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{{BTranscript
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
|prev = Porous Pockets
{{L|''[The episode begins with a long shot of Squidward's house, while an excerpt of "Largo Al Factotum" from "The Barber of Seville" plays. Cut to the outside of Squidward's house, the camera then cuts to the blue sign on Squidward's bathroom door that says "Squidward's bathroom; DO NOT ENTER." Then pans down to another sign below it that says "unless you are SQUIDWARD." Cut to the inside of Squidward's bathroom. A silhouette of Squidward is seen in the shower curtain. Squidward takes a shallow breath]''}}
|title = Choir Boys
{{L|Squidward|''[off-key]'' ♪Fi-ga-ro. Figaro!♪ ''[pauses, then stretches his arms wide]'' ♪Fi-ga-ro!♪ ''[the scene cuts to the outside]'' ♪Fi-ga-ro! Figaro, Figaro, Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro!♪ ''[the scene cuts back inside]'' ♪Fi-ga-ro!♪ ''[he then coughs, turns the water off, and steps out of the shower. Cut to the toilet paper and the toilet. The toilet frowns and groans in despair. Cut to the toilet paper]''}}
|next = Krusty Krushers
{{L|Toilet paper|Don't feel bad. He didn't use me yesterday either.}}
|titlecard = Boys.jpg
{{L|Squidward|♪La la la la la la la!♪ ''[puts on a robe and scarf in front of the mirror and grabs a photo of the Men's Chorus]'' I am anxious to look good and make a strong first impression, as I share to my singing skills with the famed Bikini Bottom Men's Chorus. ♪La, la-la-la.But I needn't be too anxious, for once they hear this master's voice, they'll give me the Lead Solo for sure! ♪Fi-ga-ro!♪ ''[walks outside and passes SpongeBob laying on the ground]'' Huh? ''[walks toward SpongeBob]'' Well, looks like a forlorn SpongeBob lying sprawled across the dirt.}}
|season = 6
{{L|SpongeBob|''[sighs loudly]''}}
|episode = 112b
{{L|Squidward|''[looks at camera]'' Obviously depressed... ''[smiles]'' Oh, what a lovely day! For me! ''[laughs until SpongeBob grabs one of his legs]'' Huh?}}
|airdate = [[March 20]], [[2009]]
{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward? My playmate, Patrick is away, at a family reunion. Sad and alone, I am desperate for something to do, or someone to play with. ''[Coughs]''}}
|seasonname = six
{{L|''[cuts to Squidward's face, then his legs. removes SpongeBob's hand from his leg]''}}
}}
{{L|Squidward|Well, I have no time for the likes of you.}}
*(The camera is in back of Squidward's house, while the final of "The Marriage of Figaro" plays, cut to the outside of Squidward's house, the camera then cuts to the red sign that says "Squidward's bathroom; DO NOT ENTER." Then pans down to the SpongeBob-like texture that says "Unless you are a SQUIDWARD''".)''
{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward? Where are you going, all dressed up?}}
*(Cut to the inside of Squidward's bathroom. A silhouette of Squidward is seen in the shower curtain along with steam. Squidward takes a shallow breath.)
{{L|Squidward|None of your business!}}
*Squidward: (Off-key) Fi-ga-ro. Figaro! (Pause, Squidward then stretchs his arms wide.) Fi-ga-ro! (Cut to the outside) Fi-ga-ro!
{{L|SpongeBob|Can I come?}}
*Squidward: Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!
{{L|Squidward|And no you can't.}}
*(Cut back inside)
{{L|SpongeBob|Are you going to a fancy store?}}
*Squidward: FI-GA-RO!! (He then coughs, turns the water off and steps out of the shower, cut to the toilet paper and the toilet, the toilet becomes sad, cut to the toilet paper.)
{{L|Squidward|No.}}
*Toilet Paper: Don't feel bad. He didn't use me yesterday either.
{{L|SpongeBob|A fancy party?}}
*Squidward: La la la la la la la!
{{L|Squidward|No.}}
*Squidward: (Puts on Robe and Scarf infront of Mirror) (Holds photo of the Men's Chrous) I am anxious to make a strong first impression, and share to my singing skills with the famed Bikini Bottom Mens Chorus. La-LALALAAA. But I needn't be too anxious, for once they hear this masters voice, they'll give me the Lead Solo for sure! Fi-ga-ro!
{{L|SpongeBob|A hot fancy pants date?}}
*Squidward: (Walks Outside and Passes SpongeBob Laying on the Ground) Huh?
{{L|Squidward|No!}}
*Squidward: Well, looks like a forlorn SpongeBob sprawled out in the dirt.
{{L|SpongeBob|Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?}}
*SpongeBob: (Cuts to SpongeBob) (Loud Sigh)
{{L|Squidward|No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Does that answer your questions?}}
*Squidward: (Cuts back to Squidwrd) Obviously depressed...
{{L|SpongeBob|''[counts with his fingers]'' All except for that last one.}}
*Squidward: (Smiles) Oh, what a lovely day! For me! Hahahahaha!
{{L|Squidward|''[aggravated, then yells loudly]'' No, you can't! ''[sweating and pants]'' If you must know, I will be a feature solo for an impending concert performance with the Bikini Bottom's Men's Choir. I'm hitting the big time, not playtime. Now if you'll excuse me. ''[walks away]''}}
*SpongeBob: (Grabs Squidward's Leg)
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow.}}
*Squidward: Huh?
{{L|Squidward|''[putting on his glasses and helmet until SpongeBob appears. He looks at him]''}}
*SpongeBob: Squidward? My playmate Patrick is away, at a family reunion. Sad and Alone, I am desperate for something to do, or someone to play with. (Coughs)
{{L|SpongeBob|I may not be as good as you and your buddies, Squidward, but I too have a song in my heart I want to share. ''[clears his throat loudly]'' ♪Laaaaaa.♪ ''[Squidward pedals away, leaving dust behind. SpongeBob coughs, hears a honk, then notices Squidward pedaling away]''}}
*Squidward: (Cuts to Squidwards face, then his legs) (Removes SpongeBob's Hand from his Leg)
{{L|Squidward|''[honking the horn]'' Au revoir, SpongeBob! See you in nose-bleed seats! ''[laughs and rides away on three road bumps. He then starts singing]''}}
*Squidward: Well, I have no time for the likes of you.
{{L|SpongeBob|''[in unison with Squidward, riding on a unicycle]'' ♪La! La! La! La! La! La!.♪}}
*SpongeBob: Squidward? Where are you going, all dressed up?
{{L|Squidward|Huh?!}}
*Squidward: None of your business!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[starts yodeling, then stops]'' I'm good enough to join the Men's Chorus. I promise!}}
*SpongeBob: Can I come?
{{L|Squidward|Yuck! ''[rides away]''}}
*Squidward: And No You Can't
{{L|SpongeBob|Perhaps Squidward didn't see me.}}
*SpongeBob: Are you going to a fancy store?
{{L|Squidward|♪Fi-Ga-Ro♪ ''[clearing throat]'' ♪Fi-Ga-Ro!♪}}
*Squidward: No
{{L|SpongeBob|''[digs out of the ground with a shovel]'' This giant pothole ought to get his attention.}}
*SpongeBob: A fancy party?
{{L|Squidward|Fi-Ga-! ''[the bike crashes into the pothole, causing him to be flung into Jellyfish Fields]''}}
*Squidward: No
{{L|Jellyfish|''[gathered together in one spot, until they notice Squidward]'' Oh! ''[quickly flies out of the way]''}}
*SpongeBob: A hot fancy pants date?
{{L|Squidward|''[while jellyfish are approaching him]'' Ah, I think I hit the wrong note back there. ''[notices the jellyfish]'' What the?}}
*Squidward: NO
{{L|SpongeBob|What a lucky break! ''[approaches next to Squidward, who is now completely covered by jellyfish]'' Now I have a captive audience!}}
*SpongeBob: "Can I Come?" (x12)
{{L|''[Squidward gets stung by the jellyfish and screams while SpongeBob clears his throat]''}}
*Squidward: "No!" (x11)
{{L|SpongeBob|Laaaaa ''[Squidward gets stung again]'' Mimimimimi ''[Squidward gets stung while SpongeBob clears his throat]'' Looo! ''[Squidward is heard screaming]'' Um, Squidward, could you keep it down please? I'm trying to find my starting pitch here. Laaa! ''[Squidward gets stung]''}}
*Squidward: Does that answer your questions?
{{L|''[Bubble wipe to Squidward on a bike, covered in stings]''}}
*SpongeBob: All except for that last one.
{{L|Squidward|If that rank amateur SpongeBob embarrasses me in front of the Bikini Bottom Choir Men, my life is ruined!}}
*Squidward: No YOU CAN"T!
{{L|Squidward|''[looks at his watch]'' Oh! I'm almost late for Choir Practice! Better not run into SpongeBob again or I'm doomed!}}
*Squidward: (Sweating) If you must know..... I will be a feature solo for an inpenting concert proformas with the [[Bikini Bottom]]'s Men's choir. And in the big time... Not playtime. Now if you excuse me.
{{L|Squidward|''[takes a turn next to a large field of grass, then starts pedaling into it. He gets out and laughs]'' igaro! Figaro-Figaro-Figa-roooo!}}
*SpongeBob: Wow.
{{L|SpongeBob|''[steps out of the grasses in a policeman's hat and mustache]'' Stop! Stop Stop!}}
*SpongeBob: I may not as be you and your buddys, Squidward. But I do have a song in my heart I want to share. (Clears Throat Loudly) Then SpongeBob sing "Laaaaaa". (cough)
{{L|Squidward|''[notices SpongeBob, screams then comes to a screeching halt]''}}
*Squidward: (Speeds off in his Bicycle, leaving dirt in SpongeBob's Face)
{{L|SpongeBob|I here by issue you with this ticket, for reckless frowning, and failing to listen to my song!}}
*SpongeBob: (Coughs Loudly)
{{L|Squidward|Your song? What are you, some kind of...}}
*Squidwawd: (Honks Horn) Au Revior SpongeBob!
{{L|SpongeBob|That's right! I'm a singing traffic cop!}}
*Squidward: See you in nose-bleed seats!. (Laughs and Rides Away_)
{{L|Squidward|A singing traffic ...}}
*Squidward: (On his Bicycle)"La La La La La La La, La La La La La La La, La La".
{{L|SpongeBob|♪O Sole Lo Mio...♪}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[rips off SpongeBob's fake mustache]'' SpongeBob, I will be late to practice with all of your tomfoolery slowing me down! ''[grabs the ticket and rips it up]'' It is a high honor to be chosen for the Bikini Bottom Men's Chorus, and you are not going to keep me from performing my Grand Solo!}}
*SpongeBob: (In Unison with Squidward, riding on a Unicycle) "La! La! La! La! La! La!".
{{L|Squidward|''[ties SpongeBob to some coral, using kelp, then rides away]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|♪Figaro! Figaro, Figaro, Fi-ga-ro!♪}}
*Squidward: Huh?!
{{L|SpongeBob|♪Fii-gaa-roo♪ ''[Everything starts rumbling. The kelp breaks off SpongeBob as he stops singing, but an echo is heard. The scene cuts to Jellyfish Fields, and the camera pans to a couple of jellyfish. They hear his singing and follow the source. SpongeBob falls to the ground, and the jellyfish come while buzzing excitedly and pick him up to the choir.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[holding note while being carried down the road by jellyfish, in a beam of sunlight]''}}
*SpongeBob: Yodeleehehoo!
{{L|''[The scene cuts to Squidward arriving at the choir]''}}
*SpongeBob: I'm good enough to join the Men's Choris. I promise!
{{L|Squidward|''[reads the time in his watch]'' Just in time! ''[walks inside and stands next to some choir men]'' Gentlemen.}}
*Squidward: Yuck! (Rides Away)
{{L|''[An old woman plays piano music]''}}
*SpongeBob: Perhaps Squidward didn't see me.
{{L|Chorus|Laaaaaa!}}
*Squidward: "Fi-Ga-Ro" (cleaning throat) "Fi-Ga-Ro!"
{{L|Squidward|''[loudly clears throat, interrupting chorus, clears throat for a while, which eventually dies down until he finally takes out and uses breath spray, and turns to page with music. The woman restarts playing the music.]''}}
*SpongeBob: (Tunnels Out of the Ground with a Shovel) This giant pothole outta get his attention.
{{L|Choir|Oooh!}}
*Squidward: "Fi-Ga-!" (Hits Pothole) Ahhh! (Flies into Jellyfish Fields) I think I hit the wrong note back there (Jellyfish approach) What the...?!
{{L|Squidward|''[joins in, albeit off-key. SpongeBob is heard singing off-screen and he looks confused]''}}
*Sponegbob: What a lucky break!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[comes in door, bathed in sunlight]'' La! ''[holds note as the jellyfish bring him down]'' Figaro, Figaro, Fi-ga-ro! ''[holding note]''}}
*SpongeBob: Now I have a captive audience! (Clears Throat)
{{L|Choir man|It's so beautiful!}}
*Squidward: (Zap) Ahhhh!
{{L|SpongeBob|♪Laa, oh, oh!♪ ''[holding note]''}}
*SpongeBob: Laaaaa (Squidward is Zapped) Mimimimimi (Squidward is Zapped) (Clears Throat) Looo!
{{L|Second choir man|That's the most wonderful singing I've heard! ''[sobs]''}}
*Squidward: AHHH!
{{L|Choir|''[cheers]''}}
*SpongeBob: Uhm Squidward, could you keep it down please? I'm trying to find my starting pitch here. Laaa!
{{L|Jellyfish|''[cheer as they clap and buzz excitedly]''}}
*(Bubble Transition to Squidward on a Bike, covered in Stings)
{{L|Old Pianist|Yeah, yeah, yeah! [throws a flower at SpongeBob]}}
*Squidward: If that rank amatuer SpongeBob embarrasses me infront of the Bikini Bottom Choir Men, my life if ruined!
{{L|''[As the flower is thrown to him, confetti falls atop SpongeBob, the choir men are still clapping and cheering while Squidward is not]''}}
*Squidward: (Looks at Watch) Oh! I'm almost late for Choir Practice! Better not run into SpongeBob again or I'm doomed!
{{L|Third choir man|Yo, master SquarePants, we'd be honored if you'd the open chair, as our featured soloist!}}
*Squidward: (Takes a turn into large grasses) Haaahaha! Figaro! FigaroFigaroFiga-roooo!
{{L|SpongeBob|''[laughs nervously]'' Well... I... ''[mumbles]''}}
*SpongeBob: (Steps out of the Grasses in a Policeman Uniform) Stooop! Stop Stop!
{{L|Third choir man|We would also be honored, if you'd wear this! ''[opens platter with a fake mustache inside]''}}
*Squidward: (Comes to a screeching Halt)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' A mustache?! For me?!}}
*SpongeBob: I here by issue you with this ticket, for reckless frowning, and failing to listen to my song!
{{L|Choir Man|Well? Well, don't be shy! Put it on!}}
*Squidward: Your song? What are you, some kind of...
{{L|SpongeBob|''[puts mustache on]'' Squidward look! ''[points at mustache]'' My very own choirman's mustache!}}
*SpongeBob: That's right! I'm a singing traffic cop!
{{L|''[Squidward sighs in disappointment; SpongeBob notices and feels bad for him]''}}
*Squidward: A singing traffic ...
{{L|Choir Man|Well, will you do it?}}
*SpongeBob: "O Sole Lo Mio..."
{{L|SpongeBob|Uhm... ''[thinks while music similar to Jeopardy's think music plays]'' I'll do it! But only if you find a spot for my inspiration, and great friend, Squidward!}}
*Squidward: (Rips off SpongeBob's fake mustache) SpongeBob, I will be late to practice with all of your tomfoolery slowing me down! (Grabs the ticket and rips it up) It is a high honor to be chosen for the Bikini Bottom men's chorus, and you are not going to keep me from performing my Grand Solo!
{{L|Squidward|''[face lights up happy]''}}
*Squidward: (Ties SpongeBob to some Coral, using Kelp) (Rides Away)
{{L|Choir Man|Deal!}}
*Squidward: Figaro! Figaro, Figaro, Fi-ga-ro!
{{L|''[cut to concert]''}}
*SpongeBob: Fii-gaa-roo (Grounds Rumbles) (Kelp breaks off SpongeBob. Jellyfish come and pick him up)
{{L|SpongeBob|♪Fi-ga-ro!♪ ''[points and winks at Squidward to turn last page of music sheet]'' Fi-ga-ro. ''[Everyone applauds]''}}
*SpongeBob: Ooooh! (Travels down the road, in a beam os Sunlight)
*Squidward: (Looks At Watch) Just in time! (Walks Inside and Stands next to some Choir Men)
*Squidward: Gentlemen.
*(Piano Music Plays)
*Chorus: Laaaaaa!
*Squidward: (Clears throat for 30 Seconds, and sprays breath spray)
*(Music Stops, and Restarts)
*Choir: Oooh!
*Squidward: LAAAAAHAHHAHA!
*SpongeBob: (Comes in Door, bathed in Sunlight) Laaaaaaaaaaa. Figaro, Figaro, Fiii-ga-rooo!
*Choir Man: It's so beatiful
*SpongeBob: Laa, Ohhh, OOOOOOH!
*Choir Man: That's the most beautiful singing I've heard! (Sobs)
*Choir: (Cheers)
*Jellyfish: (Cheers)
*Old Pianist: Yea, Yea, Yea!
*(Flowers and Confetti Fall atop SpongeBob)
*Choir Man: Oh Master SquarePants, we'd be honored if you'd the open chair, as our featured soloist!
*SpongeBob: (Laughs Nervously) Well... I...
*Choir Man: We would also be honored, if you'd wear this! (Opens Platter with a Fake Mustache inside)
*SpongeBob: (Gasps) A mustache?! FOR ME?!
*Choir Man: Well, don't be shy! Put it on!
*SpongeBob: (Puts Mustache On) Squidward look! (Points at Mustache) My very own choirman's mustache!
*Squidward: (Sighs, Depressed)
*Choir Man: Well, will you do it?
*SpongeBob: Uhm...
*(10 Seconds)
*SpongeBob: I'll do it! But only if there's a spot for my inspiration, and great friend, Squidward!
*Squidward: (Face Lights Up Happy)
*Choir Man: Deal!
*(Cuts to Concert)
*SpongeBob: Fi-ga-ro!
*(Cuts to Squidward)
*Squidward: (Annoyed, Depressed) (Turns SpongeBob's Page)
*[End]
[[Category:Episode transcripts]]

Latest revision as of 22:42, 1 May 2025