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(SpongeBob is humming inside of his mailbox. He checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox.)
{{L|''[SpongeBob is humming inside of his mailbox. He checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hi Mailman!}}
SpongeBob: Hi Mailman!
{{L|''[The mailman yells in fear and runs off]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|O.K, see you tomorrow!}}
(The mailman yells in fear and runs off)
{{L|''[SpongeBob gets out of the mailbox. Patrick walks up.]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?}}
SpongeBob: O.K, see you tomorrow!
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's see... ''[Looks through the mail]'' Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob looks at the magazine]''}}
(SpongeBob gets out of the mailbox. Patrick walks up.)
{{L|SpongeBob|That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[They look inside the magazine]'' WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!}}
Patrick: Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?
{{L|SpongeBob|Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!}}
 
{{L|''[A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown]''}}
SpongeBob: Let's see... (Looks through the mail) Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine!
{{L|SpongeBob|This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!}}
 
{{L|''[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money]''}}
(SpongeBob looks at the magazine)
{{L|Patrick|''[Points at the man's feet]'' This guy's got shoes!}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Give me that! ''[Takes the magazine]'' Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!}}
SpongeBob: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.}}
SpongeBob and Patrick: (They look inside the magazine) WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!
{{L|SpongeBob|What kind of things?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|How should I know? Things people wanna buy! ''[walks off]'' Now keep your paws off my mail.}}
SpongeBob: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Is that gonna hurt?}}
(A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown)
{{L|SpongeBob|Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Uh... ''[sweats]'' More time for thinking.}}
SpongeBob: This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
{{L|SpongeBob|No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|A chocolate bar?}}
(A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money)
{{L|SpongeBob|That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars]''}}
Patrick: (Points at the man's feet) This guy's got shoes!
{{L|SpongeBob|Fancy living, here we come!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! ''[He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers"]''}}
Squidward: Give me that! (Takes the magazine) Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.}}
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?
{{L|''[SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door, a fish opens the door]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some ''[holds up chocolate bar]'' chocolate?}}
Squidward: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.
{{L|Tom|Chocolate? Did you say, Chocolate?!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Yes sir. With or without nuts?}}
SpongeBob: What kind of things?
{{L|Tom|Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "CHOCOLAAATE!!!"]''}}
Squidward: How should I know? Things people wanna buy! (walks off) Now keep your paws off my mail.
{{L|''[The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step!}}
SpongeBob: That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!
{{L|''[A Con man opens the door.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?}}
Patrick: Is that gonna hurt?
{{L|Con man|Chocolate bars, eh?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!}}
SpongeBob: Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
{{L|Con man|Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants]''}}
Patrick: Uh... (sweats) More time for thinking.
{{L|Con man|No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Oh, most certainly, sir!}}
SpongeBob: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.
{{L|Con man|Well, ''[chuckles]'' no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! ''[He holds up a bright-orange bag]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Woooooooow... what is it?}}
Patrick: A chocolate bar?
{{L|Con man|It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob tries to touch it]''}}
SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|Con man|''[pulls bag away]'' BUT, I'm wasting my time. ''[Walks inside]'' You don't need these bags.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|We need 'em! We need 'em!}}
 
{{L|''[The Con man grins, the scene changes to the Con man counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags]''}}
 
{{L|Con man|So long, boys! Happy hunting! ''[Laughs when the two aren't looking]'' Suckers... ''[walks back inside]''}}
(The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars)
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick ''[singing as they run off]''|Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's try next door!}}
SpongeBob: Fancy living, here we come!
{{L|''[SpongeBob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Con man comes out]''}}
 
{{L|Con man|Yes?}}
Patrick: Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! (He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers")
{{L|SpongeBob|Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?}}
 
{{L|Con man|I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. ''[Holds up two large maroon bags]''}}
(SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house)
{{L|Patrick|We'll take twenty.}}
 
{{L|''[Scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out]''}}
SpongeBob: O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.
{{L|Sadie|Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?}}
(SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door, a fish opens the door)
{{L|Sadie ''[captions on TV call it Woman and Credits on TV call it Lady Fish.]'' |That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|One chocolate bar, coming up!}}
SpongeBob: Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some (holds up chocolate bar) chocolate?
{{L|''[SpongeBob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants]''}}
 
{{L|Sadie|I don't have time for this.}}
Tom: Chocolate? Did you say, ''Chocolate?!''
{{L|''[Sadie goes back inside, and then SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-}}
Patrick: Yes sir. With or without nuts?
{{L|Tom|CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|-lady.}}
Tom: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!''''' '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!'''''
{{L|''[Tom chases SpongeBob and Patrick again while screaming CHOCOLAAAATE!]''}}
 
{{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner]''}}
''(SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "CHOCOLAAATE!!!")''
{{L|SpongeBob|We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|He said we were mediocre...}}
(The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house)
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it! He made us feel special!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!}}
SpongeBob: O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step!
{{L|''[Patrick runs to the door]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|NO, wait Patrick!}}
(A Con man opens the door.)
{{L|''[Patrick freezes in place]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Why don't we try being nice?}}
SpongeBob: Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?
{{L|Patrick|Oh, okay.}}
 
{{L|''[Scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door]''}}
Con man: Chocolate bars, eh?
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door]''}}
SpongeBob: Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!
{{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|Hello?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I love you.}}
Con man: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!
{{L|''[A harp is heard playing, the customer stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.}}
(Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants)
{{L|''[SpongeBob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door]''}}
 
{{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|Please, G-Go away.}}
Con man: No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?
{{L|SpongeBob|Um, *clears throat* H-H-How you doin'?}}
 
{{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|How am I doing?}}
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, most certainly, sir!
{{L|SpongeBob|Wanna buy some chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|We got him now!}}
Con man: Well, (chuckles) no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! (He holds up a bright-orange bag)
{{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick's belly is bubbling]''}}
SpongeBob: Woooooooow... what is it?
{{L|Patrick|Hee hee, it tickles!}}
 
{{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.}}
Con man: It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!
{{L|''[The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13]''}}
 
{{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|You can keep that for 5 bucks.}}
(SpongeBob tries to touch it)
{{L|Patrick|I'll take 10!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking, a sad song plays]''}}
Con man: (pulls bag away) BUT, I'm wasting my time. (Walks inside) You don't need these bags.
{{L|SpongeBob|We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures]''}}
SpongeBob and Patrick: We need 'em! We need 'em!
{{L|Patrick|Huh?}}
 
{{L|''[Far cut]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[raising his fist]'' Let's make a pack right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[Removing pictures from his face]'' Huh?}}
(The Con man grins, the scene changes to the Con man counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[Holding out his hand]'' Let's shake on it.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[Looking at SpongeBob confused]'' Did you say something?}}
Con man: So long, boys! Happy hunting! (Laughs when the two aren't looking) Suckers... (walks back inside)
{{L|''[Cut to the other customer's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Remember Patrick, focus.}}
SpongeBob and Patrick (singing as they run off): Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!
{{L|''[Cut to the door, SpongeBob knocks on it, customer answers]''}}
 
{{L|Purple Fish|Yes?}}
SpongeBob: Let's try next door!
{{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate?}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth]''}}
(SpongeBob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Con man comes out)
{{L|Purple Fish|Why is Tubby here staring at me?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick's eyes]''}}
Con man: Yes?
{{L|Patrick|Focusing.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of the customer's house]''}}
SpongeBob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
{{L|Purple Fish|Back off, Jack!}}
 
{{L|''[The customer slams the door on Patrick's eyes, Patrick is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door]''}}
Con man: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. (Holds up two large maroon bags)
{{L|Patrick|''[Moving eyes around]'' Nice place you got in here.}}
 
{{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene]''}}
Patrick: We'll take twenty.
{{L|SpongeBob|I can't understand what were doing wrong.}}
 
{{L|Patrick|I can't understand anything}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the sign]''}}
(Scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out)
{{L|Patrick|''[reading the sign]'' Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
Sadie: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?
{{L|SpongeBob|They are most certainly not delicious!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[smiling]'' Not the way I use them!}}
SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yet they sell millions of bags a day!}}
Sadie (captions on TV call it Woman and Credits on TV call it Lady Fish.) : That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.}}
SpongeBob: One chocolate bar, coming up!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[Happily]'' That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!}}
(SpongeBob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants)
{{L|Tom ''[subtitles on TV call it Man.]'' |CHOCOLATE!!!!!!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick run off, cut to Mary's house]''}}
Sadie: I don't have time for this.
{{L|SpongeBob|We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|The kill!}}
(Sadie goes back inside, and then SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar)
{{L|''[SpongeBob uses the doorbell, Mary answers]''}}
 
{{L|Mary|Yes?}}
SpongeBob: I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, young lady.}}
Tom: '''CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!'''
{{L|''[SpongeBob winks at Patrick, Patrick then chuckles]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|We're selling chocolate. ''[Getting a closer look at Mary]'' Is your mother home?}}
SpongeBob: -lady.
{{L|''[Cut to Mary]''}}
 
{{L|Mary|Mom!}}
(Tom chases SpongeBob and Patrick again while screaming '''CHOCOLAAAATE!''')
{{L|Mother|''[Entering from the right side of the house]'' What, what, what's all the yelling?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut back to Mary's mother]''}}
 
{{L|Mother|You just can't wait for me to die, can you?}}
(The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
 
{{L|Mary|They're selling chocolate.}}
SpongeBob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
{{L|Mother|Chocolate?}}
 
{{L|Mary|Yeah!}}
Patrick: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!
{{L|''[Cut to Mary and Mom]''}}
 
{{L|Mother|What, what are they selling?}}
SpongeBob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?
{{L|Mary|Chocolates!}}
 
{{L|Mother|What?}}
Patrick: He said we were mediocre...
{{L|Mary|CHOCOLATES!}}
 
{{L|Mother|I can't hear you!}}
SpongeBob: That's it! He made us feel special!
{{L|Mary|THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!}}
 
{{L|Mother|They're selling chocolate?}}
Patrick: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!
{{L|Mary|YEAH!!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to a close-up of Mary's mother smiling]''}}
(Patrick runs to the door)
{{L|Mother|Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut back to view Mary and her mom]''}}
SpongeBob: NO, wait Patrick!
{{L|Mother|I always hated it!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob sweating]''}}
(Patrick freezes in place)
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...}}
 
{{L|''[Patrick comes from the top left]''}}
SpongeBob: Why don't we try being nice?
{{L|Patrick|You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard saying no constantly]''}}
Patrick: Oh, okay.
{{L|Mother|Live forever you say? I'll take one. ''[Mary slaps her face]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the outside, Mary pays SpongeBob a dollar]''}}
 
{{L|Mother ''[From inside house]''|Come on, you lazy Mary! ''[Cut to Mary]'' Start rubbing me with that chocolate!}}
 
{{L|Mary ''[looking at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily]''|I hate you. ''[Slams door]''}}
(Scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!}}
SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
{{L|Patrick|''[Raising fist]'' Hooray for lying!}}
 
{{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh]''}}
(Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door)
{{L|SpongeBob|It'll make your hair grow.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Fred]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Hello?
{{L|Fred|Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick has a sad face this time]''}}
Patrick: I love you.
{{L|SpongeBob|It'll make you sound smart.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the customer holding money]''}}
(A harp is heard playing, the customer stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.)
{{L|Customer ''[southern accent]''|I'll take 20!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to Patrick]''}}
SpongeBob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.
{{L|Patrick|It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the two Patricks]''}}
(SpongeBob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door)
{{L|Patrick 2|Just in time.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Please, G-Go away.
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you fly!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|You'll fall in love!}}
SpongeBob: Um, *clears throat* H-H-How you doin'?
{{L|SpongeBob|They'll bring world peace!}}
 
{{L|Patrick|You'll walk through walls!}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: How am I doing?
{{L|SpongeBob|''[ecoing]'' You'll rule the world!!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts]''}}
SpongeBob: Wanna buy some chocolate?
{{L|''[Cut close to Patrick]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|This'll be the best lie yet!}}
Patrick: We got him now!
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?
{{L|''[Customer opens door]''}}
 
{{L|Customer|What can I do for you boys?}}
(Patrick's belly is bubbling)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.}}
Patrick: Hee hee, it tickles!
{{L|Customer|Really?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.
{{L|Customer|Small world. What's the matter with you guys?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned]''}}
(The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13)
{{L|SpongeBob|''[nervously]''Um, we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the customer]''}}
Blue Fish with purple stripes: You can keep that for 5 bucks.
{{L|Customer|Well, some guys have all the luck.}}
 
{{L|''[A violin begins]''}}
Patrick: I'll take 10!
{{L|Customer|I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry]''}}
(Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking, a sad song plays)
{{L|Customer|At night, ''[A tear runs down SpongeBob's cheek]'' I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the customer, the wires snap]''}}
SpongeBob: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.
{{L|Customer|''[About to fall]'' Oh, no...}}
 
{{L|''[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps]''}}
(Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures)
{{L|Customer|''[On the last step]'' Ow...}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
Patrick: Huh?
{{L|SpongeBob|Come on, Patrick, let's help him!}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of SpongeBob's house]''}}
(Far cut)
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Careful, put him down gently.}}
SpongeBob: (raising his fist) Let's make a pack right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.
{{L|''[Patrick drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer]''}}
 
{{L|Customer|''[In pain]'' Ow...!}}
Patrick: (Removing pictures from his face) Huh?<br />
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}}
SpongeBob: (Holding out his hand) Let's shake on it.
{{L|SpongeBob|Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the customer]''}}
Patrick: (Looking at SpongeBob confused) Did you say something?
{{L|Customer|Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars.''[jestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes]''}}
 
{{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene]''}}
(Cut to the other customer's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view)
{{L|''[Cut to the customer looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]''}}
 
{{L|Customer|Such nice boys, ''[far cut to the customer]'' it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!!}}
SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, focus.
{{L|''[Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his coustume off to reveal himself as the Con Artist from earlier]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to the street]''}}
(Cut to the door, SpongeBob knocks on it, customer answers)
{{L|SpongeBob ''[grunting]''|Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to SpongeBob with a box flat on his face]''}}
Purple Fish: Yes?
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's admit it, Patrick. We're failures.}}
 
{{L|Patrick ''[Walking in from the left]''|I can live with that. ''[Places box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]''}}
SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate?
{{L|SpongeBob|Let's change our names to Why and Bother?}}
 
{{L|''[Tom appears behind the box]''}}
(Patrick somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth)
{{L|Tom|CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!! ''[Screams and knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}}
Purple Fish: Why is Tubby here staring at me?
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick babble]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|No! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Pleaseeee.}}
(Cut to Patrick's eyes)
{{L|Patrick|No! Don't hurt us, Tom. Please Spare Me!}}
 
{{L|''[Cuts to Tom laughing manically]''}}
Patrick: Focusing.
{{L|Tom|Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you...I'd like to buy all your chocolate. ''[Holds up a large amount of cash]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss]''}}
(Cut to the inside of the customer's house)
{{L|''[Cut back to the three, SpongeBob and Patrick melt]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Thank you for your patronage.}}
[[Purple Fish]]: Back off, Jack!
{{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?}}
(The customer slams the door on Patrick's eyes, Patrick is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door)
{{L|''[Cut to the money in the barrel, SpongeBob pops out]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.}}
Patrick: (Moving eyes around) Nice place you got in here.
{{L|''[Cut to the two]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|But what are we going to spend it on?}}
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene)
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob thinking]''}}
 
{{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen]''}}
SpongeBob: I can't understand what were doing wrong.
{{L|''[Cut to the inside of the boat]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward ''[Walking in from the left]''|Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.}}
Patrick: I can't understand anything
{{L|''[Cut to the server]''}}
 
{{L|Server|Sorry, but the whole restraunt has been rented to a private party.}}
SpongeBob: There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!
{{L|''[Cut to Squidward shocked]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt?}}
(Cut to the sign)
{{L|''[Cut to the Server and Squidward]''}}
 
{{L|Server|Oh, a couple of rich entrepuners and their ''[leaning over to Squidward]'' dates.}}
Patrick: (reading the sign) Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.
{{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and Mary's mother, Mary is seen holding a glass]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|So, how long have you two ladies known each other?}}
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
{{L|''[Pause]''}}
 
{{L|Mother|What? What did he say?}}
SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious!
{{L|''[Fade to black]''}}
 
Patrick: (smiling) Not the way I use them!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)<br />
SpongeBob: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!
 
(Cut to Patrick)<br />
Patrick: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: (Happily) That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!
 
Tom (subtitles on TV call it Man.) : '''CHOCOLATE!!!!!!'''
 
(SpongeBob and Patrick run off, cut to Mary's house)
 
SpongeBob: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill!
 
Patrick: The kill!
 
(SpongeBob uses the doorbell, Mary answers)
 
Mary: Yes?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: Hello, young lady.
 
(SpongeBob winks at Patrick, Patrick then chuckles)
 
SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate. (Getting a closer look at Mary) Is your mother home?
 
(Cut to Mary)<br />
Mary: Mom!
 
Mother: (Entering from the right side of the house) What, what, what's all the yelling?<br />
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces)
 
(Cut back to Mary's mother)
 
Mother: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?<br />
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
Mary: They're selling chocolate.
 
Mother: Chocolate?<br />
Mary: Yeah!
 
(Cut to Mary and Mom)
 
Mother: What, what are they selling?<br />
Mary: Chocolates!
 
Mother: What?
 
Mary: '''CHOCOLATES!'''
 
Mother: I can't hear you!
 
Mary: '''THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!'''
 
Mother: They're selling chocolate?
 
Mary: '''YEAH!!'''
 
(Cut to a close-up of Mary's mother smiling)
 
Mother: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.
 
(Cut back to view Mary and her mom)
 
Mother: I always hated it!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob sweating)
 
SpongeBob: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...
 
(Patrick comes from the top left)
 
Patrick: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.
 
(Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard saying no constantly)
 
Mother: Live forever you say? I'll take one. (Mary slaps her face)
 
(Cut to the outside, Mary pays SpongeBob a dollar)
 
Mother (From inside house): Come on, you lazy Mary! (Cut to Mary) Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
 
Mary (looking at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily): I hate you. (Slams door)
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!<br />
Patrick: (Raising fist) Hooray for lying!
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh)
 
SpongeBob: It'll make your hair grow.
 
(Cut to Fred)
 
Fred: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick has a sad face this time)<br />
SpongeBob: It'll make you sound smart.
 
(Cut to the customer holding money)
 
Customer (southern accent): I'll take 20!
 
(Cut to Patrick)
 
Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.
 
(Cut to the two Patricks)
 
Patrick 2: Just in time.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over)<br />
SpongeBob: They'll make you fly!
 
Patrick: You'll fall in love!
 
SpongeBob: They'll bring world peace!
 
Patrick: You'll walk through walls!
 
SpongeBob: (ecoing) You'll rule the world!!
 
(Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts)
 
(Cut close to Patrick)
 
Patrick: This'll be the best lie yet!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)
 
SpongeBob: Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!
 
(Customer opens door)
 
Customer: What can I do for you boys?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)
 
SpongeBob: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.
 
Customer: Really?
 
(Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body)
 
Customer: Small world. What's the matter with you guys?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned)<br />
SpongeBob: (nervously)Um, we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.
 
(Cut to the customer)<br />
Customer: Well, some guys have all the luck.
 
(A violin begins)<br />
Customer: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry)
 
Customer: At night, (A tear runs down SpongeBob's cheek) I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
 
(Cut to the customer, the wires snap)
 
Customer: (About to fall) Oh, no...
 
(A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps)
 
Customer: (On the last step) Ow...
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, let's help him!
 
(Cut to the inside of SpongeBob's house)
 
(SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left)
 
SpongeBob: Careful, put him down gently.
 
(Patrick drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer)
 
Customer: (In pain) Ow...!
 
(Cut to SpongeBob)<br />
SpongeBob: Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?
 
(Cut to the customer)
 
Customer: Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars.(jestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes)
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene)
 
(Cut to the customer looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by)
 
Customer: Such nice boys, (far cut to the customer) it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!!
 
(Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his coustume off to reveal himself as the Con Artist from earlier)
 
(Cut to the street)<br />
SpongeBob (grunting): Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.
 
(SpongeBob makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to SpongeBob with a box flat on his face)
 
SpongeBob: Let's admit it, Patrick. We're failures.
 
Patrick (Walking in from the left): I can live with that. (Places box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound)
 
SpongeBob: Let's change our names to Why and Bother?
 
(Tom appears behind the box)
 
Tom: '''CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!''' (Screams and knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over)
 
(Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick)
 
(SpongeBob and Patrick babble)
 
SpongeBob: No! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Pleaseeee.
 
Patrick: No! Don't hurt us, Tom. Please Spare Me!
 
(Cuts to Tom laughing manically)
 
Tom: Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you...I'd like to buy all your chocolate. (Holds up a large amount of cash)
 
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss)
 
(Cut back to the three, SpongeBob and Patrick melt)
 
SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage.
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow)
 
Patrick: Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?
 
(Cut to the money in the barrel, SpongeBob pops out)
 
SpongeBob: Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.
 
(Cut to the two)
 
Patrick: But what are we going to spend it on?
 
(Cut to SpongeBob thinking)
 
(Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen)
 
(Cut to the inside of the boat)
 
Squidward (Walking in from the left): Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.
 
(Cut to the server)
 
Server: Sorry, but the whole restraunt has been rented to a private party.
 
(Cut to Squidward shocked)
 
Squidward: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt?
 
(Cut to the Server and Squidward)
 
Server: Oh, a couple of rich entrepuners and their (leaning over to Squidward) dates.
 
(Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and Mary's mother, Mary is seen holding a glass)
 
SpongeBob: So, how long have you two ladies known each other?
 
(Pause)
 
Mother: What? What did he say?
 
(Fade to black)
[[Category:Transcripts]]
[[Category:Transcripts]]

Revision as of 12:40, 22 August 2011

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