Movie Stars/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Movie Stars/transcript" from season , which aired on .

• [SpongeBob and Patrick are in a tent, cooking sausages on sticks over a fire.]
• Patrick: ♪ In our tent, we are roughing it! ♪
• SpongeBob: ♪ And our pillows, we are fluffing it! ♪
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [fluff their pillows] Fluff, fluff!
• Patrick: ♪ Our tummies, we are stuffing it! ♪ [they eat their pillows]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ 'Cause way out here, we're roughing it! ♪
• [Something is heard growling outside.]
• SpongeBob: Huh? It sounds like something's growling!
• Patrick: Must be my tummy. I'm still hungry, no matter how many weenies I eat! [pokes the stick through the back of his mouth, and the sausage falls off] Can I have another one?
• [The growling grows closer and a shadow appears at the tent's flaps. Something sniffs the sausages and licks them up.]
• SpongeBob: A sea bear! [screams]
• Patrick: [grabs onto SpongeBob, screams]
• SpongeBob: [takes out can] Here, shake my can of lucky pennies at it! If that doesn't scare it off, we can pay it to leave!
• Patrick: [shakes can outside] Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.
• [They look outside their tent. Bubble Bass grabs the can and eats a hot dog.]
• Patrick: Oh. [laughs] It's just Bubble Bass.
• [Bubble Bass is about to eat the can, but looks inside, then throws it away.]
• Bubble Bass: Ah--ugh. [pats stomach] Fine smoked meats, gentlemen. [zoom out to show the line] Waiting in line makes me hungry.
• SpongeBob: Oh, yeah! You're gonna need a hearty breakfast if you're going to see... [inhales, deflates as he speaks] The new Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Pets Movie: "Mermaid Worm & Barnacle Barnacle: Episode 6: The Bubble Blowers Revenge, Part 2"! [wheezes]
• Manager: [comes outside, excited] Good morning, patrons! Are you ready to see the new Mermaid Worm & Barnacle Barnacle movie?
• Moviegoers: [cheering]
• Bubble Bass: Ah! Ready!
• Patrick: Me, me, me, me, me, me!
• Manager: [puts hands on hips] Well, too bad. Screening's cancelled. All of our employees took the day off so they could see the movie too.
• [Two patrons in line look at the ushers, who smile nervously.]
• Ushers: [nervous laughter]
• Moviegoers: [grumbling]
• Manager: So unless I can find two simpletons [points at the theater] who want to work for free--
• SpongeBob: [appears in front of the manager] Sir, look no farther!
• Patrick: [pushes SpongeBob down] And no mother!
• SpongeBob: We'll work for free!
• Patrick: [to SpongeBob] Buddy, let me handle this. [to manager] Hey, we're not working for free. Double that, and you got yourself a deal.
• Manager: [pushes them away] Fine, you'll do. You can all see the movie now.
• Moviegoers: [cheering]
• Manager: [points at SpongeBob and Patrick] Except you two, of course. You two go tear the tickets and check for people sneaking in outside food.
• [He steals the outfits of the two ushers.]
• Woman in line: Oh!
• [The ushers cover themselves, embarrassed. The manager slaps the outfits on SpongeBob and Patrick.]
• SpongeBob: [saluting] Aye, aye!
• Patrick: [saluting] Sir, yes, sir!
• [A line forms in front of SpongeBob.]
• SpongeBob: [clears throat] Tickets, pwease. [tears Bubble Bass's ticket] Thank you. Enjoy the movie. [tears another ticket, then a woman's purse] Have a nice viewing. [tears the two ushers in half]
• Ushers: [scream, then hold their severed heads]
• SpongeBob: [chuckles] Enjoy the movie, you four.
• [They walk inside. Patrick is outside the door.]
• Patrick: No outside food is getting past me. [sees an old lady] Halt, villain!
• Old lady: Huh-huh?
• [Patrick takes off his hand to reveal a nose. He sniffs a sandwich out of the old lady's purse.]
• Old lady: Oh!
• Patrick: [clicks tongue] Bad old lady. [eats sandwich]
• Old lady: [grumbling]
• [Bunny, Squidina, and Cecil walk up. Patrick stops Bunny.]
• Patrick: Hold it! You may be family, but you won't get perforation treatment from me.
• [He sniffs a three-layered cake out of Bunny's hair.]
• Bunny: Oh! Oh...
• Patrick: Very disappointing. [eats cake]
• [He picks up Squidina and finds a slice of pizza taped to the back of her head. He peels it off.]
• Squidina: Hey! I learned that one from you!
• [Patrick drops Squidina and eats the pizza.]
• Cecil: [chuckles, nervously] So, son, uh, how's the new job going? [Patrick pulls his tongue, he yelps]
• Patrick: [looks at the food on Cecil's tongue] Aha! Just as I suspected. [takes it]
• Cecil: [tongue being pulled] B-but, son, we're blood!
• Patrick: Gravy is thicker than blood, Dad! [drinks gravy and smashes the dish, lets Cecil walk inside] Enjoy the show!
• Manager: [pointing at SpongeBob and Patrick from inside the theater] Pink guy and square boy, go man the concessions stand. Customers need their official, theater-approved snacks, pronto! [throws Patrick in] Hi-ya!
• SpongeBob: [runs inside, panting]
• [Patrick flies headfirst against the popcorn machine. He crashes and stands upright. SpongeBob runs beside him.]
• Bubble Bass: Hmm. One popcorn please, uh, with a hint of butter.
• Patrick: [fills bag of popcorn] Coming right up, sir! [pumps butter onto it]
• Bubble Bass: That's good.
• Patrick: [keeps pumping]
• Bubble Bass: That's enough butter.
• Patrick: [keeps pumping]
• Bubble Bass: No more, thanks!
• Patrick: [keeps pumping, overflowing the container]
• Bubble Bass: Stop!
• [The popcorn bag has swelled with butter.]
• Patrick: The butter will cover up the taste of the sea rats. [rats in helmets crawl through the popcorn machine] Trust me.
• Bubble Bass: Eww! [bag explodes butter on him] Could I get a napkin?
• SpongeBob: [runs behind cash register] One napkin!
• [He presses a button on the register and it hits him in the face. He presses it again and the register hits him over the head. The third time, a boxing glove punches him in the face.]
• SpongeBob: [beaten up] Okay, forget it. [pushes napkin onto table] It's on the house. [rat steals the napkin]
• Manager: [over speaker] Get those snacks moving! It's almost showtime!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Aah!
• [SpongeBob throws snacks as Patrick sprays the soda machine at the people in line. They laugh and eat the snacks.]
• Bubble Bass: [laughing]
• [The manager stands outside the projector room.]
• Manager: Let's go! Those movie reels won't spool themselves!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [running in] Yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir!
• Manager: [blows whistle, shuts door]
• SpongeBob: [nervously] I don't know how to do this.
• Patrick: How hard can it be?
• [They see a giant projection machine and reels on shelves.]
• Patrick: Hmm. [chuckles] Nothing to it. Just follow my lead.
• [He picks up a reel, inspects it, and tries bashing it against the machine. SpongeBob does the same. The theater's projector turns on. SpongeBob, then Patrick, run past in silhouette on the screen, struggling with the reel tape. SpongeBob runs with scissors. A reel rolls past. Patrick runs covered in tape. SpongeBob takes out a knife and bashes Patrick with the dull edge.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelling]
• [Patrick tries to put the reel's tape into the machine. He and SpongeBob get sucked between the other spinning reels. Cut to a poster reading Curse of the Mummies outside the theater.]
• Daughter: "Curse of the Mummies"? [screams]
• Mother: Oh, don't worry, honey. Mummies aren't real.
• [SpongeBob and Patrick come out, completely wrapped in reel tape.]
• SpongeBob: Let's go find the boss. He's gonna be so proud!
• Mother: [screams, her daughter holds her]
• Daughter: Why do parents lie? [walks away]
• Manager: [runs to them] Okay, you two! We've got a 3D short playing before the main show, but I didn't pay for a fancy 3D projector. So I need you two to make sure the short "feels" 3D! By throwing stuff at the audience!
• [He gives them a box of "3D Props" with rocks, soccer balls, arrows, and scissors.]
• Patrick: Hey, um, [takes out scissors] some of these look pointy.
• [The movie projector shows "And Now a Special 3D Experience" then "Put On Your 3D Specs!", then footage of a fish with them falling onto his eyes.]
• Film announcer: Put on your 3D specs!
• [The short starts. An old man is caught in a meteor shower.]
• Old man: Oh, no, a meteor shower! So many meteors!
• [People run past, screaming. SpongeBob and Patrick walk in front of the audience. They glance at each other, then the short, then start throwing rocks.]
• Audience: [painted noises]
• Purple fish: [gets his glasses knocked off] Wow, it feels like an actual concussion! [gets hit again]
• Cecil: Oh, these glasses aren't working!
• [The short now shows two monsters rampaging and roaring. When they throw arrows, SpongeBob and Patrick hide behind the curtains and shoot them at the audience.]
• Audience: Ooh. Ahh.
• Cecil: [adjusts glasses, then gets hit with an arrow] That's better!
• [Live-action footage of a wave is shown. Water splashes over the audience, from Patrick squeezing it out of SpongeBob's mouth.]
• Patrick: [laughing]
• [The short shows a man in a speedy car driving down a hill.]
• Man: Good thing I just got my pilot's license. [laughs, drives off a ramp, and screams]
• Bubble Bass: These effects are hardly believable.
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoaaa! [they drive a boat into Bubble Bass's face and rev the motor]
• Bubble Bass: [raises finger, beaten up] I stand corrected.
• [They crash the boat into the wall and fall out. The manager yells at them.]
• Manager: This isn't a drive-in theater! You've got to set up the next reel!
• Moviegoers: Shh!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [quietly] Sorry.
• Manager: [grabs moviegoer] Oh, shush yourself! [throws them out of their seat, making them yell]
• [A kid in the seat behind hops over and grabs the popcorn left behind.]
• Manager: No break! Projector! Now!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelp]
• [They run back into the projector room. The reel is unspooling.]
• Movie announcer: And now, our feature presentation!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [panicking] Where's the next reel? [frantic chatter]
• SpongeBob: [comes out of a pile of reels holding one] Ooh, I think I found it!
• Patrick: [takes one from a stack] Oh, hey, [it has an anthropomorphic popcorn and drink drawn on it] this one looks good too! [stack crushes him]
• SpongeBob: How do we know which one is which?
• Patrick: [putting both reels on] SpongeBob, I say, let the projector decide.
• [The movie starts, showing Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle running.]
• Mermaid Worm: Quick, Barnacle Barnacle! We've got to save the litterbox before it's too--
• [The slide switches to an ad for hot dogs.]
• Movie announcer: Why not enjoy a hot dog?
• [Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle are now eating hot dogs.]
• Moviegoers: [cheering]
• [The movie continues, showing a monster rampaging through a city. It grabs a handful of people and licks its lips. The slide switches to an ad for popcorn.]
• Movie announcer: Don't you think it's time for a popcorn?
• [The movie continues, with the people now held in a popcorn bucket. The monster grabs one with its tongue and eats them.]
• Moviegoers: [excited chatter]
• [The movie now shows Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle tied up by a vampire squid.]
• Mermaid Worm: [grunting] You'll never feast on our blood, you vampire squid! [grunts]
• [The slide switches to an ad for drinks.]
• Movie announcer: Refreshing soft drinks at the concession stand now!
• [The vampire squid is now drinking Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle out of a cup.]
• Mermaid Worm: S-so c-c-cold. [the vampire squid drinks them]
• Moviegoers: Eww!
• Brown moviegoer: That is not okay!
• Squidina: This is the most blatant product placement I have ever seen. [scoffs] Good thing that stuff doesn't work, right, Dad?
• [Cecil is drinking from a variety of soda cans, including from a hat and tied to his shirt.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Phew. [sing-song] Time to watch the movie!
• [They tear off their usher uniforms, revealing their usual clothes. They rip those off, turning into Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star.]
• Patrick: And our favorite seats are empty!
• [He and SpongeBob leap out of the projection booth and into the theater. They crawl on the floor and take their seats in front of Bunny, Squidina, and Cecil. In the movie, Mermaid Worm is talking to a girl worm.]
• Mermaid Worm: Mermaid Worm Girl, I think I love you.
• Mermaid Worm Girl: Oh, yeah? Prove it.
• [Before they can kiss, a man with a tall top hat sits on front of SpongeBob and Patrick, blocking their view.]
• Mermaid Worm and Mermaid Worm Girl: Muah, muah! Muah, muah, muah!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick move their heads, but can't see the screen.]
• Mermaid Worm: Why, that's just a mask!
• Moviegoers: [gasp]
• Mermaid Worm: You're not really Mermaid Worm Girl!
• [A bonking sound is heard.]
• Moviegoers: Oh!
• SpongeBob: What? Oh, man, we're missing major plot twists!
• Patrick: This guy should take his [pokes hat] stupid hat off!
• Manager: [face appears in a container in the back of the top hat] How's this for a plot twist? Get back to work!
• SpongeBob: [stammering] B-b-b-but we did everything!
• Patrick: [crying] We've been good ushers and we wanna watch the movie!
• Manager: Ushers should be ushering!
• [He reaches for them and falls. SpongeBob and Patrick run away. The manager chases them around between the seats.]
• Woman: Oh!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Excuse us! [see the manager and scream]
• [The manager looks for them. They come out of Bubble Bass's mouth and back against the movie screen.]
• Manager: Running away from your responsibilities? You two should be gluing the half-eaten food back together!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [whimpering]
• Mermaid Worm: Halt, evil doer, or face the wrath of Mermaid Worm! The utter stupidity of these pathetic, [raises fist] small-minded simpletons is not for you to exploit.
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [gasp, bathed in light] We're pathetic!
• Manager: [to screen] Hey! You keep out of this, movie! [to SpongeBob and Patrick] And you two, [runs towards them] what do you think I'm not paying you [jumps] fooor?
• [SpongeBob and Patrick pull down the movie screen, and the manager flies inside.]
• Moviegoers: [gasp]
• Manager: [in movie, groans] Where did those two hooligans go?
• Mermaid Worm: Ahem.
• Manager: Huh?
• [Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle are next to him.]
• Mermaid Worm: I said, ahem! Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle! I've never seen you before.
• Barnacle Barnacle: [chatters]
• Mermaid Worm: Yes, Barnacle Barnacle, that makes sense. He must be... a bad guy!
• Manager: What? Why is the boss always the bad guy? [screams and gets attacked by them]
• [Bunny, Squidina, and Cecil are watching the movie and eating popcorn. SpongeBob and Patrick land next to them.]
• Patrick: Got any candy bars, Mom?
• Bunny: Ooh, check my armpits.
• [Patrick reaches under Bunny's armpit and takes out a chocolate bar.]
• SpongeBob: Does anyone have a plate of spaghetti? [someone gives him one] Ooh. Mmm.
• Manager: [running, in the movie] Hey! No outside food in the theater!
• [Everyone throws their snacks at him.]
• Manager: [yelping, gets attacked by Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle again, screams]
• [Mermaid Worm punches the manager in the face. His loose teeth spell out "The End."]
• Mermaid Man Announcer: The end! [film burns up]
• Patrick: That was pretty good! What did you think, Bubble Bass?
• [The sea rats are squeaking and covering Bubble Bass. He is reduced to a skeleton.]
• Bubble Bass: The ending felt random. [iris out on his face]