Face Freeze!/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Face Freeze!" from season 8, which aired on July 21, 2012.

• [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab.]
• Patrick: Thanks for having lunch with me, SpongeBob.
• SpongeBob: Anything for my bestest buddy. There's no better way I could've spent my lunch break. [slurps his drink and makes a relaxed face] Ahh.
• Patrick: That's a pretty cool face. [chuckles] Check you this one out. [chomps, chews]
• SpongeBob: [laughs] I love it. What do you think of this? [makes an extraterrestrial's face] Awoo! [laughs]
• Patrick: Oh, hey, how about this? [dolphin call]
• SpongeBob: That's awesome! [he and Patrick both laugh]
• Mr. Krabs: [snores] Ooh. I know that sound. It's the sound of me money being flushed down the toilet! [SpongeBob and Patrick laughs] SpongeBob! Why aren't you manning the fryer?
• SpongeBob: [returns his face back to normal] Sorry, sir. I got carried away. Patrick and I were making faces at each other.
• Patrick: Funny faces make me laugh! [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: What?! Are you out of your liquid-absorbing mind?!
• SpongeBob: Why, is there something wrong?
• Mr. Krabs: Haven't ye ever heard the saying "If you don't stop making that face, it'll freeze that way?"
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Uh, no!
• Mr. Krabs: Let me tell you the story of face freeze. [thunder claps, SpongeBob and Patrick's tooth chattering, breathing quickly] It were a cold day, in November, and in Bikini Bottom lived a man who loved to make faces. And the one he liked best was to stick his tongue out. [Fred raspberries and laughs] But what he really liked, was sticking his tongue out at people. [Fred raspberries and laughs, Norma and green Monroe gasp]
• Norma Rechid: How rude! [walks away with Monroe, who is crying]
• Mr. Krabs: [Fred raspberries to other people] Until one day, when he stuck his tongue out for the 444th time, [Fred raspberries] his face froze with his tongue sticking out...
• Fred: [touches his tongue] Huh, huh... Huh?
• Mr. Krabs: ...permanently!
• Mable: Weirdo. [walks off]
• Fred: [muffled] No... no!
• Mr. Krabs: He couldn't open his mouth for months. Until one day, his tongue dried up and fell off! [Fred's tongue snaps]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [back to reality] Oh, no!
• Mr. Krabs: So are you gonna keep making faces, boys?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [shaking their heads] Mm-mm.
• Mr. Krabs: Good. I hope you've learned your lesson.
• SpongeBob: I'm glad Mr. Krabs caught us before it was too late. Let's agree never to make faces again.
• Patrick: Done and done.
• [The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick walking while smiling.]
• SpongeBob: Patrick! Don't even smile. That's considered making a face.
• Patrick: [trying to keep from smiling] Right, gotcha. No problem. Not gonna make faces. No faces... at all.
• SpongeBob: Yeah. This is... [gulps] easy. How you holding up?
• Patrick: Huh, fine. You? [SpongeBob grunts, but makes a T-shaped face and laughs, Patrick fails to keep a straight face and makes an ugly face] Dun ah eeh. [both SpongeBob and him are laughing, SpongeBob suddenly stops and looks at himself]
• SpongeBob: Hey! [Patrick is still ignoring him while laughing] Patrick. [Patrick is still laughing. SpongeBob pulls out a megaphone and yells at him] Patrick!
• Patrick: What?
• SpongeBob: Look at us. We're okay. Our faces didn't freeze.
• Patrick: [stretching through his eyes for a few times] Gosh, you're right.
• SpongeBob: Guess, Mr. Krabs made a mistake. Well, now that we know his tall tale isn't true, let's make lots of faces.
• [Montage of SpongeBob and Patrick making various faces.]
• Patrick: You mean like this? [stretching] Ree eeh eeh!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both, SpongeBob growls as he makes a face.]
• Patrick: [laughs] Aye yi yi yi!
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Aw!
• Patrick: Peee!
• SpongeBob: Ayayayayaya!
• Patrick: Daughreaurgh!
• SpongeBob: Doy doy doy doy!
• Patrick: Ah ah ooh!
• SpongeBob: Dyah!
• Patrick: Aydh!
• SpongeBob: Awoot duh doo!
• Patrick: Lrgl lrgl lrgl!
• SpongeBob: Dah yah dah da dah!
• [Montage ends. SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh.]
• SpongeBob: I can't breathe! I can't breathe! [grabs a mirror and they look into it] Well, still no frozen faces. Let's really put this myth to the test. Let's see what happens when we hold one face for a long time.
• Patrick: Yes! But, how to choose just one? Um, well, let's see. Oh, oh... How about an eye cross. [makes his eyes go up to the top of his head] And then slip into an overbite. [pulls out his upper jaw] And the finishing touch. Gah lowh.
• SpongeBob: [chuckles] Delightfully wicked, my friend. I call this one... [pushes his nose, makes his mouth bigger and puts out his eyeballs on the top of his head] the "Gary." Meow!
• Patrick: [chuckles] Gloriously disgusting, sir.
• SpongeBob: Let's not keep these grotesque faces to ourselves. Let us share them with the whole wide sea.
• [SpongeBob and Patrick start laughing and running. Cutting to the scene where they're on the bus while the other passengers are hiding behind them. And then cutting to the scene at Goo Lagoon, they come out of the pool, making everybody swim away screaming.]
• Sandy: [paddling up on a surfboard] You two need help.
• [The scene bubble transitions into outside their house at night. SpongeBob and Patrick are in the tent.]
• Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! [turns on the flashlight, both of them are laughing, Patrick then turns off the flashlight] Hey, SpongeBob! [turns on the flashlight, both of them are laughing, Patrick then turns off the flashlight] Hey, SpongeBob! [turns on the flashlight, both of them are laughing, Patrick then turns off the flashlight] Hey, SpongeBob! [both of them laughing again]
• SpongeBob: It never gets old! [Patrick turns off the flashlight]
• Squidward: [comes up and rips the tent] Do you mind?!
• SpongeBob: Mind what? Making faces? Of course, we don't! [SpongeBob and Patrick laughing]
• Patrick: You got that right, pal! What a silly question.
• SpongeBob: Your turn, Squidward, let's see your crazy face.
• Squidward: I don't wanna make faces. I want to sleep! [growls in anger]
• SpongeBob: That's a good one right there. [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
• Patrick: Oh, good one, Squidward!
• Squidward: Let's try a new game. Let's combine whatever you get out of whatever this is you're doing with the... quiet of sleep!
• SpongeBob: Interesting challenge, but let's raise the stakes even higher. Patrick, I'll bet you can't keep that face all night, while you sleep!
• Patrick: Oh yeah? Watch me. [both SpongeBob and Patrick falling sleep]
• Squidward: Whatever works. [goes back to his house. The scene bubble transitions into the sun rises]
• SpongeBob: [wakes up and surprised] Wow, Patrick, you did hold that face all night!
• Patrick: Actually, I can't move my face at all.
• SpongeBob: [feels on his face] I can't move my face either!
• Patrick: [oblivious and excited] Alright! We did it!
• SpongeBob: No, Patrick! It's not alright, this means Mr. Krabs was right! [Patrick then realizes the situation and gets scared] Patrick, we have the "face freeze"! [both scream] Patrick, Sandy was right, we need help!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Sandy! Sandy!
• [Later, at Sandy's treedome.]
• Sandy: Hmm, this may get tricky. Y'all need to relax them facial muscles, what y'all need is a massage.
• SpongeBob: And you're a licensed masseuse, right, Sandy?
• Sandy: Well, I wouldn't say licensed. Just sit back, relax, [shows Sandy's hands looking creepy] and let my gentle mammalian hands melt away that tension. [starting to message both of their face] You seem to be carrying a lot of stress in your eyeballs. Them shoulders look way outta line. I can feel them knots just meltin' away. Let's see if I can just finesse that jaw line back in place. [after the montage of Sandy messaging both of their face...] Phew! Okay, you two. Bad news first. That wicked face freeze ain't going nowhere. But, y'all are looking much more relaxed. [showing that SpongeBob's and Patrick's faces are more deformed]
• Mr. Krabs: [at the Krusty Krab] Ahoy, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Hello, Mr. Krabs. [walks with his back towards him to the kitchen and Mr. Krabs goes in as well]
• Mr. Krabs: Hey, you all right, boy? Eh, look a little cattywampus walking in here.
• SpongeBob: Feeling fine, Mr. Krabs. Just grillin' and grillin'...
• Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh. Uh, but what's with the skewed posture? [touches SpongeBob's head and SpongeBob knocks his claw away]
• SpongeBob: Oh, did you hear that? Someone somewhere just dropped a penny.
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Penny? Where?! Where?! [looks for a penny]
• SpongeBob: That'll buy me some time.
• Squidward: Let's go, SpongeBob, the orders are piling up.
• SpongeBob: I'm on it, Squidward! [starts slicing an onion, but onion juice gets in his eyes] Onion juice! Ah!
• Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob! Chop, chop!
• SpongeBob: Okay, okay. [falls, retrieves patties on back] Ow! Phew. Order up.
• Squidward: You deliver it, I'm on break.
• Mr. Krabs: Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny. [sniffs] Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny...
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is still distracted. Now's my chance. [passes Mr. Krabs]
• Mr. Krabs: [sniffs] Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny...
• SpongeBob: Your order is served, sir.
• Harold: [gasps when he sees that SpongeBob's lips are drooling on the patties] I'm sorry, I did not order a side of lips with my patty!
• SpongeBob: Oh, dear.
• Harold: [takes his money out of his register] I'm taking my clams elsewhere.
• [As SpongeBob tiptoes behind Mr. Krabs on the way back to the kitchen, Mr. Krabs takes notice of Harold leaving and chases him to the door.]
• Mr. Krabs: Wait, come back!
• SpongeBob: Why, oh, why?! Why did I have to make a face?! [whimpers]
• Mr. Krabs: What's going on back here?! Why are we losing business?!
• SpongeBob: Um, how should I know? I'm just the cook in these parts.
• Mr. Krabs: Face me when I'm talking to you, boy-o... [SpongeBob turns around with his face down] ...so I can see your face!
• SpongeBob: Hey, have you seen this, Mr. Krabs? [shows him a rolling trick] My impersonation of a burrito!
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you better stand up this instant or-- Huh? [sees Patrick walk in with face freeze]
• Patrick: [sees Mr. Krabs and gets worried] Oh. Is this a bad time, SpongeBob?
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, I see what's going on here. [picks up SpongeBob and turns to see his frozen face] A-ha! You just had to keep making faces, didn't ya?! You couldn't heed me warning, could ya?!
• SpongeBob: [guilty] I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. We thought it was just one of your stories.
• Mr. Krabs: I'm losing business because you thought I was telling one of me stories?! Why, this makes me so angry! I could just... just... just... ah! [train work whistle blows, his anger gives him the face freeze] No! I can't move my face! I've got a face freeze, too!
• Squidward: What is the hold up in here?!
• SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward, don't get too worked up! You could get the face freeze!
• Squidward: Face freeze? I thought that was a myth? Ha! Krabs too! [begins laughing hard] This is rich! Ha ha ha! Oh. [sees Patrick and begins laughing very hard and he too gets the face freeze] Hey, my face! Ah! My face! Oh, great! Look at what you've done!
• Mr. Krabs: Look! Squidward has it, too! [Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and SpongeBob begin laughing while Squidward begins crying]
• Squidward: It's not funny! Stop laughing! [continues crying, as the episode ends]