Wary Gary/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Wary Gary" from season 15, which aired on February 21, 2025.

• [Gary is snoring. SpongeBob descends from the ceiling on a rope. SpongeBob goes next to Gary and takes out a box of Num Nums, pouring them out in a trail. SpongeBob falls and fearfully looks at Gary, who is still sleeping. SpongeBob tiptoes away on all fours, spreading treats to a box.]
• SpongeBob: Perfect.
• [He twangs the rope attached to the box and laughs. Suddenly, the phone rings.]
• SpongeBob: [answers phone] Yes, who is it?
• Patrick: [the shellphone grows his mouth, startling SpongeBob] Hey, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Patrick. [whispering] What's going on?
• Patrick: [puts a boot on his head] Just getting dressed. You wanna hang out?
• SpongeBob: [whispering] Oh, I can't right now. It's a big day for Gary.
• Patrick: [with socks on his hands and a shirt wrapped around his body] His snail-mitzvah already?
• SpongeBob: [whispering] No, that's tomorrow. Today he's going to the [mouth goes very close to the phone] V-E-T.
• Patrick: Oh, I'd join you, but I'm not dressed for the zoo.
• SpongeBob: The vet, Patrick. Gary hates going to the vet for his checkup, so I always have to trick him into the pet carrier.
• Gary: [sniffing, chomps a treat, happy meow]
• [Gary starts eating treats around the bathroom.]
• SpongeBob: I left a trail of SnailPo treats around the bathroom...
• Gary: [exits shower head, meows, eats treats down the stairs]
• SpongeBob: ...down the stairs...
• Gary: [eats treats in the living room]
• SpongeBob: ...through the living room...
• [Gary eats treats into the kitchen as SpongeBob is on top of the fridge.]
• SpongeBob: ...and into the kitchen, where he'll find a pile of treats right inside... [Gary goes into the box, SpongeBob lifts the rope to show a carrier] [grunts] his pet carrier! [jumps down to the carrier and points to it] Gotcha, Gary! [on phone] You still there, Patrick?
• Patrick: Still here!
• SpongeBob: [blinks, looks in the carrier to see Patrick eating the treats]
• SpongeBob: Patrick!?
• Patrick: Great plan, SpongeBob! [vacuums treats with his mouth] Gary's gonna fall for it for sure! [burps, licks the floor]
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: [nervously] Oh, uh, hey, Gary. [approaches him cautiously]
• Gary: [growls, spins around SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: [falls on the floor] Ah! This is gonna be harder than I thought.
• Patrick: [waves hand out from the carrier] More snail food, please!
• [Bubble transition to Gary on the couch, reading a book called Snail Jokes.]
• SpongeBob: Okay, Gary... [puts a leash over him]
• Gary: [meows]
• SpongeBob: Time for an innocent walk with no ulterior motive.
• Gary: [hisses, jumps on SpongeBob's face and jumps away]
• [Gary runs around the room, dragging SpongeBob around and meowing angrily. SpongeBob crashes into things.]
• SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Gary, but you need to... see your doctor!
• [Gary gets stuck on the ceiling with SpongeBob dangling down. SpongeBob falls with the ceiling breaking. It gets pushed off him and SpongeBob is wrapped in the leash. Gary blows a raspberry at him and leaves.]]
• SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles. Perhaps I'll need a ruse that's even rusier.
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob's room. He throws out a sandal, underwear, and a toothbrush. Gary enters the room, looking suspicious. SpongeBob notices him, wearing a sun hat, sunglasses, an inner tube, and flippers.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, Gary, you're here! Forget that silly veterinarian! [takes his sunglasses off] I booked a big [lifts the inner tube to show a hula skirt] tropical vacation just for the two of us! [sheepish laugh, puts a sun hat and lei on Gary] Won't it be nice to just get away for awhile and relax? So just [rotates Gary] get into that vacation carriage and we can take off!
• [SpongeBob points to the carrier, which is decorated with leis, an umbrella, palm leaves, and a tropical drink. He packs a blue shirt into his suitcase.]
• SpongeBob: [to himself] Come on, Gary, just get in that pet carrier...
• Gary: [appears behind the suitcase, angry meows]
• SpongeBob: [nervously] Oh, hi, Gary.
• Gary: [hisses, traps SpongeBob in the suitcase]
• SpongeBob: Whoa!
• [Gary takes the suitcase to the Bikini Bottom Airport.]
• SpongeBob: Gary! Let me out, boy! Be a good snail!
• [Gary passes a flight attendant and the plane takes off.]
• French Narrator: [narrating time card] Two weeks later...
• [Gary and SpongeBob re-enter the house. Gary is wearing a lei and has a coconut drink on his shell. SpongeBob is wearing a straw hat, lei, Hawaiian shirt, and sandals while folding his arms.]
• Gary: [meows]
• SpongeBob: Okay, okay, I'll admit it. I feel rejuvenated. Hmph!
• [Bubble transition to Gary playing Chess with himself. He see SpongeBob, who is holding an envelope.]
• SpongeBob: Look, Gary! This letter came for you! [opens it] It's an invitation to a [shows invitation] big party at Snail Fail's house! He is the most famous snail in town, and you're his VIP! [the "VIP" part peels off] Oh? [nervous laugh, sticks it back on]
• Gary: [angry meow]
• [A car horn honks and SpongeBob spins away to the front door.]
• SpongeBob: [opens door] He even sent a limousine! [limo drives up, door opens]
• Gary: Wow! [slithers to the door]
• [SpongeBob and Gary exit. Both are wearing top hats and SpongeBob has a suit and diamond-topped cane.]
• SpongeBob: [gestures to open door, British accent] After you, my good snail...
• [Gary jumps in, and SpongeBob follows. The doors shut and the limo drives off. Inside, SpongeBob sits next to cans of Snail Po, holding a wine glass with snail food in it.]
• SpongeBob: Pretty fancy, huh? A pity we'll have to cancel that vet appointment, but there's no way we could miss-- [looks surprised] Patrick?!
• [Patrick is seen in the limo with a shoe on his head, star glasses on his chest, and a tie around his waist. He is holding a hat and a glass with snail food.]
• Patrick: Yeah, I'm pretty hard to miss. [eats snail food]
• SpongeBob: [bangs on window cover] Hey! [it rolls down to show Gary driving the limo]
• SpongeBob: Gary! Uh... [nervous laugh]
• Gary: [meows]
• [The doors lock. SpongeBob is unable to open one. He looks outside to see the limo parked in a junkyard, in the middle of a car compactor. Gary jumps out and the limo gets smashed.]
• Gary: [meows]
• [The window opens to show SpongeBob and Patrick heavily injured.]
• Patrick: Ow...
• SpongeBob: Ouch...
• [Bubble transition to a title saying "Snails of Our Lives" against a live-action cloud backdrop.]
• TV announcer: And now back to Snails of Our Lives.
• [Two live-action snails are seen kissing. Gary is watching it on TV, and SpongeBob looks out the window, seeing he is distracted.]
• SpongeBob: Hmm. If I can't convince Gary by lying to him, I'll have to convince him with [cracks knuckles] brutal honesty! Here comes... the guilt trip.
• [SpongeBob pulls some of his nose hairs out, and his eyes well up with tears. Cut back to Gary watching TV.]
• TV announcer: Next time on Snails of Our Lives...
• [The two snails are seen kissing again.]
• Female snail: [deep human voice] Meow?
• Male snail: [deep human voice] Meow.
• [SpongeBob stands in front of the TV, about to cry.]
• SpongeBob: [sniffling] Gary, I'm begging you! Please go to the veterinarian! [shakes Gary's eyestalks] I'm worried sick about you! Do you want me to be sick, Gary? Are you [pulls up a grave with a sketch of him on the headstone, jumps in] trying to send me to an early grave?! [puts dirt on himself] Oh! Gah! [comes back up to Gary] I would do anything for you, Gary! [rips off his shirt to show a tattoo, with Gary in a heart with wings and a halo, on his chest] Anything! [crying, wailing]
• [A spotlight comes over SpongeBob, to his surprise.]
• TV announcer: And the winner for best acting is... SpongeBob SquarePants!
• [Patrick shows up in a dress and pearls, giving SpongeBob an award.]
• SpongeBob: [takes award] Oh! Oh, my! Thank you! It was an honor just to be nominated. If you had told me eleven minutes ago that little old SpongeBob would win an award for anything, I-- Wait a minute! [Gary is gone] Gary? Double barnacles! That sneaky snail got away again. [raises finger] That's it! [goes to a glass box on the wall] I am taking Gary to the vet... by any means necessary.
• [SpongeBob throws off his eyebrows and breaks the glass, which says "In Case of Determination, Break Glass," with a hammer. He puts on angry eyebrows.]
• SpongeBob: No more Mr. Nice Sponge.
• [SpongeBob puts on a safari hat, boots, a sash with cans of snail food, and a belt with snail toys. He has a determined expression.]
• SpongeBob: Time for a snail hunt! [cocks his jellyfish net, then happily skips off singing]
• [SpongeBob sneaks around the staircase and sees a slime trail. He puts some on his finger and licks some.]
• SpongeBob: Still warm. [sneaks over and sees a chewed-up mouse toy] A fresh kill.
• [Gary eats his snail food. SpongeBob appears from a potted kelp plant and looks through binoculars.]
• SpongeBob: Aha! Gotcha!
• [SpongeBob bites off the tail of a mouse toy like a grenade and throws it at Gary.]
• Gary: [surprised meow, looks at plant and sees nothing, eats food]
• SpongeBob: [swings net trying to catch Gary]
• Gary: [angry yowl, launches food in SpongeBob's face, runs past carrier]
• [Gary goes over a rug and falls in a hole. He lands on pillows and SpongeBob looks over at him.]
• SpongeBob: I see you've fallen into one of the many traps I've set around the house. [Gary pulls him into the hole with his eyestalks] Whoa!
• [Gary yowls and jumps out of the hole, heading into another room and tripping a wire. He avoids a box, laundry basket, and cage falling on him. He goes into the bathroom, which is full of steam. The shower curtain opens and Patrick's silhouette is seen. The steam dissolves.]
• Patrick: [shrieks] Hey, a little privacy please? [pulls curtains]
• [Gary backs away. SpongeBob appears from the mirror cabinet.]
• SpongeBob: [echoing, ominously] Vet time!
• Gary: [yowl]
• [SpongeBob leaps out to catch Gary, but misses and grunts. Gary goes into the bedroom and looks around, then enters. A dot appears in front of him. The dot goes in a circle and Gary's eyes turn into spirals.]
• Gary: [hypnotized meow]
• [Gary meows and follows after the dot. On the springboard on top of his bed, SpongeBob is using a laser pointer.]
• SpongeBob: That's it, Gary, follow the dot.
• [SpongeBob aims the pointer at a mirror right next to the pet carrier, making the dot appear on his forehead.]
• SpongeBob: [nervously] Let's just think rationally here, Gary. Heh heh.
• [Gary takes an axe out of his shell and chops down the springboard. SpongeBob falls and smiles nervously. He picks up the carrier off the floor. Gary yowls and attacks him, making him scream. The carrier, SpongeBob's alarm clock, and his pants fly around.]
• Gary and SpongeBob: [panting]
• [They take stances and glare at each other, with black borders closing their eyes. Western music starts up. Outside of SpongeBob's house, a band of cowboys is playing. Gary meows angrily and SpongeBob sees the carrier stuck on the window above his head. He inhales and shoots a mouse toy out of his head, hitting the carrier and knocking it onto Gary, who yelps and hides in his shell. SpongeBob picks up the carrier and shuts the door.]
• SpongeBob: Gotcha!
• [Gary beings angrily pummeling SpongeBob with his eyestalks, making squeaky noises.]
• [Bubble transition to the vet's office. The vet is washing her hands in the sink.]
• Vet: Mr. SquarePants? You may bring in your snail now.
• [The door opens and steam comes out. SpongeBob wheels in Gary, who is growling with a muzzle over his mouth. The vet removes it.]
• Gary: [growling]
• Vet: [checks his mouth with a tongue depressor] Goodness, Gary! What healthy teeth you have!
• Gary: [bites down and spits out the depressor]
• SpongeBob: Gary, be nice to the kind doctor!
• Vet: [walks away] Oh, that's quite alright, Mr. SquarePants. [approaches Gary with something behind her back] I know exactly how to handle vicious snails.
• Gary: [whimpers]
• Vet: [seriously] With a... [takes out big lollipop] lollipop!
• Gary: [happy meow]
• [The vet puts the lollipop in Gary's mouth and unfastens him from the carrier.]
• Vet: All done.
• SpongeBob: That's it?
• Vet: [washes hands again] Yep. That's a medical lollipop full of all the vitamins and vaccinations a growing snail needs.
• SpongeBob: See, Gary? That wasn't so bad after all. Well, thanks, Doctor. See ya next year! [preparing to leave] Well, thanks, Doctor. See ya next year!
• [A wooden bar barricades the doors. SpongeBob turns around in shock.]
• Vet: Oh, you can't leave, Mr. SquarePants. You're covered in bites and scratches.
• SpongeBob: [nervous laugh] Uh, yeah, Gary did get a little rough on the way over here. [sticks out hand] I guess I'll take a lollipop, too!
• Vet: Oh, no, sponges don't get lollipops. You don't want to get infected, so you'll need [makes evil face and holds out a giant syringe] the full treatment!
• SpongeBob: [eyes shrink in horror, runs out of the vet's office screaming]
• Gary: [sighs]
• [Gary goes into his shell and comes out in a similar hunting outfit to the one SpongeBob had. SpongeBob runs over a hill.]
• SpongeBob: I don't wanna go to the vet! [crying]
• [Gary chases after him. The episode fades to black.]