Club SpongeBob/transcript

• [Scene starts with Squidward coming out of his with a bicycle]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [Giggling]
• SpongeBob: Wey wook.. wits Widward!! [Hey look... its Squidward!!]
• Squidward: Wha-?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
• SpongeBob: Widwards woing wo work. [Squidwards going to work]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
• Patrick: Where...woes we work? Wat, we Wusty Wab? [Where does he work? At the Krusty Krab]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
• Squidward: Whats that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?
• SpongeBob: We cant tell you because youre not a member of the club.
• Squidward: Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... he-he-he...moron...as a requirement...he-he-he.
• SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward.. but you couldnt even get in if you tried!!
• Squidward: Well Ill have you know.. that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.
• Patrick: Whatd he say?
• SpongeBob: I dunno, something about his nose?
• Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in!
• Squidward: Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in?
• [Climbs vine]
• Squidward: Why...you should be begging me to join!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: No, no, no! Stop, Squid, you cant join! You cant fit in!
• [Squidward gets stuck in the treehouse]
• Squidward: Well this is stupid... theres no room up here!!
• Patrick: Thats what weve been trying to tell you!!
• SpongeBob: Squidward, weve been stuck up here for three days..
• Patrick: We told you you would fit in..
• Squidward: [sneers]
• SpongeBob: Well...since youre here Squidward...well give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?
• Patrick: Ready!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick starts singing]

Welcome to our club, Welcome to our club.

Welcome Squidward

Welcome Squidward,

Welcome Squidward

Welcome Squidward!

• Squidward: Shut your half-wit pieholes!! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!!
• [Gets to floor then vine snaps]
• Squidward: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Nancy: Whoa!
• Frank: Make a wish, honey.
• [Treehouse falls into kelp forest]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! WHOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOO!!
• Squidward: Oh, no. That didnt just happen. Please tell me that didnt happen!!
• Patrick: What happened?
• [Squidward moves away]
• Squidward: Where are we? Were lost. Theres no way out!! Stuck.. in the middle of nowhere.. with SpongeBob and Patrick!!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward crying]
• Squidward: Why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?
• SpongeBob: Oh cheer up Squid. It could be worse.
• Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.
• [Zooms in on Squidwards head]
• Squidward: Well.. this is the end..
• SpongeBob: No its not Squidward!!
• Patrick: [building coffins] Its not?
• SpongeBob: Come on guys, well be fine!! [patting Squidwards head] As long as we stick together, remember, were a club!! WHOOOLOOOLOOOOLLOOOOLOOOO!! And besides...we have THIS!!
• [SpongeBob pulls out the Magic Conch Shell]
• Squidward: Whats that?
• Patrick: OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell!! Ask it something!! Ask it something!!
• SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?
• Magic Conch: Maybe someday.
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Oooohhhh...
• Squidward: Youve got to be kidding!! That is just a STUPID toy!! How can that possibly help us?
• SpongeBob: [gasp] Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes its advice before we do anything.
• Patrick: The shell knows all!!
• SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
• Magic Conch: Nothing.
• Patrick: THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!!
• Squidward: Nothing?! We cant just sit here and do NOTHING!!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick sit down.. doing nothing]
• Squidward: [gets mad] I cant believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing]
• Squidward: Alright. Alright. Alright!! I dont need your help. Im gonna find my way back to sanity. But dont you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!!
• [Walking away in kelp forest]
• Squidward: Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha.
• [Squidward runs fast and scared]
• Squidward: What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh Im lost!! Ohh...Im HOPELESSLY LOST!! Ill never get out of here!!
• [Sees light]
• Squidward: Huh? Huh? Hhahahahahahaahhaa!! Im FREE!! Take that SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!!
• [Fist pumps in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick]
• Squidward: Ohh...theres no way out of here.
• [Stick is thrown at Patricks head.. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire]
• Squidward: Hows it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder whats on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight?
• [Steps on bug]
• Squidward: Aahhhhh...
• [Throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob]
• Squidward: Oooohh.. Doesnt that smell good SpongeBob? You havent eaten in days..
• [Walks over to Patrick]
• Squidward: How about you Patrick? A big boys gotta eat.. Well you cant have any..
• [Walks Away]
• Squidward: And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!!
• [Shakes butt at SpongeBob]
• Squidward: If you had listened to me.. youd have food.. shelter.. and a roaring fire.. But instead.. you listen to a talking clam..
• [Moves back to Club Squidward]
• Squidward: That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your answers will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky!!
• [Airplane falling out of the sky]
• Scooter: Dude!! Were falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!!
• [Presses "Drop the Load" button. Drops picnic supplies [food] to where SpongeBob and Patrick are]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Praise the Magic Conch!!
• [Squidward stares and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahahahaha!!
• Squidward: Hey uhh SpongeBob.. that sure is a lot of food you got there..
• SpongeBob: Its a gift from the Magic Conch..
• Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!!
• [Reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them]
• Squidward: Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean Im still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...
• SpongeBob: Squidward...
• Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: Once a member, always a member!!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [clink glasses] To the club!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!
• Squidward: Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if youll excuse me...
• [Runs to table with all the food]
• Squidward: What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?
• SpongeBob: Why dont you ask.. The Magic Conch Squidward?
• Squidward: Oh, yeah, like thatll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
• [SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away]
• SpongeBob: [gasp] Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!!
• Patrick: Maybe hes not a brother.
• [SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed]
• Squidward: Hehehe...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic.
• [picks up Magic Conch]
• Squidward: Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
• Magic Conch: Neither.
• Squidward: Oh. Well what about the soup?
• Magic Conch: I dont think so.
• Squidward: Can I have anything to eat?
• Magic Conch: No.
• Squidward: No?! What do you mean No? Im starving here!!
• Patrick: [takes Magic Conch] Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super terrific sandwich?
• Magic Conch: No.
• Patrick: Hmm.. can i have some of this yummy-delicious super terrific sandwich?
• Magic Conch: Yes.
• Patrick: Walright!! [Vacuums in sandwich and burps loudly] Sorry Squidward.
• Squidward: Give me that. [takes Magic Conch] Could I have something to eat?
• Magic Conch: No.
• Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
• Magic Conch: No.
• Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
• Magic Conch: No.
• Squidward: Cant you say anything else but no?
• Magic Conch: Try asking again.
• Squidward: Can I have something to eat?
• Magic Conch: [in a very insulting, sarcastic-like tone] No.
• [Squidward fumes...getting mad]
• SpongeBob: Squidward, are you alrightt?
• [Squidward still getting mad]
• Patrick: Maybe we could ask the shell if hes okay.
• Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help?
• [Cuts through kelp...seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]
• Squidward: Im SAVED!!
• [Runs over to Rescuer]
• Squidward: You dont know how happy I am to see you.. Ive been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads.. and their Magic Conch Shell!!
• Rescuer: Magic...Conch...Shell? [pulls out Magic Conch] YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? [with two big teeth]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: The Magic Conch!! A club member!!
• SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!!
• Squidward: [in surprise] Abra.
• Rescuer: My conch told me to come and save you guys!!
• SpongeBob, Patrick and Rescuer: Hooray for the magic conches!!
• Rescuer: Alright Magic Conch.. What do we do now?
• Magic Conch: Nothing.
• SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch!!
• [SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them]
• Squidward: ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!
• [Sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer]