FitzPatrick/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "FitzPatrick/transcript" from season , which aired on .

• [The episode starts with a wedding in the yard outside the Star family house.]
• Cecil: My boy! My boy!
• Slappy: I love a good wedding. They've got almost as much crying as a good funeral. [laughs]
• [Patrick giggles as he winks to the "bride."]
• Slappy: Ladies and gentlefish! We are gathered here today to smush two souls together into one gooey soul pulp! By the power vested in me by the fish and wildlife service, I declare you husband and wife. You may now eat the bride.
• Patrick: [Takes something off revealing that the "bride" is a cake] The frosting becomes you. [Starts drooling]
• FitzPatrick: [Jumps out of the cake] Surprise!
• [The audience gasps.]
• Patrick: FitzPatrick? My long lost evil twin cousin? Is it really you?
• FitzPatrick: In the flesh, my corpulent companion! [laughs]
• Squidina: Who is this guy? He ruined our big wedding scene.
• Patrick: [Blows raspberry] Relax, Squidina. FitzPatrick is family. I guess.
• FitzPatrick: Come on, Patrick. Let's hit the town! I can't remember the last time I saw you!
• Patrick: I can't remember ever remembering.
• [The audience eat the cake and leave]
• Patrick: So evil twin cousin FitzPatrick, what brings you to town?
• FitzPatrick: Oh, you know, I thought I'd assume your identity, ruin your life, standard evil twin stuff.
• Patrick: Yeah, that sounds great!
• FitzPatrick: Hmm?
• Patrick: Hey! While you're doing whatever it was you said, we should hit the Goofy Goober and tie one on!
• FitzPatrick: [coughs]
• Patrick: Come on!
• [The seen cuts to the Goofy Goobers]
• Patrick: Two ice cream sundaes, Scoop Chucky! Extra large! And make it snappy! What are you gonna have, cuz?
• FitzPatrick: Oh, nothing for me, thanks. I came for the music.
• Rock T. Puss: Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, buttercream cone and black cherry, all of these flavors make me merry... when I'm eating ice cream!
• [FitzPatrick smashes the table down, causing a sundae to fall on the Goofy Scoopers, who then short circuit. The Goofy Scoopers then begin to perform a rock song despite the lack of guitars. FitzPatrick flies onstage.]
• FitzPatrick: Hey there, kids. Who ruined your day?
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• FitzPatrick: Messed up your music, took your ice cream away!
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• FitzPatrick: Remember my name when you scream and cry!
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• FitzPatrick: I hope you hate me till the day I die!
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• [FitzPatrick kicks Rock T. Puss' piano and Bongos' drums off stage]
• FitzPatrick: Hey, ice cream boy! I see you eating ice cream!
• FitzPatrick and Goofy Scoopers: My name is Patrick Star!
• [As FitzPatrick has an evil grin on his face, the Goofy Scoopers explode behind him. As he walks away and towards Patrick, the kids watching the performance run away. Bongos' arm falls off. FitzPatrick takes the wig from Patrick and places it on himself again.]
• Goofy Manager: Patrick! I saw what you did! You are banned from the Goofy Goober! Oh Big Jim!
• [Big Jim appears and kicks Patrick out of the Goofy Goobers with his enormous left leg . Patrick lands on the path as FitzPatrick adds a tune to it.]
• FitzPatrick: Fitz: 1, Patrick: 0. I hope you enjoy your punishment!
• Patrick: What? Oh, that's okay. He bans me every week. Hey, we'll se ya Monday, Barry!
• Goofy Manager: Say hi to your dad for me!
• FitzPatrick: Well that was a disappointment.
• Patrick: Well, don't you be a frowny, cuz. Oh. I know! Let's go to the Comic Book Shop! That always makes me happy!
• [Patrick drags FitzPatrick to the Comic Book Shop.]
• FitzPatrick: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
• Patrick: This is my secret stash of comic books that I don't own yet!
• FitzPatrick: Oooh! This funny book emporium is right for chaos! I just need to distract me cousin. I think you'll enjoy this one.
• Patrick: Oh! Oh thanks, FitzPatrick.
• [Scene cuts to Pat the Hapless where he hits a castle.]
• Pat the Hapless: Hey!
• Beelzebass: It is I, Beelzebass! Evil wizard extraordinare! If I didn't put my castle in your way, you just walked into it, you boob.
• Pat the Hapless: Don't try my games on me, sorcerer! I demand head to head combat!
• Beelzebass: Buzz off!
• [The barbarian Patrick starts hitting the castle.]
• Beelzebass: Hey! Stop that! Alright peon! You asked for it!
• [Beelzebass starts using his wand on Pat the Hapless by turning him into a seahorse.]
• Beelzebass: Whoa!
• [Beelzebass continues using his wand on Pat the Hapless by turning him into a worm, snail, castle and sea urchin until the castle fell into pieces.]
• Pat the Hapless: Now we battle!
• [Patrick's drool starts falling onto the page.]
• Beelzebass: Is that drool?
• Beelzebass and Pat the Hapless: [scream]
• [Scene cuts back to the Comic Book Shop where FitzPatrick is wrecking everything and then FitzPatrick takes the wig from Patrick and places it on himself again.]
• Near Mint Comic Books cashier: What the? Who did this?
• [FitzPatrick does a cute face.]
• Patrick: Wha?
• Everyone: That was the bald guy!
• Near Mint Comic Books cashier: Alright buddy! Consider yourself banned!
• [Patrick gets kicked out of the Comic Book Shop.]
• FitzPatrick: Alas. Poor Patrick. Banned forever once again... Whatever will he do?
• Patrick: Ah. It's no biggie. There's plenty of other shops here in the comic book district. Come on, Fitzie! I bet this place has even more comics to eat!
• [as they hurry to another shop, Patrick's stomach rings]
• Squidina: [from Patrick's stomach] Patrick, where are you? It's time to host The Patrick Show!
• FitzPatrick: Is that some sort of malevolent spirit?
• Patrick: Nah, just my malevolent sister. [cut to show a shellphone in Patrick's stomach] I swallowed my shellphone. [to Squidina] Okay, I'm coming back now! [punches himself in the stomach to turn off the phone and comes back to his room in a taxi, where numerous people carry out decorations]
• FitzPatrick: You mean to tell me you have your own TV show?
• Patrick: Yeah! Every day, it's beamed down to millions of people all over the world! Or maybe it's just the people out front, I dunno.
• Squidina: Tick-tock! You need to get into costume. We're about to go live. Hey! Be careful with that Invisible Boatmobile!
• FitzPatrick: Huh? This TV show is the perfect means to ruin Patrick's reputation! I can make everyone hate him all at once! [laughs] Oh, Patrick, I believe your costume is right in here.
• Patrick: Thanks, Fitz! You know, it was really great seeing you agai--
• FitzPatrick: [laughs] Showtime!
• [The audience cheer.]
• FitzPatrick: A group of fish, is called a school, a group whales, is called a pie, but what do you call a group of dopes? You! [laughs]
• [The audience start talking]
• Lady Upturn: Huh? I am offended!
• Squidina: Patrick! What are you doing?
• [Some parts of the audience begin to leave.]
• FitzPatrick: Where's everyone off to? If you leave now, you won't get the big prize under your seats!
• [The audience stop to see what's under the seats, revealing jellyfish.]
• FitzPatrick: Jellyfish for everyone!
• [The Jellyfish sting the audience.]
• FitzPatrick: Aw come on! The show's not over! You haven't seen the big finale!
• [The audience sit down again.]
• FitzPatrick: Tell me, sir. Where are you from?
• Old Man Walker: Bikini Bottom.
• FitzPatrick: I'm sorry.
• Old Man Walker: I said Bikini Bottom.
• FitzPatrick: [giggles] No, I heard you. I'm just sorry. And you ma'am, did it hurt?
• Teen 15: [laughs] Did what hurt?
• FitzPatrick: When ya fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down! [laughs] Huh?
• Time Closet: Incoming Patrick's from every timeline.
• [Other Patrick's from every timeline come out of the closet and takes FitzPatrick, placing the real Patrick on the stage]
• Patrick: [laughs]
• FitzPatrick: Let me go! I'm not done ruining Patrick's life!
• Squidina: I knew there was something off about that guy. Boy am I glad to have the original Patrick back.
• Patrick: Yeah! Oooh! Cool crank!
• [The audience scream as the ship hits them]
• Squidina: Patrick! You crushed the whole audience! Well, there goes the show.
• [The audience laugh as they have ice cream in buckets]
• Patrick: Is that? Oh! Cork in the bottom brand ice cream? My favorite!
• Slappy: Now that's what I call a finale!
• Lady Upturn: I am not offended! [laughs]
• [The scene cuts to FitzPatrick being teleported into the a barbarian dimension as the comic book.]
• FitzPatrick: [screams] Huh? Well, well, well my similar looking friend. I'm going to steal your identity and ruin your reputation. They'll all hate you. Friends, strangers, even your own-- D'oh! Hey! You! Get back here! I'm going to ruin your reputation!