FitzPatrick/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "FitzPatrick/transcript" from season , which aired on .

• [The episode starts with a wedding in the yard outside the Star family house.]
• Cecil: My boy! My boy!
• Slappy: I love a good wedding. They've got almost as much crying as a good funeral. [laughs]
• [Patrick giggles as he winks to the "bride."]
• Slappy: Ladies and gentlefish! We are gathered here today to smush two souls together! You may now eat the bride.
• Patrick: [Takes something off revealing that the "bride" is a cake]
• FitzPatrick: [Jumps out of the cake]
• [The audience gasp]
• Patrick: FitzPatrick? My long lost evil twin cousin? Is it really you?
• FitzPatrick: In the flesh, my corpulent companion! [laughs]
• Squidina: Who is this guy? He ruined our big wedding scene.
• Patrick: [Blows raspberry] Relax, Squidina. FitzPatrick is family. I guess.
• FitzPatrick: Come on, Patrick. Let's hit the town! I can't remember the last time I saw you!
• Patrick: I can't remember ever remembering.
• [The audience eat the cake and leave]
• Patrick: So evil twin cousin FitzPatrick, what brings you to town?
• FitzPatrick: Oh, you know, I thought I'd assume your identity, ruin your life, standard evil twin stuff.
• Patrick: Yeah, that sounds great!
• FitzPatrick: Hmm?
• Patrick: Hey! While you're doing whatever it was you said, we should hit the Goofy Goober and tie one on!
• FitzPatrick: [coughs]
• Patrick: Come on!
• Patrick: What are you gonna have, cuz?
• FitzPatrick: Oh, nothing for me, thanks. I came for the music.
• Rock T. Puss: Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, buttercream cone and black cherry, all of these flavors make me merry... when I'm eating ice cream!
• [FitzPatrick smashes the table down, causing a sundae to fall on the Goofy Scoopers, who then short circuit. The Goofy Scoopers then begin to perform a rock song despite the lack of guitars. FitzPatrick flies onstage.]
• FitzPatrick: Hey there, kids. Who ruined your day?
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• FitzPatrick: Messed up your music, took your ice cream away!
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• FitzPatrick: Remember my name when you scream and cry!
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• FitzPatrick: I hope you hate it till the day I die!
• Goofy Scoopers: Patrick Star, Patrick Star!
• [FitzPatrick kicks Rock T. Puss' piano and Bongos' drums off stage]
• FitzPatrick: Hey, ice cream boy! I see you eating ice cream!
• FitzPatrick and Goofy Scoopers: My name is Patrick Star!
• [As FitzPatrick has an evil grin on his face, the Goofy Scoopers explode behind him. As he walks away and towards Patrick, the kids watching the performance run away. Bongos' arm falls off. FitzPatrick takes the wig from Patrick and places it on himself again.]
• Goofy Manager: Patrick! I saw what you did! You are banned from the Goofy Goober! Oh Big Jim!
• [Big Jim appears and kicks Patrick out of the Goofy Goobers with his enormous left leg . Patrick lands on the path as FitzPatrick adds a tune to it.]
• FitzPatrick: Fitz: 1, Patrick: 0. I hope you enjoy your punishment!
• Patrick: What? Oh, that's okay. He bans me every week. Hey, we'll se ya Monday, Barry!
• Goofy Manager: Say hi to your dad for me!
• FitzPatrick: Well that was a disappointment.
• Patrick: Well, don't you be a frowny, cuz. Oh. I know! Let's go to the Comic Book Shop! That always makes me happy!
• [Patrick drags FitzPatrick to the Comic Book Shop.]
• FitzPatrick: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
• Patrick: This is my secret stash of comic books that I don't own yet!
• FitzPatrick: Oooh! This funny book emporium is right for chaos! I just need to distract me cousin. I think you'll enjoy this one.
• Patrick: Oh! Oh thanks, FitzPatrick.
• [Scene cuts to Pat the Hapless where he hits a castle.]
• Pat the Hapless: Hey!
• Beelzebass: It is I, Beelzebass! Evil wizard extraordinare! If I didn't put my castle in your way, you just walked into it, you boob.
• Pat the Hapless: Don't try my games on me, sorcerer! I demand head to head combat!
• Beelzebass: Buzz off!
• [The barbarian Patrick starts hitting the castle.]
• Beelzebass: Hey! Stop that! Alright peon! You asked for it!
• [Beelzebass starts using his wand on Pat the Hapless by turning him into a seahorse.]
• Beelzebass: Whoa!
• [Beelzebass continues using his wand on Pat the Hapless by turning him into a worm, snail, castle and sea urchin until the castle fell into pieces.]
• Pat the Hapless: Now we battle!
• [Patrick's drool starts falling onto the page.]
• Beelzebass: Is that drool?
• Beelzebass and Pat the Hapless: [scream]
• [Scene cuts back to the Comic Book Shop where FitzPatrick is wrecking everything and then FitzPatrick takes the wig from Patrick and places it on himself again.]
• Near Mint Comic Books cashier: What the? Who did this?
• [FitzPatrick does a cute face.]
• Patrick: Wha?
• Everyone: That was the bald guy!
• Near Mint Comic Books cashier: Alright buddy! Consider yourself banned!
• [Patrick gets kicked out of the Comic Book Shop.]
• FitzPatrick: Alas. Poor Patrick. Banned forever once again... Whatever will he do?
• Patrick: Ah. It's no biggie. There's plenty of other shops here in the comic book district. Come on, Fitzie! I bet this place has even more comics to eat!
• [as they hurry to another shop, Patrick's stomach rings]
• Squidina: [from Patrick's stomach] Patrick, where are you? It's time to host The Patrick Show!
• FitzPatrick: Is that some sort of malevolent spirit?
• Patrick: Nah, just my malevolent sister. [cut to show a shellphone in Patrick's stomach] I swallowed my shellphone. [to Squidina] Okay, I'm coming back now! [punches himself in the stomach to turn off the phone and comes back to his room in a taxi, where numerous people carry out decorations]
• FitzPatrick: You mean to tell me you have your own TV show?
• Patrick: Yeah! Every day, it's beamed down to millions of people all over the world! Or just the people out front, I dunno.