Bummer Jobs/transcript

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• (The episode begins with the title design appearing on the screen. Squidward appears to be fishing for something on what seems like a dock.)

• Squidward: (sighs happily) Nothing like a relaxing morning fishing... (The camera zooms out to reveal Squidward fishing on the roof of the star house.) ...for a deadbeat! (laughs evilly)
• (He appears to be moving the line up and down, and someone is straining to catch it. Then, when he reels it up...)
• Squidward: Gotcha! You're paying for you your newspaper subscription today, Mr. Star. (strains) Huh? What the -- (He opens up the newspaper to discover that all the coupons from the newspaper are gone and grumbles angrily in response.)
• (Inside the Star house, Patrick and Squidina are watching TV, while Cecil is holding tons of coupons.)
• Cecil: (happy) Would you look at that? I just made six bucks in coupons from a magic floating newspaper!
• Squidina: Way to go, Dad!
• Cecil: Time to get ready! (tying his tie) The sea bunny runs around the coral away from the barracuda and then hops back in his hole. (It then shows that Cecil made it a little too tight.)
• Bunny: (just arriving in the room) So dapper. (kisses Cecil)
• Cecil: (chuckles)
• Bunny: We'll be back later!
• Patrick: Wait! (jumps off the couch and grunts) "Be back" means that you left. Where you going?
• Cecil: To our jobs, of course.
• Patrick: (confused) What is jobs? (moves his jaw sideways)
• Bunny: (whispers to Cecil) Dear, I think it's time for the talk.
• (Cecil then walks over to a little Patrick who looks like he's ready for a baseball game.)
• Cecil: (calmly) Put down the baseball mitt, son. (Patrick does just that.) You see, Patrick, when an employee and an employer love each other very much, a brand-new job is born! (Patrick looks in awe.)
• Bunny: (happy) A job gives your life meaning. A purpose!
• Patrick: (gains facial hair) I want one of those job thingies!
• Bunny: (proud) Our man-child is becoming a man-man!
• Cecil: (mistaken) Oh, good. Maybe he can move his can-can out of the house-house.
• (Bunny and Cecil blow deeply into some balloons which turn into suitcases. Then, the door opens. Bunny and Cecil sit on the balloon suitcases which deflate and take them to work.)
• Patrick: Where can I get a job and find my porpoise?
• (He bonks into the wall and falls on the floor. Then, a porpoise appears.)
• Porpoise: Don't look at me. I ain't got it.