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{{CTranscript}}
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
(Spongebob is humming inside of his mailbox. He checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox.)
{{L|''[SpongeBob is sitting inside of his mailbox, happily humming. He checks his watch. Incidental 154 arrives, opens the mailbox, and SpongeBob suddenly pops out.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hi, mailman!}}
Spongebob: Hi Mailman!
{{L|''[Incidental 154 drops his mail, screams in terror, and runs away.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, ''[gets out of the mailbox]'' see you tomorrow!}}
(The mailman yells in fear and runs off)
{{L|Patrick|''[walks up]'' Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's see... ''[looks through the mail]'' Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, hey! A magazine! ''[looks at the magazine]'' That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.}}
Spongebob: O.K, see you tomorrow!
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[look inside the magazine]'' Whoa!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Look at these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living! ''[a picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown. It has an inflatable pool floating in the water.]'' This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!}}
(Spongebob gets out of the mailbox. Patrick walks up.)
{{L|''[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[points at the man's feet]'' This guy's got shoes!}}
Patrick: Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?
{{L|Squidward|Give me that! ''[takes the magazine out of SpongeBob's hands]'' Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?}}
Spongebob: Let's see... (Looks through the mail) Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine!
{{L|Squidward|They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|What kind of things?}}
(Spongebob looks at the magazine)
{{L|Squidward|How should I know? Things people want to buy! ''[walks off]'' Now keep your paws off my mail.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it, Patrick! We gotta become entrepreneurs!}}
Spongebob: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
{{L|Patrick|Is that gonna hurt?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Quick, Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?}}
Spongebob and Patrick: (They look inside the magazine) WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!
{{L|Patrick|Uh... ''[sweats]'' More time for thinking.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.}}
Spongebob: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!
{{L|Patrick|''[pops up behind him]'' A chocolate bar?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!}}
(A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown)
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'N-Mart carrying many chocolate bars.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Fancy living, here we come!}}
Spongebob: This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
{{L|Patrick|Make way for a couple of entrepe-nooers!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house.]''}}
(A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money)
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door. Incidental 6 opens the door.]''}}
Patrick: (Points at the man's feet) This guy's got shoes!
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, could we interest you in some ''[holds up a chocolate bar]'' chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate? Did you say, chocolate?}}
Squidward: Give me that! (Takes the magazine) Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!
{{L|Patrick|Yes, sir. ''[holds up two chocolate bars]'' With or without nuts?}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate?! ''[screaming]'' Chocolate?! Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!}}
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away, and then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "Chocolate!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, the first guy didn't count. This is our real first step! ''[Incidental 118C opens the door]'' Good morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?}}
Squidward: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.
{{L|Incidental 118C|Chocolate bars, eh?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen!}}
Spongebob: What kind of things?
{{L|Incidental 118C|Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise! ''[Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants, and he quickly looks at them]'' No, no, no, no, wrong. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Oh, most certainly, sir!}}
Squidward: How should I know? Things people wanna buy! (walks off) Now keep your paws off my mail.
{{L|Incidental 118C|Well, ''[chuckles]'' no self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! ''[holds up a bright-orange bag]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow... what is it?}}
Spongebob: That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!
{{L|Incidental 118C|It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob tries to touch it.]''}}
Patrick: Is that gonna hurt?
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[pulls the bag away]'' But, I'm wasting my time. ''[walks inside]'' You don't need these bags.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|We need 'em! We need 'em!}}
Spongebob: Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
{{L|''[Incidental 118C grins. The scene changes to Incidental 118C counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|So long, boys! Happy hunting! ''[laughs when the two aren't looking]'' Suckers... ''[walks back inside and closes the door]''}}
Patrick: Uh... (sweats) More time for thinking.
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[singing as they run off]'' Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's try next door! ''[walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot. Incidental 118C comes out]''}}
Spongebob: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.
{{L|Incidental 118C|Yes?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[suspicious]'' Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?}}
Patrick: A chocolate bar?
{{L|Incidental 118C|I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. ''[holds up two large maroon bags]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|We'll take 20!}}
Spongebob: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house. Incidental 49 comes out.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 49|Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 49|That sounds heavenly! I'll take one!}}
(The scene changes to Spongebob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars)
{{L|SpongeBob|One chocolate bar, coming up! ''[opens up a bag, only to find another bag]'' Huh? Eh... Huh? Huh? Uh, uh, uh... ''[attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I know they're in here somewhere!}}
Spongebob: Fancy living, here we come!
{{L|Incidental 49|''[looks at her watch]'' I don't have time for this. ''[goes back inside, and then suddenly SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I've got it! One chocolate bar for the nice— ''[sees something off camera; it is revealed to be Tom, still screaming]''}}
Patrick: Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! (He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers")
{{L|Tom|Chocolate!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|—lady.}}
(Spongebob and Patrick walk up to a house)
{{L|Tom|Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! ''[He chases SpongeBob and Patrick as the chocolates fly out of the latter two's bags and run for their lives.]''}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner.]''}}
Spongebob: O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.
{{L|SpongeBob|We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Huh... I got it! Let's get naked!}}
(Spongebob runs up and knocks on the door, a fish opens the door)
{{L|SpongeBob|No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|He said we were mediocre...}}
Spongebob: Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some (holds up chocolate bar) chocolate?
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it! He made us feel special!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags! ''[runs to the door]''}}
Tom: Chocolate? Did you say, ''Chocolate?!''
{{L|SpongeBob|No, wait, Patrick! ''[Patrick freezes in place]'' Why don't we try being nice?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Oh, okay.}}
Patrick: Yes sir. With or without nuts?
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.}}
Tom: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!''''' '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!'''''
{{L|''[Patrick knocks on the door. Incidental 60 opens the door.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 60|Hello?}}
''(Spongebob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "CHOCOLAAATE!!!")''
{{L|Patrick|I love you.}}
 
{{L|''[A harp is heard playing. Incidental 60 stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut in disgust; a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try. ''[rings the doorbell. Incidental 60 opens the door]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 60|Please. G-Go away!}}
(The scene cuts to Spongebob ringing the doorbell of another house)
{{L|SpongeBob|Um, ''[clears his throat]'' H-H-How you doin'?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 60|How am I doing?}}
Spongebob: O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step!
{{L|SpongeBob|Wanna buy some chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|We got him now!}}
(A Con man opens the door.)
{{L|Incidental 60|Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick's belly is bubbling.]''}}
Spongebob: Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?
{{L|Patrick|Hee hee, it tickles!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 60|As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang. ''[holds up a picture of him being obese at age 13]'' You can keep that for five bucks.}}
Con man: Chocolate bars, eh?
{{L|Patrick|I'll take ten!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking. A sad song plays.]''}}
Spongebob: Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|SpongeBob|We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that we're too easily distracted.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures.]''}}
Con man: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!
{{L|Patrick|Huh?}}
 
{{L|''[Far cut.]''}}
(Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[raises his fist]'' Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[removes the pictures from his face]'' What?}}
Con man: No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?
{{L|SpongeBob|''[holds out his hand]'' Let's shake on it.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[looks at SpongeBob confused]'' Did you say something?}}
Spongebob and Patrick: Oh, most certainly, sir!
{{L|''[Cut to the other customer's house. SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember, Patrick, focus.}}
Con man: Well, (chuckles) no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! (He holds up a bright-orange bag)
{{L|''[Cut to the door. SpongeBob knocks on it. Incidental 37B answers.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 37B|Yes?}}
Spongebob: Woooooooow... what is it?
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick somehow moves up to Incidental 37B with his eyes going in and out back and forth.]''}}
Con man: It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!
{{L|Incidental 37B|Why is Chubby here staring at me?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick's eyes.]''}}
(Spongebob tries to touch it)
{{L|Patrick|Focusing.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of Incidental 37B's house.]''}}
Con man: (pulls bag away) BUT, I'm wasting my time. (Walks inside) You don't need these bags.
{{L|Incidental 37B|''[freaks out]'' Back up, Jack! ''[slams the door on Patrick's eyes]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Oof! ''[moves his eyes around]'' Nice place you got in here.}}
Spongebob and Patrick: We need 'em! We need 'em!
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is eating a chocolate bar.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I can't understand what we're doing wrong.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I can't understand anything.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|There must be something to this selling game that we're just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!}}
(The Con man grins, the scene changes to the Con man counting money. Spongebob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags)
{{L|''[Cut to the sign.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[reading the sign]'' Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.}}
Con man: So long, boys! Happy hunting! (Laughs when the two aren't looking) Suckers... (walks back inside)
{{L|SpongeBob|They are most certainly not delicious!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[smiling]'' Not the way I use 'em!}}
Spongebob and Patrick (singing as they run off): Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!
{{L|SpongeBob|Yet they sell millions of bags a day!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.}}
Spongebob: Let's try next door!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[happily]'' That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate!}}
(Spongebob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Con man comes out)
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick run off. Cut to another house.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill!}}
Con man: Yes?
{{L|Patrick|The kill!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob uses the doorbell. Mary answers.]''}}
Spongebob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
{{L|Incidental 87|Yes?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
Con man: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. (Holds up two large maroon bags)
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, young lady. ''[winks at Patrick, who chuckles]'' We're selling chocolate. ''[gets a closer look at Baby Prunes]'' Is your mother home?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87.]''}}
Patrick: We'll take twenty.
{{L|Mary|Mom!}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|''[enters from the right side of the house in a wheelchair. She is seen shriveled up to the point where she appears to be merely a head and a spine]'' What, what, what's all the yelling?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to mom.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|You just can't wait for me to die, can you?}}
(Scene changes to Spongebob knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|They're selling chocolate.}}
Sadie: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?
{{L|Baby Prunes|Chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|Yeah!}}
Spongebob: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|What, what are they selling?}}
Sadie (captions on TV call it Woman and Credits on TV call it Lady Fish.) : That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
{{L|Incidental 87|Chocolates!}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|What?}}
Spongebob: One chocolate bar, coming up!
{{L|Incidental 87|Chocolates!}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|I can't hear you!}}
(Spongebob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants)
{{L|Incidental 87|They're selling chocolates!}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|They're selling chocolate?}}
Sadie: I don't have time for this.
{{L|Incidental 87|Yeah!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to a close-up of mom smiling.]''}}
(Sadie goes back inside, and then Spongebob pulls out a chocolate bar)
{{L|Baby Prunes|Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut back to view Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes.]''}}
Spongebob: I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-
{{L|Baby Prunes|I always hated it!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob sweating.]''}}
Tom: CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[comes from the top left]'' You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.}}
Spongebob: -lady.
{{L|''[Cut to Incidental 87 and Baby Prunes, Incidental 87 is heard constantly saying "No!"]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|Live forever, ya say? I'll take one. ''[Incidental 87 slaps her face]''}}
(Tom chases Spongebob and Patrick again while screaming CHOCOLAAAATE!)
{{L|''[Cut to the outside. Incidental 87 pays SpongeBob a dollar.]''}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|''[from inside the house]'' Come on, you lazy Mary! ''[cut to Incidental 87]'' Start rubbing me with that chocolate!}}
 
{{L|Incidental 87|''[looks at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily]'' I hate you. ''[slams the door. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!}}
(The scene changes to Spongebob and Patrick sitting in a diner)
{{L|Patrick|''[raises his fist]'' Hooray for lying!}}
 
{{L|''[Bubbles transition to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh.]''}}
Spongebob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
{{L|SpongeBob|It'll make your hair grow.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Fred.]''}}
Patrick: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!
{{L|Fred|Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick has a sad face this time.]''}}
Spongebob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you sound smart.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the customer holding money.]''}}
Patrick: He said we were mediocre...
{{L|Customer|''[southern accent]'' I'll take 20!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick.]''}}
Spongebob: That's it! He made us feel special!
{{L|Patrick|It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the two Patricks.]''}}
Patrick: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!
{{L|Patrick 2|Just in time.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over.]''}}
(Patrick runs to the door)
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you fly!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|You'll fall in love!}}
Spongebob: NO, wait Patrick!
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll bring world peace!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|You'll walk through walls!}}
(Patrick freezes in place)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[echoing]'' You'll rule the world!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Patrick.]''}}
Spongebob: Why don't we try being nice?
{{L|Patrick|This'll be the best lie yet!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
Patrick: Oh, okay.
{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!}}
 
{{L|''[A "customer" opens the door slightly.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|What can I do for you boys?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
(Scene changes to Spongebob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door)
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Really?}}
Spongebob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer", who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body. He limps out of the door at his doorstep.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Small world. What's the matter with you guys?}}
(Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[nervously]'' Uh... We've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Hello?
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer."]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Ah, some guys have all the luck.}}
Patrick: I love you.
{{L|''[A violin begins playing.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.}}
(A harp is heard playing, the customer stares at Spongebob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. They both have faces meaning that they were about to cry.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|At night, ''[as SpongeBob looks up sadly, a tear runs down his face]'' I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.}}
Spongebob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer", the wires snap.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[about to fall]'' Oh, no!}}
(Spongebob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door)
{{L|''[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps.]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[on the last step]'' Ow.}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Please, G-Go away.
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Quick, Patrick, let's help him!}}
Spongebob: Um, *clears throat* H-H-How you doin'?
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of the house. SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left, carrying the "customer."]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Careful, put him down gently.}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: How am I doing?
{{L|''[Patrick drops the "customer"'s head. A glass breaking sound is heard. Cut close to the "customer."]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|''[in pain]'' Ow...}}
Spongebob: Wanna buy some chocolate?
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Poor, poor man. If there's anything, anything we can do to help you?}}
Patrick: We got him now!
{{L|''[Cut to the "customer."]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|There is one thing... as you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars. ''[gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes.]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Cut to the "customer" looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]''}}
 
{{L|Incidental 118C|Such nice boys, ''[Cut to a close-up of the "customer" laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as Incidental 118C from earlier who sold SpongeBob and Patrick the bags to hold the chocolate bars.]'' it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A sucker-roonies like those two! Ha ha ha!}}
(Patrick's belly is bubbling)
{{L|''Cut to the street.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[grunting]'' Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to. ''[He trips up on a rock and falls.]'' Whoa! ''[makes another grunting noise. Cut to him with a box flat on his face]'' Let's face it, Patrick. We're failures.}}
Patrick: Hee hee, it tickles!
{{L|Patrick|''[walks in from the left, carrying a box]'' I can live with that. ''[places his box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's change our names to Why and Bother.}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.
{{L|''[Tom appears behind the box.]''}}
 
{{L|Tom|Chocolate! ''[his screaming knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over.]''}}
(The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick babble]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[simultaneously with Patrick]'' No, no! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Please...}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: You can keep that for 5 bucks.
{{L|Patrick|''[simultaneously with SpongeBob]'' No! Have mercy on me! Please spare me!}}
 
{{L|''[Cuts to Tom laughing manically.]''}}
Patrick: I'll take 10!
{{L|Tom|Finally! I've been tryna catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... ''[turns back to normal]'' I'd like to buy all your chocolate. ''[holds up a large amount of cash]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to Tom, SpongeBob, and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick are melting.]''}}
(Cut to Spongebob with a sad look on his face walking, a sad song plays)
{{L|SpongeBob|Thank you for your patronage.}}
 
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow full of cash.]''}}
Spongebob: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.
{{L|Patrick|Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the money in the barrel. SpongeBob pops out.]''}}
(Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures)
{{L|SpongeBob|Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]''}}
Patrick: Huh?
{{L|Patrick|But what are we gonna spend it on?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[thinking]'' Hmm...}}
(Far cut)
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen at night. Cut to the inside of the boat.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[walking in from the left]'' Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.}}
Spongebob: (raising his fist) Let's make a pack right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.
{{L|Teen 5|Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Squidward shocked.]''}}
Patrick: (Removing pictures from his face) Huh?<br />
{{L|Squidward|But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?}}
Spongebob: (Holding out his hand) Let's shake on it.
{{L|Teen 5|Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs ''[leans over to Squidward]'' and their dates.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and her mom; Mary is seen holding a glass.]''}}
Patrick: (Looking at Spongebob confused) Did you say something?
{{L|SpongeBob|So, how long have you two ladies known each other?}}
 
{{L|Baby Prunes|What? What did he say?}}
(Cut to the other customer's house, Spongebob and Patrick are seen entering the view)
{{L|''[The screen fades to black.]''}}
 
[[ru:Шоколад с орешками/Стенограмма]]
Spongebob: Remember Patrick, focus.
 
(Cut to the door, Spongebob knocks on it, customer answers)
 
Purple Fish: Yes?
 
Spongebob: Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate?
 
(Patrick somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth)
 
Purple Fish: Why is Tubby here staring at me?
 
(Cut to Patrick's eyes)
 
Patrick: Focusing.
 
(Cut to the inside of the customer's house)
 
[[Purple Fish]]: Back off, Jack!
 
(The customer slams the door on Patrick's eyes, Patrick is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door)
 
Patrick: (Moving eyes around) Nice place you got in here.
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene)
 
Spongebob: I can't understand what were doing wrong.
 
Patrick: I can't understand anything
 
Spongebob: There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!
 
(Cut to the sign)
 
Patrick: (reading the sign) Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick)
 
Spongebob: They are most certainly not delicious!
 
Patrick: (smiling) Not the way I use them!
 
(Cut to Spongebob)<br />
Spongebob: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!
 
(Cut to Patrick)<br />
Patrick: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick)
 
Spongebob: (Happily) That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!
 
Tom (subtitles on TV call it Man.) : CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
 
(Spongebob and Patrick run off, cut to Mary's house)
 
Spongebob: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill!
 
Patrick: The kill!
 
(Spongebob uses the doorbell, Mary answers)
 
Mary: Yes?
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick)
 
Spongebob: Hello, young lady.
 
(Spongebob winks at Patrick, Patrick then chuckles)
 
Spongebob: We're selling chocolate. (Getting a closer look at Mary) Is your mother home?
 
(Cut to Mary)<br />
Mary: Mom!
 
Mother: (Entering from the right side of the house) What, what, what's all the yelling?<br />
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces)
 
(Cut back to Mary's mother)
 
Mother: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?<br />
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
Mary: They're selling chocolate.
 
Mother: Chocolate?<br />
Mary: Yeah!
 
(Cut to Mary and Mom)
 
Mother: What, what are they selling?<br />
Mary: Chocolates!
 
Mother: What?
 
Mary: CHOCOLATES!
 
Mother: I can't hear you!
 
Mary: THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!
 
Mother: They're selling chocolate?
 
Mary: YEAH!!
 
(Cut to a close-up of Mary's mother smiling)
 
Mother: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.
 
(Cut back to view Mary and her mom)
 
Mother: I always hated it!
 
(Cut to Spongebob sweating)
 
Spongebob: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...
 
(Patrick comes from the top left)
 
Patrick: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.
 
(Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard saying no constantly)
 
Mother: Live forever you say? I'll take one. (Mary slaps her face)
 
(Cut to the outside, Mary pays Spongebob a dollar)
 
Mother (From inside house): Come on, you lazy Mary! (Cut to Mary) Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
 
Mary (looking at Spongebob and Patrick angrily): I hate you. (Slams door)
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick)
 
Spongebob: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!<br />
Patrick: (Raising fist) Hooray for lying!
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to Spongebob and Patrick, Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh)
 
Spongebob: It'll make your hair grow.
 
(Cut to Fred)
 
Fred: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick, Patrick has a sad face this time)<br />
Spongebob: It'll make you sound smart.
 
(Cut to the customer holding money)
 
Customer (southern accent): I'll take 20!
 
(Cut to Patrick)
 
Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.
 
(Cut to the two Patricks)
 
[[Patrick 2]]: Just in time.
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick over and over)<br />
Spongebob: They'll make you fly!
 
Patrick: You'll fall in love!
 
Spongebob: They'll bring world peace!
 
Patrick: You'll walk through walls!
 
Spongebob: (ecoing) You'll rule the world!!
 
(Cut to a door, Spongebob and Patrick are wrapped in casts)
 
(Cut close to Patrick)
 
Patrick: This'll be the best lie yet!
 
(Cut to Spongebob)
 
Spongebob: Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!
 
(Customer opens door)
 
Customer: What can I do for you boys?
 
(Cut to Spongebob)
 
Spongebob: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.
 
Customer: Really?
 
(Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body)
 
Customer: Small world. What's the matter with you guys?
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick, who are completely stunned)<br />
Spongebob: (nervously)Um, we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.
 
(Cut to the customer)<br />
Customer: Well, some guys have all the luck.
 
(A violin begins)<br />
Customer: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry)
 
Customer: At night, (A tear runs down Spongebob's cheek) I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
 
(Cut to the customer, the wires snap)
 
Customer: (About to fall) Oh, no...
 
(A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps)
 
Customer: (On the last step) Ow...
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick)
 
Spongebob: Come on, Patrick, let's help him!
 
(Cut to the inside of Spongebob's house)
 
(Spongebob and Patrick enter from the left)
 
Spongebob: Careful, put him down gently.
 
(Patrick drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer)
 
Customer: (In pain) Ow...!
 
(Cut to Spongebob)<br />
Spongebob: Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?
 
(Cut to the customer)
 
Customer: Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars.(jestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes)
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene)
 
(Cut to the customer looking out his window as Spongebob and Patrick walk by)
 
Customer: Such nice boys, (far cut to the customer) it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!!
 
(Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his coustume off to reveal himself as the Con Artist from earlier)
 
(Cut to the street)<br />
Spongebob (grunting): Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.
 
(Spongebob makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to Spongebob with a box flat on his face)
 
Spongebob: Let's admit it, Patrick. We're failures.
 
Patrick (Walking in from the left): I can live with that. (Places box on Spongebob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound)
 
Spongebob: Let's change our names to Why and Bother?
 
(A fish appears behind the box)
 
Tom: '''CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!''' (Screams and knocks Spongebob, Patrick and the boxes over)
 
(Cuts to Spongebob and Patrick)
 
(Spongebob and Patrick babble)
 
(Cuts to Tom laughing manically)
 
Tom: Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you...I'd like to buy all your chocolate. (Holds up a large amount of cash)
 
(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss)
 
(Cut back to the three, Spongebob and Patrick melt)
 
Spongebob: Thank you for your patronage.
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow)
 
Patrick: Are we living the fancy life yet, Spongebob?
 
(Cut to the money in the barrel, Spongebob pops out)
 
Spongebob: Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.
 
(Cut to the two)
 
Patrick: But what are we going to spend it on?
 
(Cut to Spongebob thinking)
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen)
 
(Cut to the inside of the boat)
 
Squidward (Walking in from the left): Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.
 
(Cut to the server)
 
Server: Sorry, but the whole restraunt has been rented to a private party.
 
(Cut to Squidward shocked)
 
Squidward: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt?
 
(Cut to the Server and Squidward)
 
Server: Oh, a couple of rich entrepuners and their (leaning over to Squidward) dates.
 
(Cut to Spongebob, Patrick, Mary, and Mary's mother, Mary is seen holding a glass)
 
Spongebob: So, how long have you two ladies known each other?
 
(Pause)
 
Mother: What? What did he say?
 
(Fade to black)
[[Category:Transcripts]]

Latest revision as of 22:42, 1 May 2025

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