Bossy Boots/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Bossy Boots" from season 2, which aired on October 20, 2000.

• [The episode opens at the Krusty Krab. Squidward is at the register boat and SpongeBob is looking out from the ordering window. Mr. Krabs' voice sounds on the P.A.]
• Mr. Krabs: Attention! Attention! All Krusty Krew employees, attention! [ zooms out to reveal Mr. Krabs is standing next to them, speaking into a megaphone] Get the anchors out of your pants and report to me office! [pause] That will be all. [Squidward and SpongeBob follow Mr. Krabs into his office and sit down] I have an important announcement to make.
• SpongeBob: Whoo! Hooray! [jumps up on top of the chair and twirls it around] The new spatulas are here!
• Mr. Krabs: Sit down, boy! There's no new spatulers!
• Squidward: [sarcastically] How disappointing.
• Mr. Krabs: You men know me daughter Pearl. She's growing up fast. [looks at a picture of Pearl and Mr. Krabs in swim attire jumping up from the water] It seems like it was just yesterday I was teaching her how to breach. Me mammalian angel. Erm, uh... [puts the picture back on the wall] Anyway, uh, so she's going to be working here during her summer vacation. She's got a lot of fresh ideas to bring in some hungry customers! [a bell rings]
• Pearl: [off-screen] Hello? Daddy?!
• Mr. Krabs: Thar she blows! [leaves the room]
• Squidward: SpongeBob, do you realize what this means?
• SpongeBob: No new spatulas?
• Squidward: No! It means some bratty teenager's coming in here to tell us what to do. We can't have that! We have seniority, right?
• SpongeBob: Right! [he and Squidward shake hands]
• Squidward: So, we'll work together to protect our pathetic positions.
• SpongeBob: Okey-dokey, Squidward. And then we'll get those new spatulas.
• Mr. Krabs: [pokes his head into the office] All right, men. [SpongeBob and Squidward walks out of the office] Say hello to me Pearl.
• SpongeBob: Hello, pole. [hugs one of the giant pillars]
• Pearl: [holding a box] Hi, guys.
• Mr. Krabs: It makes me jolly as a roger to finally have you aboard the family business.
• Pearl: Great, Dad, because I have so many new ideas.
• Mr. Krabs: [sniffs the air and his eyes conjoin to make a dollar sign shape] I can smell the money already! I'll be in me office if you need me. [walks off]
• SpongeBob: What's in the box?
• Pearl: It's a surprise.
• SpongeBob: I like surprises.
• Pearl: Great, then close your eyes.
• SpongeBob: [covers his eyes with his hands] I'm ready! [Pearl puts the box's open end over SpongeBob]
• Squidward: Well, I like it so far.
• Pearl: [Pearl lifts up the box] Ta-dah. [Squidward gasps. The body suit is pink with purple flowers and on the top are two K's being held up by springs.] It's the new Krusty Krew uniform. I designed it myself. [hands SpongeBob a mirror]
• Squidward: Okay, this is it, SpongeBob. Now tell her how you really feel about that uniform.
• SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward. [winks to him] Pearl... this is the greatest uniform ever!
• Squidward: Fish paste.
• Pearl: Oh, SpongeBob, you look so adorable. I could just eat you up.
• SpongeBob: Sorry, Pearl, this item's not on the menu. [giggles]
• Squidward: Well, I didn't think it was possible, SpongeBob, but you look even more ridiculous than usual.
• Pearl: Don't be jealous, Uncle Squiddy. I made one for you, too. [Squidward holds up his uniform]
• Squidward: Don't bother. Only a fool would wear that.
• Mr. Krabs: [bursts out of his office, wearing the uniform] Avast, ye shipmates! Don't these just shiver your timbers? [laughs, then shuts the door, then peeks his head out] Get that suit on, sailor. It's already been paid for.
• Squidward: [with the uniform on. The two springs give and the K's fall over Squidward's eyes] Rage. Fury. Irritation. Humiliation.
• Pearl: Squidward is such a barnacle.
• SpongeBob: A stick in the sand.
• Pearl: But not you, SpongeBob. You are full of style.
• SpongeBob: Me? Really?
• Pearl: Totally, S.B. You ooze fashion. And I've got some completely coral concepts for this old joint, and I'm going to need someone with your kind of talent to help me.
• SpongeBob: Well, I have been trying to get Mr. Krabs to make some changes around here. [looks at a picture he drew of Mr. Krabs, himself and Squidward with mustaches]
• Pearl: Why, with my girlish instincts, and your, um... sponginess, [cut to a view of the Krusty Krab as a deserted place, where a skeleton is sitting at a table] we'll turn this worn-out lunch wagon into a teenage paradise.
• [Bubble transition to Pearl, with a notepad, thinking of some suggestions for the restaurant's new name.]
• Pearl: SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
• Squidward: [runs over] For what, dare I ask?
• Pearl: The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? [makes a raspberry] Blech! [sticks out her tongue and points the pencil towards it to show disgust]
• Squidward: Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
• Pearl: Hmm... how about The Kissy Krab? [puckers up her lips and makes kissing noises]
• SpongeBob: [in royal attire] The King Krab?
• Pearl: [holds up a lollipop, which bears an odd resemblance to her father] The Kandy Krab!
• SpongeBob: [dressed as a jazzy beatnik] The Kool Krab. [dresses as a cowboy riding a stick horse] Or the Kowboy Krab! [appears totally stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [appears as a mad scientist holding a brain with crab-like arms coming from it] The Kreepy Krab. [appears as a crazy killer jungle man with a loincloth and shouts scarily] The Killer Krab!
• Pearl: [freaked out, gasps] No!
• SpongeBob: You're right, too scary. [they both think and finally get the name]
• SpongeBob and Pearl: The Kuddly Krab! [both happily hug and laugh. A rainbow of colors and hearts fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squidward is so mad that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. Jennifer Millie and Fred drive by in a car.]
• Jennifer-Millie: It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
• Fred: That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
• Squidward: That's it! I quit! [rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and Officer Rob Johnson comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs.]
• [Bubble transition to inside the Kuddly Krab.]
• Sheila: Finally! A cool place for teens to just, you know, hang out. [Pearl and SpongeBob admire their restaurant]
• SpongeBob: Pearl, you're a genius. All these young, hip new customers. Phooey on Squidward. He can't keep up with the times. You're a true visionary, Pearl.
• Pearl: Thank you, SpongeBob. I do have 20/20 vision. [blinks bashfully]
• SpongeBob: Well, hip people have to eat, too. Back to the grill. [is in the kitchen at the grill] The customers may be hot, but my grill is hotter. [pushes his spatula on the grill and imitates a sizzle]
• Pearl: [in the ordering window to hand SpongeBob an order] SpongeBob, order up!
• SpongeBob: Two... sa-lads. Never heard of it. [gasp] I got to stay hip. I don't want to end up like silly old Squidward. But what in the name of Davy Jones' locker is a [pronounces it wrong] sa-lad?
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking up to Pearl with a tray with two Krabby Patties instead of salads.]
• SpongeBob: Here you go. Two sa-lads.
• Pearl: Ew, gross. Those aren't salads. Take those back. Remove the bun, the patty, and the condiments.
• SpongeBob: But that leaves just lettuce and tomato.
• Pearl: Exactly.
• SpongeBob: All right. [walks back to the kitchen and sadly removes the top bun] Okay, no buns. That's hip. [removes the bottom buns and top buns] No patties, [removes the patties] happenin'. [crushed] Oh, yeah, that's definitely the coolest meal I ever saw.
• Nazz-Mimi: This is so cool!
• SpongeBob: [walks over with a tray of salads to Nazz and Nancy Suzy fish at a table, who are talking] Two salads. [drops the tray on the table and walks back to the kitchen] That was awful. I hope I never have to tear apart a perfectly good Krabby Patty ever again. I don't think my heart can take it. [screams, noticing the grill is gone] Where's the grill?
• Pearl: Come on, SpongeBob, you're a hip guy. You know fried foods are O-U-T, out.
• SpongeBob: Uh... right on.
• Pearl: Check out this new menu I came up with. [SpongeBob takes the menu]
• SpongeBob: [reading it] Salad and tea. But where are the Krabby Patties?
• Pearl: Oh, silly, those aren't hip. Oh, you won't be needing that thing anymore. [takes the spatula from SpongeBob. He starts to stutter] I've got something more fun for you to do anyway.
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob outside the restaurant in a crab suit, waving at cars. One car with Jimmy-Gus stops.]
• Jimmy-Gus: Hey, buddy, you need a ride? I was just on my way to the big doofus convention. [laughs and drives off]
• SpongeBob: This is humiliating. I'm a fry cook, darn it! You can take away my spatula, but when you take away my dignity, that's when I get mad! I'm going to march right into Mr. Krabs' office and tell him this is just too much! [walks toward the restaurant, but gravity gets the best of him and he falls over. He struggles to get up and starts to whimper.]
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob at Mr. Krabs' door, outside the costume.]
• SpongeBob: Okay, SpongeBob, you can do this. Come on... [knocks on the door and peeks in] Mr. Krabs, could I talk to you? [Mr. Krabs' office is just as elaborately decorated as the rest of the restaurant]
• Mr. Krabs: Come on in, me boy. Have a seat.
• SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. [sits down in a bear bean bag chair, but starts to sink inside it]
• Mr. Krabs: Don't you just love me new office? Pearly designed it for me.
• SpongeBob: [has sunk in, now you can only see his eye] Mr. Krabs, um, I think we've got a problem.
• Mr. Krabs: Isn't that the neatest $40 chair you ever sat in?
• SpongeBob: [has totally sunk into the chair and he sticks out his hand] Sure, Mr. Krabs, but I've got some bad news.
• Mr. Krabs: How about my cuddly executive buddy? [picks up a blue stress-relief doll] Reduces stress for only five easy payments of $9.95. [squeezes it as its eyes, nose and ears pop out]
• SpongeBob: [pops out of the chair] Mr. Krabs, Pearl is ruining the Krusty Krab! [covers his mouth]
• Mr. Krabs: What?! Why, Pearl is saving the Krusty Krab! I mean, the Kuddly Krab. [goes over to a picture of a seahorse] What would we do without these beautiful $20 sea unicorn wall hangers? [goes to a strand of lights] How could we have ever survive without these $35 heart lights? How could we go on without a sea fern on every last table?! [holds one up] It's hip! It's coral! It's... it's losing money! [starts to cry] Oh, you're right, SpongeBob. But I can't fire me pride and joy. It would break her fragile little heart! What am I going to do?
• SpongeBob: There, there, Mr. Krabs. I'm sure there's another way.
• Mr. Krabs: That's it, boy!
• SpongeBob: What's it?
• Mr. Krabs: You could fire her! It's okay if she hates you.
• SpongeBob: That's not what I said, sir. [Mr. Krabs brings him to the door]
• Mr. Krabs: Great then, it's all settled: you fire Pearly, I'll hide in me office. [SpongeBob is pushed out the door and accidentally runs into Pearl]
• Pearl: Totally rude, SpongeBob.
• SpongeBob: Pearl, could I see you in the kitchen for a second?
• Pearl: Sure, SpongeBob. [they walk to the kitchen]
• SpongeBob: [thinking] How am I going to break it to her? I've never fired anyone before. I just got to say it. Pearl, you're fired! Okay, here it goes. [opens his mouth to say it, but Pearl is already crying]
• Pearl: [crying] Oh, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob lets out a sigh of some relief] I can't take it anymore! Nothing I do is working!
• SpongeBob: Sure it is, Pearl! Look at all the hip, young people eating sa-lads!
• Pearl: No, don't you get it? I've been trying to get fired since day one! I was only pretending to like this place to please Daddy! This job is cutting majorly into my social life! Oh, SpongeBob, what should I do?
• SpongeBob: [thinks for a second] I've got it! I could pretend to [air quotes] "fire you". I'll take the heat from old man Krabs later.
• Pearl: [grabs SpongeBob in a bone-snapping hug] Gosh, you'd really do that for me? You're a great pal, SpongeBob. How can I ever thank you?
• SpongeBob: [muffled] Stop trying to break me in half?
• Pearl: [drops him] Deal.
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Pearl walking up to Mr. Krabs' door, Pearl tries to conceal her laughing.]
• Pearl: Oh, boy, oh, boy!
• SpongeBob: Okay, Pearl. We got to make this convincing. [loud and clear] Pearl, I need to have a word with you. [we see Mr. Krabs in his office, sobbing]
• Mr. Krabs: Oh no, here it goes! I don't know if I can bear to listen.
• SpongeBob: It's not that you haven't done a good job around here, it's just that...
• Mr. Krabs: [now pushed against the door and gasps] Don't be too hard on her, now. Why does it have to be in this way? [sees himself in the uniform in the mirror] It's for the best.
• SpongeBob: Well, we feel it might be in everybody's best interest if...
• Mr. Krabs: I can't let him do this! [goes for the door, then sees the vault open. It's empty, and a spider crawls around its web] Get on with it, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Pearl, you're fired. [Mr. Krabs chokes and falls over]
• Pearl: [whispers] Thanks, SpongeBob! [kisses him, then runs off and jumps into a car with all her friends] Come on, gang, the mall awaits! [they drive off. SpongeBob runs into the office]
• SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, I did it! [screams when he sees Mr. Krabs' body. He runs over to a bill behind glass, which is for emergency purposes and he breaks the glass. He waves the bill under Mr. Krabs' nose.]
• Mr. Krabs: [regaining consciousness] Oh, Pearly... [sniffs] Is that a $20? [pockets the bill] Oh, SpongeBob, how could we have done such a thing to me own flesh and blood? [cries]
• SpongeBob: There, there, Mr. Krabs. Pearl took it just fine, in fact, she seemed kind of happy.
• Mr. Krabs: Really?
• SpongeBob: She's off to bigger and better things.
• Mr. Krabs: That's me girl; tough as nails, just like her old man! [laughs] But how am I gonna get my money back for all this stuff?
• [SpongeBob thinks. Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house, where all the Kuddly Krab stuff is put up there. SpongeBob dances in his uniform to the music.]
• SpongeBob: Whoo! Yeah! [laughing] Whoo-hoo-hoo! Alright! [giggling] Isn't this great, Gary? And it only cost me one year's salary!
• Gary: [covered in stuffed animals and his shell has flowers painted on it] Meow?