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{{EpisodeTranscript}}
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
{{L|''[The episode begins at the Adult Learning Center as grades (9-15th grade).]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. Mr. Tentacles, Professor of Art. What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image! ''[wife's head turns into Squidward's and the husband notices]'' I'll go down in history. Someday, there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world!}}
{{L|Squidward|Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. Mr. Tentacles, Professor of Art. What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image! ''[wife's head turns into Squidward's and the husband notices]'' I'll go down in history. Someday, there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world!}}
{{L|Janitor|Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down.}}
{{L|Janitor|Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down.}}
{{L|Squidward|Uncultured trash urchin. 9 AM. Time to let the class in. Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer. ''[opens door]'' Welcome to art class!}}
{{L|Squidward|Uncultured trash urchin. 9 AM. Time to let the class in. Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer. ''[opens door]'' Welcome to art class!}}
{{L|Nat|Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry... ''[everyone leaves except SpongeBob]''}}
{{L|Nat|Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry... ''[everyone outside leaves except SpongeBob]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Hi, Squidward! Are you taking this art class, too?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Hi, Squidward! Are you taking this art class, too?}}
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob?! In art class? Wait! This is cooking! Come back! You gotta be kidding.}}
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob?! In art class? Wait! This is cooking! Come back! You gotta be kidding.}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|How's this, Squidward?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|How's this, Squidward?}}
{{L|Squidward|What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your process.}}
{{L|Squidward|What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your process.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, first, I draw this head, ''[draws an amazing head]'' then, I erase some of the more detailed features, and one, two, three... a circle, uhh, thingy.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, first, I draw this head, ''[draws a realistic head]'' then, I erase some of the more detailed features, ''[erases the drawing into a rough sketch of a realistic head, then erases once more into a perfect circle]'' and one, two, three... a circle, uhh, thingy.}}
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that. ''[crumples paper]'' Forget the circles.}}
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that. ''[crumples paper]'' Forget the circles.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Ooh, nice one Squidward. Let me try. ''[laughs]'' Looky, Squidward. It's you and me playing leapfrog. That's you on the bottom.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Ooh, nice one Squidward. Let me try. ''[laughs]'' Looky, Squidward. It's you and me playing leapfrog. That's you on the bottom.}}
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that. ''[rips up paper]'' There is nothing artistic about leapfrog! ''[SpongeBob puts pieces together]'' What are you doing now?}}
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that. ''[rips up paper]'' There is nothing artistic about leapfrog!}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob puts the ripped pieces of paper together]''}}
{{L|Squidward|What are you doing now?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I call it: Rippy Bits. You take a bunch of old ripped up paper, and make a new picture out of it. See? You're on top...this...time. ''[blows paper]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I call it: Rippy Bits. You take a bunch of old ripped up paper, and make a new picture out of it. See? You're on top...this...time. ''[blows paper]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Do you want to learn art, or not?}}
{{L|Squidward|Do you want to learn art, or not?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I'm sorry, Squidward, I'll listen.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I'm sorry, Squidward, I'll listen.}}
{{L|Squidward|Alright, SpongeBob, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within. And gently... ''[hits marble with chisel; and it breaks into a pile of rubble]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Alright, SpongeBob, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within. And gently... ''[hits marble with chisel; it breaks into a pile of rubble]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[hits marble with chisel and it becomes a perfect sculpture of Michelangelo's David]'' How's this Squidward?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[hits marble with chisel and it becomes a perfect sculpture of Michelangelo's David]'' How's this Squidward?}}
{{L|Squidward|''[starry-eyed]'' It's beautiful! ''[a tear falls from his eyes]'' I mean... this isn't a sculpture. ''[SpongeBob's lip starts quivering]'' A good sculpture takes... more time. You can't just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules. ''[SpongeBob wipes away a tear]'' Otherwise, you'll never get passed Amateur Hour, here. Besides, you've got the nose wrong. ''[Squidward puts a nose like his on the sculpture]'' There, now it's art.}}
{{L|Squidward|''[starry-eyed]'' It's beautiful! ''[a tear falls from his eyes; snaps out of it]'' I mean... this isn't a sculpture. ''[SpongeBob's lip starts quivering]'' A good sculpture takes... more time. You can't just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules. ''[SpongeBob wipes away a tear]'' Otherwise, you'll never get passed Amateur Hour, here. Besides, you've got the nose wrong. ''[Squidward puts a nose like his on the sculpture]'' There, now it's art.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Ohhh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm sorry, Squidward. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shunned your lessons. ''[falls down and starts crying]'' I'll never be a great artist like you! I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve to be in your presence. ''[crawls over to the front door and looks back at Squidward]'' I don't even deserve to use your doors! ''[the doors open, hitting SpongeBob out the window into the garbage dumpster head-first]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[breaking down]'' Ohhh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm sorry, Squidward. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shunned your lessons. ''[falls down and starts crying]'' I'll never be a great artist like you! I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve to be in your presence. ''[crawls over to the front door and looks back at Squidward]'' I don't even deserve to use your doors! ''[the doors open, hitting SpongeBob out the window into the garbage dumpster head-first]''}}
{{L|Monty|Hello, there.}}
{{L|Monty P. Moneybags|Hello, there.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|But I did deserve that. ''[the dumpster closes on top of him]'' I deserved that, too. ''[garbage man takes SpongeBob to dump]'' And I deserve this!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|But I did deserve that. ''[the dumpster closes on top of him]'' I deserved that, too. ''[garbage man takes SpongeBob to dump]'' And I deserve this!}}
{{L|Monty|Good day, sir.}}
{{L|Monty|Good day, sir.}}
{{L|Squidward|Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.}}
{{L|Squidward|Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.}}
{{L|Monty|Oh, I beg your pardon, but I've forgotten my manners. My name is Monty P. Moneybags.}}
{{L|Monty|Oh, I beg your pardon, but I've forgotten my manners. My name is Monty P. Moneybags.}}
{{L|Squidward|The world famous art collector?}}
{{L|Squidward|The world-famous art collector?}}
{{L|Monty|The one and only.}}
{{L|Monty|The one and only.}}
{{L|Squidward|Well, what are you doing here?}}
{{L|Squidward|Well, what are you doing here?}}
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{{L|Squidward|How about this one? I call it: Bold and Brash.}}
{{L|Squidward|How about this one? I call it: Bold and Brash.}}
{{L|Monty|More like: Belongs in the Trash. ''[laughs]''}}
{{L|Monty|More like: Belongs in the Trash. ''[laughs]''}}
{{L|Janitor|Sorry. I must've missed that one. ''[grabs the painting and throws it in the trash]''}}
{{L|Janitor|Sorry. I must've missed that one. ''[grabs the painting and throws it in the trash, and whistles as he walks off]''}}
{{L|Monty|Maybe I should be... huh? What is that?}}
{{L|Monty|Maybe I should be... huh? What is that?}}
{{L|Squidward|Wait, wait. That's not uh, uh...}}
{{L|Squidward|Wait, wait. That's not uh, uh...}}
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{{L|Squidward|Fortune! ''[Squidward imagines himself in a tub full of money]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Fortune! ''[Squidward imagines himself in a tub full of money]''}}
{{L|Monty|Anything his heart desires.}}
{{L|Monty|Anything his heart desires.}}
{{L|Squidward|Anything?! ''[Squidward imagines himself with hair]'' It's me. It's me. I'm responsible.}}
{{L|Squidward|Anything?! ''[Squidward imagines himself with hair, then he runs off to Monty in excitement]'' It's me. It's me. I'm responsible.}}
{{L|Monty|I can see it now. Your name in the world's most prestigious museums. I'm gonna make you, immortal! Now, uh, help me get this in the car.}}
{{L|Monty|I can see it now. Your name in the world's most prestigious museums. I'm gonna make you, immortal! Now, uh, help me get this in the car.}}
{{L|Squidward|I could use a little help. ''[sculpture's head hits the top of the doorway and breaks off, then turns into rubble]'' My fame! My fortune! My hair!}}
{{L|Squidward|I could use a little help. ''[sculpture's head hits the top of the doorway and breaks off, then the head makes a watery tear of Squidward crying. The head now turns into rubble]'' My fame! My fortune! My hair!}}
{{L|Monty|Well, that's a bit a bad luck right there. But, this shouldn't be a problem for an artist of your magnitude. You can whip up another one.}}
{{L|Monty|Well, that's a bit a bad luck right there. But, this shouldn't be a problem for an artist of your magnitude. You can whip up another one.}}
{{L|Squidward|Yeah, no problem. You know, between you and me, this isn't my best work. Why don't you come back tomorrow and I'll have something that will really knock your socks off.}}
{{L|Squidward|Yeah, no problem. You know, between you and me, this isn't my best work. Why don't you come back tomorrow and I'll have something that will really knock your socks off.}}
{{L|Monty|Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks. ''[laughs]''}}
{{L|Monty|Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks. ''[laughs]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Yeah, no socks. OK, see you tomorrow. Bye. ''[closes the door as Monty walks out]'' I gotta find SpongeBob! ''[at the Bikini Bottom Dump]'' SpongeBob... SpongeBob? SpongeBob!}}
{{L|Squidward|Yeah, no socks. OK, see you tomorrow. Bye. ''[closes the door as Monty walks out]'' I gotta find SpongeBob!}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the Bikini Bottom Dump, where Squidward is looking for SpongeBob.]''}}
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob... SpongeBob? SpongeBob!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[muffles inside the Kelpo cereal box flat on his back]'' Go away, Squidward. I don't deserve your kindness.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[muffles inside the Kelpo cereal box flat on his back]'' Go away, Squidward. I don't deserve your kindness.}}
{{L|Squidward|Hey, cheer up. I have decided to give you another chance. Why, with a great teacher like me, anything is possible.}}
{{L|Squidward|Hey, cheer up. I have decided to give you another chance. Why, with a great teacher like me, anything is possible.}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Wow.... ''[pause]'' Really?}}
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow.... ''[pause]'' Really?}}
{{L|Squidward|Let's go.}}
{{L|Squidward|Let's go.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[notices a painting in the dump]'' Squidward, look. It's ol' Bold and Brash!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[notices a painting in the dump surrounded by flies]'' Squidward, look. It's ol' Bold and Brash!}}
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that. ''[back at classroom]'' Ok, SpongeBob. Just do what you did before.}}
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I... can't!}}
{{L|''[Bubble transition back to the classroom, as Squidward pushes a marble in place.]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Ok, SpongeBob. Just do what you did before.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[attempts to chisel the marble but hesitates]'' I... can't!}}
{{L|Squidward|Ah, ah. Wait, wait. Let me help. Let's start with the circle again.}}
{{L|Squidward|Ah, ah. Wait, wait. Let me help. Let's start with the circle again.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I did it, Squidward. ''[draws a crooked circle]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I did it, Squidward. ''[draws a crooked circle]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|I've gotta embrace the marble!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I've gotta embrace the marble!}}
{{L|Squidward|Right.}}
{{L|Squidward|Right.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I've gotta sniff the marble!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I've gotta sniff the marble! ''[sniffs the marble]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Well, uh, ok.}}
{{L|Squidward|Well, uh, ok.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I've gotta lick the marble!}}
{{L|SpongeBob|I've gotta lick the marble!}}
{{L|Squidward|Uhh...}}
{{L|Squidward|Uhh...}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[washes the marble in a washing machine]'' I've gotta wash the marble! ''[sits with the marble and a dining table]'' I've gotta date the marble! ''[expands himself so that he's the same size as the marble]'' I've gotta be the marble! I've got it! I have seen the sculpture within.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|''[washes the marble in a washing machine]'' I've gotta wash the marble! ''[sits with the marble and a dining table]'' I've gotta date the marble! ''[expands himself so that he's the same size as the marble]'' I've gotta be the marble! I've got it! ''[returns to normal size]'' I have seen the sculpture within.}}
{{L|Squidward|Here you go, buddy. ''[hands him sculpting tools]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Here you go, buddy. ''[hands him sculpting tools]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|With this tool, I shall give birth to art.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|With this tool, I shall give birth to art.}}
{{L|Squidward|Oh, boy. ''[SpongeBob taps marble with the chisel; it shatters into a pile of rubble]''}}
{{L|Squidward|Oh, boy.}}
{{L|SpongeBob|But, one more thing. ''[puts a stone nose shaped like Squidward's on it]'' There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Squidward? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in. ''[Squidward screams with frustration and goes insane, runs through the marble and kicks two marbles, eating a part of the marble, he takes paint, squeezes it, kicks a picture, destroys the marble into four pieces, and destroys the other marbles. While Squidward is destroying things, two Squidwards in the American Gothic painting form look at each other as they watch Squidward go ballistic. Squidward continues throwing stuff to the rubble]'' It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward. Oh, well, back to the dump. ''[runs through the wall and down the road singing in the tune of the William Tell Overture]''  ♪To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. ♪}}
{{L|''[SpongeBob taps marble with the chisel; it shatters into a pile of rubble; Squidward's smile (while trying to keep in his insanity) is frozen in place]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|But, one more thing. ''[puts a stone nose shaped like Squidward's nose on it]'' There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Squidward? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in.}}
{{L|''[Squidward tries to keep in his insanity with a smile while he jitters, but then he screams with frustration and goes insane. He kicks two marbles, eats a part of a marble, takes four paint tubes and squeezes them, kicks a picture, takes a marble and repeatedly smashes it into the floor, and starts smashing the other marbles the same way. While Squidward is destroying things, two Squidwards in the American Gothic painting form look at each other as they watch Squidward go ballistic. A marble butt flies over SpongeBob]''}}
{{L|SpongeBob|It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward. Oh, well, back to the dump. ''[runs through the wall and down the road singing in the tune of the William Tell Overture]''  ♪To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. ♪}}
{{L|''[Squidward continues to break more art, then puffs in rage. Monty opens the entrance.]''}}
{{L|Monty|I'm here for the... what the? Who is responsible for this?}}
{{L|Monty|I'm here for the... what the? Who is responsible for this?}}
{{L|Squidward|As of now, it's his responsibility! ''[puts hat on janitor's head]'' Good day to you, sir! ''[it is revealed that when Squidward smashed all of the marble together, he created an even better sculpture than the first one and left without even seeing it]''}}
{{L|Squidward|As of now, it's his responsibility! ''[puts hat on janitor's head]'' Good day to you, sir! ''[angrily walks out of the building]''}}
{{L|''[As Monty and the janitor walk into the building, it is revealed that when Squidward smashed all of the marble together, he created an even better sculpture than the first one and left without even seeing it]''}}
{{L|Monty|''[to janitor]'' You, sir, are the greatest artist who ever lived!}}
{{L|Monty|''[to janitor]'' You, sir, are the greatest artist who ever lived!}}
[[Category:Transcripts]]

Latest revision as of 10:53, 22 May 2025