Fools in April/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Fools in April" from season 1, which aired on April 1, 2000.

• [The episode begins with Gary snoring and meowing]
• SpongeBob: Wake up, Gary!
• Gary: [wakes up] Meow?
• SpongeBob: We're moving today!
• Gary: [quizzically] Meow?
• SpongeBob: That's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become [puts on a hat and fake beard] peasants!
• Gary: Meow?
• SpongeBob: [takes Gary's bowl away] No more food. [gives Gary a plate with clams on it] Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clam shells. [SpongeBob seasons the shells with salt, Gary starts crying, SpongeBob takes off his special peasant outfit] April Fools! [puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor] There ya go, pal.
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: [goes into the kitchen] Whew, I'm thirsty! [opens the fridge and takes a big glass of lemonade out of it] [speaks in deep male voice] This is an extreme thirst! [sets the lemonade down on the floor]
• [Bubble transition to him putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas]
• SpongeBob: [normal voice] Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all these drinks! April Fools! [holds up a mirror] To me. [laughs obnoxiously, leaves his home and goes to work. Squidward sees him walking next to his house]
• Squidward: What's he so happy about? [walks by the calendar and notices it's April 1 (or April Fools Day). He panics] April 1st?! [yells] April Fools Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday! [comes to the phone with a heating pad on his head and dials the number for the Krusty Krab] Mr. Krabs, I can't come in today. I caught something terrible.
• Mr. Krabs: [over phone] What'd you catch?
• Squidward: [holds up his calendar] I caught sight of the calendar.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, hold on, Squidward, there's someone here to see you. [the water from Squidward's heating pad starts to leak] He says he's from the Barnacle Bay Art Museum and he wants to honor you as artist of the month!
• [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs giggle together. Squidward comes to the Krusty Krab office with an artist uniform on]
• Squidward: I have arrived. [Walks towards SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs, who are still laughing. The paint brush falls off from Squidward's mouth] What? What's so funny? Where's the art dealer?
• [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs try to hold back their laughter]
• Mr. Krabs: You just missed him!
• SpongeBob: Yeah, but he told us to tell you... [He and Mr. Krabs are still trying not to laugh]
• Squidward: [grabs SpongeBob, says desperately] Tell me what?
• SpongeBob: [whispers into Squidward's ear] He told me to tell you... April Fools.
• Squidward: [lays his hat on the table] Well, it's been nice working here. [he walks off] Thanks for everything, Mr. Krabs.
• SpongeBob: Squidward, wait!
• Squidward: Just send my last check to the P.O. box, Mr. Krabs!
• SpongeBob: Squidward! [runs towards Squidward and grabs his legs] It was just a joke! No more jokes on you today, I promise.
• Squidward: You do?
• SpongeBob: Sure. [Squidward gives him a side eye] There are lots of other willing participants. Right, Mr. Krabs?
• [Mr. Krabs, ready to read his magazine sits on a whoopee cushion and it "farts." SpongeBob laughs]
• Squidward: [takes off his beret and puts on his Krusty Krab employee hat] Well, as long as it's not me. [leaves Mr. Krabs' office]
• [bubble transition to SpongeBob carrying a tray of burger patties when Incidental 93 comes by, looking for a fork]
• Incidental 93: Excuse me, could you tell me where the forks are?
• SpongeBob: They're right [leads her to the utensils] here, lady!
• Incidental 93: [picks up a spoon] Uh.. but this is a spoon.
• SpongeBob: April Fools!
• Incidental 93: Oh, aw. [walks off]
• SpongeBob: [laughs; Squidward stares at SpongeBob and he runs away, Squidward sighs; bubble transition to SpongeBob behind the cash register; Nat Peterson comes up to him. SpongeBob takes the microphone and speaks to it in a slightly unique way] Welcome to the Krusty Krab! How may I help you?
• Nat: [raises up his left arm] Yeah, give me two large fries and a Jumbo Krabby Patty.
• SpongeBob: [points at something] Hey, what's that?
• [Nat turns around; SpongeBob turns around and has a smiley face drawn on his back]
• Nat: Well, I didn't see anything. [notices that SpongeBob is gone] Hey, where'd that other guy go?
• SpongeBob: [turns around] April Fools! I'm right here!
• Nat: [laughs] Hey! That was pretty good.
• [SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously; Squidward notices SpongeBob behind the register]
• 'Squidward: [angrily] What are you doing behind the counter?!
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob wiping the floor with a white cloth; Tom Smith comes by with a cup of soda]
• Tom: Excuse me. [the next shot is from SpongeBob's perspective] Can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
• SpongeBob: Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [fills the cup with ice and comes back whistling] Here you go.
• Tom: Thanks. [he takes a sip of his drink; SpongeBob titters and Tom looks at him, but SpongeBob stops before he turns around] Huh? [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom takes another sip of his drink; SpongeBob starts giggling again and then Tom turns around and looks at him, but SpongeBob stops before he turns around] Huh? [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom finishes his drink] Ah...
• SpongeBob: [laughs loudly and obnoxiously with his legs streched out, points at Tom] April Fools! [Tom gets triggered and grabs SpongeBob by the collar, suddenly panicked]
• Tom: What did you do to my drink?!
• SpongeBob: I... [giggles] I... [giggles, tries to say "do"]
• Tom: You what?!
• SpongeBob: You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink and I only put in one! [a bass string is played in the background, SpongeBob laughs]
• Tom: I guess that is pretty funny. [laughs as he walks off] Yeah.
• SpongeBob: [laughs so hard his tongue pops off] Hey, your shoe's untied. [tongue looks down] April Fools! You're not wearing shoes! [laughs and hugs his tongue, which smiles. Then they laugh into the microphone; everyone hears it; in the kitchen, Squidward tries to mute the sound with tissues, but he can still hear it] April Fools! [Squidward drops a plate]
• Squidward: That's it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks. I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about. [bubble transition to him squirting some mustard inside a rope circle then he chuckles and shows SpongeBob the mess]
• SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Something for me to clean up. [starts cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut]
• Squidward: April Fools! [laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Whooaahh! [the rope sends him into some bags of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this and rolls on the floor. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar] Whoa! Blblblblblblbl... [screams as he is sent slamming face-first into the wall]
• Customers: Oh, no!
• [Squidward's eyes pop out as he laughs hysterically. SpongeBob screams and flies into Bubble Bass' rear]
• SpongeBob: Whoa...! [Cut to Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling]
• Squidward: [runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob] I'll catch you, SpongeBob! [he giggles to himself. SpongeBob screams as he plummets toward Squidward, who quickly sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the can] Oops! [dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can] April Fools, you little sausage! [he laughs; SpongeBob starts to cry and runs out of the Krusty Krab] SpongeBob, I was just kidding! C'mon, c'mon! You guys know I was just kidding! Right?
• [The customers look concerned and sympathetic after what happened to SpongeBob]
• Incidental 37B: Aww, man, poor kid.
• Incidental 45: That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. [The customers angrily glare at Squidward as they begin to leave]
• Incidental 71: April Fools... jerk. [All the customers storm out the door in disgust as Squidward starts to look upset by their reaction]
• Squidward: Wait, don't go.
• Man: Hey, you stink!
• Squidward: Wait, wait, wait, it was a joke! Uh-huh... [looks around at the mess he has made and winces, then he looks at Bubble Bass, who has a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward starts to feel ashamed of himself] Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. [makes silly face] Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- [throat goes haywire] gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought. [bubble transition to Squidward going to SpongeBob's pineapple; he knocks on SpongeBob's door] SpongeBob? Uh, SpongeBob, come out! I've got something to tell you! SpongeBob? [notices a Krusty Krab hat and goes over there to talk to the man who is wearing it] Uhh, I was thinking about today and uh… and it just seems that I may owe you some sort of… This isn't something I normally do, so, listen carefully SpongeBob, because I am about to tell you that I'm... What? [notices that the guy with the hat on is Patrick] Patrick?! What are you doing here?!
• Patrick: Digging.
• Squidward: Why are you wearing that hat?
• Patrick: Oh, I don't know. [takes off the hat]
• Squidward: [growls] Where's SpongeBob?
• Patrick: He's in the house. He's impressed.
• Squidward: With what?
• Patrick: I don't know, but it must've been pretty good to make him cry like that.
• Squidward: [shivers then goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob, SpongeBob, let me in there! [tries to turn the handle, but SpongeBob's arm comes from under the door and pulls it inside; Squidward grabs his clarinet] SpongeBob, you'd better let me in there! I don't want to have to use this! [plays clarinet horribly. SpongeBob opens the door]
• SpongeBob: What do you want?
• Squidward: SpongeBob, I just want to say that I'm sorr-yyyy. [sticks out tongue while talking]
• SpongeBob: What?
• Squidward: I'm trying to say I'm [turns into a donkey and starts braying] haw-hee-haw!
• SpongeBob: [opens the door wider] What?!
• Squidward: I'm just trying to say I'm... [voice muffled after his head explodes] There's gotta be an easier way to do this. [bubble transition to Squidward writing a note; he puts it in a bottle and rolls it to SpongeBob where he picks it up] Well, aren't you going to open it?
• SpongeBob: I can't. I don't have a bottle opener.
• Squidward: Doh! [Squidward hands SpongeBob a can and Squidward drives to the other side of the road] SpongeBob, I'm... [whispers into the can, then puts the can up to his ear but hears some sort of noise; Patrick is flossing his teeth with the cord; Squidward growls and throws the binoculars down on the ground] SpongeBob, all I am trying to say is that I am... [waves tentacles in the air and bubbles form, puts a big bubble on his head and then talks] ...sorry. [pops the bubble] There you go.
• SpongeBob: But I couldn't... [Squidward slams the door in his face]
• Squidward: I don't care! I said it! My conscience is clear! [Starts to walk away, when an image of Patrick appears in the air]
• Patrick: Must've been pretty good to make him cry like that.
• [Squidward nervously continues walking and runs into a ghost image of Incidental 6 (repeating Incidental 71's line from earlier)]
• Incidental 6: April Fools... jerk.
• [Squidward frantically starts running again, but this time his mother appears]
• Mrs. Tentacles: [male voice] You stink!
• Squidward: Mother?! [runs back to SpongeBob's house to apologize] All right, all right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I admit it, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, in fact, SpongeBob, I like you! I like living next door, I like hearing your foghorn alarm in the morning and your high-pitched giggling at night! I also like Gary, Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and all the other people I'm forced to be in contact with! And, and, and, and... [SpongeBob opens the door slightly]
• SpongeBob: Squidward, Is all that true?
• Squidward: Yes, yes, SpongeBob! Yes, it's all true!
• SpongeBob: Even the part about the lima beans and the car chase?
• Squidward: What the...? Yes, yes, whatever! But you have to promise not to tell anybody!
• SpongeBob: I promise.
• Squidward: Really? [SpongeBob opens the door all the way, revealing the citizens of Bikini Bottom inside]
• Everyone: April Fools!
• Squidward: [eye twitches] April Fools! You're right, April Fools! I just fooled you all! [laughs hysterically while going back into his house]
• SpongeBob: What would we do without Squidward?