Chum Fricassee/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Chum Fricassee" from season 8, which aired on October 21, 2012.

• [The episode opens at the Krusty Krab, at closing time.]
• Squidward: Just clock out already!
• SpongeBob: I'm trying Squidward, but clocking out is the most upsetting part of the day. At least soon I'll be home, where I can relive all the wonderful moments from my day at work. [has flashback] I'm all over it boss man. [makes patty] Order up Gare-ward!
• Gary: Meow-Meow. [meow version of Yeah Yeah]
• SpongeBob: It's so hard to leave, even for one night.
• Squidward: I beg to differ. [switches ID cards] I mean, just look at this place [cuts to shot of the mess that happened at the restaurant], it's disgusting. Not to mention our cheap boss.
• Mr. Krabs: [flips penny from the floor with a spatula, in his hand] Woo-hoo! Got it. Hey who are you calling cheap?
• Squidward: The guy who won't even spree for a doormat!
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, give me a break Mr. Complains a Lot, as if you know anything about running a restaurant. [laughs]
• Squidward: Well if I did run a restaurant, my exquisite taste in gourmet know-how would have customers waiting in line for years, just to get a table.
• Mr: Krabs: [laughs to himself] See you fellas tomorrow. Gourmet know-how. [laughs]
• Squidward: Laugh it up! My knowledge and intelligence could even make the Chum Bucket a success
• Plankton: Hey, hey, hey! I'm yelling over here! [jumps on SpongeBob and then on Squidward's head]
• Squidward: Ouch! I think I picked up a tick. [rips plankton off his head] Plankton, what do you want?
• Plankton: Well I like to take you up on your offer to make a Chum Bucket a success!
• Squidward: Oh, I don't know about that.
• Mr. Krabs: I don't value you at all! [laughs]
• Squidward: I'll do it.
• SpongeBob: [pokes Squidward and he notices him] Don't you think that working at the Chum Bucket AND The Krusty Krab is a conflict of interest Squidward?
• Squidward: Gee SpongeBob, I haven't thought of that, you're right. I quit.
• [bubble transition to the interior of the Chum Bucket]
• Squidward: Euggh, a bit industrial but I can make it work.
• Squidward: [enters the kitchen of the Chum Bucket] You call this a kitchen? We should start by tearing out this wall so the chef is visible to his adoring fans.
• Karen: Great, two megalomaniacs.
• Squidward: I don't see any use for these ol' claptraps. We should just break them down for parts. [tears claptraps out]
• Plankton: But, but that's my Chum fueled antenna massager.
• Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry, remind me, who's in complete creative control here?!
• Plankton: Anyone can come in and redecorate pal, but you still haven't proven how you're going to make Chum edible.
• Squidward: So I guess the proof is in the pudding, then isn't it?
• Plankton: You're making Chum pudding?
• Squidward: I'm making Chum Fricassee. [pulls the string and squirts out the Chum from the dispenser into the wheel barrel]
• Plankton: Frica-what?
• Squidward: You see Plankton [puts a finger into chum and picks it up with it], there's a trick to making Chum edible. [smells the chum and flings it back into the wheel barrel] We just have to follow Grandma Tentacles secret fricassee recipe.
• Plankton: Secret recipe, you say huh? What's in it? [pulls out notepad and pencil]
• Squidward: Nice try, tiny cyclops, you won't get Grandma's delicate mix of seasonings and spices that easily. But, preparation cannot be rushed, each batch much simmer for exactly 24 hours.
• French Narrator: 24 hours later...
• [cuts to Plankton resting his head on the dining table and a spatula flips the fricassee on the plate]
• Plankton: Who took my blue blanky!? [notice the fricassee on the plate] Huh, this is the secret stuff? Doesn't look very promising.
• Squidward: Oh just taste it already!
• Plankton: [sniffs fricassee] Well the smell doesn't make me wretch. [scoops up a piece with a spoon and tries it] Hey, that ain't bad at all! [takes second scoop and tries it] It's actually amazing! [jumps on the table and eats the whole thing, and throws away the spoon and the plate] This is gold in the form of chum! [jumps on Squidward's head] Squidward my friend, you'll be the toast of Bikini Bottom! This recipe is going to make you a star.
• Squidward: A star.
• Plankton: A star.
• Announcer for Flavors of the Bottom : Hello hungry eaters, it's time for, Flavors of the Bottom, a delectable at dining out at Bikini Bottom, look with your host Perch Perkins!
• Perch Perkins: Hey all you bottom feeders! If you already eaten, well you might want to make room for seconds! [camera zooms out to a shot of Le' Chum Bucket] [cuts to the interior] Cause' we are tasting Bikini Bottom's new upscale eatery, Le' Chum Bucket. [cuts to classy customers at the table] Look at all those classy diners. What's on the menu? It's called, Chum Fricassee. [cuts back to him] Earlier, I spoke to head chef Squidward Tentacles. He shared with us why it's such a, Frica-success!
• [customers eat it with a fork, only to like it, throw away the fork, and eat the whole thing off their plates]
• Squidward: Actually, I can't share the recipe with you, it's a secret.
• Mr. Krabs: [cuts to him watching his restaurant be a success on the news with a TV on the table] What?
• Plankton: [laughs] That's right Krabs [TV view goes back in full screen], now we have a secret formula, and it's a bottle, and you can't have it! [laughs]
• Squidward: Give me that, please. [snatches formula out of Plankton's hand] Thank you.
• Plankton: [yells into microphone] Secret!
• Mr. Krabs: Shhhh [stammering], what's gotten into you?! [whispers] High fo-looting customers don't bark on the top of their lungs like a sea dog!
• Mr. Krabs: Reservation?! In this sinkhole?!
• Squidward: What's seems to be the problem? Well, well, well, [blows Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob's disguises off their faces with a fan] if it isn't Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. Now just follow me. I believe I have a table reserved just for you. [the 'table' that Squidward 'reserved' for Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob turns out to be a toilet. Squidward puts a tablecloth on the toilet] Bon Appetit, Suckers! [laughs at them as he walks away. Soon, everyone joins in the humiliation by laughing at Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob as they leave the restaurant in sadness] See you in two years! [laughs and scoffs at them]
• Karen: There's a two-year wait for a table.
• Plankton: Yeah, see how you like it Krabs! [laughs]
• [the whole crowd laughs at them while they walk away in misery]
• French Narrator: One week later...
• [shows a line of Squidward's fans]
• Nancy-Suzy Fish: I was here first!
• Tyler: No, I was!
• Squidward: One at a time, please.
• Nancy-Suzy Fish: Oh, Mr. Tentacles, it's so nice to finally meet you!
• Squidward: Yes, isn't it? [signs her autograph book with Squidward's picture on it] Next? Whoa! [notices the line is becoming long and slow] Plankton!
• Plankton: [frying the chum fricassee in nuggets] Yeah, what's up?
• Squidward: Are you not seeing the line of people out there?! What's the hold-up with the new batch of Fricassee?!
• Plankton: What's the hold-up? You said it took exactly 24 hours. [points to the machine with the cooking time at about an hour before 24 hours]
• Squidward: I don't care if it isn't finished! Just take the orders!
• Plankton: But I haven't even sauteed it yet. Whatever you say. [cuts to Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob sitting alone on the side of the road]
• Mr. Krabs: [sniffs] What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? [cries as SpongeBob comforts him]
• SpongeBob: Oh, sir, I'm sure that the new Chum Fricassee can't taste better than a Krabby Patty. [cuts to a customer walking out of Le Chum Bucket with leftover in his bag]
• Plankton: Thank you, sir. Come again. Enjoy your leftovers.
• Tyler: Oh, I will. [sees Mr. Krabs crying in agony and grief. Tyler gives Mr. Krabs his leftovers] Please, sir. Take my chum. It's the least I can do to help. Poor guys.
• Mr. Krabs: [digs into the bag and pulls out the leftover Chum Fricassee] You go first, boy.
• SpongeBob: [takes a bite of the Chum Fricassee] Hey, this is great!
• Mr. Krabs: Better than a Krabby Patty?
• SpongeBob: A what?
• Mr. Krabs: [also takes a bite of the Chum Fricassee and gasps] This is delicious! No! I'm ruined! [cries in agony as SpongeBob comforts him]
• Squidward: [Meanwhile, the line keeps getting longer and longer and Squidward continues to serve his Chum Fricassee to his customers and fans] Here you go, folks. Enjoy my world-famous Fricassee. [All of a sudden, someone bursts through the front door, which turns out to be Squidward's paternal grandmother and she's not very happy] Grandma!
• Grandma Tentacles: [enters the restaurant and corners her grandson by the kitchen doors] Someone's been cooking my recipe [sniffs] and they're doing it wrong!
• Squidward: What are you doing here?
• Grandma Tentacles: Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson! [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker]
• Squidward: [in pain] Ow! I didn't do it! Uh, uh, it was him! [points to Plankton]
• Plankton: What?! Oh, you're not pinning this on me! You said you didn't care if it was ready or not!
• Squidward: Okay, I admit it! I admit it! But--but what's the big deal? [Grandma Tentacles crushes her grandson’s foot with her walker again, for the second time] Ow!
• Grandma Tentacles: The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly 24 hours, it causes severe tummy trouble!
• [Listening to Grandma Tentacles’ words, the customers get angry.]
• Male Fish: You fed us, undercooked chum?!
• Grandma Tentacles: Tear him apart, people!
• [She walks off while the customers form a mob and start to attack Squidward. They do an uproar, following what his paternal grandmother says.]
• Fred: I've had it and I'm not gonna take it anymore! [Fred picks up a trash can then throws it on a table. Other customers throw their chum meals on the ground and on the wall of the Chum Bucket. Another customer rips apart of an awning. Frank grabs a napkin holder, throwing napkins on the floor. Plankton pops up near the napkins.]
• Plankton: Not the napkins! [Frank doesn't listen to Plankton.]
• Angry Mob: [An ax chops Squidward's picture in half.] He got what he deserves, that's what I say! [Elsewhere in the exterior of Le Chum Bucket, it bursts into flames caused by the mob. As the restaurant is on fire, the customers run out of the Chum Bucket] It's on fire! It's all burning! Run! [the fire incinerates the restaurant, leaving only Plankton and Squidward standing with charred faces]
• Plankton: My restaurant! [cries]
• Squidward: My fan base! [cries harder before his paternal grandmother appears.]
• Grandma Tentacles: I hope you learned your lesson, genius! [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker for the third time]
• Squidward: Ow! [Plankton and Squidward wail]
• SpongeBob: [cuts to the Krusty Krab] Gee, Mr. Krabs, it sure was nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.
• Mr. Krabs: I figure it's the least I can do for him after causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket. In fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat!
• Squidward: Ow! [laying on the floor like a doormat as punishment] Living the dream! [Moaning and groaning, some customers who destroyed the Chum Bucket wipe their feet on Squidward.]