A SquarePants Family Vacation/transcript

(Car spins out of control, crashing into a sign for The Great Barrier Reef. The car crashes in the Outskirts Outlet Mega Mall, bouncing through. The car goes down the escelator, while a tan female fish looks over at the car, and doesn't seem to care. The car then crashes out of the mall, flying through the air, and landing on a race track. The car bounces off of a siren, and then circles the track. The car crosses the finish line, and wins the race. The crowd cheers, and the car crashes through the trophies, exiting the race. The car leaves the ocean, and flies into the air, eventually flying through space. The car hits the cow that jumped over the moon, and falls back down into the ocean. The car crashes between a multitude of rocks, before landing back on the road, and driving away with Patrick now inside.)

{{L|Spongebob: Maybe we should just sing the road song. {{L|Patrick: Road. Road. Road. Road. {{L|Spongebob: (Continues for rest of song) When I'm on the road, I see stuff going by When I'm on the road. {{L|Patrick:I got a bug in my eye. {{L|Spongebob: When I'm on the road. {{L|Margaret: Looks like clear skies ahead. {{L|Spongebob: When I'm on the road {{L|Harold|: Please stop touching my head

{{L|All|: Let's all sing the road song. {{L|Spongebob: I want to sing it all day long. {{L|All|:Let's all sing the road song. Let's all sing along!

(Song ends abruptly when fire starts on top of car. Cuts to show car from the outside.)

{{L|Spongebob: Um... anybody know any other good road tunes?

(Cut to the gang pushing the car, sans Patrick who thinks he is pushing the car, but is not pushing anything.)

{{L|Spongebob: "How much farther to the nearest service station?" {{L|Harold: "Probably pretty far son."

(Cuts to show road sign that shows that the nearest service station is "Proabably pretty far.")

{{L|Spongebob: "Oh, you're right!"

(Gang continues to push car, cut to them at a service station.) {{L|Harold: "So, uh, how's it lookin'?" {{L|Service Station Worker: (Pointing to objects in car) "Well, it's got a cracked timing case cover, you've broken a couple keys off the timing gear, your radiator is damaged at the core, you got a cracked water pump, and a fractured injector line." {{L|Margaret: "And what does all that mean?" {{L|Service Station Worker: "Well little missy, in technical terms... if she don't wanna run, she don't wanna run!"

(Cuts to Margaret and Harold staring blankly.)

{{L|Harold:"Uh-huh. So what are we looking at time wise? {{L|Service Station Worker: Well now that depends... how much time ya got?! (Service Station Worker starts laughing.) {{L|Patrick: (Laughing) How much time ya got? (All stare at Patrick.) Not funny.

(Spongebob takes a picture.)

{{L|Spongebob: Hey at least they have a cozy-looking waiting room! (Points to outhouse.) Come on!

(Cut to the gang in the outhouse. Harold is reading the paper and Margaret is knitting. Spongebob and Patrick are waiting silently.)

{{L|Spongebob: Man, am I bored. {{L|Patrick: I am beyond bored. I am... be...yord. {{L|Margaret: (Looking out window) Oh boys! Is that a playground I see?

(Spongebob and Patrick stare blankly for a few moments before running to the playground, hollering "Playground!". They slow down upon noticing all the mud around the playground)

{{L|Patrick:"Not the most colorful playground I've seen. {{L|Spongebob: (Shaking head) "This looks more like a grey-ground."

(Cuts to swings, slide, and see-saw. Spongebob take a picture.)

{{L|Margaret: "Well I'll just let you two amuse yourselves and come back for you when the boat's fixed."

{{L|Margaret: Have fun! {{L|Patrick: "Well this is a nasty turn of events. {{L|Spongebob: You're preaching to the choir, Patrick. {{L|Patrick: (Crosses arms) "I knew it was gonna happen, too. {{L|Spongebob: You did? How? {{L|Patrick: (Turns around to reveal Cheese Fizz spread across his shorts, reaches into pocket) Because it happens every time I keep my cheese fizz in my back pocket! (Sprays remaining cheese fizz into mouth before running out.) Darn! It's almost empty! {{L|Spongebob: (Walking towards see-saw) "Well, I guess we'll have to make the best of it. (Jumps onto see-saw while fake laughing.) This is fun! Hey Patrick, you- (Spongebobs speach becomes incoherent as he sinks into the mud.) {{L|Patrick: (Spraying Cheese Fizz into mouth) "Huh? (Patrick walks towards the mud that Spongebob had sunk into.) Spongebob were you talking to me? (Spongebob reaches his arms out of the mud) I could have sworn Spongebob was calling me from this direction... Spongebob where are you?!" (Spongebob pulls himself out from the mud by grabbing onto Patrick. Patrick is now sitting on top of Spongebob) {{L|Spongebob: "Hey Patrick." {{L|Patrick: "Huh? Spongebob? Oh come on, where are you hiding? This isn't funny! (Looking around) Huh." (Puts hands on hips) {{L|Spongebob: (Pokes Patrick) "Uh, Patrick I'm right here." {{L|Patrick: (Looks at Spongebob) "Oh, hey Spongebob! How'd ya get there?" {{L|Spongebob: "Well, I was on this see-saw- {{L|Patrick: (Yelling) "SLIDE!" (Bounces off of Spongebob and onto slide. Patrick laughs and attempts to go down slide, but gets stuck and has to force himself down. The slide gets stuck to his bottom. Patrick tries to pull the slide off, but fails. The slide hits Patrick, and he goes flying.) {{L|Spongebob: Patrick, do you need help? {{L|Patrick: (Walks up to Spongebob with side still stuck) Huh? With the slide stuck to my bottom? Nah, I want it there. (Patrick stands motionless for a second.) I hate you slide! (Pull slide off, flattening Spongebob. Spongebob sits motionless on the sand.) Oh, sorry Spongebob. (Patrick pulls the slide off and throws it behind him) {{L|Spongebob: (Wobbles back up) "Hey look, a swingset! (Flops over to the swings, pulling himself back up) Can't go wrong with this old-time playground favorite. (Spongebob swings on swingset.) Weee. Hey, this is almost like being at The Great Barrier Reef, huh? Try it, Patrick. {{L|Patrick: Okay. (Patrick sits motionless on swing.) It's not working. {{L|Spongebob: (Swinging) "Go back and forth like this. (Patrick starts swinging) There you go! Now you're getting into the... SWING of things!" (Laughing) {{L|Patrick: (Starts laughing) Hey, watch me go! (Patrick breaks the swingset and flies off, screaming) {{L|Spongebob: Patrick?

{{L|Patrick: (Rolls into fence, breaking it and starts falling down a slide)

{{L|Spongebob: Patrick! I'm coming!

(Spongebob and Patrick slides down the water slide, screaming, while going down multiple sharp turns. Spongebob and Patrick end up in a puddle)

{{L|Spongebob: Patrick?

{{L|Patrick: (Muffled) Spongebob? {{L|Spongebob: Patrick! Are you okay? {{L|Patrick: No, I'm not okay. {{L|Spongebob: You're not? {{L|Patrick:"No, I'm great! That was awesome! Let's do it again! {{L|Spongebob: Yeah Patrick wait for me.

(Spongebob and Patrick climb up the slide, falls back down)

{{L|Spongebob: "Something tells me that is a one-way drain.

(Cut to Spongebob and Patrick walking through a strange forest.)

{{L|Spongebob: (Groaning) How long have we been walking here, Patrick? {{L|Patrick: Well, that depends on who you ask. {{L|Spongebob: Why?

{{L|Patrick: Well, if you ask someone with a watch, they might be able to tell you."

(Monster growling)

{{L|Spongebob: Are you getting hungry? {{L|Patrick: Yeah! How'd you know? {{L|Spongebob: I could hear your stomach growling. For a second I thought it was some scary monster coming to eat us.

(Spongebob and Patrick laughing)

{{L|Patrick: That's funny! Couldn't have been my stomach growling though.

{{L|Spongebob: It couldn't?

{{L|Patrick: (Poking stomach) Nope. I had its vocal cords removed before the trip." {{L|Spongebob: Well, I coud've sworn that I heard-

(Monster growling)

{{L|Patrick: "Spongebob, I heard it! I heard growling!

{{L|Spongebob: No, that time it was my stomach. There's got to be something around here to eat. (Picks berry, puts in mouth) Patrick I found some berries we can- (Spongebob inflates, body turns purple) not eat! {{L|Patrick: (Patrick eating) Thanks for the warning. {{L|Spongebob: Patrick, where did you get (Pulls out needle, pops self) the kelp cake? {{L|Patrick: From the vending machine! (Camera pans to vending machine) {{L|Spongebob: "Oh."

(Monster growling)

{{L|Patrick: Was it your stomach that time too? {{L|Spongebob: Nope. ...Run for your life!

(Spongebob and Patrick run) (Small creature appears, growls)

{{L|Spongebob: "It's getting closer! (Spongebob and Patrick almost fall of cliff) Oh no! It's a sheer drop-off! What do we do?? {{L|Patrick: Don't ask me! I don't remember "being eaten alive" on this trips itinerary. {{L|Spongebob: I'm too young to be digested! (Jumps onto Patrick, crying) {{L|Patrick: Wait Spongebob! I know how to get us out of this! {{L|Spongebob: You do? {{L|Patrick: I saw something like this in a movie once! Now watch closely, and do exactly what I do! {{L|Spongebob: "Roger!"

(Spongebob and Patrick jump off of cliff)

{{L|Spongebob: Okay, now what? {{L|Patrick: Uh... I'm not sure, I fell asleep in the second half of the movie!"

(Both screaming)

{{L|Patrick: Well I hope that monsters carrying some syrup! {{L|Spongebob: "Yeah cause if he's eating us, he's having pancakes for lunch!

(Spongebob and Patrick land on sea anemone, bounce off and land on plant. Spongebob and Patrick laughing with heavy breath)

{{L|Spongebob: Patrick, we did it! {{L|Patrick: We're not gonna be eaten! {{L|Spongebob: Hooray for not being eaten! {{L|Patrick: Hooray! {{L|Spongebob & Patrick: We're not gonna be eaten! We're not gonna be eaten!

{{L|Patrick: Hey Spongebob? {{L|Spongebob: Yeah Patrick? {{L|Patrick: All this not being eaten is making me hungry. Spongebob: Oh, don't worry. When ee get to The Great Barrier Reef, we'll eat like kings!" {{L|Patrick: Alright! {{L|Spongebob: Alright! Now put 'er there, Patrick!" {{L|Patrick: Put 'er there! {{L|Spongebob: Ooh Patrick, have you been using a different moisturizer? Your hands feel kind of- (Screaming) (Monster appears behind Patrick) {{L|Patrick: Oh no, it's just the same old moisturizer I always use. (Spongebob panicking) {{L|Patrick: Oh come on Spongebob, don't leave me hanging here! (Spongebob panicking) {{L|Patrick: Let me guess, it's time to start screaming again?" {{L|Spongebob: Wait a second. (Takes picture) Okay now." (Both screaming and running) (Spongebob and Patrick fall, Patrick grabs onto Spongebobs legs) {{L|Patrick: Spongebob, as much as I'd like to stay and hang around, I'm not sure nows the time. {{L|Spongebob: "I know Patrick, but now it seems to be- (Hands slip, Spongebob starts hyperventilating) Our best possible course of action!"

• (Vine starts to break)

{{L|SpongeBob: "Don't worry Patrick, you're patience isn't the only thing that's wearing thin! (Vine breaks, both screaming and swinging on a vine. SpongeBob sees different vine) Grab it Patrick!"

{{L|Patrick: "Grabbing! (Spongebob gets sleepy) Okay SpongeBob, your turn! SpongeBob!" 

{{L|SpongeBob: (Snoring, wakes up and grabs vine) "Oh I got it!"

• (SpongeBob and Patrick slide through the sand, land behind a rock) 

• (Monster looks around, shrugs and flies away)

{{L|SpongeBob: Whew, that was a close one, right Patrick?

{{L|Patrick: "Yeah, but it looks like everything worked out just... fine... (Patrick laughing)

• (Ringing noise)

{{L|SpongeBob: "Patrick... Patrick, did you hear that?"

{{L|Patrick: It sounded like it came from the other side of this big rock!" 

{{L|SpongeBob: "This isn't a big rock, it's a big wall!)

• (Camera zooms out to reveal "no parking" sign on brick wall)

{{L|Patrick: "Do you think it belongs to that gift shop right there?"

• (Camera pans to gift shop)

{{L|SpongeBob: (Walks up to gift shop) "What would a gift shop be doing right in the middle of nowhere?"

{{L|Patrick: "Uh... selling gifts?"

• (SpongeBob and Patrick enter gift shop)

{{L|SpongeBob: (Looking around) "Wow Patrick, look at all this stuff! (Taking multiple pictures) You gonna buy something?"

{{L|Patrick: "No, I'm not in the market for any souvenirs."

{{L|SpongeBob: Oh you could never have to many- (Gasps) Oh no! I just realized what this place is!" {{L|Patrick: "You have?" {{L|SpongeBob: "Patrick, we have walked straight into a (whispering) tourist trap..." {{L|Patrick: A TRAP! {{L|SpongeBob: Shhh... {{L|Patrick: (Whispering) A trap!"   {{L|SpongeBob: (Sweating) "Come on. Let's escape, before we spend all our money on useless trinkets..."

• (SpongeBob and Patrick tip-toeing out of gift shop)

{{L|SpongeBob: "Patrick wait, I saw a very nice driftwood sculpture over there that would work great as a mantlepiece." {{L|Patrick: "SpongeBob no!"

• (Cuts to Patrick spelling his name in the sand, SpongeBob enters crying and carrying multiple shopping bags")

{{L|Patrick: SpongeBob! {{L|SpongeBob: Patrick that tourist shop took me for everything I had! Now we don't have any money, we're still lost, and we're gonna be in big trouble! Oh this vacation is a disaster!"

{{L|Patrick: "SpongeBob I-"

• (SpongeBob bursts into tears) 

{{L|Patrick: I don't think this vacation has been a disaster. {{L|SpongeBob: You don't? {{L|Patrick: (Picks up brochure, opens) No! Of course not, see?! We did everything we dreamed of doing at The Great Barrier Reef. {{L|SpongeBob: Patrick you're right! We went down a sewage pipe... {{L|Patrick: Like a slide. {{L|SpongeBob: Bounced off a huge anemone... {{L|Patrick: Like a trampoline. {{L|SpongeBob: Hid in a nest! {{L|Patrick: Like a fort! {{L|SpongeBob: And swung on some vines! Which are a lot like ropes! This vacation has it all! {{L|Patrick: (Closes brochure) "All except for one thing. {{L|SpongeBob: Whats that? {{L|Patrick: A way out of here. {{L|SpongeBob: My poor parents must be worried sick. {{L|Patrick: I suggest we take a nap here until they come and find us! That way we'll be well-rested on the way home. {{L|SpongeBob: (Walking away, Leaving his bags.) I suggest we start walking. {{L|Patrick: "I was afraid he was gonna suggest that.

• (Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, singing The Road Song with tired, dry voices)

{{L|Patrick: SpongeBob, maybe we oughta take a break from the singing for a while.

{{L|SpongeBob: Good idea Patrick. I'll just play the road song on this whistle I got from the souvenir shop."

• (SpongeBob playing The Road Song on whistle)

{{L|Harold: Oh hey son, we're ready to go.

• (SpongeBob continues playing, multiple animals begin to follow as he walks with Patrick through the forrest)

{{L|Patrick: Wow SpongeBob, you're pretty good with that thing. {{L|SpongeBob: Well thanks Patrick, glad you think so. {{L|Patrick: Apparently I'm not the only one who does. {{L|SpongeBob: What do you mean? Who else could- (Camera zooms out to reveal the monster) Oh no not again. 

• (The monster drops to the floor)

{{L|Patrick: The whistle seems to have soothed it. {{L|SpongeBob: I think it's offering us a ride!

• (fruit fly points to its back)

• (Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick on top of the monster)

{{L|Patrick: Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. (Continues throughout song)

{{L|Spongebob: When I'm above the road. All I see is sky. When I'm above the road. On a giant fruit fly. When I'm above the road.

{{L|Spongebob & Patrick: He used to fill us with dread, (Scream)

{{L|Spongebob: When I'm above the road. I'm as snug as a baby bug in bed. Let's all sing the above the road song. I wanna sing it all day long. Let's all sing the above the road song. (Clap Clap!) Let's all sing alonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng

{{L|Patrick: Duh.

• (Giant Fruit fly drops SpongeBob and Patrick back onto playground)

{{L|SpongeBob: "Thanks again. Patrick I think that is the friendliest terrifyingly large insect I have ever had the pleasure of being carried off by."

{{L|Patrick: Me too. 

• (Margaret and Harold pull up in the car)

{{L|Margaret: "SpongeBob? Oh there you are! {{L|Harold: "Okay boys, the boat is as good as new and we've got miles and miles of open road ahead of us." {{L|Margaret: Boys?

(Cuts to Spongebob and Patrick sleeping)

{{L|Margaret: Do something, Harold! {{L|Harold: He's your son, Margaret. He's your son.