, boy, I love trains! In fact, I wish I was on a train right now.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Ooh, how about under one?}}
+{{L|Rube|Under a train? Now, why would I-- ''[spring under seat ejects him into the air]'' whoa!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[chases after Rube with lasso]''}}
+{{L|Rube|Whee! ''[gets lassoed and placed onto train track]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[laughs sinisterly, twirls mustache]''}}
+{{L|Rube|''[train blows]'' Huh? Oh, boy! That's a train horn if I ever heard one.}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[running, laughing sinisterly, gets in front of TV stage audience]'' Next up on the program--a magic trick!}}
+{{L|Lawnies|''[all cheer]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|To perform said trick, I'll need four victims--I mean, volunteers...}}
+{{L|Lawnies|''[all cheer]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Excellent! ''[holds up blanket]'' Ready, folks? ''[covers lawnies with blanket]''}}
+{{L|Lawnies|''[all cheer]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Abracadabra! ''[lifts up blanket with lawnies, giggles and runs off]''}}
+{{L|''[Patrick runs over to the railroad again and puts the now-tied lawnies on the train track. A trumpet reveal plays. Patrick looks at his ticking watch.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a train to catch. ''[laughs sinisterly, twirls mustache, then runs off]''}}
+{{L|Rube|Are you all as excited as I am about the train?}}
+{{L|All|''[groan]''}}
+{{L|''[Mustache transition to Cecil still combing his mustache.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Looking good. ''[feels mustache, strand stands up]'' Whoops, just one last tweak. ''[tweezes strand, mustache glimmers]'' Perfection. ''[walks out of room]'' Now to check in on Patrick. ''[mustache alarm buzzes]'' Heavens! The mustache signal! Then there must be mustache-related danger! ''[hears railroad crossing dinging]'' Ooh? Trouble on the trian tracks? ''[exits house]'' Flight 'stache activate! ''[mustache extends, begins flying]'' Huh?}}
+{{L|''[Cecil's mustache turns into a pair of red goggles, and he spots the railroad victims below. The goggles scan them and a label comes up that says "VICTIMS."]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Victims! ''[lands in front of train track]'' My family and friends, don't worry, I'm going to stop that train before it gets here.}}
+{{L|Squidina|That's great, Dad, but maybe you could pull us off the tracks first? You know, just in case?}}
+{{L|Cecil|I would, but that would strip this story of any sense of suspense or danger.}}
+{{L|Bunny|Honey, seriously?}}
+{{L|Cecil|Look, I understand your concern, but I need you all on the ''[points down]'' tracks for motivation.}}
+{{L|Rube|Why would anyone wanna stop a train?}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[laughs, points]'' Rube gets it. ''[train honks]''}}
+{{L|All|Huh?}}
+{{L|Cecil|Everybody, hang tight! ''[runs towards train]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[controlling incoming train, laughing sinisterly, mustache triggers train whistle]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Go, go, mustache gorilla dash! ''[mustache turns into a pair of gorilla fists that propel him forward]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[laughs sinisterly as he uses his mustache to throw coal into train engine, then his mustache alarm goes off]'' Egad! The mustache signal! ''[looks out window to see Cecil]'' Hmm? ''[grunts]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[leaps into air]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Huh?}}
+{{L|''[Cecil's mustache turns into a cloud.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Phew.}}
+{{L|''[The mustache cloud booms, and Cecil comes out of it in a lightning bolt shape. He lands on top of the train, causing electricity to generate. Patrick is drinking from a cup and spits it out. He looks up.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Whoever you are, stop this train at ''[points down]'' once!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[pinching butt, then stops]'' Never! ''[pulls lever, making the train speed up]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[screams, falls down onto coal pile]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[turns around, laughs sinisterly]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[gasps]'' Patrick! ''[wags finger, points]'' I warned you about that particular mustache. ''[nervous]'' Now--now--now, just take it off, son.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Poppycock! ''[mustache turns into fist]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Uh-oh! ''[gets punched and breaks through the wall of the train behind]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[hops onto train car, punches through ceiling, and grabs Cecil with mustache]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[tickles Patrick with his mustache]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[giggles, pants fall down]'' Huh? ''[pulls up pants, face turns red, then punches Cecil again]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[slides along train car, growls angrily, then gets up and yells as he runs after Patrick with a mustache fist of his own]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[running to Cecil yelling, mustache turns into boot]''}}
+{{L|''[Cecil punches Patrick, then Patrick punches him back, then Cecil's mustache turns into fingers as he pokes Patrick in the face. Then, Patrick slams his mustache onto Cecil's head. Cecil punches him again, then Patrick punches him in the face with a mustache boot. They continue hitting each other with their mustaches. Cut back to the victims.]''}}
+{{L|GrandPat|Hmph, back in my day, you never waited this long to get run over by a train.}}
+{{L|''[Patrick and Cecil wrestle each other's mustaches, and Cecil gets pulled to Patrick as Cecil gets punched into the air. He breaks through a train car and lands inside, and Patrick looks inside.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[laughs sinisterly]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[on floor]'' Young man, there is nothing ''[points at Patrick]'' funny about irresponsible mustache behavior. ''[grabs Patrick with mustache, tying him to a barber's chair]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Unhand me, you misanthrope! ''[throws mustache fist]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[holds electric razor, cuts off mustache fist, which lands on the ground]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[looks at mustache, screams]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|He who giveth, can taketh awayeth!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[sweating, Cecil holds razor near him]'' G--get back! Back, you fiend! ''[yells]''}}
+{{L|''[Cecil's electric razor's mouth opens and closes.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[screams, razor cuts off other end of mustache, then turns back to normal]'' I like bubbles.}}
+{{L|Cecil|Welcome back, Patrick. ''[lets go of Patrick, making the chair spin, and Patrick's normal clothes return]''}}
+{{L|''[The train is still heading towards its victims.]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|Ooh! That train's getting awfully close.}}
+{{L|Rube|''[imitating train horn]'' Toot, toot! ''[laughs]''}}
+{{L|Squidina, Bunny, and GrandPat|''[scream]''}}
+{{L|''[The train is still approaching as GrandPat and Patrick hop on top of the train.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[puts hand on Patrick's shoulder]'' Well, son, I hope ''[pokes Patrick in his chest]'' you'll take your next mustache a little more seriously.}}
+{{L|Victims|''[yelling off-screen]'' Help!}}
+{{L|Cecil and Patrick|Huh?}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[grabs hold of Patrick]'' I almost forgot! We gotta stop this ''[points down]'' silly thing! ''[grabs Patrick by arm and runs]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Oh!}}
+{{L|''[They both arrive at the train engine car. Cecil pulls on the lever, which breaks off.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Oh! ''[sweating]'' Oh, no! The brake broke!}}
+{{L|Victims|''[off-screen]'' Aw.}}
+{{L|''[Patrick and Cecil look at the tied victims on the track.]''}}
+{{L|Victims|''[screaming]''}}
+{{L|''[Cecil bounces off of Patrick and gets to the very front of the train.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|I hope my 'stache can handle this! ''[extends mustache and puts it in front of the train, creating sparks, yells]''}}
+{{L|Rube|''[as the other victims scream]'' Amazing!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[screaming]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[yelling as mustache sets on fire and burns off as the train stops just in time]''}}
+{{L|Rube|Whoo-hoo!}}
+{{L|Cecil|Guess I picked the wrong day to ''[touches burnt mustache]'' groom my mustache.}}
+{{L|All|''[laughing]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Hey, how about a family photo?}}
+{{L|''[Mustache transition to Rube holding up a camera to the Star family for a photo.]''}}
+{{L|Rube|Okay, ready? Say "cheese"!}}
+{{L|Star family|Cheese!}}
+{{L|''[A train suddenly runs over Rube. The camera manages to take a photo of the Star family, albeit only the lower part of them.]''}}