Bubble Bass's Tab/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Bubble Bass's Tab" from season 12, which aired on April 9, 2021.

• [the episode begins at the Krusty Krab]
• Squidward: One large Flatsom fries. Extra jetsam. [drops it on tray] Four orders of duckweed. [drops it on tray]
• Bubble Bass: Hmm. Methinks thou forgot my gravy, thou lumpish clay-brained flap dragon.
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Flap dragon. [giggles]
• Squidward: [sighs] Oh, and finally, one Deep Sea Donut. [drops it on tray] That comes to a total of-
• Bubble Bass: Whatever the measure, squire, put it on my account.
• Mr. Krabs: [peaks in from tray] Oh, no, you don't. No more food for you until you pay your tab. [rolls out a long check]
• Bubble Bass: P-p-p-ay t-t-t-t-tab? [reaches into his pocket and grabs a coin] I'll flip you for it. [flips coin]
• Mr. Krabs: [grabs coin] I'll take that.
• Bubble Bass: [pulls game from pants] How about a friendly game of Three Deadly Challenges?
• SpongeBob: Oh, castle! Pick castle!
• Mr. Krabs: Oh... [slaps game out of Bubble Bass' hands]
• Bubble Bass: [runs out of building]
• Squidward: [laughs] I bet we'll never see that game geek again.
• Bubble Bass: [through drive thru speaker] 50 Krabby Patties, please. Extra pickles. [at the drive thru window] Put it on my tab.
• SpongeBob: [walks up to drive thru window to deliver food to Bubble Bass] Coming right up!
• Mr. Krabs: [yelling] Bubble Bass! You...
• Bubble Bass: [singing/taunting] Hey, nonny nonny! You look pretty funny! You won't get my money! [starts rubbing his butt on drive thru window] Nah nah nah nah nah!
• [a dad in his car honks horn, causing Bubble Bass to run away]
• Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! I want you and SpongeBob to go after Bubble Bass, and collect his tab! [gives the tab to Squidward]
• SpongeBob: [squeals]
• Squidward: Blech.
• [transition to next scene at Bubble Bass' house, where SpongeBob and Squidward are about to arrive at]
• SpongeBob: [singing] Hey, nonny nonny! You look pretty funny! You won't get my money! [stops singing] I can't help it. It's catchy.
• Squidward: Look, I just want to collect the money as soon as possible and go. Bubble Bass, we're here to collect your tab! [kicks down door]
• SpongeBob: Squidward, that was so masculine.
• Squidward: Heh. Well, I... Let's go. [he and SpongeBob walk into Bubble Bass' house] I know you're in here. Come out!
• SpongeBob: [sniffs] Hmm. Smells funny in here.
• [Bubble Bass appears as a moose head on the wall before popping back into the wall]
• Squidward: Smells like deadbeat. Hmm. [shouting] If you don't pay up, we'll... sell this furniture. [holds up nearby chair and drops it, damaging the corner; SpongeBob gasps] Whoops. How much do you think this is worth? I just chipped it.
• SpongeBob: Oh, it was the chip that sold me! [holds out a dollar bill] I'll give you ten bucks.
• Bubble Bass: [from basement] Hey! Don't touch mother's things! I'll pay the tab! Come downstairs, and we'll work it out. [he pulls the carpet, causing SpongeBob and Squidward to painfully fall down the stairs into the basement]
• SpongeBob: [lands in Squidward's lap] My savior.
• Squidward: [rolls SpongeBob off his lap] Alright, where is he?
• Bubble Bass: [from underground room; hatch opens] If you want me to pay, you'll have to play the Three Deadly Challenges!
• SpongeBob: [jumps into the air] Oh! The Three Deadly Challenges! I got this game! [ he opens up his body, revealing a shelf of board games] Where is it? Game of Strife, Chutes and Bladders... Oh, here it is! [he pulls out Three Deadly Challenges and closes his body] Ah! The Three Deadly Challenges!
• Squidward: A board game. Whoopee.
• SpongeBob: [shouting] Okay, Bubble Bass! We accept the challenge!
• Squidward: Why are you giving him the upper hand? He owes us money!
• SpongeBob: Oh. But I wanna pway the Thwee Deadwy Chawenges.
• Squidward: Oh, all wight al- [clears throat] -alright already! Let's get this over with!
• SpongeBob: Oh yeah! [Squidward kicks him into underground cellar as SpongeBob laughs]
• Squidward: Oh, boy. [climbs ladder into cellar]
• [in the cellar]
• SpongeBob: Wow. A life-size version of the Three Deadly Challenges. Beautiful.
• Squidward: Looks like a hobo campground.
• SpongeBob: No, Squidward. You have to look with your imagination. [he waves his hand across the screen, revealing a more fantasy-like landscape]
• Squidward: What the? No! [he ruins the fantasy landscape with his tentacles] It's a dump!
• Bubble Bass: Thou art two oozing cysts on the hind side of a plague dog's nose.
• Squidward: What did he say?
• SpongeBob: The colorful insults are the best part of the game.
• Squidward: That figures. Hmm. [walks to where Bubble Bass is along with SpongeBob] So how do you win this goofball game, anyway?
• SpongeBob: Since Bubble Bass challenged us, all we have to do is get close enough to tag him out. We get three chances, or should I say three challenges.
• Squidward: Oh. [grunts]
• SpongeBob: Oh, boy! [he and Squidward grab a sword] Look, Squidward! [slashes with a cardboard sword a few times]
• Squidward: Oh, this feels stupid. [sighs]
• SpongeBob and Squidward: Charge!
• [SpongeBob and Squidward charge up the cardboard mountain. Squidward yells as he hit Bubble Bass' belly with the sword]
• Squidward: Hmm? [the mountain starts shaking] Uh oh.
• [SpongeBob grabs onto Squidward as the structure falls down. They both scream as they crash to the ground. A crowd cheering sound effect plays from a speaker]
• Squidward: [tags what he assumes to be Bubble Bass] Tag, you lose! [he laughs along with SpongeBob, but accidentally rips apart the decoy. SpongeBob screams]
• SpongeBob: We decapitated him!
• Squidward: Oh, calm down. It's just a dummy he made from his mother's couch cushions and a sleeping bag. [sighs] All of this for a tab?
• SpongeBob: Oh! But you were magnificent, Squidward. So strong and courageous.
• Squidward: [pushing SpongeBob back] As always.
• Bubble Bass: Thy canker sore bottoms curdle seaweed and sour the ocean.
• Squidward: Oh, you-
• SpongeBob: [getting up] I got this one, Squidward. Oh, yeah? Well, your pillows are filled with urchins, [pulling on Squidward's shirt and letting go] and your shirts are inside out!
• Squidward: [rubbing his nose] Adding injury to insult.
• [trumpet fanfare plays as SpongeBob and Squidward enter a cardboard arena]
• Squidward: Oh... Oh, look at all this junk.
• SpongeBob: [excitedly] I know. Isn't it great?
• Squidward: [pulls on his nose] Let's finish this. [grabs a red cloth] He's obviously in that bullpen.

• [Squidward laughs. SpongeBob exits the kitchen with a rose in his mouth.]
• SpongeBob: [takes the rose out of his mouth] Ole, Señor Squidward?
• [Squidward jumps out the boat, and holds his arm out to SpongeBob.]
• Squidward: Ole, SpongeBob.
• [SpongeBob puts the rose back into his mouth, twirls, and then starts dancing with Squidward.]
• Squidward: I'll lead.
• Mama Bass: [pokes Squidward's arm] May I?
• [Mama Bass giggles whilst looking at Squidward.]
• Squidward: Eh, but of course. [he and Mama Bass dance. SpongeBob eats the rose and the episode ends with Squidward and Mama Bass dancing out of the Krusty Krab]