Day of the Living Dad Jokes/transcript: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 12:39, 4 July 2025

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-{{Transcript-incomplete}}{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr|title=Day of the Living Dad Jokes|seasonnumber=3|airdate=December 24th, 2024}}{{L|Perch Perkins|Live from Bikini Bottom Stadium, it's Football!}}{{L|Fish|I love Football!}}{{L|Perch Perkins|Football Is here! ''[A helmet with legs kicks a Football]'' Looks like we have a kicker in the 50 airline! What a Game!}}{{L|Cecil Star|Woohoo! Go team! We're number 3! We're number 3! We're number 3!}}{{L|Patrick Star|''[moans]'' Wasn't It always two teams?}}
+{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr}}
+{{L|''[Perch is seen on a TV reporting in front of a stadium.]''}}
+{{L|Perch|Live from Bikini Bottom Stadium, it's football!}}
+{{L|Football fan|I love football!}}
+{{L|Perch|''[as the camera cuts to a pair of feet with a helmet on a field]'' Football indeed. ''[the feet kick a football]'' Looks like we have a kicker at the 50-yard line. ''[five pairs of feet with helmets are seen running across the field as the camera zooms out to show Cecil watching the footage outside on a TV]'' What a game!}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[next to a barbecue]'' Woo-hoo! Go, team! We're number three! We're number three! We're number three!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[emerges from the stage curtain, tired and wearing sleepwear]'' Oh. Aren't there only two teams?}}
+{{L|Cecil|We're number... Ooh! Well, son, that reminds me of a joke. Would you like to hear it?}}
+{{L|Patrick|Sure, whatev-- ''[Bunny covers his mouth and takes him away]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[flips a patty]'' Oh, well, your loss.}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[to Bunny]'' What are you doing?}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[nervously]'' Um, well, uh...}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[opens the lower portion of the bedroom door and enters with a clipboard]'' Morning, Patrick. Are you ready for today's show?}}
+{{L|Bunny|Shut that door!}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[yelps, quickly slams the door shut]''}}
+{{L|Bedroom door|What's going on, Bunny? You seem jumpy.}}
+{{L|Bunny|Oh, well, kit's just... Every 20 years, on the day of the big game, ''[scene changes to a flying asteroid with a mustache in space]'' a comet known as the "Dadsteroid" passes over Bikini Bottom, ''[the Dadsteroid flies over Bikini Bottom]'' unleashing an ancient plague. If you laugh at a dad joke...}}
+{{L|Infected dad|''[to a stranger]'' Hey-o! ''[laughs]'' Working hard or hardly working?}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[voiceover]'' ...or even giggle...}}
+{{L|Stranger|''[chuckles, then yells in pain as he grows a mustache, his posture breaks, grows sandals with socks, his pants pull up to his stomach, then yells in agony as his eyes glow blue]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[voiceover]'' ...you become a dad!}}
+{{L|Stranger|''[points]'' Hey, hey, hey! Working hard or hardly working, huh?}}
+{{L|''[Lightning strikes as the scene changes back to Patrick's bedroom. Patrick pulls his night cap over his head.]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|That's awful! What can we do?}}
+{{L|Bunny|All we can do is hide until the big game is over. ''[an aroma appears]'' It's not safe to...}}
+{{L|All|Huh?}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[touches the top of a shoe on a barbecue with a spatula]'' Who wants some barbecue and a joke?}}
+{{L|Patrick, Squidina, and Bunny|''[heads pop out of the curtain, drooling]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Ancient plague or not, I need a game day grilled boot, otherwise I'll starve!}}
+{{L|Squidina|Ditto!}}
+{{L|Bunny|Hmm. Your father does leave the grill to use the bathroom during the commercial break, and you can tell a commercial break is coming when he says his one special phrase.}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[off-screen]'' Well, I gotta see a man about a seahorse.}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[all three fall to the ground]'' Oh!}}
+{{L|Patrick|Ah! The special phrase! ''[stretches his face]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Ah! He said it! We gotta go!}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[screaming and flailing her arms]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Go, go! Now, now!}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[hums as he enters the house and enters the bathroom]''}}
+{{L|''[Patrick, Squidina, and Bunny run past Cecil to arrive at the grill.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Go, go, go!}}
+{{L|''[The trio all look at each other and growl.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[hums as he flushes the toilet]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[rabidly eats a piece of the shoe]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[eats a shoe string with a bird beak]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[eats with several hot dogs in her mouth]''}}
+{{L|Perch|''[on the TV]'' We now return to the big game!}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[screams, letting the hot dogs out of her mouth]'' Run!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[he and Squidina look around]'' But where?}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[points to the top of the giant TV]'' Up there!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[climbs to the top of the TV and pulls Squidina to him]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Whoa!}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|Hurry, Mom, come on!}}
+{{L|Bunny|Save yourselves.}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[jump into the house's side window]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Hey, Bunny!}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[afraid]'' Yes, hon?}}
+{{L|Cecil|Why is the calendar afraid? ''[his eyes glow blue]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[shivering]'' Uh, I don't-- I don't know, dear. Why is the calendar afraid?}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[walks up to Bunny, who pushes up against the TV]'' Well, Hun-bun, it's funny. It's because its days are numbered! ''[hysterical number]'' Oh, get it?}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[laughs and flails her arms]'' Its days are numbered. ''[laughs hysterically, then contorts, growing a mustache and shoes, her hair falls out, then she grows dad clothes]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[watching from outside the window]'' Squidina!}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[screams]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|I'm scared!}}
+{{L|Squidina|Me too, Patrick!}}
+{{L|GrandPat|What are you whippersnappers always screaming about?}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|GrandPat!}}
+{{L|GrandPat|''[stands ominously]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[shivering with Squidina as they hold each other]'' Do grandpa jokes count as dad jokes?}}
+{{L|Squidina|I guess we're about to find out.}}
+{{L|GrandPat|Oh, it's jokes you want? What do you call someone who rides a penny farthing with just one wheel? A little short on cents! ''[rimshot]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|I don't get it.}}
+{{L|Squidina|Me neither. Of course we don't get it, Patrick. GrandPat is too old. No one gets his jokes.}}
+{{L|Cecil and Bunny|''[off-screen, frightening Patrick and Squidina]'' Oh, kids, where are you?}}
+{{L|GrandPat|''[walks off]'' Oh, what now? Everybody's always yelling in this confounded house. ''[opens the door to reveal Bunny grinning, glaring with blue eyes]''}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[scream, floating to the restroom and shut the door]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[both flailing]'' Quick, hide! ''[jumps into the bathtub]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[jumps into the toilet and gets stuck]'' Squidina, I'm stuck!}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[walking towards GrandPat as he backs away into Cecil behind him]'' Stop me if you've heard this one. If you're American in the living room...}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[she and Patrick cover their ears]'' Cover your ears. Hurry!}}
+{{L|Cecil|And American in the dining room...}}
+{{L|Cecil and Bunny|What are you in the bathroom.}}
+{{L|GrandPat|Oh. European! ''[laughs as his shadow is seen from the bathroom; his shadow contorts as he is transformed into a dad]''}}
+{{L|''[The doorknob is turned, and a drill is used to take off the screws.]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Oh, no! They're using their dad handyman skills!}}
+{{L|Patrick|We're goners.}}
+{{L|''[The doorknob falls off, and so does the door, revealing the three dads.]''}}
+{{L|GrandPat, Cecil, and Bunny|Hello, goners. We're Dad.}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[scream wildly, then break through the front wall of the house flying; they land gracefully on the sand]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|We gotta find someone undadified and--}}
+{{L|Dad|I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me!}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[gasp]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|What was that?}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[spot a Dad baby drinking from a bottle]'' Dad babies? What? ''[Dad snails come out from the trash]'' Dad snails? Huh? ''[Squidward takes off his bike helmet to reveal he is a Dad too]'' Dad Squidw--}}
+{{L|Patrick|Oh, wait, that actually kind of suits him.}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[the entire town is now made of Dads and is burning from the grills]'' Dadpocalypse!}}
+{{L|Squidina|We're doomed.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Daddy doomed.}}
+{{L|Sandy|''[voice heard from a device in Squidina's shirt]'' Hello? Hello? Anybody there?}}
+{{L|Patrick|Your clothes can talk?}}
+{{L|Sandy|Hello?}}
+{{L|Squidina|Oh, that's my transistor radio. ''[takes the radio out and holds it]''}}
+{{L|Sandy|Is there anyone out there who has not been dandified yet? ''[cut to her in a broadcasting room]'' This is Sandy Cheeks broadcasting on the Emergency Bikini Network. All non-dads should report to the Bikini Bottom Mall immediately for safe haven.}}
+{{L|Squidina|To the shopping mall! ''[she and Patrick run off and bump into some dads]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Uh-oh. How are we gonna get through all these dads?}}
+{{L|Squidina|We're gonna have to blend in. ''[pulls a bunch of grass from the ground]'' This oughta do the trick. ''[puts the grass on her face as a mustache, then pulls two more bunches of grass]'' And we'll plug our ears while we're at it. ''[puts the grass in her ears]'' Now, let's do you. ''[puts blades of grass in Patrick's ears and on his face]'' Okay, let's move. ''[they walk through the large crowd of dads]''}}
+{{L|Dad #1|Money doesn't grow on trees.}}
+{{L|Dad #2|Don't get me started.}}
+{{L|Squidina|Don't make eye contact. Just keep moving.}}
+{{L|Dad #3|Just a little dab'll do ya.}}
+{{L|Dad #4|Ask your mother.}}
+{{L|Dad #5|Don't make me turn this car around!}}
+{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina escape the large crowd of dads and run to the Bikini Bottom Mall. Inside, they walk and look around.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|There's nobody here. Where's the pretzel stand?}}
+{{L|Squidina|I'm not totally sure.}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[shouting]'' I want a pretzel! And a little cup of cheese to dip into.}}
+{{L|Squidina|Not now, Patrick. We have to avoid all distractions. Otherwise, we...}}
+{{L|Sandy|''[running and screaming with a bottle of perfume spray]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Uh, Sandy?}}
+{{L|Sandy|Prepare to be saturated by a delicate blend of lavender and jasmine! ''[skids to a half]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Yay! ''[gets sprayed with the perfume]'' I feel like a beautiful flower.}}
+{{L|Sandy|Wait a minute. Dads are supposed to run for their lives from this sort of fragrance.}}
+{{L|''[Patrick and Squidina's disguises fall off.]''}}
+{{L|Sandy|Huh. Patrick and Squidina? ''[tosses perfume bottle]'' Sorry to spray ya. I thought you two were dads. ''[giggles]'' We must be the only non-dads left. ''[picks up a grass mustache]'' You know somethin'? This mustache reminds me of my pappy and that dumb joke he tells me all the time. ''[imitating his dad as he appears in her thought cloud]'' Hey, Sandy. What does a bee use to comb his hair? ''[Patrick and Squidina are frightened as they cover their ears]'' A honeycomb! ''[laughs, contorts, and turns into a dad]'' Why did the lobster blush?}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[shaking their heads]'' Sandy, no!}}
+{{L|Sandy|'Cause he saw the ocean's bottom. ''[laughs]''}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[scream in slow-motion as they run off to the stadium and onto the field]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Oh, no. We've run right into a giant dad bowl.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Hey, ''[points]'' what's that strange football-shaped object coming at us? ''[a football lands in his face]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|It's a football. ''[Patrick punches his stomach to eject the football; points]'' Uh-oh, we've got company.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Huh?}}
+{{L|''[Five pairs of feet with football helmets run on the field.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Uh-oh.}}
+{{L|Vendor|Hot dogs and a joke!}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|Huh?}}
+{{L|Vendor|''[walking down the bleacher steps]'' Get your hot dogs and a joke!}}
+{{L|Patrick|Hot dogs? ''[puts the football into Squidina's hands]'' Here. ''[runs off]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Are you for real? ''[the feet run straight towards her as she runs away from them]'' Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut!}}
+{{L|Perch|''[commentating with a microphone]'' Folks, if this game wasn't exciting enough, now there's a helpless little girl fleeing for her life on the gridiron!}}
+{{L|''[Bunny and Cecil are watching the game on the TV while GrandPat is asleep.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|I've never been more proud to be a dad.}}
+{{L|Bunny|Same.}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[screams as she continues running away from the feet]''}}
+{{L|Perch|Just look at her go!}}
+{{L|Vendor|''[to Patrick as he eats hot dogs from his box]'' Hey, did you hear the one about the--}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[shoves several hot dogs onto the vendor's face]'' No! ''[eats more hot dogs]'' Go team!}}
+{{L|Perch|''[as the timer counts down from seven seconds]'' Down to six seconds. ''[Squidina runs toward the field goal with the football, then leaps into the air]'' And she's passing the 20-yard line! ''[as the timer reaches zero, Squidina scores a touchdown]'' Touchdown!}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[tosses a flag into the air]'' Yay, Squidina!}}
+{{L|''[The flag punctures a dad blimp, making it deflate into space, knocking the Dadsteroid out of existence.]''}}
+{{L|Perch|''[looking with a telescope]'' Amazing! The Dadsteroid has been knocked off its regular course and into the infinite blackness of space! ''[his mustache falls off and his eyes turn back to normal; the same happens for people in the crowd and Bunny]''}}
+{{L|''[Football transition to Patrick and Squidina on the field.]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Well, it looks like our dad nightmare is finally over.}}
+{{L|''[A loud boom is heard as pink flashes.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Huh?}}
+{{L|''[A comet wearing a wig and pink necklace flies over the field, leaving behind pink dust particles.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|What the heck is that?}}
+{{L|Sandy|''[from the radio, which Squidina takes out of her shirt]'' Hello, this is Sandy Cheeks ''[cut to Sandy in her broadcasting room]'' broadcasting on the Emergency Bikini Bottom Network. A Momet is passing over us. ''[brief cut to the Momet in space]'' If a mom asks you to go shopping, just say no.}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[on the phone]'' Yes, Mom, I love shopping. ''[instantly turns into a mom]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[deadpan expression]''}}