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SpongeBob SquarePants: (sweeping)
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
 
{{L|''[The episode opens with an outside shot of the Krusty Krab. Inside, SpongeBob sweeps the floors until he approaches Mr. Krabs, all the while the latter setting something up on a table.]''}}
Eugene Krabs: (moving his hands around over a table with a banner above it)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[salutes]'' Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Huh? ''[turns his head to see who was talking to him]'' Oh. Ahoy, SpongeBob!}}
SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[salutes again]'' Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!}}
 
{{L|''[Mr. Krabs looks at him with a somewhat annoyed expression.]''}}
Krabs: Huh? (turns his head to see who was talking to him) Oh. Ahoy, SpongeBob!
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Okay, that's over with. Now why don't you go see if first mate Squidward needs any help at the register?}}
 
{{L|''[The scene cuts to a spider web covered Squidward standing around, doing nothing.]''}}
SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!
{{L|SpongeBob|And what are you up to on this fine, fine Monday?}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, I was gonna wait 'til this afternoon, but I guess I could show you now.}}
Krabs: Okay, that's over with, Now why don't you go see if First Mate Squidward needs any help at the register?
{{L|SpongeBob|Show me what?}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|I'm introducing a new Krusty Krab promotion.}}
Squidward Tentacles:(standing aroud, doing nothing. He is covered in spider webs)
{{L|SpongeBob|Ah! You are?!}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|I sure am. ''[walks away to reveal the promotion]''}}
SpongeBob: And what are you up to on this fine, fine Monday?
{{L|''[A banner above the table is revealed to say, New Krusty Krab Promotion. On the table, there are three cups.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Who are ya gonna introduce it to?}}
Krabs: Well, I was gonna wait til this afternoon, but I guess I could show you now.
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Why all my loyal customers, of course!}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Ha!}}
SpongeBob: Show me what?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[glares at Squidward unamused, then back to SpongeBob  ]'' Anyway, we got new beverage cups.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow.}}
Krabs: I'm introducing a new Krusty Krab promotion.
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[as the camera pans per cup size he says]'' There's Regular, Large, and the new Viking Size!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|But, Mr. Krabs, these are all the same size cup.}}
SpongeBob: Ah! You are?!
{{L|Mr. Krabs|SpongeBob, this promotion is designed to save ''us'' money.}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob taps his finger on his chin four times.]''}}
Krabs: I sure am.(starts to walk away. Here, the banner above the table is revealed to say, New Krusty Krab Promotion. On the table, there are three cups)
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Now don't forget. Each participating patron who purchases any drink in our new Krusty Krab Viking Size cup gets to a chance to ''[holds up a cardboard helmet that is taped and has three fake emeralds taped to it; SpongeBob yodels with his tongue]''try on this genuine cardboard Viking helmet!}}
 
{{L|Squidward|That he found while cleaning out his attic over the weekend.}}
SpongeBob: Who are ya gonna introduce it to?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Don't you know when you're being ignored?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|You're the only one talking.}}
Krabs: Well, all my loyal customers, of course!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[staring at the Viking helmet]'' Mr. Krabs... ''[reaches out to take the helmet]'' it's beautifu-}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Not so fast! Access to the mighty helmet will be granted to active promotion participants only. And only those who purchase Viking Size.}}
Squidward: Ha!
{{L|SpongeBob|Mr. Krabs, what's a Viking?}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Oh, well, uh... the Vikings lived a long time ago.}}
Krabs: (glares at Squidward) Anyway, we got new beverage cups.
{{L|SpongeBob|How long?}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|I...about ten years.}}
SpongeBob: Wow.
{{L|SpongeBob|And?}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Uh... ''[walks to his office]'' You're gonna have to ask Squidward any more questions ya got. He's the smart one. ''[closes his office door]''}}
Krabs: (pointing to the cups) There's Regular, Large, and the new Viking Size!
{{L|Squidward|'''Barnacle butt.'''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[pops up next to Squidward]'' Hi, Squidward!}}
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, these are all the same size cup.
{{L|Squidward|Ay! What do you want?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Mr. Krabs said you were gonna teach me all about the Vikings.}}
Krabs: SpongeBob, this promotion is designed to save US money. Now, don't forget. Each participating patron who purchases any drink in our new Krusty Krab Viking Size cup gets to a chance to try on this genuine cardboard Viking helmet. (holds up a cardboard helmet that is taped and has three fake emeralds taped to it)
{{L|Squidward|Oh really?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Will ya teach me, huh?!}}
Squidward: That he found while cleaning out his attic over the weekend.
{{L|Squidward|Sure! I'll teach ya. Listen closely now. The Vikings ''[now narrating; the scene cuts to five Vikings standing, some with weapons]'' were a race of scholars and scientists who lived before even Mr. Krabs was born.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene cuts to a Viking putting ketchup on a hot dog, and another eating a hamburger with ketchup dripping from his mouth.]''}}
Krabs: Don't you know when you're being ignored?
{{L|Squidward|They are believed to have discovered ketchup, ''[the scene cuts to a Viking walking while holding a leash]'' and enjoyed dressing up their pets as ''[the camera pans to a brick with legs who can be heard barking tied to the leash]'' chunks of masonry on the weekends.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene cuts to some Vikings watching a movie on a projector screen, showcasing two fish in a car.]''}}
Squidward: You're the only one talking.
{{L|Squidward|Their favorite movies are in black and white.}}
 
{{L|''[On the movie, a fish with an ax pops up from the passenger seats behind the two fish.]''}}
SpongeBob: (staring at the Viking helmet) Mr. Krabs... (reaches out to take the helmet) it's beautifu-
{{L|Viking|Look out!}}
 
{{L|''[The other Vikings and the fish with an ax shush him.]''}}
Krabs: Not so fast! Access to the mighty helmet will be granted to active promotion participants only. And only those who purchase Viking Size.
{{L|Squidward|And grown Vikings are known to collect socks which they display and trade at monthly sock trading conventions called Sock'n Garten.}}
 
{{L|Vikings|Sock'n Garten.}}
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what's a Viking?
{{L|''[The scene cuts back to the Krusty Krab with SpongeBob in awe and Squidward reading his magazine.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Whoa... Squidward, do you think Vikings really drink their beverages in Viking Size?}}
Krabs: Oh, well, uh... the Vikings lived a long time ago.
{{L|Squidward|''[sarcastically, but enthusiastically]'' Of course they do! How else would Mr. Krabs come up with such a ''[then unenthusiastic]'' brilliant idea? ''[goes back to reading his magazine]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Do you think that-}}
SpongeBob: How long?
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob! Can't you see I am trying to ''[flaps magazine]'' work? ''[tries to go back to reading]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|But-}}
Krabs: Oh, I, uh, about ten years.
{{L|Squidward|''[annoyed]'' But what?!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|There's so much more about Vikings that I wanna find out.}}
SpongeBob: And?
{{L|Squidward|''[frustrated]'' Well, then why don't you go ask them?!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps in excitement]'' Thanks, Squidward! ''[kisses Squidward on the head, then walks away]''}}
Krabs: Uh..... (walks to his office) You're gonna have to ask Squidward any more questions ya got. He's the smart one. (closes his office door)
{{L|''[The scene cuts to SpongeBob in the kitchen, writing a letter with his right hand and flipping Krabby Patties with the other. As he writes the letter, he reads it.]'' }}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Dear Vikings, I am writing to ask you guys about your lives and stuff. ''[now narrating; the scene cuts to him walking to a mailbox]'' If you would take the time to answer ''[puts the letter in the mailbox]'' all my neat questions, ''[walks away]'' then that ''[walks back to the mailbox and puts the red flag up]'' would be really swell.}}
Squidward: Barnacle butt.
{{L|''[The scene cuts to the Bikini Bottom post office, with a mailfish pulling up with a car full of sacks of letters to the post office. After sorting a few letters, he comes across SpongeBob's envelope, which says, "To Vikings" with a heart below the words. He takes the envelope and tosses it in a garbage can outside. Two men in a garbage truck pull up to the garbage cans, and they play rock, paper, scissors. The man who was driving plays paper, and the other man plays scissors. The driver goes outside, grabs a garbage can, and trips on his own shoe lace. Trash spills everywhere, and SpongeBob's letter lands right in front of the driver. He picks the envelope up, takes one look at it and stands up. The other garbage man knocks on the windshield of the truck, but the driver just runs away. His hat falls off to reveal a Viking helmet, and he waits at the bus stop next to Fred, Old Man Jenkins, and Incidental 93, to which they stare at the him. A bus drives through sunlight, rain, and snow, and the scene cuts to the Viking is riding a bike through a path around mountains. The camera pans up to the mountain range.]''}}
 
{{L|Viking King|''[on his throne, between two female Vikings]'' Ah, Helga. Tell me once again of the time ye visited those remote Himalayan hot springs.}}
SpongeBob: (appears next to Squidward) Hi, Squidward!
{{L|Trash Fish|''[crawls through the door of the palace, out of breath and filthy]'' A letter. ''[goes unconscious and drops the envelope]''}}
 
{{L|Viking King|''[angry and banging his fists]'' Why must you always come in here during story time?!}}
Squidward: Ay! What do you want?
{{L|Trash Fish|But, but I-}}
 
{{L|Viking King|Guards!}}
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs said you were gonna teach me all about the Vikings.
{{L|''[The guards grab the trash fish.]''}}
 
{{L|Trash Fish|Please! No! You don't understand! I was only trying to... eh...}}
Squidward: Oh really?
{{L|''[The trash fish is heard being thrown into a dungeon off-screen.]''}}
 
{{L|Helga|Your Majesty, look! ''[picks up the envelope off the ground]'' A letter.}}
SpongeBob: Will ya teach me, huh?!
{{L|Viking King|How incredibly interesting! I must read it at once.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, with Squidward reading his magazine when the whole restaurant shakes. A large Viking ship crashes through the front of the Krusty Krab, and some Vikings get off.]''}}
Squidward: Sure! I'll teach ya. Listen closely now. The Vikings were....
{{L|Squidward|''[uninterested]'' Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I take your order?}}
 
{{L|Gordon|We're Vikings. Our chief has sent us here because ''[holds up SpongeBob's letter]'' we've got this letter.}}
Vikings: (standing, some with weapons)
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob, there's some Vikings here to see you.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[enters from the kitchen door]'' What's that, Squidward? I couldn't hear ya. I was... ooh.}}
Squidward: a race of scholars and scientists who lived before even Mr. Krabs was born.
{{L|Gordon|Ah... are you the one they call the SpongeBob?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Uh, I think so. ''[blinks twice]''}}
Viking: (puts ketchup on a hot dog)
{{L|Tough Viking|Well, we are here to teach ya all about the Vikings.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[raises both arms]'' Huzzah!}}
Viking: (eats a hamburger)
{{L|Gordon|One of the things Vikings like to do is... redecorate.}}
 
{{L|''[Two of the Vikings chop a table and barrels with their axes, one punches the soda machine, another tips over a table holding some pots and pans, and one other torches a urinal]''}}
Squidward: They are believed to have discovered ketchup....
{{L|SpongeBob|How interesting.}}
 
{{L|Gordon|And another thing the Vikings like to do is appropriate. ''[pulls on the cash register until the wires snap off, and throws it on the ship]''}}
Viking: (holding a leash)
{{L|SpongeBob|What a fascinating culture.}}
 
{{L|Tough Viking|And on occasion, the Vikings, ''[pulls out a rope]'' we've been known to liberate. ''[ties Squidward up with the rope]''}}
Squidward: and enjoyed dressing up their pets as....
{{L|Squidward|What the?! Hey! You can't do tha-''[gets thrown onto the ship]'' aaaa!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[tied up by a rope]'' I can't believe how much I'm learning. ''[gets pulled into the ship]''}}
Brick with legs: (tied to a the leash. It barks)
{{L|''[The Vikings row the ship away.]''}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Squidward, I'll be back in one hour. I'm going on my lunch break. ''[notices the destroyed and lit restaurant]'' Squidward?}}
Squidward: scrambled masonry on the weekends.
{{L|''[The scene cuts to the Viking ship.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Would you mind telling us what this is all about?}}
Vikings: (watching a movie on a projector screen. It shows two fish in a car)
{{L|Gordon|''[saliva comes out of his mouth and it lands on Squidward]'' Shush. ''[speaking normally]'' Now that you're part of our crew, I guess we should introduce ourselves. ''[slaps a Viking on the chest with his fist closed]'' This is Olaf.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene cuts to Squidward crossing his arms and SpongeBob in interest, then back to Gordon.]''}}
Squidward: Their favorite movies are in black and white.
{{L|Gordon|''[slaps a Viking on the chest]'' And this is Olaf. ''[points to a Viking]'' And this is Olaf. ''[points to a Viking]'' This is... Olaf.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene cuts to Squidward and SpongeBob again briefly, then back to Gordon.]''}}
Guy with axe on projector screen: (appears)
{{L|Gordon|Olaf, Olaf, Olaf, and, um... ''[covers his eyes and snaps his fingers]'' um...}}
 
{{L|Olaf with beard and pigtails|Olaf.}}
Viking: Look out!!
{{L|Gordon|Olaf.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|So, let me guess. Your name must be...}}
Other Vikings and guy with axe: Sssshhhhhhhhh!
{{L|Gordon|That's right. Gordon.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Nice to meet ya.}}
Squidward: And grown Vikings are known to collect socks which they display and trade at monthly sock trading conventions called Sock'n Garten.
{{L|Gordon|Now, before I put you two to work, I wanna know what...}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Wait! I still have lots more questions about the Vikings' way of life.}}
Vikings: Sock'n Garten.
{{L|Gordon|Like what?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, like... what do the Vikings like to do for fun?}}
SpongeBob: Whoa....
{{L|Gordon|Hm... fun. Um, um, um, uh, well,...}}
 
{{L|Green Olaf|What about the shield toss?}}
Squidward: (goes back to reading his magazine)
{{L|Gordon|Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. ''[walks to a pole with two shields and grabs one of them and tosses it at a door]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hm. Anything else?}}
SpongeBob: Squidward, do you think Vikings really drink their beverages in Viking Size?
{{L|Gordon|Um...}}
 
{{L|Green Olaf|Ooh! What about ''flaming'' shield toss?}}
Squidward: (sarcastically, but enthusiastically) Of course they do! How else Mr. Krabs come up with such a brilliant idea?
{{L|Gordon|''[snaps fingers]'' Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ''[walks up to the same pole and grabs the other shield, lights it on fire with a torch, and tosses it at the same door]''}}
 
{{L|''[All of the Olafs clap.]''}}
SpongeBob: Do you think that-
{{L|SpongeBob|Anything else?}}
 
{{L|''[The Vikings hum as they think.]''}}
Squidward: SpongeBob! Can't you see I am trying to work?
{{L|Gordon|Eh, I-I-I can't really think of anything.}}
 
{{L|Green Olaf|Me neither. Oh, yeah!}}
SpongeBob: But-
{{L|Gordon|What is it, Olaf?}}
 
{{L|Green Olaf|We like to sing songs.}}
Squidward: (angry) But what?!
{{L|Gordon, Purple Olaf, and Orange Olaf|Ooh... No we don't! ''[they carry the green Olaf]''}}
 
{{L|Green Olaf|Wait, no! Okay, I admit it was a lousy idea! I promise it won't happen again! ''[gets thrown into a catapult]''}}
SpongeBob: There's so much more about Vikings that I wanna find out.
{{L|Gordon|You got that right.}}
 
{{L|''[All of the other Vikings cheer as the orange Olaf cranks the catapult, until it launches the green Olaf away into the ocean.]''}}
Squidward: (still angry) Well, then why don't you go ASK THEM?!
{{L|Green Olaf|Dayhooatyhoo!}}
 
{{L|Gordon|''[walks back to SpongeBob and Squidward]'' Any other questions?}}
SpongeBob: (Gasp!) Thanks, Squidward! (kisses Squidward on the Head)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[stunned]'' I'll let you know if I think of anything.}}
 
{{L|Gordon|So, tell me. What is it that you two know how to do?}}
SpongeBob: (returns to the kitchen. While flipping Krabby Patties, he reads a letter as he writes it) Dear Vikings, I am writing to ask you guys about your lives and stuff. (Now, he is shown walking to a mailbox with his mouth closed, but you can still hear his voice) If you would take the time to (puts the letter in the mailbox) answer all my neat questions, (starts to walk away) then that would be (walks back to the mailbox and puts the red flag up) really swell.
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, Mr. Krabs tells me I'm pretty good with a ''[pulls up a spatula from behind]'' spatula.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Ha.}}
The scence cuts to the post office.
{{L|Gordon|Fine. ''[points to SpongeBob]'' You're our ship's new head chef. And... what can ''[points at Squidward]'' you do?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Well, if you must know, I'm a widely renowned clarinet virtuoso, state-recognized interior design consultant, licensed and board certified antique macrame connoisseur, born and raised collector and sculptor of driftwood, and able to recognize over 1300 brand names of single-person pedal-operated vehicles at a single glance. Plus I make a killer soufflé.}}
Mailman: (drives a car full of sacks of letters to the post office. After sorting a few letters, he comes across SpongeBob's envelope, which says, "To Vikings" with a heart below the words. He takes the envelope, walks outside, and throws it away)
{{L|Gordon|Impressive. You'll be the ship's bathroom attendant.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|A promotion. Congratulations, Squidward!}}
Two men in a garbage truck: (pull up to the garbage cans. The men play rock, paper, scissors. The man who was driving plays paper, and the other man plays scissors. The driver goes outside, grabs a garbage can, and trips on his own shoe lace. Trash spills everywhere, but SpongeBob's letter lands right in front of the driver. He picks the envelope up, takes one look at it and stands up. The other garbage man knocks on the windshield of the truck, but the driver just runs away. His hat falls off to reveal a Viking helmet)
{{L|''[Squidward has an irritated expression, then the scene cuts to Gordon walking until Squidward is heard walking to him. The camera then pans out to showcase Squidward appearing in front of him.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Hold it right there, whiskers! Let's not forget ''you're'' the one who dragged me onto this crate in the first place! Now, you ask me to pour my heart out, and this is the respect I get?! Well, you got another thing coming, honey! I want off this boat, pronto!}}
Viking: (waits at the bus stop with Fred, Old Man Jenkins, and Ms. Shell)
{{L|''[The scene cuts to Squidward on a catapult around various other Vikings.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|On second thought, bathroom attendants make decent tips. Well, look on the bright side, Squidward. No more living next door to SpongeBob. ''[smiles in realization]'' Let her rip, Jack-o!}}
Fred, Old Man Jenkins, and Ms. Shell: (stare at the garbage-scented Viking)
{{L|''[Purple Olaf pulls back his hammer and gets ready to launch Squidward, until SpongeBob hangs onto the hammer.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Wait! You can't do that.}}
Bus: (drives through sun light, rain, and snow. Meanwhile, the Viking is shown riding a bike. He rides around mountains. Soon, the top of the mountain range is shown)
{{L|Gordon|You mean to question the will of the tribe?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|If it means saving my best friend, then yes.}}
Viking King: (on his throne, between two female Vikings) Ah, Helga. Tell me once again of the time ye visited those remote Himalayan hot springs.
{{L|Gordon|''[throws an axe in front of SpongeBob]'' Then, pick up the weapon and fight with me a duel in accordance with the prophecy! ''[pulls a sword from behind]''}}
 
{{L|Olafs|''[chanting]'' Duel, duel, duel, duel!}}
Viking: (crawls through the door of the palace, out of breath and filthy) A letter. (goes unconscious)
{{L|Gordon|''[while the Olafs are still chanting]'' Go on. Pick it up!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|But... ''[the Olafs stop chanting; he struggles to pick up the ax and groans]''}}
Viking King: (angry and banging his fists) WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS COME IN HERE DURING STORY TIME?!!
{{L|Gordon|Go on, weakling.}}
 
{{L|Purple Olaf|Heh, owned! ''[he and the other Vikings laugh at him]''}}
Viking: But... but, I-
{{L|SpongeBob|But, but I...}}
 
{{L|''[The ship crashes into an iceberg, and an alarm blares.]''}}
Viking King: Guards!
{{L|Blue Olaf|''[while running in circles around SpongeBob]'' We're being attacked by a giant monster. This is the end-uh! The end-uh, of the Vikings!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob walks up to the leak and notices the water is coming from the iceberg.]''}}
Guards: (grab the Viking)
{{L|Olaf with beard and pigtails|''[huddling with two other Vikings]'' Oh, Vahalla. Why have you forsaken us?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Guys, you just ran into a piece of ice. No one's forsaken you. There's a breach in the hull over there. You just gotta patch it up.}}
Viking: (drops the envelope) Please! No! You don't understand! I was only trying to.... eh...
{{L|Gordon|''[pulls out a blanket from a chest]'' Quick! Everybody take one of these!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[takes the blanket]'' What's that for?}}
Guards: (throw the Viking)
{{L|Gordon|It's a security blanket.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|How ya gonna patch up a leak with that?}}
Helga: Your Majesty! Look! A letter!
{{L|Gordon|We're not. ''[takes the blanket and comforts himself with it]'' But it makes us feel so much better.}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob runs away.]''}}
Viking King: How incredibly interesting! I must read it at once.
{{L|Gordon|Wait! You forgot your blanket!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob runs briefly and jumps. The scene cuts to Squidward still tied up in the catapult.]''}}
The scene cuts to the Krusty Krab.
{{L|Squidward|What the barnacles is going on down there?}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob lands on the catapult next to Squidward, startling the latter.]''}}
Squidward: (reading his magazine. The whole restaurant shakes like crazy. Squidward neither says nor does anything. A large Viking ship crashes through the front of the KK. Some Vikings get off)
{{L|SpongeBob|Pardon me, Squidward! ''[breaks the rope that Squidward was tied to with his spatula]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[sliding down the catapult]'' It's all yours.}}
Squidward: (bored, and still reading his magazine) Welcome to the Krusty Krab. May I take your order?
{{L|SpongeBob|Thanks. ''[throws the rope to a mast and the rope ties around it. He pulls the rope and the catapult turns]'' There.}}
 
{{L|Purple Olaf|Look up there! What's he doing?}}
Tough Viking: Ve're Vikings. Our chief has sent us here because (holds up SpongeBob's letter)ve got this letter.
{{L|SpongeBob|Here goes nothing! ''[throws his spatula at the pedal, and the catapult launches him into the breech in the hull. He absorbs all of the water from the leak and the ship straightens up]''}}
 
{{L|''[Gordon and the other Vikings cheer.]''}}
Squidward: SpongeBob, there's some Vikings here to see you.
{{L|SpongeBob|Now that's what I call a Viking-sized adventure!}}
 
SpongeBob: What's that, Squidward? I couldn't here ya. I was.... ooh.
 
Tough Viking: Ah.. are you the one they call the SpongeBob?
 
SpongeBob: Uh, I think so.
 
Tough Viking: Vell, ve are here to teach ya ALL about the Vikings!
 
SpongeBob: Huzzah!
 
Tough Viking: Vun of the things Vikings like to do is... redecorate.
 
Vikings: (run around. They chop a table with their axes, punch the soda machine, tip over a table holding some pots and pans, and torch a toilet)
 
SpongeBob: How interesting.
 
Tough Viking: (there is fire everywhere) And another thing ve Vikings like to do is appropriate. (pulls on the cash register until the wires snap, and throws it on the ship)
 
SpongeBob: What a fascinating culture.
 
Tough Viking: And on occasion,... the Vikings... (pulls out a rope) ve've been known to liberate. (ties Squidward up with the rope)
 
Squidward: What the?! Hey! You can't do (gets thrown onto the ship) thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-!!
 
SpongeBob: (tied up by a rope) I can't believe how much I'm learning.
 
Vikings: (row the ship away after throwing SpongeBob on)
 
Krabs: Squidward, I'll be back in one hour. I'm going on my lunch break. (sees the fire) Squidward?
 
The scene cuts to the Viking ship.
 
Squidward: Would you mind telling us what this is all about?
 
Tough Viking: (spitting) Shes. (P.S. He started to say sure, but changed to yes) Now that you're part of our crew,... I guess we should introduce ourselves. (punches a Viking on the chest) This is Olaf. (slaps a Viking on the chest) And this is Olaf. (points to a Viking) And this is Olaf. (points to a Viking) This... is Olaf. Olaf. Olaf. Olaf. And... um.... (covers his eyes and snaps his fingers)
 
Viking: Olaf.
 
Tough Viking: Olaf.
 
Squidward: So, let me guess. Your name must be....
 
Tough Viking: That's right. Gordon.
 
SpongeBob: Nice to meet ya.
 
Gordon: Now. Before I put you two to verk, I vanna know vhat...
 
SpongeBob: Wait! I still have lots more questions about the Vikings' way of life.
 
Gordon: Like what?
 
SpongeBob: Well, like... what do the Vikings like to do for fun?
 
Gordon: Hm... fun. Um, um, um, uh, vell,....
 
Green Olaf: What about the Shield Toss?
 
Gordon: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. (grabs a shield and throws it at a door)
 
SpongeBob: Anything else?
 
Gordon: Um.....
 
Green Olaf: Oh! What about Flaming Shield Toss?
 
Gordon: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. (grabs another shield, lights it on fire with a torch, and throws it at the door)
 
Olafs: (clap)
 
SpongeBob: Anything else?
 
Vikings: (think)
 
Gordon: Eh, I, I, I can't really think of anything.
 
Green Olaf: Me neither. Oh, yeah!
 
Gordon: Vhat is it, Olaf?
 
Green Olaf: We like to sing songs.
 
Gordon, Purple Olaf, and Orange Olaf: NO WE DON'T!!
 
Green Olaf: (being carried away) Wait! No! Okay, I admit it was a lousy idea. I promise it won't happen again. (gets thrown into a catapult)
 
Gordon: You got that right.
 
 
Green Olaf: (gets launched by the catapult. He screams, and splashes into the ocean)
 
Gordon: Any other questions?
 
SpongeBob: (stunned) I'll let you know if I think of anything.
 
Gordon: So. Tell me. Vhat is it that you two know how to do?
 
SpongeBob: Well, Mr. Krabs tells me I'm pretty good with a spatula.
 
Squidward: Ha.
 
Gordon: Quiet. You're our ship's new head chef. And... vhat can you do? Squidward: Well, if you must know, I'm a widely renowned clarinet virtuoso, state-recognized interior design consultant, licensed and board certified antique macrame conosuor, born and raised collector and sculptor of driftwood, and able to recognize over 13 hundred brand names of single-personed pedal operate vehicles at a single glance. Plus, I make a killer Soufflé.
 
Gordon: Impressive. You'll be the ship's bathroom attendant.
 
SpongeBob: A Promotion. Congratulations, Squidward!
 
Squidward: (appears in front of Gordon) Hold it right there, whiskers! Let's not forget you're the one who dragged me onto this crate in the first place. Now, you ask me to pour my heart out, and this is the respect I get? Well, you got another thing coming, honey! I want off this boat, pronto. (appears in the catapult) On second thought, bathroom attendants make me some tips. Well, look on the bright side, Squidward. No more living next door to SpongeBob. Let her rip, Jack-o!
 
Purple Olaf: (pulls back his hammer and gets ready to launch Squidward)
 
SpongeBob: Wait! (stops the hammer) You can't do that.
 
Gordon: You mean to question the vill of the tribe?
 
SpongeBob: If it means saving my best friend, then yes.
 
Gordon: (throws an ax in front of SpongeBob) Vell. Then pick up the veapon and fight the equivalent of according to the prophecy. (pulls a sword out of no where)
 
Olafs: Do it, do it, do it, do it!, etc.
 
Gordon: Go on. Pick it up!
 
SpongeBob: But.... (struggles to pick up the ax)
 
Gordon: Go on. Veakling.
 
Purple Olaf: Heh! Owned!
 
SpongeBob: But, but I...
 
Viking Ship: (crashes into an iceburg. An alarm sounds, and everyone panics)
 
Blue Olaf: We're being attacked by a giant monster. This is the end, uh, the end, uh, of the Vikings!
 
Overweight Olaf: Oh, Vahalla. Why have you forsaken us?
 
SpongeBob: Guys, you just ran into a piece of ice. No one's forsaken you. There's a breach in the hull over there. You just gotta patch it up.
 
Gordon: (pulls out a blanket) Quick! Everybody take one of these!
 
SpongeBob: What's that for?
 
Gordon: It's a security blanket.
 
SpongeBob: But, how ya gonna patch up a leak with that?
 
Gordon: Ve're not. But it makes us feel so much better.
 
SpongeBob: (runs away)
 
Gordon: Vait! You forgot yer blanket!
 
Squidward: (still tied up in the catapult) What the barnacles is going on down there?
 
(SpongeBob appears next to him) Dee-eee-eee!
 
SpongeBob: Pardon me, Squidward! (breaks the rope that was tying Squidward with his spatula)
 
Squidward: (sliding down the catapult) It's all yours.
 
SpongeBob: Thanks. (lassos a mast and the catapult turns) There.
 
Purple Olaf: Look up there! What's he doing?
 
SpongeBob: Here goes nothing! (throws his spatula at the pedal. The catapult launches him into the breech in the hull.)
 
Viking Ship: (straightens up)
 
Vikings: (cheering)
 
SpongeBob: Now that's what I call a Viking-sized adventure!
 
END
 
source: http://en.spongepedia.bimserver2.com/index.php?title=Episode_Transcript:_Dear_Vikings
[[Category:Episode transcripts]]

Latest revision as of 22:43, 1 May 2025

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