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{{CTranscript}}
{{Transcript-cleanup}}
 
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
{{BTranscript
{{L|''[Mr. Krabs' pet worm Mr. Doodles is sniffing some coral.]''}}
|Title=As Seen on TV
{{L|Mr. Krabs|C'mon, Mr. Doodles. ''[pulls Mr. Doodles away, choking him briefly]'' We haven't got all day. We've gotta get down to me favorite restaurant. Mine. Where we're shootin' our first ever Krusty Krab commercial. After this commercial airs, we'll be swarmin' with customers. I can already feel myself sweatin' money.}}
|Season=3
{{L|''[Mr. Doodles barks.]''}}
|Episode=47a
{{L|Mr. Krabs|No, I got Squidward organizin' the whole thing. He's... y'know... artsy. ''[sees something he does not like]'' What the...? This looks expensive. Out of my way. Comin' through. Move it or lose it. Squidward!}}
|Airdate=[[March 8]], [[2002]]
{{L|Squidward|''[descending]'' What?}}
}}
{{L|Mr. Krabs|What in Neptune's name is goin' on?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs.}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|What you're doin' is throwin' away me money! I told you to rent, only what is absolutely necessary.}}
*[''Mrs. Pretty is sniffing some ass'']
{{L|Squidward|This ''is'' all necessary.}}
* C'mon, Mrs. Pretty. We haven't got all day. We've got to get down to me favorite whore house. Mine. Where we're shooting our first ever Krusty Krotch commercial. After this commercial airs, we'll be swarming with horny customers. I can already feel myself sweatin' cum!
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well what's all this useless junk? ''[the junk is shown]''}}
*[''Mrs. Pretty dies]''
{{L|Squidward|That's the useless junk for scene, uh, 28.}}
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' No, I got Squidward organizing the whole thing. He's...ya know...gay. What the...? This looks expensive. Out of my way. F*ck you. Move it or lose it. Squidward!
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Oh, well, then how do you explain that? ''[Pointing to 2 Krusty Krabs]'' A second Krusty Krab?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy. ''[showing Mr. Krabs' double]''}}
Squidward: What?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, you got me there. But why do we need ''him?'' ''[pointing to a clown]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[whispers]'' This job gets very stressful, Mr. Krabs.}}
Mr. Krabs: What in Neptune's name is going on?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[to the commercial crew]'' All right, get lost, all of ya! ''[everyone leaves angrily]'' You're fired! Go on! Scram! Get outta here, ya moochers. That's right, keep movin'.}}
 
{{L|Incidental|You know what? You know what? Yeah.}}
Squidward: We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs.
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[stops the clown from leaving]'' Except you. You stay.}}
 
{{L|''[The clown smiles and a horn honks.]''}}
Mr. Krabs: What you're doing is throwing away me money! I told you to rent, only, what is absolutely unecessary.
{{L|Squidward|Well, this is just great. Now we've got no crew to make the commercial.}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|What are you talkin' about, Squidward? We got the cheapest crew in the world. You, me, and SpongeBob. Speakin' of which, where is the little barnacle?}}
Squidward: This is all unecessary.
{{L|SpongeBob|''[muffled, as his nose pokes from underground]'' I'm down here, sir.}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|What are you doin', lad?}}
Mr. Krabs: Then what's all this useless shit?
{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward said I could help by burying myself!}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Quit foolin' and come on out. ''[pulls SpongeBob out]'' I need you to be in the commercial!}}
Squidward: That's the useless shit for scene, uhh, 2,000.
{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' Me? In the Krusty Krab commercial? Me?! ''[we see a background of him smiling ecstatically]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[stammers]'' But, but, but, but, but, but, but...}}
Mr. Krabs: Oh, well, then how do you explain that? (Pointing to 2 Krusty Krotch) A 2nd Krusty anus?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[SpongeBob is still smiling]'' Don't throw your buts at me, Mr. Squidward. We got a timetable to keep. This thing airs tonight.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Squidward|Tonight?!}}
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy. (showing 2 sluts kissing)
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Yup, I got a sweet deal on a prime-time slot.}}
 
{{L|French Narrator|''[reading timecard]'': 3:28 am.}}
Mr. Krabs: Well, you got me there. But why do we need him? (Pointing to a pimp)
{{L|SpongeBob|It's almost on, Gary. ''[Gary yawns]'' Yeah, I got butterflies, too. This is the most exciting thing to happen in the history of history. ''[the TV displays a wild west show, then shows the Krusty Krab commercial]'' Look, Gary! It's on! ''[the commercial starts]''}}
 
{{L|Pearl|''[as Amy]'' Oh, Jen. I've got a real problem.}}
Squidward: This job gets very stressful, Mr. Krabs.
{{L|Squidward|''[as Jen]'' What's your problem, Amy?}}
 
{{L|Pearl|''[as Amy, holding a wad of cash in her flippers]'' I've got all this ''money'' and I don't know what to do with it and I'm hungry.}}
Mr. Krabs: All right, get lost, all of ya. You're gay. Go on. Scram. Get out of here, you f*ckers. That's right, keep moving. Except you, you die. (Pimp slaps him)
{{L|''[Mr. Krabs is laughing offscreen.]''}}
 
{{L|Pearl|''[as Amy]'' Who's there?}}
Squidward: Well, this is just great. Now we've got no whores to make the commercial.
{{L|Squidward|''[as Jen]'' Where's that coming from?}}
 
{{L|''[Purple smoke appears, revealing Mr. Krabs.]''}}
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about, Squidward? We got the cheapest whores in the world. You, me, and SpongeBalls. Speaking of which, where is the little flamer?
{{L|Amy and Jen|Yippee, it's Mr. Krabs!}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|That's right, Amy. I heard all about your little problem and I'm here to help. Follow... me!}}
SpongeBalls: (underground) I'm gay, sir.
{{L|''[Transitions to the Krusty Krab.]''}}
 
{{L|Amy and Jen|Where are we?}}
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing, fag?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Why, we're at none other than the Krusty Krab.}}
 
{{L|Amy|Did you say "Krusty Krab?"}}
SpongeBalls: Squidward said I could help by f*cking myself!
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[speakphone appears all of a sudden]'' That's right! Krusty Krab! Home of the world famous... Krabby Patty!}}
 
{{L|Jen|What's a Krabby Patty?}}
Mr. Krabs: Quit fooling and come on out. I need you to be in the commercial.
{{L|''[Mr. Krabs' jaw drops, the camera zooms in and out, and a bouncing spring noise plays.]''}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Why, it's only the most mouthwaterin', appetizin' food in the seven seas.}}
SpongeBalls: (gasps) Me? In the Krusty Krotch commercial? Me!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[he is shown from the neck down at the grill, holding the spatula with a patty on the grill]'' There I am, Gary! There I am!}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[the ingredients appear on the bun as he says this]'' We start with a fresh patty, grilled and juicy. Add some crisp undersea veggies and cheese. Topped off with secret sauce and some buns. Voila! A Krabby Patty.}}
Squidward: But, but, but, but, but, but, but...
{{L|Amy|I want a Krabby Patty.}}
Mr. Krabs: Don't throw your butts at me, Mr. Squidward. We got a time table to keep. This thing airs tonight.
{{L|Jen|Me, too.}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|How do you like them Krabby Patties, girls? ''[laughs]''}}
SpongeBalls & Squidward: Tonight?!
{{L|Amy and Jen|''[give a thumbs up as they are eating]''}}
 
{{L|''[Mr. Krabs is still laughing.]''}}
Mr. Krabs: Yup, I got a sweet deal on prime-time slot.
{{L|SpongeBob|''[his hat is showing through the order window as Krabs puts his claw up to look like he is holding up two fingers]'' Look, Gary, there I am again! Look!}}
Narrator: 3:28am
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Two more satisfied customers. So why don't you come on in, and have yourself a Krabby Patty today?}}
 
{{L|All|''[words appear on screen]'' ♪ The Krusty Krab: Come Spend Your Money Here! ♪}}
SpongeBob: It's almost on, Gary.
{{L|''[The commercial ends.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|That was the best 60 seconds of my life! Well, time for bed. ''[cut to the clam rooster crowing. SpongeBob wakes up and the alarm goes off]'' Time to go do my favorite thing at my favorite place. ''[humming]''}}
Gary: (screams) RAAAAAGH!
{{L|Old Man Jenkins|Hey, you!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Top of the mornin', oldster.}}
 
{{L|Old Man Jenkins|Hey! I saw you on TV last night. ''[cut to flashback showing that Old Man Jenkins was actually watching a bran flakes commercial and saw the yellow box]''}}
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'm gay, too. This is the most exciting thing to happen in the history of history. (TV shows porn. Then shows KK commercial)
{{L|Announcer|New Bran Flakes. Bold new taste. Bran Flakes. ''[screen fades back to Spongebob]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|You did?}}
SpongeBob: Look, Gary! It's on!
{{L|Old Man Jenkins|Yeah. You were on a commercial.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|You're right! Wow, he recognized me.}}
 
{{L|Old Man Jenkins|Yup. See ya later, Bran Flakes. What a nice cereal box.}}
----
{{L|SpongeBob|''[talking to himself]'' "Weren't you that guy on TV?" Yes! I am that guy. ''[laughs]'' How kind of you to notice. Weren't you that guy on the television last night? Yes, that was me. I... ''[bumps into Nat Peterson]''}}
Start of commercial----------
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, please excuse me, sir.}}
 
{{L|Nat Peterson|''[reading SpongeBob's nametag]'' Oh, that's quite all right, uhh... SpongeBob.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow. I'm getting recognized all over. Why, next thing ya know, people are gonna start doing things like holding doors open for... ''[gasps as Nat opens the door to enter the restaurant]'' Why, sir, I'm flattered.}}
Pearl: Oh, Jen. I've got a real problem
{{L|Nat Peterson| ''[waving his flipper up and down in front of his face]'' Really? I don't smell anything.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[laughs]'' You're on your way, kid!}}
 
{{L|Fred|Excuse me, sir, can I get a napkin?}}
Squidward (Jen): What's your problem, Amy?
{{L|SpongeBob|Why, of course, good sir. And next time, feel free to approach me. It most be so degrading to ask from across the room. And who am I making this bad boy out to?}}
 
{{L|Fred| ''[sarcastically]'' To my tail fin. I'll get it myself. ''[gets up and walks away]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|F-I-N. There we are, darling. Hmph. Shyness got the best of him.}}
Pearl (Amy): I've got all these dildos and I don't know what to do with them and I'm horny.
{{L|Squidward|There you are, SpongeBob. I need you to...}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No problem, Squidward. I got one already made out. Enjoy.}}
(Mr. Krabs is laughing off-set)
{{L|Squidward|''[holding a napkin reading, "To my tail fin; Love, SpongeBob]'' To my tail fin? ''[checks to see if he has one]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, I am that guy on TV.}}
 
{{L|Tyler|''[walking up to the condiment table with his friend]'' Hey, look!}}
Pearl (Amy): Who's there?
{{L|SpongeBob|Please, good people, no photos at work.}}
 
{{L|Tyler|Here's the ketchup. ''[squirts ketchup on his Krabby Patty]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, maybe just one. ''[poses]'' Another one? Okay. Limbo. ''[limboes under the mop]'' And now, the, uh, oh, I got it.}}
Squidward (Jen): Where's that coming from?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|There you are, SpongeBob!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Jet pilot.}}
(Purple cum appears)
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Now I need you to... ''[SpongeBob spins the mop like an airplane propeller and hits him]'' ...Ow! ''[his claw breaks]'' Alright, boy! Get in there and scrub the head and stop actin' so predictable!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I'm so misunderstood. Alas, good people, even the brightest of stars grow weary, and I am no exception. But I will shine again after a quick break in my quarters. Stay beautiful. ''[we cut to Dale and Lou in the restroom]''}}
 
{{L|Dale|Hey, were you able to catch Glandy McPinkfish on Flounderman last night?}}
Amy and Jen: Yippee, it's Mr. Krabs!
{{L|Lou|No. How was he?}}
 
{{L|Dale|Well, I knew that this guy's acting was good, but his singing was phenomenal. ''[SpongeBob is listening to their conversation while cleaning a urinal]'' I'm tellin' you, Vendor, if that guy was to cut a solo record, he'd be a hit! ''[both close stall doors]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[pupils change into stars as he wipes the inside of the urinal]'' Solo record...}}
Mr. Krabs: That's right, Amy. I heard all about your little problem and I'm here to help. Follow...me!
{{L|''[Cuts to Mr. Krabs' office, where he is writing a resignation notice.]''}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|So, if I fire him and make his successor do twice the work, and... ''[knock on door]'' ...eh, come in. ''[in walks SpongeBob and poses like a model]'' Oh, it's just you, SpongeBob. Those heads better be beautiful.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They are, Mr. Krabs, and so is mine. And now I gotta lay somethin' on ya, Krabs baby.}}
Amy and Jen: Where are we?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|The only thing you better lay is some patties on the grill, Fry Boy.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Nah, I can't take that gig, Krabber. That phase in my career is over. I'm an entertainer now.}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|What in blazes are you talkin' about?}}
Mr. Krabs: Why, we're at none other than The Krusty Krotch.
{{L|SpongeBob|Come on, Krabs. Let's think outside the box for a second. Commercials are old-hat. The people want music. If I could change fate I would, Krabsy. And I'm an entertainer deep down. A people's person. We're on the same page here, aren't we?}}
 
{{L|''[Mr. Krabs briefly stares at SpongeBob dumbfounded, his eyes inflated to a comically large size.]''}}
Amy: Did you say Krusty Krotch?
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Boy, those Krabby fumes must've gotten to your head. Borrow Squidward's gas mask and get ''right'' back to work.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[snaps fingers twice]'' I knew you'd understand. Well, thanks for the start. I'm outta here. ''[snaps his fingers outside his office]''}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Oooooh... I've never felt such a strange combination of pity... and indigestion. ''[goes back to writing notice]''}}
Mr. Krabs: That's right, Krusty Krotch. Home of the world famous: Krabby Penis!
{{L|''[SpongeBob continues snapping his fingers as he walks out, then is stopped by a crowd of angry customers.]''}}
 
{{L|Bill|There he is! Hey! We've been waiting for you!}}
 
{{L|Nazz|Where have you been? ''[SpongeBob makes an O-shaped mouth wiggling]''}}
Jen: What's a krabby penis?
{{L|Bill|How long are you going to keep us standing here?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Well, SpongeBob? Are you just gonna stand there like a half-wit, mouth agape? Or are you gonna fill these peoples' orders?}}
(Mr. Krabs dick drops off)
{{L|SpongeBob|Pipe down, Squidward. This crowd looks angry. They're not gonna wait any longer. I think I better give them what they need, and fast.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|I think so, too, or Krabs will fire both of us. ''[smiling]'' On second thought, keep 'em waiting.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No can do, Squidward. These people demand entertainment.}}
Mr. Krabs: Why it's only the most mouth-watering appetizing penis in the seven seas.
{{L|Squidward|Enter-what?!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob grabs the order microphone.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|How you doin', folks?}}
SpongeBalls: I am horny Gary! Yes I am!
{{L|All|Hungry!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|That's no problem, ladies and germs. 'Cause SpongeBob is here to satisfy. ''[turns down the lights]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Hey!}}
Mr. Krabs: We start with a fresh dildo, grilled and juicy. Add some crisp undersea vaginas and cheese. Topped off with secret sauce and some buns. Voila! A krabby penis.
{{L|Bill|''[to his friend]'' Eating here was ''your'' idea.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I'd like to call this little number "Striped Sweater." ♪ The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time. One with a collar, turtleneck, ''[pinches Bill's sweater. Bill is staring angrily at him]'' that's the kind ''[screeching]'' 'Cause when you're wearing... ♪ ''[the lights turns back on and they start complaining]''}}
 
{{L|Bill|We're starving!}}
Amy: I want a krabby penis.
{{L|SpongeBob|♪ That one... special... sweater... ♪ ''[yelling continues]'' Squidward, this crowd is insatiable.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Then why don't you go back in the kitchen, and grab some patties, and give them what they came here for?!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Juggling! Thanks, Squiddy. ''[crowd is booing]''}}
Jen: Me, too.
{{L|Nancy|Is this some kind of joke?!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|They want juggling and jokes at the same time? Tough crowd. ''[juggling patties]''}}
 
{{L|Bill|Oh, now what's he doing?!}}
Mr. Krabs: How do you like them krabby penises, girls? (laughs)
{{L|SpongeBob|Uh, what do you call a vampire whose car breaks down three miles from a blood bank? A cab! ''[rimshot]''}}
 
{{L|Bill|We're losing our appetites!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Uh, okay. There's a nun, an astronaut, and a hairdryer.}}
Amy & Jen: (middle finger)
{{L|All|We want patties!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, the most I can juggle is three, but the show must go on. Whoa! ''[slips on grease and patties flip in the air]''}}
(Mr. Krabs still laughing)
{{L|''[In slow motion, cut between SpongeBob slipping, the patties flying, and the crowd booing at the ordering window; the same sequence is shown again before SpongeBob is shown.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[screaming]'' No! ''[in his head]'' My career is over. All those years clawing my way up. All the people I've stepped on, wasted.}}
 
{{L|''[The patties land on the grill; normal speed resumes as the crowd smiles.]''}}
SpongeBalls: Look, Gary, I am horny again. Look!
{{L|Bill|Hey! Finally!}}
 
{{L|Nancy|That's what we've been waiting for!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[dotted lines form from his eyes to point to patty]'' They seem to like it when I put this patty on the grill. I may be able to save this act, yet! Roll with it, SpongeBob. Roll with it. There's more where that came from, folks! ''[puts a ton of patties on the grill]''}}
Mr. Krabs: Two more satisfied customers. So why don't you cum on in, and have yourself a krabby penis today.
{{L|All|Yay!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|You like that?!}}
 
{{L|Bill|It's what we wanted all along!}}
All: The Krusty Krotch: Come F*ck Your Best Friend Here!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[thinking]'' It's working! But how do I follow it up? Think on your feet, SpongeBob, it'll get you this far. ''[notices a bag of buns on the table]'' Buns! ''[speaking]'' It's a stretch, but we've all gotta try to push the envelope sometime! ''[shakes the buns out of the sack]'' Okay, folks, how do you like this? ''[flips patties inside buns]''}}
 
{{L|All|Yeah!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I'm breaking new ground. Time to get edgy!}}
----
{{L|Customers|We want onions! Cheese! Yay!}}
End of commercial----------
{{L|SpongeBob|Ready for the grand finale? ''[customers ready their trays as SpongeBob throws their Krabby Patties at their respective trays. Squidward is shown sleeping]''}}
SpongeBalls: That was the best 60 seconds of my life! Well, time for bed.
{{L|All|Whoopee! Krabby Patties! ''[Squidward wakes up as Mr. Krabs exits his office]''}}
(It's morning)
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, SpongeBob, looks like you've finally found your calling. ''[gives SpongeBob his hat back]''}}
SpongeBalls: Time to go do my favorite thing at my favorite place. (humming)
{{L|SpongeBob|I'll say. ''[flips a patty that stays in midair]'' I'm so glad I gave up fry cooking for this. ''[the screen quickly fades to black, ending the episode]''}}
Elderly Slut: Hey, you!
[[es:Como lo vio en TV(Transcripcion)]]
SpongeBalls: Top of the morning, bitch.
Elderly Slut: Hey! I saw you on TV last night. (Then a flashback shows that the elderly woman was actually watching a porn commercial and saw the ass.)
Announcer: New, Ass Face. Bold, new taste. Ass Face. SpongeBalls: You did?
Elderly Slut: Yeah. You were on a commercial.
SpongeBalls: You're right! Wow, he recognized me.
Elderly Slut: Yup. See ya later, Ass Face. What a nice ass.
SpongeBalls: (talking to self) "Weren't you that guy on TV?" Yes! I am that guy. (laughs) How gay of you to notice. Weren't you that guy on the television last night? No, f*ck me. I... (runs into citizen)
SpongeBalls: Oh, please excuse me, sir.
Citizen: Oh, you're a fag, uhh, SpongeBalls.
SpongeBalls: Wow. I'm getting f*cked all over. Why next thing you'll know, people are going to start doing things like holding anuses open for... (gasps) Why, sir, I'm horny.
Citizen: Oh, really? I'm not gay.
SpongeBalls: (laughs) You're on your way, fag.
Fred: Excuse me, sir, can I get a dildo?
SpongeBalls: Why of course, f*cker. And next time, feel free to approach me. It most be so degrading to cum from across the room. And who am I f*cking?
Fred: My ass. I'll f*ck myself.
SpongeBalls: A-S-S. There we are, slut. Hmph. Looks like gayness got the best of him.
Squidward: There you are, SpongeBalls. I need you to...
SpongeBalls: No problem, Squidward. I got one already hard. Enjoy.
Squidward: To my ass? (checks to see if he has one)
SpongeBalls: Yes I am that guy on TV.
Kid: Hey, look!
SpongeBalls: Please good people, no pornos at work. Kid: Here's the cum.
SpongeBalls: Well, maybe just one. (poses) Another one? Ok. 69! And now, the, uh, oh, I got it.
Mr. Krabs: There you are, SpongeBalls.
SpongeBalls: Yes, cowgirl position!
Mr. Krabs: I need you to...(gets hit with dick)...OW! (penis breaks) Alright, boy. Get in there and scrub my dick and stop acting so predictable.
SpongeBalls: I'm so gay. Alas, good people, even the brightest of porn stars grow weary and I am no exception. But I will shine again after a quick break in my love tower. You've been beautiful.
Customer #1: Hey, were you able to catch Sluty the Slut on Girls Gone Wild last night?
Customer #2: No. How was she?
Customer #1: Well, I knew that chick's blowing was good, but her f*cking was phenomenal. I'm telling you, Gaylord, if that whore was to be in a porn magazine, she'd be a hit. SpongeBalls: Porn magazine!
(In Mr. Krabs office)
Mr. Krabs: So, if I f*ck him and make a hooker do twice the work, and...(knock on door)...eh, cum in my ass.(in walks SpongeBalls and poses like a slut) Oh, it's just you, SpongeBalls. Those dicks better be beautiful.
SpongeBalls: They are, Mr. Krabs, and so is mine. And now I gotta f*ck on ya, Krabs Baby.
Mr. Krabs: The only thing you better f*ck is a whore on the bed, F*ck Boy.
SpongeBalls: Nah, I can't take that gig, Fag. That phase in my career is over. I'm a porn star now.
Mr. Krabs: What in blazes are you talking about?
SpongeBalls: Come on, Krabs. Let's think about the tits for a second. Commercials are old-half. The people want porn! If I could change fate I would, Fag. And I'm a porn star deep down. A people's slut. We're on the same page here, aren't we?
Mr. Krabs: Boy, those cum shots must've gotten to your head. Borrow Squidward's ass mask and get right back to work.
SpongeBalls: (strokes his dick twice) F*ck you. Well, thanks for the start. I'm out of here. (SpongeBalls rubs his penis outside his office)
Mr. Krabs: Oooooh...I've never felt such a strange combination of horny...and hungry.
Customer #2: There he is! Hey! We've been waiting for you.
Customer #3: Where have you been?
Customer #2: How long are you going to keep us f*cking here?
Squidward: Well, SpongeBalls? Are you just going to stand there like a tit, ass ungaped? Or are you going to fill these peoples' vaginas?
SpongeBalls: F*ck you Squidward. This crowd looks horny. They're not going to wait any longer. I think I better give them what they need, and fast.
Squidward: I think so, too, or Krabs will f*ck both of us. On second thought, keep 'em waiting.
SpongeBalls: No can do, Squidward. These people demand porn.
Squidward: Porn? (SpongeBalls grabs a slut's tits)
SpongeBalls: How you doing bitch?
Customers: Horny!
SpongeBalls: That's no problem, ladies and whores. 'Cause SpongeBalls is here to satisfy. (Lights are turned down)
Squidward: Hey!
Customer #2: F*cking here was your idea!
 
Song: "Hard Dick"
 
I'd like to call this little number "Hard Dick."
The best time to have a hard dick is all the time.
One with forseskin, pink and hard, that's the kind!
'Cause when you're horny, there's that one...big...dick...
(Everyone cums)
SpongeBalls: Squidward, this crowd is moist and wanting!
Squidward: Then why don't you back in the love tower and grab some dildos and give them what they came here for!!
SpongeBalls: F*cking! Thanks, Squiddy. (all the customers cum again)
Customer #4: F*ck you!
SpongeBalls: They want me to f*ck them and me at the same time? Tough crowd.
Customer #2: Oh, now what's he doing?
SpongeBalls: Uhh, what do you call a pimp whose limo breaks down 3 miles from a whore house? A cock!
Customer #2: We're losing our hardness!
SpongeBalls: Uh, ok. There's a slut, an ass-tro-not, and a dick-wetter.
Customers: We want cum!
SpongeBalls: Well, the most I can f*ck is three, but the show must go on. ((SpongeBalls cums and dildos flip in the air)) No!!!!!!!! ((talking in his dick)) My career is over. All those years f*cking my way up. All the people I've came on. F*ck. ((dildos land in their vaginas))
Customer #2: Hey! Finally!
Customer #4: That's what we've been waiting for! (dotted lines form from his dick to point to the vagina)
SpongeBalls: They seem to like it when I put this dildo in the girl. I may be able to save this act, yet. Roll with it, SpongeBalls. Roll with it. There's more where that came from, sluts. (SpongeBalls puts a whole ton of dildos in the girls)
Customers: Yay!
SpongeBalls: You like that?
Customer #2: It's what we wanted all along!
SpongeBob: It seems to be working. But how do I follow it up? Tits! It's a stretch, but we've all got to f*ck our mom, sometime. Ok, folks. How do you like this? (grabs everyone's boobs)
Customers: Yeah!
SpongeBalls: I'm f*cking a new crowd. Time to get horny.
Customers: We want vibrators! Cum! Yeah!
SpongeBalls: Ready for the grand finale? (Crowd spreads their ass cheeks so they can catch the cum. Dildos land in thier asses)
Customers: Whoopee! Krabby penises!
Mr. Krabs: Well, SpongeBalls, looks like you've finally found your calling.
SpongeBalls: I'll say. I'm so glad I gave up lap dancing for this.
[[Category:Episode transcripts]]

Latest revision as of 06:20, 23 July 2025

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