At Home, on the Lam/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "At Home, on the Lam/transcript" from season , which aired on .

• [The episode opens with the Star house at night.]
• Bunny: [using tweezers to place a figure on a chocolate diorama] One last chocolate Schnorkle Schnobble [holds up a miniature edible flag] and the Klopnodian flag... [tosses the flag into her mouth and eats it, then spits it out and places it onto the spear] And this Klopnodian war diorama is officially done! [walks over to Cecil, who is holding a stick being held by GrandPat and Squidina] And I couldn't have done it without you as reference.
• Cecil: Looks great, honey. [the chocolate soldiers fall down a drool river] And I love the water feature.
• Bunny: Water feature?
• Patrick: [drooling over the diorama with hypnotic eyes]
• Bunny: [gasps, grabs Patrick by the head] Oh, no, you don't! [wipes away the drool with a cloth] This diorama is going to the Klopnodian Chocolate Fest tomorrow. So don't you dare take a single bite, or else-- [grabs Patrick's cheek] look at me-- there will be consequences. [thunder rumbles, lets go of Patrick's head] Understood?
• Patrick: [gulps] Yes, Mom.
• Bunny: That's my good boy. [picks up Patrick and throws him into the other room] Now it's off to bed with you.
• Patrick: Whoa! [crashes off-screen]
• Bunny: [walking out of the kitchen] Got to get up bright and early for the festival! [looks at the diorama before turning the lights out and leaving]
• [The sun slowly rises before a rooster is heard crowing.]
• Patrick: [yawns, scratches himself, then falls off his bed and onto a stool in front of a mirror; humming while combing his eyebrows] Huh? [drops comb, looks at chocolate-covered hands] What the--? It can't be. [licks hand] Oh! It's chocolate.
• Bunny: [opens bedroom door] Patrick. You haven't seen my war diorama, have you?
• Patrick: [sweating as Bunny gets up to his face] No, why do you ask?
• Bunny: [grabs Patrick's mouth and licks the chocolate from it] Just as I suspected-- Klopnodian chocolate.
• Patrick: [getting in front of Bunny] But I didn't eat your doily-rama! [grabs Bunny's dress] I swear! Or, at least I don't remember.
• Bunny: Oh, Patrick, you lied to me. And now it's time for the consequences!
• Patrick: [instantly runs away]
• Bunny: Oh, Patrick. You can run. [pulls down a zipper on her head to reveal herself in a war-like outfit] But you can't hide. [whistles to summon Tinkle, pulling out a pair of underwear from a laundry basket] All right, Tinkle. Catch Patrick's scent.
• Tinkle: [sniffs underwear, passes out]
• Bunny: You'd think Tinkle would be used to that smell.
• Patrick: [running up the stairs, panting] Gotta hide! Gotta hide! Gotta hide! [runs into the wall, leaving a hole, then continues running up the stairs] Oof! Gotta hide! Gotta hide! [enters Squidina's room
• Squidina: [sliding a contract to her dolls] I'll give you scale plus five, and that's my final offer. Huh? [hides her dolls and takes the contract] Jeez, can't ya knock?
• Patrick: No time! Momsequences! Please! [begging, grabbing Squidina] You gotta hide me! Or this might be the last episode of "The Patrick Show."
• Patrick and Squidina: [gasp as Bunny knocks on the door]
• Bunny: Oh, Squidina! [enters the room as Squidina is pouring tea into cups for her dolls]
• Squidina: Yes, Mother?
• Bunny: I've been looking for your brother. Have you seen him?
• Squidina: No. [chuckles] Don't think so.
• Bunny: Then you wouldn't mind if I took a look around, would you?
• Squidina: [gulps, spills tea] Be my guest. [chuckles nervously]
• Bunny: [takes off a cloth to reveal a camera] Aha! Huh? [something under Squidina's bed rattles, which she goes over to] Aha! [lifts bed to expose a dust bunny] Gotcha now! Huh?
• Dust bunny: [roars, then runs away]
• Bunny: Dust bunny? [raises fist] Yeah, you better run! I guess this means Patrick isn't here after all.
• Squidina: Phew! Yep, just me and the dust bunnies. [pours drool from her teapot]
• Patrick: [voice heard] Glug, glug, glug, glug.
• Bunny: [takes the teacup and chugs it, licks lips] Aha! A mother would know her son's drool anywhere.
• Squidina: Huh?
• Patrick: [head and legs emerge, then runs away]
• Bunny: [at the door, points] And I'll be back for that dust bunny.
• Cecil: [humming as he paints the wall blue]
• Patrick: Dad!
• Cecil: Oh, hi, son! [gestures to painted window on the wall] I thought the room could use more light, so I painted a window. Now to wait for the sun to rise.
• Patrick: [rolls in a ball and runs into Cecil, then breaks out of his teapot] Oh! Mom's hunting me down because she thinks I ate her dumpy llama! [grabs Cecil's apron] You gotta hide me.
• Cecil: [pushes Patrick back, sighs] Son, I-- I didn't want you to find out like this, but your ol' man is no stranger to hiding. [tosses off apron] I've done some things I'm not proud of. I assumed a sweet, innocent man's identity. My real name isn't even Cecil.
• Patrick: [grabs and shakes Cecil] No time for stories! You gotta hide me!
• Cecil: [pushes Patrick along] Sure, son! [a paintbrush moves across the screen as the scene changes to him holding Patrick in front of a painted hole] There you go. It's a tunnel to [pushes Patrick] freedom!
• Patrick: [waves and runs away into the hole] Bye, Dad! Love you!
• Cecil: Now [holds up a lime paintbrush and bucket] to buy him some extra time.
• Bunny: [enters] Patrick? Aha! [turns "Patrick" around on the floor to reveal a disguised Cecil] There you are.
• Cecil: [as Patrick] Uh, hi, Mom. [gets handcuffed, normal voice] Uh-oh. [yelps as Bunny picks him up and carries him]
• Bunny: I am so disappointed in you. I ought to tell your father.
• Cecil: [paint starts falling off] No, please! Don't tell GrandPat!
• Bunny: What do you mean? [looks up and gasps] You're not Patrick!
• Cecil: No, but I am Cecil, and always have been.
• Bunny: [grumbles, lowers Cecil] Now it's time to show Patrick some [kicks Cecil away] consequences! [breaks through the painted hole and begins running]
• Patrick: [running and screaming, bumps into a wall, then runs upward, bumps again, then continues running; slithers through a cramped path, then uses his tongue to knock on a tiny door] Help!
• GrandPat: [answers the door, his eye emerges] Is that you, kid? [grabs Patrick by the mouth and pulls him out and into the room]
• Patrick: [grabs GrandPat's beard] She's after me!
• GrandPat: [pushes Patrick away, then places a bag] Don't worry, kid. Get in the bag. I'll smuggle you out to Paris, to freedom!
• Patrick: [gets into the bag] Okay. Thanks!
• GrandPat: [zips up the bag]
• Patrick: [inside the bag as tires squeal] Whoa!
• GrandPat: [off-screen as a ship horn blows and seagulls call, then gets poked around in the bag] All aboard! [holding a baseball bat in front of the bag hung up] Rogue wave! Brace for impact! [hits the bag with the bat] Yah! [drops the bat as he comes back with a bucket of water to pour onto the bag] Oh, no, it's a storm! [hits the bag with the bucket and comes back with cymbals, clashing them] Oh, no, it's lightning! [tosses cymbals which hit the bag, and comes back with more cymbals] Oh, no, it's cymbals!
• Bunny: [drops down into the room, looking around] GrandPat, have you seen Patrick?
• GrandPat: 'Bout time you showed up. [tosses away cymbals and picks up the bag] I got your chocolate chomper right here. [unzips the bag to reveal a hole in the bottom] Case closed.
• Both: Huh?
• Bunny: Where'd he go?
• [Cut to Patrick in Paris, France, wearing a French outfit at a table in front of a woman.]
• Patrick: [laughs with French accent] Merci bamboo. [opens his mouth wide and eats the cheese on the fork]
• Bunny: [pulls down the scene, which is on a wallpaper]
• Patrick: [drops to the floor, then screams and runs away; tosses a heavy Patrick head statue away to reveal a hole, which he squeezes into and falls just before Bunny and GrandPat arrive]
• Bunny and GrandPat: [growl]
• Patrick: [running underground, then flails, screams, and falls down onto some mud, moans and looks up] Huh? [sees a chocolate house up ahead, which he walks to] What? Oh. [uses the doorknob and opens the front door]
• [Camera pans right inside the house, including two chocolate starfish parents and a chocolate baby.]
• Chocolate dad: Oh, hello, stranger.
• Patrick: [rubs his eyes with his tongue while he drools] Whoa. [rapidly shakes head] Where am I? What is this paradise?
• Chocolate dad: Well, every house has a secret chocolate room if you look hard enough. [winks]
• Patrick: My mom is after me because I ate the dorky grandma, which I didn't do but I totally might have done because it sounds like something I'd do. [begging] So I need your help, or she's gonna "consequences" me!
• Chocolate dad: Don't worry. We'll do anything you need.
• Patrick: Anything?
• Chocolate dad: Anything.
• Patrick: [touches the chocolate dad's arm] What a sweet, innocent man you are.
• [A chocolate bar moves across the screen as the scene changes to Bunny and GrandPat underground.]
• GrandPat: What are you gonna do with that cocoa criminal when you find him?
• Bunny: Give him his [bangs fists together] just desserts. Let's go. [jumps down while holding GrandPat]
• GrandPat: [screams, turns into a parachute, and lays over Bunny]
• Bunny: [tosses GrandPat aside and approaches the chocolate house while aiming a vacuum; picks up, sniffs, and licks the doormat] He's close. [drops doormat; breaks the door to get into the house] All right! Show yourself, Patrick! [looks up] Huh?
• GrandPat: [looks up] Holy cannoli.
• [The camera moves around to show various chocolate messes created by Patrick, who is sitting on the ground and eating the place.]
• GrandPat: [points] Aha! Caught you chocolate-handed!
• Patrick: [stands up] But I didn't eat any more chocolate. [gestures to a remade Klopnodian chocolate diorama, which the other two approach] I remade your doily mama.
• GrandPat: [picks up a chocolate soldier and inspects it with a magnifying glass]
• Bunny: You hand-carved all this chocolate yourself?
• Patrick: Yes, with my mouth. It all started five minutes ago. [waves arms to start a flashback]
• Chocolate dad: [screams, then laughs] Just kidding. I told you I'd do anything to help.
• Patrick: [tosses the piece into his mouth and eats the chocolate dad's arm]
• Chocolate dad: I bet you're wondering how my family and I got here. See, my name is Cecil, and-- [Patrick eats his face off]
• Patrick: No time for backstory. [voiceover as Patrick chews] So I worked and worked [takes chocolate soldiers out of his mouth and places them] and built it all from scratch. [he and Bunny smile at each other]
• GrandPat: Well, that doesn't make up for it! [points to Patrick] That little thief still needs to pay the price for eating the original! [Tinkle chomps on his butt and tugs] Hey, hey! What-- what are you doin'?
• Tinkle: [sniffs, barks]
• Bunny: Tinkle, what's wrong?
• GrandPat: [Tinkle rips on his beard] Yeow! [a chocolate soldier drops from his beard as he lands]
• Tinkle: [pants]
• Bunny: [pushes GrandPat aside and picks up the soldier] That's the chocolate from the original diorama!
• GrandPat: [laughs nervously] Where'd that come from?
• Patrick: [points to GrandPat's beard] From your beard! [rips GrandPat's head off to reveal his real head]
• Patrick and Bunny: [off-screen] GrandPat?
• Patrick: It was you all along!
• GrandPat: That's right! I ate it! I ate it all! And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling whippersnappers! [flashback to earlier, where Bunny turns the kitchen lights off] I waited until the coast was clear, [pops out from behind a cactus, then slithers to the diorama] then used my old army training to approach the target. [bangs fists together next to the diorama] I fought against those creepy Klopnodian cowards in the war. [takes a house and eats it] Also, I was hungry.
• Chocolate Klopnodian soldiers: [running and screaming]
• GrandPat: [his tongue extends out to the soldiers, which grabs them, and he eats them; he then lifts the entire table to eat the entire diorama, making him fat; voiceover] Sweet revenge. [uses toothpick; cut to him tiptoeing in an asleep Patrick's bedroom] Then it was a simple matter of covering my tracks [uses a tool to rub chocolate onto Patrick's face] by pinning the blame on the most obvious suspect. [lowers as Patrick snores; end of flashback]
• Bunny: [bangs fists together] Time for a lesson you'll [repeatedly pokes GrandPat's beard] never forget. [cut to her using a shovel to shove chocolate bars into an obese GrandPat's mouth] I hope you enjoy your just desserts.
• Patrick: [eyes widen] Just desserts. [drools, and puts a cup underneath it to stir; tosses spoon and chugs the drool, then continues drooling]
• [The words "In Memory of The Chocolate Family" appear on a black screen, which fades out.]