Chum Fricassee/transcript

(The episode opens at the Krusty Krab, at closing time)

Squidward: Just clock out already!

SpongeBob: Uh...I'm trying, Squidward, but clocking out is the most disappointing part of the day! (Squidward slaps himself in the face) At least then, I'll be home where I can relive my most happiest memories from my day at work. (Flashback, in SpongeBob's house, where he's cooking Krabby Patties, with a bag of flour dressed like Mr. Krabs standing right next to him) I'm all over it, boss man! Order up, Gareward! (Gary has a bag on him that has a picture of Squidward on it)

Gary: Meow! (Saying yeah-yeah in snail form)

SpongeBob: It's hard leaving work, even for one night! (Squidward takes SpongeBob's ID and clocks both IDs out)

Squidward: I beg to differ! I mean look at this place! (Shows Krusty Krab, which is a filthy mess) It's disgusting, not to mention our cheap boss!

(Shows Mr. Krabs trying to get a penny on the floor with a spatula) Mr. Krabs: Woo-hoo! Got it! Hey, who are you calling cheap?

Squidward: The guy who won't even spring for a doormat! (Shows door, which has no doormat in front of it)

Mr. Krabs: Oh, give me a break, Mr. Complainsalot! As if you would know anything about running a restaurant! Ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar!

Squidward: Well, if I did run a restaurant, my exquisite taste and gourmet know-how would have customers waiting in line for years just to get a table!

Mr. Krabs: Pfffffffffff.....Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! See you fellows tomorrow! Gourmet know-how! A-ha-ha!

Squidward: Laugh it up! My knowledge and intelligence could make even the Chum Bucket a success! (Plankton spies on Squidward and SpongeBob and follows them)

Plankton: Hey! Hey! Heeeeeeeyyyyy! I'm yelling over here! (Plankton jumps on Squidward)

Squidward: Ouch, I think I picked up a tick! (Squidward takes Plankton off the side of his head) Plankton?! What do you want?

Plankton: Well, I'd like to take you up on your offer to make the Chum Bucket a success!

Squidward: Oh, I don't know about that.

Mr. Krabs: I don't value you at all!

Squidward: I'll do it. (SpongeBob taps Squidward to get his attention)

SpongeBob: Don't you think that working at the Chum Bucket AND the Krusty Krab is a conflict of interest, Squidward?

Squidward: Oh, geez, SpongeBob, I hadn't thought about that! You're right! I quit.

(Episode cuts to Squidward entering the Chum Bucket)

Squidward: Eh, a bit industrial, but I can make it work. (Episode cuts to the Chum Bucket kitchen) You call this a kitchen? We should start by tearing out this wall so the chef is visible to his adoring fans!

Karen: Great! Two megalomanics.

Squidward: I don't see any use for all these old pack traps. We should just break them down for parts. (Squidward tears out the traps)

Plankton: But, but that's my chum-fueled antennae massager!

Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry! Remind me, who's in complete creative control here?

Plankton: Anyone can come in and redecorate, pal, but you still haven't proven how you're gonna make chum edible!

Squidward: So I guess the proof is in the pudding, then, isn't it?

Plankton: You're making chum pudding?

Squidward: I'm making chum fricassee! (Pulls a lever to bring down a big blob of chum to make fricasee)

Plankton: Frica-what?

Squidward: See, Plankton, there's a trick to making chum edible. (Squidward smells the bad stench of chum) We just have to follow old Grandma's secret fricasee recipe.

Plankton: Secret recipe, you say, huh? (Plankton pulls out a pencil and pad) What's in it?

Squidward: Nice try, tiny cyclops! You won't get Grandma's delicate mix of seasonings and spices that easily, but operation cannot be rushed! Each batch must simmer for exactly 24 hours!

(Time card "24 hours later" is shown)

(24 hours later, Plankton is sleeping when Squidward puts a scoop of chum fricassee on his plate)

Plankton: Who took my blue blanky? Huh? This is the secret stuff? Doesn't look very promising.

Squidward: Oh, just taste it already!

(Plankton smells the fricassee)

Plankton: Well, the smell doesn't make me rich! (Plankton takes a bite out of the fricassee) Hey, that ain't bad at all! (Takes another bite out of the fricassee) It's actually amazing! (Plankton throws away the spoon and gobbles down the fricasee) This is gold in the form of chum! Squidward, my friend, you'll be the toast of Bikini Bottom! This recipe is going to make you a star.

Squidward: Ah Stahr

Plankton: A star...

TV Announcer: Hello, hungry eaters! It's time for... Flavors of the Bottom, a collectible look at dining out in Bikini Bottom, with your host, Perch Perkins!

Perch Perkins: Hey, all you bottom-feeders. If you've already eaten, well, you better make room for seconds, because we are tasting Bikini Bottom's sensational, new, upscale eatery, Le Chum Bucket. Look at all those classy diners! What's on the menu? It's called chum fricasee. Earlier, I spoke to head chef Squidward Tentacles. He shared with us why it's such a frica-success.

Squidward (on the news): Actually, I can't share the recipe with you. It's a secret

(Episode cuts to the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs is watching the news on TV)

Mr. Krabs: What?!

Plankton: Ha-ha-ha! That's right, Krabs! Now, we have a secret formula, and it's in a bottle, and you can't have it! Ha-ha!

Squidward: Give that back, please. (Squidward snatches the recipe from Plankton) Thank you.

Plankton: Secret!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Krabs: This is mutiny! And the public is actually eating it!