Jump to content

Band Geeks/transcript: Difference between revisions

From SpongeBob Wiki
← Older edit
VisualWikitext
No edit summary
>Aleczander21
No edit summary
 
(248 intermediate revisions by more than 100 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{BTranscript
{{EpisodeTranscript}}
|Title=Band Geeks
{{L|''[The episode begins at Squidward's house. A sound is heard, which turns out to be Squidward playing his clarinet until the doorbell rings. Dr. Gilliam is at the door with Incidental 26.]''}}
|Season=2
{{L|Gilliam|Yeah, uhh, we're with the pet hospital down the street and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises.}}
|Episode=35b
{{L|''[Squidward slams the door shut. The phone starts to ring.]''}}
|Airdate=[[September 7]], [[2002]]
{{L|Squidward|Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the... ''[plays a clarinet note]''}}
}}
{{L|Squilliam Fancyson|Sounds like you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh, old chum?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[gasps]'' Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!}}
(Squidward plays his clarinet until doorbell rings)
{{L|Squilliam|I hear you're playing the cash register now.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Sometimes. Uh, how's the unibrow?}}
Doctor Gill Gilliam: Uhh, yeah, we're with the pet hospital down the street and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premises. (Squidward shuts door. phone rings)
{{L|Squilliam|''[waves his unibrow]'' It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy band now, and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh...?!}}
 
{{L|Squilliam|That's right. I'm living your dreams, Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.}}
Squidward: Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the (plays a clarinet note)
{{L|Squidward|Ohh, uhh, I, I, I, I uhh...}}
 
{{L|Squilliam|I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Hold it! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're gonna play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, Fancy Boy?!}}
Squilliam: Sounds like you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh ol' chum?
{{L|Squilliam|Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of... ibuprofen!}}
 
{{L|''[Squilliam and Squidward hang up the phones.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|I've got to drum up a marching band fast! Drum... haha... band humor.}}
Squidward: (gasps) Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!
{{L|''[Bubble transition to Sandy. In the following lines, Sandy, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs, and Larry are reading from a poster. Each are in different locations.]''}}
 
{{L|Sandy|Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?}}
 
{{L|Plankton|Then become part of the greatest musical sensation ever to hit Bikini Bottom...}}
Squilliam: I hear you're playing the cash register now.
{{L|Mrs. Puff|...and be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know.}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Not to mention... free refreshments!}}
 
{{L|Larry|Practice begins tonight, 8:30 sharp.}}
Squidward: Sometimes. Uh, how's the unibrow?
{{L|''[Squidward looks at his watch, which reads 8:35, while driving a shell cart. There are boxes of musical instruments, sheet music, and marching uniforms crammed in the back seat.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Stupid music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Heh, elbow, heh, more band humor.}}
 
{{L|''[The scene cuts to inside the room, where everyone is there holding instruments and talking amongst themselves as Squidward enters. He walks in front of the seats.]''}}
Squilliam: It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy band now, and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week.
{{L|All|Blah, blah, blah, blah...}}
 
{{L|Squidward|People, people, settle down! Okay, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?}}
 
{{L|Plankton|''[holds a triangle instrument, raises hand]'' Do instruments of torture count?}}
Squidward: The ba-ba-ba…The ba-ba-ba…The ba-ba-ba?!?!
{{L|Squidward|No.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[holds a trumpet, raises hand]'' Is mayonnaise an instrument?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. ''[Patrick raises his hand again]'' Horseradish is not an instrument, either. ''[Patrick lowers his hand]'' That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.}}
Squilliam: That's right. I'm living your dreams Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.
{{L|''[Squidward slaps his tentacle leg and laughs. Everyone stays silent.]''}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|When do we get the free food?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Okay, try to repeat after me. ''[plays six notes on his clarinet]'' Brass section, go. ''[brass section repeats badly]'' Good. Now the wind. ''[wind section repeats badly]'' And the drums. ''[drummers misunderstand what Squidward means, so they blow on their sticks which shoot out of their mouths and stick him to the wall]'' Too bad that didn't kill me.}}
Squidward: Ohh, uhh, I…I, uhh…
{{L|''[Bubble transition to later.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[raises hand]'' Is this the part where we start kicking?}}
Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.
{{L|Squidward|No, SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! ''[kicks Sandy in the leg]''}}
 
{{L|Sandy|Ow! Why, you...! Why I oughta...! ''[jumps on Patrick and starts beating him up until they roll outside and the doors slam shut]''}}
Squidward: HOLD IT! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're going to play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, Fancyboy?!
{{L|Patrick|''[screams and sobs in pain]'' Aaaaaah-ho-ho-ho-ho-aaah! ''[everyone pauses and stares at the door, then Patrick sticks his head back in]'' Whoever is the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on.}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick walks in and it is revealed that Sandy has stuck his body in a trombone. Trombone notes are heard as he walks towards his seat. As he sits down, he makes a sound on his trombone. Makes a loud trombone noise as he opens his mouth. Stares at himself.]''}}
 
{{L|French Narrator|Day two.}}
Squilliam: Good luck, next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of…Ibuprofen. (hangs up phone)
{{L|''[The scene shows the band walking down a street playing Semper Fidelis, badly.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Okay, that's perfect, everybody. Bubble Bowl, here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers, let's move! C'mon, move!}}
 
{{L|''[The flag twirlers spin so hard that they take off into the sky and crash into a blimp, which causes an explosion, killing all three. Incidental 41 plays Taps while everyone mourns, except Squidward, who just lies down on the ground and curls into a fetal position.]''}}
Squidward: I've got to drum up a marching band fast! Drum…haha…band humor.
{{L|French Narrator|Day three.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|How's that harmonica solo coming, Plankton?}}
 
{{L|Plankton|It's tremendous! You wanna see?}}
Sandy: Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?
{{L|''[Plankton plays the harmonica by running to and from the holes quickly, but soon runs out of breath; on his way to the last hole, he pants as he walks towards it, and he blows an unsuccessful last raspberry into the harmonica and faints.]''}}
 
{{L|French Narrator|Day four.}}
Plankton: Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever hit Bikini Bottom.
{{L|Squidward|Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that you haven't improved since we began... ''[Patrick chews on a trumpet]'' ...but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?}}
 
{{L|Plankton|''[loudly]'' Correct!}}
 
{{L|Squidward|So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready? And a-one, and a-two, and-a one, two, three, four!}}
Mrs. Puff: And be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know.
{{L|''[The screen cuts to the outside of the music school and a blast of noise ensues, breaking the windows. Cuts back inside the music school, where Squidward's face is deformed beyond recognition, his shirt's been ripped, and his baton breaks.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.}}
 
{{L|Harold|Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!}}
Mr. Krabs: Not to mention free refreshments.
{{L|Mr. Krabs|What did you say, punk?!}}
 
{{L|Harold|''[shouts loudly]'' Big... meaty... ''claws''!}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, these claws ain't for just attractin' mates!}}
Larry: Practice begins tonight. 8:30 sharp. (Squidward looks at his watch while driving a shell cart)
{{L|Harold|Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[tries intervening]'' No, people. Let's be smart and bring it ''off''.}}
 
{{L|Incidental 7|Oh, so now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us.}}
Squidward: Stupid music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Elbow, heh, more band humor.
{{L|Squidward|Wait, wait! I know tensions are high...}}
 
{{L|''[Every band member gets into a attack. Incidental 106 and Larry are yelling at each other. Incidental 13 slams a drum on Incidental 106. Squidward tries to settle the attack in a semi-worried tone.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|There's a deposit on that equipment, people!}}
All: Blah, blah, blah, bla!
{{L|''[Every band member uses their instruments as weapons. Mr. Krabs and Incidental 40 charge at each other with large woodwinds, but try to screech to a halt, and Mrs. Puff slams them both with her cymbals.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Settle down, please!}}
 
{{L|''[Sandy and Incidental 42 are fighting. Sandy breaks the xylophone keys from Incidental 42 and Incidental 42 runs away. Patrick kicks Sandy, who growls at him before producing a trumpet with an evil grin. Patrick realizes what's coming and runs away screaming as Sandy chases him with the trumpet. The scene cuts to the clock which shows it being 10 o'clock and everyone stops attacking.]''}}
Squidward: People, people, settle down! Ok, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?
{{L|Fred|Hey, class is over.}}
 
{{L|Within the crowd|Okay, yeah, see ya tomorrow. That was good. Say, what are you doing after--?}}
 
{{L|''[The band members walk to the door, where Squidward slams it open.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Well, you did it. You took my one chance in happiness... and crushed it. Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces! I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too! Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So thanks! ''[cries]'' Thanks for nothing! ''[leaves]''}}
Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?
{{L|Patrick|You're welcome.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|What kind of monsters are we? That poor creature came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Squidward's always been there for us when it was convenient for him. Evelyn, when your little Jimmy was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?}}
 
{{L|Evelyn|A fireman.}}
Squidward: No.
{{L|SpongeBob|And Larry, when your heart gave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you?}}
 
{{L|Larry|Some guy in an ambulance.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Right. So, if we can all just pretend that Squidward was a fireman, or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure that we can all pull together and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band.}}
Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instruments?
{{L|Harold|Yeah, for the fireman!}}
 
{{L|All|Hooray!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Now let's make Squidward proud. A-one, a-two, a skiddly diddly doo.}}
Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. (Patrick raises his hand again) Horse radish is not an instrument, either. (Patrick lowers his hand) That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you. (laughs)
{{L|''[Bubble transition to the Bubble Bowl.]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|I knew this was gonna happen. They're just gonna have to find another band to play. I just hope that... ''[zooms out to reveal Squilliam is there]'' ...Squilliam doesn't find out! Squilliam! ''[screams]'' What are you doing here?!}}
 
{{L|Squilliam|''[laughs]'' I just wanna watch you blow it. So, where's your band?}}
Mr. Krabs: When do we get the free food?
{{L|Squidward|Uh... they couldn't come. They... died.}}
 
{{L|Squilliam|Then who's that? ''[points to SpongeBob and the rest of the band]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[screams and his eyes pop out]'' That would be my band!}}
Squidward: Ok, try to repeat after me. (Squidward plays 5 notes) Brass section, go. (brass section repeats) Good. Now the wind. (wind section repeats) And the drums. (drummers misunderstand what Squidward means, so they blow on their sticks which blow out and stick Squidward to the wall) Too bad that didn't kill me. (Next scene) Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
{{L|SpongeBob|We're ready to perform, Squidward!}}
 
{{L|Squilliam|Well, Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look.}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob dances eagerly.]''}}
SpongeBob: Is this the part where we start kicking?
{{L|Squidward|That's his eager face.}}
 
{{L|Squilliam|''[laughs]''}}
 
{{L|''[Squidward and his band all go into the Bubble Bowl.]''}}
Squidward: No, SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.
{{L|Squidward|''[everybody marches to the Bubble Bowl and starts performing.]'' I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[as Squilliam follows the band]'' That's the spirit, Squidward!}}
 
{{L|''[The bowl raises above a football field.]''}}
Patrick: Kicking?! I want to do some kicking! (Patrick kicks Sandy in the butt)
{{L|Football Announcer|Okay, football fans, put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Band!}}
 
{{L|''[A crowd of live-action people waving towels and cheering is shown.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|These are some ugly looking fish.}}
Sandy: Ow! Why, you…! (both take fight outside)
{{L|SpongeBob|Maybe we're in one of those toxic waste dumps.}}
Patrick:(shouting outside)ahh!!!! hahaahahah!!!!!! Patrick: Whoever is the owner of the white sedan. (Patrick walks in with his body in a trumpet)
{{L|Mr. Krabs|I think I'm gonna be sick.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[nervously]'' Okay, everybody. ''[glances at Squilliam, who grins, chuckles and bounces his unibrow]'' Let's get this over with. 1, 2, 3, 4...}}
 
{{L|''[The band's horn players play an intro fanfare. Squidward opens his eyes, shocked. Plankton plays the opening notes of the song on keyboard. SpongeBob begins singing. Throughout the song, we see Patrick (wearing sunglasses) on electric drums, Sandy on electric guitar, Mrs. Puff on electric bass, Mr. Krabs on keytar, and Pearl on saxophone.]''}}
Narrator: Day two. (band walking down a street playing)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[voice of David Glen Eisley]''}}
 
{{L|♪ The winner takes all ♪}}
 
{{L|♪ It's the thrill of one more kill ♪}}
Squidward: Okay, that's perfect everybody. Bubble Bowl here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers let's move!!! C'mon, move!!! (flag twirlers fly in air and explode when running into a blimp. Trumpet player plays "Taps", then Squidward lies down on street)
{{L|♪ The last one to fall ♪}}
 
{{L|♪ Will never sacrifice their will ♪}}
 
{{L|♪ Don't ever look back on the world closin' in ♪}}
Narrator: Day three.
{{L|♪ Be on the attack with your wings on the wind ♪}}
 
{{L|♪ Oh, the games will begin ♪}}
 
{{L|''[Squilliam stares in shock, Squidward gives him a smug grin and throws his baton over his shoulder and uses his arms for conducting.]''}}
 
{{L|♪ And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah ♪}}
Squidward: Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that none of you improved since we began… (Patrick chews on a trumpet) …but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?
{{L|♪ And it's ours for the taking ♪}}
 
{{L|♪ It's ours for the fight ♪}}
 
{{L|''[Squilliam has a heart attack while he faints and gets carried away by stretchers. Squidward waves a smug goodbye to him and runs to the middle of the stage.]''}}
Plankton: CORRECT!!
{{L|♪ And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah ♪}}
 
{{L|♪ And the one who's last to fall ♪}}
 
{{L|♪ Sweet, sweet, sweet victory... ♪}}
Squidward: So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four! (windows break and Squidward's face is deformed when they make a piercing noise with their instruments) Ok, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
{{L|''[Squidward jumps up and the scene freezes. It then fades to black, ending the episode.]''}}
 
 
Harold (in German accent): Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!
 
 
Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk?!
 
 
Harold (in German accent): BIG, meaty CLAWS!
 
 
Mr. Krabs: Well, these claws ain't just for attracting mates.
 
 
Harold (in German accent): Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!
 
 
SpongeBob: No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.
 
 
Nancy: Oh, so now the talking cheese is going to preach to us. (everyone argues)
 
 
Squidward: Wait, wait. I know tempers are high. (everyone gets into a fight. A fish and Larry are yelling at each other. another fish throws a drum at him.) There's a deposit on the equipment, people! (everyone uses their instruments as weapons. Mr. Krabs and Harold charge at each other with clarinets. Mrs. Puff slams them both with her cymbals.) Settle down, please. (Sandy and Frank are fighting. Patrick kicks Sandy, who chases him as the clock sounds at 10 and everyone stops fighting.)
 
 
Fred: Hey, class is over! (they all walk to the door where Squidward slams them open)
 
 
Squidward: Well, you did it. You took my one chance at happiness and crushed it. Crushed it into little tiny, bite-size pieces. I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks, thanks for nothing.
 
 
Patrick: You're welcome.
 
 
SpongeBob: What kind of monsters are we? That poor creature came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Squidward's always been there for us when it was convenient for him. Evelyn, when your little Jimmy was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?
 
Evelyn: A firemen.
 
 
SpongeBob: And Larry, when your heart gave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you?
 
 
Larry: Some guy in an ambulance.
 
 
SpongeBob: Right. So, if we can all just pretend that Squidward was a fireman, or a guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure that we can all pull together and discover what it truly means: to be in a marching band.
 
 
Harold (in German accent): Yeah, for the firemen!
 
 
 
All: Hooray!
 
 
SpongeBob: Now let's make Squidward proud. A 1, a 2, a skiddleydiddleydoo.
 
 
(At Bubble Bowl)
 
 
Squidward: I knew this was going to happen. They're just going to have to find another band to play. I just hope that… (sees Squilliam) …SQUILLIAM DOESN'T FIND OUT! SQUILLIAM!! AH! What are you doing here?
 
 
Squilliam: (laughs) I just wanted to watch you blow it. So, where's your band?
 
 
Squidward: Um, they couldn't come. They…died.
 
 
Squilliam: Then who's that?
 
 
Squidward: AH! THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!
 
 
SpongeBob: We're ready to perform, Squidward.
 
 
Squilliam: Well, Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band with look. (SpongeBob dances)
 
 
Squidward: That's his…eager face. (Squilliam laughs. They all go into the Bubble Bowl)
 
 
Squidward: Well, I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town.
 
 
SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Squidward. (bowl raises above a football field)
 
 
Football Announcer: Ok, football fans. Put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom SuperBand!!!!! (crowd cheers)
 
 
Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish.
 
 
SpongeBob: Maybe we're in those toxic waste dumps.
 
 
Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna be sick.
 
 
Squidward: Ok, everybody. Let's get this over with. 1, 2, 3, 4.  
 
(Music: "Sweet Victory") (SpongeBob begins singing)
 
The winner takes all, it's the thrill of one more kill. The last one to fall will never sacrifice their will. Don't ever look back on the wind closing in. The only attack were their wings on the wind. Oh, the daydream begins. And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. And it's ours for the taking, it's ours for the fight, in the sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. And the world is ours to follow. Sweet, sweet, sweet victory.  
 
(Squidward jumps into the air, delighted they he impressed Squilliam)

Latest revision as of 20:07, 9 July 2025

Template:EpisodeTranscript Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L Template:L

Retrieved from "https://spongebob.wiki/index.php?title=Band_Geeks/transcript&oldid=51196"