Evil Spatula/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Evil Spatula" from season 9, which aired on March 9, 2013.

• [The scene starts at the Krusty Krab in Mr. Krabs' office. SpongeBob is stirring on a barrel tub. Mr. Krabs comes with a bag of coral dust and a bucket of algae paste.]
• Mr. Krabs: Just a couple more additives, SpongeBob. [Mr. Krabs dumps the ingredients in the barrel. The smell and aroma causes SpongeBob's face to disintegrate and his nose disappears. Mr. Krabs is seen wearing a nurse's mask.] Oh, and try not to breathe the fumes.
• SpongeBob: Is it toxic patty Tuesday?
• Mr. Krabs: Barnacles, no. [shows many dirty money bills] The customers keep passing off their dirty money. So we're cooking up the only solution powerful enough to clean it.
• SpongeBob: Well then, let's get cleaning.
• Mr. Krabs: Hold on, kiddo. We still have one more ingredient. [Takes out a bottle of Disulfide, SpongeBob takes the bottle and takes the lid off.]
• SpongeBob: How much do we need?
• Mr. Krabs: Careful, SpongeBob! Just two drops and that stuff could...
• SpongeBob: Got it. Two dro- [Squeezes out some drops in the barrel. A loud explosion occurs and SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are smeared in black and their faces are blown up.]
• Mr. Krabs: ...blow our faces off.
• [A ringing is heard. SpongeBob looks at the fax machine.]
• SpongeBob: Fax coming through, boss.
• Mr. Krabs: We can get it later.
• [Fax prints out Plankton]
• Plankton: [laughs maniacally] Infiltration achieved. Phase one, complete. [Jumps down and goes to kitchen] Now for phase two. [Saws a slit in SpongeBob's spatula and blows away the dust] Sabotage!
• SpongeBob: [Whistling. Plankton puts the spatula back and hides] Well, my dependable spatula, shall we? [Puts patties on the grill. Tries to flip a patty and the spatula breaks. SpongeBob screams.]
• Plankton: Wow, phase two is great! My favorite phase so far. [laughs and runs out of the kitchen.]
• SpongeBob: [Wipes ingredients off of the counter and lays down the spatula. Panting. Puts his ear up to the spatula] No pulse. [Does CPR using two fingers] We're losing him! Hang in there, buddy!
• Mr. Krabs: [Looking into the kitchen from his office door] What's all the ruckus?
• SpongeBob: [Using a defibrillator] Clear! Clear!
• Mr. Krabs: Pull yourself together, boy. So your spatula snapped. Go get yourself a new one!
• SpongeBob: [Looking at the broken handle that Mr. Krabs is holding. Dramatic music plays] I'll never forget you.
• Mr. Krabs: [Slaps SpongeBob away] Quit that, boy. It's creepy. Spatulas can't talk. [Walking back to his office] And if I catch yous talking to your next one, I'll lock you up in a padded kitchen.
• [Scene cuts to Harvey's Spatula Emporium.]
• Plankton: [laughs] Just like clockwork. The twerp approaches. [SpongeBob whistling] Time for phase three. [Boosts up with the jet pack and leaves the store. Flies into one of SpongeBob's pores and flies back out another, landing face down on the ground. Groans and mumbles]
• SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Plankton! [Picks Plankton up] What brings you to Harvey's Spatula Emporium?
• Plankton: Oh, just picking up one of these. [Holds up red circular object] Not that you'd know what it is.
• SpongeBob: Well, judging from its diameter and vermillion color, I am looking at the handle cap for a vintage Grill Force 700 Spatula.
• Plankton: Wow! A fellow spatula enthusiast, I see. You're right, SpongeBob. But with a few modifications, it'll serve as the end-cap for my SizzleMaster.
• SpongeBob: Well, I've never even heard of that model.
• Plankton: Well, there is only one. And some say it has magical grilling powers.
• SpongeBob: Wow! I must know more.
• Plankton: Well, you could come over and check it out.
• SpongeBob: That sounds thrilling! But I do need to hurry back to work.
• Plankton: [Knocking on SpongeBob] SpongeBob, it's a magical spatula with a legend. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. [Jumps onto SpongeBob's hat] Onward to the Chum Bucket! [laughs] Hey, it's this way, kid. [SpongeBob's legs rotate and he walks the other direction]
• [At the Chum Bucket. Plankton and SpongeBob are standing at the doorway of the spatula room]
• Plankton: Feast your absorbent eyes on this! [claps twice]
• [Spatulas are seen everywhere, lining up and down against the walls]
• SpongeBob: [gasps] Wow. This is the greatest spatula collection on the whole seafloor.
• Plankton: These are nothing compared to...[claps 3 times. Spotlight turns on and spatula rises in a container]...the majestic SizzleMaster! [SpongeBob sings in a heavenly choir voice and draws the outline of the spatula with his hand]
• Plankton: Yes, SpongeBob. I believe the SizzleMaster has found its fry cook in you! [Kicks glass cover off of the spatula. Glass shatters] The legend of the SizzleMaster has been fulfilled. [Gives the spatula to SpongeBob] And since you are its fry cook, it will reduce your workload tenfold!
• SpongeBob: Hey, that rhymes. Almost.
• [SpongeBob walks out of the Chum Bucket]
• Plankton: Yes, a legend has been fulfilled today. Go forth, SpongeBob. Wouldn't want you to miss the lunch rush. [Now talking more sinisterly] Or as I like to call it, "Phase 4."
• Karen: Phase 4? [Rolls up next to Plankton] How many phases are there in this convoluted plan?
• Plankton: Enough, my sarcastic wife. Enough to gain SpongeBob's trust, then steal the Krabby Patty formula right from under his dumb yellow nose! [Now standing at a control panel. Laughs] Now to tune in SpongeBoob.
• SpongeBob: [holding new spatula] I'm back, Mr. Krabs. Did I miss anything?
• Mr. Krabs: You're gonna be missing a job if you don't get in that kitchen. The lunch rush is nigh!
• [Plankton laughs while he is listening in from the Chum Bucket.]
• SpongeBob: These orders have really piled up. [Holding pile of orders with larger piles behind him]
• Squidward: And don't forget these. [Dumps more orders over SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: [Swipes away the orders in the air] Well, nothing me and the SizzleMaster can't handle.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] That's right, SpongeBob! Let's show this lunch rush what for!
• SpongeBob: Hmm. I must be hearing things, 'cause Mr. Krabs says spatulas can't talk.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Well, I can! The mystical SizzleMaster can do all!
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs said he'd put me in a padded kitchen if he caught me talking to you.
• Squidward: SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: [startled] I wasn't talking to my spatula!
• Squidward: I don't care if you were. The customers are about to snap!
• [Customer looking very mad and crooks his head appears in the following scene.]
• SpongeBob: Time to focus. [flips patty]
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] You know, SpongeBob, there's a much faster way to do this.
• SpongeBob: Oh? [The spatula goes under one patty and expands out to under 4 patties, then flips] Wow, pretty good. But we're a long, long way from filling all these orders.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Hey Sponge, I know a way to double our productivity. I'll handle things here at the grill, alone, while you man the condiments, huh?
• SpongeBob: Hey! That's a great idea! But you man the condiments, I'll take the grill. Sorry, but I don't trust anyone with this baby, but me.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Drat!
• Nat: Hey, Squid guy! Where's my lunch? [Grabs onto the register]
• Squidward: Stay back, you ravenous brutes. Oh!
• SpongeBob: [Puts plate of Krabby Patties on Squidward's head making his hat fall off] Orders, ahoy! [Squidward places patties on customers plates]
• SpongeBob: Wow, SizzleMaster, you truly are magical. We're catching up. But we got an empty grill here.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Leave it to me, kid. [SizzleMaster opens the freezer, gets patties and tosses them on the grill]
• Mr. Krabs: All right, good night, boyo. Headin' home. Thanks for all the extra greenbacks you earned me today. [Holding sack of money]
• SpongeBob: Don't thank me, Mr. Krabs. [Cleaning spatula] Thank my new magic talking spatula.
• Mr. Krabs: Ooh, that's great SpongeBob. [walking away, then quickly stops] Wait a minute. What did I tell ya about talking to spatulas? Only do it if it makes me money. [chuckles]
• SpongeBob: Well, you can really do wonders, SizzleMaster. Today was great. [Hangs SizzleMaster on spatula rack]
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] It sure was, SpongeBob. And maybe tomorrow I can even handle the grill for you, huh?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Unlikely. But a spatula can dream. See you tomorrow.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Dang it! I need SpongeBob to trust me behind that grill for this plan to work. Hmm. Oh! Hey SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Yes?
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] How about you take me back to your place tonight? I mean, I could help you around the house.
• SpongeBob: Well, I'm not going to be grilling tonight, but thank you.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Oh, I am so much more than a patty flipper.
• Plankton: [Jumps into SpongeBob's hand] I'm a multipurpose tool.
• SpongeBob: Oh. Hey, do you clean snail litter boxes?
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Sure!
• Karen: [From Chum Bucket]Gross.
• Plankton: It's not like it's actually me touching it, so...
• SpongeBob: Here she is. Home sweet pineapple.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Infiltration complete. Time to execute phase five! [evil laugh]
• SpongeBob: [laughs] You're such a joyful being, SizzleMaster. Here's that litter box you said you'd clean. [Tosses spatula into the litter box]
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] [Sniffs] Gah! Karen! I thought I told you not to put smell sensors on the spatula!
• [The next morning. SpongeBob's foghorn alarm goes off. SizzleMaster flips SpongeBob out of bed]
• SpongeBob: Whoop!
• [SpongeBob lands upside down. SizzleMaster flips his clothes and they fly off the hanger and onto SpongeBob. SizzleMaster brushes SpongeBob's teeth then feeds Gary and gives SpongeBob cereal. SpongeBob takes a bite]
• SpongeBob: Mmm, mmm. [SpongeBob bounces to work on SizzleMaster]
• SpongeBob: Wow! I'm three hours early to work. Thanks to you, SizzleMaster.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] That's no problem, buddy. [pulls up a chair] Hey, why don't you take a seat while I get to work for you?
• SpongeBob: Well, don't mind if I do. [Sits]
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Would you like me to man the grill for you today?
• SpongeBob: Uh, eh...
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] [Pulls up barrel as footstool] You deserve a break. And I've been able to handle everything else for you, so...
• SpongeBob: That is true. Well, I guess I can trust you with my grill while I take a brief respite.
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] [Jumps away. Laughs maniacally] Yes! Phase five is finally complete! Time to kick phase six into overdrive! [Throws pile of patties onto the grill. Turns the heat up] Yes, burn patties, burn! [Patties catch fire and turn to ashes. Evil laughing. Sweeps away ashes and some get into SpongeBob's mouth]
• SpongeBob: [Snoring. Then gags and coughs. Takes ash off the tongue and inspects it] Charred Krabby Patty bits? SizzleMaster, what happened?
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Oh, SpongeBob, I'm sorry. I just wasn't used to this grill. All of the Krabby Patties are gone.
• SpongeBob: Oh, no!
• Plankton: [As SizzleMaster] Hey, I got an idea! [SizzleMaster jumps into SpongeBob's hand] I can mix up some new patties in a jiff. If we just go get the Krabby Patty secret formula.
• SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. Okay. It's just over here in the safe.
• Plankton: Yes! Ye-e-es! [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: [Washing money. SpongeBob is opening the safe in Mr. Krabs' office] Hey, whatcha doin', boy?
• SpongeBob: Oh, my new magical talking spatula that I got from Plankton says it needs your Krabby Patty secret formula.
• Mr. Krabs: [realizes SpongeBob is being tricked by Plankton] SpongeBob, no! ...Uh, I mean, it was your talkin' spatula, you say? That you got from Plankton? Well, why didn't you say so? [Pulls piece of paper out of his shirt] Here. Give your talkin' spatula this recipe. [Mr. Krabs winks twice]
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I think your blinker's broken.
• Mr. Krabs: Just read it.
• SpongeBob: Aye, aye! Okay SizzleMaster, the first ingredient is... five gallons combustible cooking oil.
• Plankton: [At Chum Bucket] Yes! Karen, begin production! [cooking oil comes out of the machine into tub]
• SpongeBob: One sack coral dust, extra spicy. One bucket fire algae paste. And the final ingredient, disulfide.
• Plankton: Y-y-yes! [laughs] Wait how much disulfide?
• SpongeBob: [Mr. Krabs writes down on paper] The whole enchilada.
• Plankton: [Pouring bottle] I had no idea this stuff was approved for restaurant use.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, it's not... Plankton.
• Plankton: Krabs? [Plankton sees "Danger! Explosive" on the bottle] Oh, no.
• [The Chum Bucket explodes. Karen and Plankton land in front of the Krusty Krab.]
• Mr. Krabs: Quite a volatile concoction, eh, Planky?
• SpongeBob: Must be explosive patty Wednesday, eh, Mr. Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: [laughs] You got that right, boyo. [keeps laughing]
• Plankton: [sarcastically] Oh, hardy-har-har!