Arrgh!/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Arrgh!" from season 1, which aired on March 15, 2000.

• [The episode opens with Mr. Krabs, not shown, peeking with a telescope outside the Krusty Krab, looking for the customers.]
• Mr. Krabs: [looks around] Where could they be? They should've been here hours ago! Arrgh. [a paper blows away] Not a customer in sight. If I don't make any money today, I'll surely break out in a rash! [hears SpongeBob cheering]
• SpongeBob: Yippee! I'm rich! Look, Patrick! [Patrick gasps in joy] Eight gold doubloons!
• Mr. Krabs: Wait! I saw it first! Hyah! [jumps onto the gameboard on the table and sweats] Mine, mine! [gets confused] Huh?!
• SpongeBob: Boy, Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty.
• Mr. Krabs: What's this? Where are the doubloons?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] There are no real doubloons, Mr. Krabs! It's a game: "The Flying Dutchman's Treasure Hunt." [the camera pans to the gaming board]
• Patrick: Based on a [camera zooms at the packaging of the game he's holding] real treasure map.
• SpongeBob: Take a break and play around with us.
• Patrick: Yeah! C'mon, sweaty.
• Mr. Krabs: Have you finished cleanin' the tables?
• SpongeBob: I cleaned the tables, Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: [holding one of the tables] Aye, but did you scrape all the gum off the underside? [the table is squeaky clean]
• SpongeBob: [chewing gum along with Patrick] I already took care of it. [Patrick makes a bubble out of gum and pops it right away]
• Mr. Krabs: [chuckles] All right, lads. Looks like you've shanghaied me. [sits down and joins the game]
• Patrick: My turn. [rolls the dice] Five. [makes a raspberry noise while moving piece, then reads a card] "One of your shipmates has been a bad pirate! Send him to the brig!" [starts to think, SpongeBob turns his eyes toward Mr. Krabs] It's off to jail for you, Mr. Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you're fired.
• Patrick: But I don't even work here!
• Mr. Krabs: Would you like a job, startin' now? [puts a Krusty Krab employee hat on Patrick's head]
• Patrick: Boy, would I?!
• Mr. Krabs: [takes the hat off Patrick's head] You're fired.
• SpongeBob: My turn. [rolls the dice and moves the piece] One, two, three, four. [picks up the card and reads it] "Look for the Deacon's Goose thru the fork in the old tree and head that way." [leans slightly to look through the hole in the green tree] Well, I see Mr. Krabs' zipper is undone.
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Shiver me timbers!
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Just kidding, Mr. Krabs. [now off-screen] I'm almost to the treasure. [gives Mr. Krabs the dice] Your turn again, Mr. Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: [rolls the dice] Ooh, fish eyes! [moving the piece in front of SpongeBob's eyes] One, two.
• SpongeBob: [picks up card and reads it] "You are a real pirate. Go straight to the 'X' that marks the spot." [points at the 'X'] You get to dig for treasure, Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: Treasure... [SpongeBob gives him a small toy shovel and digs a hole with it to reveal a mini plastic treasure chest in the middle of the board] There it is. [getting more excited] It's the Flying Dutchman's Treasure! [picks up the tiny chest] Gold, gold, gold! Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! [starts sweating profusely]
• SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs is getting all sweaty again.
• Fred: [walks into the Krusty Krab] Rev up those fryers, 'cause I am sure hungry for one-- [Mr. Krabs picks him up, holds him over his head and heads for the door] Help! Help! [Mr. Krabs throws him out the door] My leg!
• Mr. Krabs: Can't you see we're closed?! [rushes back to the game table] Ready for another round? This is my kind of game! [cut to the exterior of The Krusty Krab]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [off-screen] Hooray!
• Mr. Krabs: Six! One, two... I win again! Oh, that's seventeen times in a row. [scene changes from day to night. SpongeBob and Patrick look tired; Patrick is even asleep on the table]
• SpongeBob: [in a very tired voice, Patrick is snoring, Mr. Krabs is rolling the dice again] I think we oughta call it a night, Mr. Krabs. I really gotta get some sleep.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, you can't walk out on me now.
• SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. [yawns, then slings Patrick over his shoulder and carries him out] See you tomorrow...
• [The scene wipes to a tired SpongeBob, after taking Patrick home, walking to the front door of his house.]
• SpongeBob: [opens door, rattling noises heard] Huh? Who's there? [notices Mr. Krabs playing the treasure game, turns light on]
• Mr. Krabs: Come on, SpongeBob. One more game. I can smell the treasure.
• SpongeBob: [pushes Mr. Krabs outside] Mr. Krabs, it's late. Go to bed! Good night, Mr. Krabs. [slams the door, but Mr. Krabs is inside the house once again]
• Mr. Krabs: Wind is perfect, the tide is right. Let's hunt for treasure.
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you gotta... [opens the door, and Mr. Krabs is now outside]
• Mr. Krabs: Tread softly, lad. If the Dutchman hears you, we'll never get his treasure.
• SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs...
• Mr. Krabs: I'll roll for you, boy.
• SpongeBob: But, Mr...
• Mr. Krabs: [rolls the dice] 8 paces, north, that's a good start, lad.
• SpongeBob: But, Mr...
• Mr. Krabs: One, two, three...
• SpongeBob: [yelling in frustration] Mr. Krabs! I wanna go to bed! [pauses] Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry, but it's just a game, ya know?
• Mr. Krabs: A game. That's... right. Of course it is, my mistake. [picks up the game board and folds it in half] I guess I got a little carried away, eh? Though it is treasure we're dealin' with here. Sorry, for disturbin' ya, lad.
• [Mr. Krabs walks away while SpongeBob shuts the door. Morning arrives, and then the clam "rooster" crows everyone up. SpongeBob is still snoring.]
• Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] Avast! Pineapple, ho. [rings bell as SpongeBob wakes up] Heave two, and prepare to be boarded. [rings bell again]
• SpongeBob: Aw, go home already. [gets out of bed and looks out the window] I'm done playing that game, Mr. Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: That's Captain Krabs to you, [shows a real pirate ship] and this is no game. We're gonna be pirates.
• SpongeBob: [excited] Pirates?
• Mr. Krabs: Aye! How'd you like to go on a real treasure hunt, with a real treasure map?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [Patrick appears from the side of SpongeBob's house] Treasure? [dancing around] We're gonna be pirates, we're gonna be pirates!
• Mr. Krabs: Ay, ay, ay. Belay that skippin'. Pirates don't skip. [throws them a bag of pirate stuff] Put on this pirate garb, so I won't be embarrassed to be seen with ya. Arrgh.
• SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick. Look! Peg legs and eye patches.
• Mr. Krabs: Now, don't you feel more like pirates?
• SpongeBob: [walks towards the plank using two peg legs] Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate! [loses his balance and falls on the plank]
• Patrick: [walks towards the plank with two separate eye patches covering his eyes] I'm Blindbeard the Pirate. [falls on SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Ow.
• Mr. Krabs: Arrgh!
• [The scene wipes to Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Patrick on the ship in midair. Patrick rows the ship in reverse.]
• Mr. Krabs: [reads the map] Keep a sharp lookout, SpongeBob. Accordin' to the map, we're close to the first landmark.
• SpongeBob: Really? Can we see the map?
• Mr. Krabs: Uh... no! Only the captain can lay eyes on the map.
• SpongeBob: Okie dokie, then. [salutes]
• Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, a pirate doesn't say, "okie dokie, then." A pirate says, "arrgh!"
• SpongeBob: Oh. Okie... oops. [laughs while a jellyfish flies by him] I mean... [standing up] arrgh! Captain Krabs. [as he looks backwards, his eyes widen as a giant rock is nearby] Captain, we're about to hit... uhh... I mean... arrgh, Capt., arrgh, we're, arrgh, about, arrgh, to hit, arrgh...
• Mr. Krabs: Out with it man, arrgh!
• Patrick: I, arrgh, think, arrgh, he's trying, arrgh, to say...! [crashes into the rock] land...
• Mr. Krabs: Arrgh! From now on, only the captain says, arrgh! Status report, Mr. SquarePants?
• SpongeBob: The whole ship is underwater, captain.
• Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, we're marooned then. Our treasure hunt will have to continue on foot.
• [Bubble transition to the crew approaching a seaweed plant.]
• Mr. Krabs: This is it, boys, from the seaweed with two leaves on it. [the seaweed actually has three leaves] 10,000 paces east.
• SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, that seaweed has... [Mr. Krabs pulls a leaf off, leaving with two as he mentioned earlier] Which way, cap'n?
• Mr. Krabs: Ensign Patrick, which way is east?
• Patrick: Uhh... let's see, uhh... [examines the compass needle, which shakily points north. He points what is presumably the wrong direction.] That way, captain!
• [Bubble transition to the crew walking the final few steps.]
• Mr. Krabs: 9,997... 9,998... 9,999... 10,000! [no "X" is present] Where's the "X"? Supposed to be right here! 10,000 paces east.
• Patrick: Ooh! East? I thought you said "weast"!
• Mr. Krabs: Weast? What kind of compass you readin', lad?
• Patrick: This one, sir.
• Mr. Krabs: [examines the compass] That's west, Patrick. You're fired again.
• [The scene fades to the crew walking again in the opposite direction, which they should've done in the first place thanks to Patrick's misreading.]
• Mr. Krabs: 9,551... 9,552...
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, we're tired.
• Patrick: And hungry.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, so this is my crew. You get a little tired, and a wee bit hungry, and you wanna shove off for home. Arrgh! That sickens me. [holds a wooden cutlass] A pirate is not judged by the notches in his cutlass, or the size of his booty. A pirate is judged by the loyalty [his eyes fill up with tears] of his crew. And without a loyal crew... [one of SpongeBob's eyes fill up with tears also] what am I captain of? Just a... bunch of sand! [cries]
• Patrick: Don't cry, Captain Krabs.
• SpongeBob: [sniffles and crying] Yeah, we'll be your loyal crew. [both cry too]
• Mr. Krabs: You'll stay with me then?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: We'll be the most loyal pirate crew ever!
• Mr. Krabs: I knew I could count on you boys. [shows his claw] One for all!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [place their hands on top of Mr. Krabs's claw] And all for one!
• [Bubble transition to nighttime as SpongeBob and Patrick sleep outside the tent, shivering.]
• SpongeBob: I'm so loyal, I don't even mind sleeping on the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his w-warm, dry tent.
• Patrick: I'm so loyal, I haven't bathed in weeks.
• SpongeBob: But we've only been out for a few hours.
• Patrick: I know. [chuckles. SpongeBob moves away]
• SpongeBob: I'm so loyal, I don't wanna sleep till we find the treasure. Let's go see if the captain will go now!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [entering the tent] Captain Krabs?
• SpongeBob: He's not here.
• Patrick: Look! The treasure map.
• SpongeBob: Only the captain can look at the map, Patrick.
• Patrick: [walks toward the map] Yeah...
• SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?
• Patrick: Nothing.
• SpongeBob: Patrick, you're not supposed to look at the map. [Patrick pokes at the map]
• Patrick: I'm not looking, I'm touching. There's no rule against that, is there?
• SpongeBob: No, guess there isn't. [both poking the map, until it opens] Oops! Patrick, it opened by itself. [both giggle. Their eyes enlarge and search the map]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: The map, the map, the map, I gotta see it, I gotta look at it. [their eyes freeze for a second and then pop back in their heads; their eyes become black]
• Patrick: SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: Yeah?
• Patrick: Did you notice something familiar about this map?
• SpongeBob: You mean, like that it's our game board taped to a piece of paper?
• Mr. Krabs: [appearing right behind them and angry] Do you think this is a problem?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream] Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: So, sneakin' peeks at me treasure map?
• Patrick: We're sorry.
• Mr. Krabs: That's mutiny on my ship. So you think ol' Captain Krabs has gone crazy, do ye?
• SpongeBob: Not at all, Captain Krabs. We don't think that at all!
• Patrick: I think that.
• Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna throw ya overboard for sayin' that!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick both kneel and beg for mercy, before realizing that the "X" symbol is underneath them.]
• SpongeBob: [gasps] Look! It's the "X."
• Mr. Krabs: [eyes go into "X" like symbol] "X" marks the spot!
• SpongeBob: Wow! That game really is based on a real treasure map.
• Mr. Krabs: Well, what are you waitin' for, lads? [SpongeBob and Patrick both start digging] Dig! Dig! [the scene fades to minutes later] Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
• SpongeBob: We got it, Captain Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: Ha, ha. Hand it up to me, lads. Heave! [brings the treasure up] We finally found it. [opens up the treasure chest]
• Female Chorus: The Dutchman's Treasure!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow!
• SpongeBob: What are you gonna do with your share, Patrick?
• Patrick: I don't know. How are you gonna spend your share, SpongeBob?
• Mr. Krabs: What shares? You're not gettin' any of my treasure!
• SpongeBob: We found it together. So we deserve a share!
• Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm the captain. And I say it's mine!
• SpongeBob: What about loyalty?
• [All three are now fighting over the treasure chest.]
• Mr. Krabs: All for one.
• SpongeBob: And one for all.
• Mr. Krabs: All for one.
• SpongeBob: And one for all.
• Mr. Krabs: All for one.
• SpongeBob: And one for all.
• Flying Dutchman: [sleeping] I'm the Flyin' Dutchman.
• Mr. Krabs: All for one.
• SpongeBob: And one for all.
• Flying Dutchman: [sleeping] I'm the Flyin' Dutchman. [wakes up] Who dares wake the Flyin' Dutchman? Keep it down will ya? I'm tryna get some sleep. [noticing them fighting over the treasure chest] Huh?
• Mr. Krabs: All for one.
• SpongeBob and Patrick: One for all. [lightning strikes]
• Flying Dutchman: Who dug up the Dutchman's treasure?
• Mr. Krabs: [shoves the chest toward SpongeBob and Patrick] They did!
• Flying Dutchman: Arrgh! [picks up the treasure chest] So you two scallywags dug up me treasure?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [hugging each other in fear] Uh-huh!
• Flying Dutchman: Well, you saved me a lot of diggin' you did. So here's a reward for the two of ya's.
• [The Flying Dutchman gives them two gold doubloons.]
• SpongeBob: Wow!
• Female Chorus: Two gold doubloons!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick take the doubloons and the Flying Dutchman puts away his treasure chest in his pocket.]
• Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm captain of this crew! Where's my reward?
• Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you're right. A little somethin' for your trouble. [flicks something to Mr. Krabs]
• Mr. Krabs: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold! [a tiny plastic treasure chest] Huh? Why, it's just a little plastic treasure chest!
• Female Chorus: Plastic!
• Flying Dutchman: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure chest. [laughs]
• Patrick: Gee, Mr. Krabs, you're lookin' all sweaty again.
• [The Flying Dutchman turns into green smoke and vanishes, ending the episode.]