Band Geeks/transcript: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 09:00, 27 October 2020

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 {{L|Squidward|No.}}
 {{L|Patrick|Is mayonnaise an instrument?}}
-{{L|Professor|No, Billy, mayonnaise is not an instrument. ''[Billy raises his hand again]'' Horseradish is not an instrument, either. ''[Billy lowers his hand]'' That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.}}
+{{L|Squidward|No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. ''[Patrick raises his hand again]'' Horseradish is not an instrument, either. ''[Patrick lowers his hand]'' That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.}}
-{{L|''Professor laughs. Everyone stays silent.]''}}
+{{L|''[Squidward laughs. Everyone stays silent.]''}}
-{{L|Grim|When do we get the free food?}}
+{{L|Mr. Krabs|When do we get the free food?}}
-{{L|Professor|Okay, try to repeat after me. ''[Professor plays six notes]'' Brass section, go. ''[brass section repeats badly]'' Good. Now the wind. ''[wind section repeats badly]'' And the drums. ''[drummers misunderstand what Professor means, so they blow on their sticks which blow out and stick Professor to the wall]'' Too bad that didn't kill me. ''[Next scene]'' Let's just try stepping in the rhythm. Now I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.}}
+{{L|Squidward|Okay, try to repeat after me. ''[Squidward plays six notes]'' Brass section, go. ''[brass section repeats badly]'' Good. Now the wind. ''[wind section repeats badly]'' And the drums. ''[drummers misunderstand what Squidward means, so they blow on their sticks which blow out and stick Squidward to the wall]'' Too bad that didn't kill me. ''[Next scene]'' Let's just try stepping in the rhythm. Now I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.}}
-{{L|Numbuh 5|Is this the part where we start kicking?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Is this the part where we start kicking?}}
-{{L|Professor|No, Numbuh 5, that's a chorus line.}}
+{{L|Squidward|No, SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.}}
-{{L|Billy|Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! ''[Billy kicks Numbuh 3 in the crotch]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! ''[Patrick kicks Sandy in the leg]''}}
-{{L|Numbuh 3|Ow! Why, you...! Why I oughta...! '' [she jumps on Billy and starts fighting him until they roll outside and the doors slam shut]''}}
+{{L|Sandy|Ow! Why, you...! Why I oughta...! '' [she jumps on Patrick and starts fighting him until they roll outside and the doors slam shut]''}}
-{{L|Billy|Aaaaaah-ho-ho-ho-ho-aaah! ''[Everyone pauses and stare at the door, then Billy sticks his head back in]'' Whoever is the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Aaaaaah-ho-ho-ho-ho-aaah! ''[Everyone pauses and stare at the door, then Patrick sticks his head back in]'' Whoever is the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on.}}
-{{L|''[Billy walks in and it is revealed that Numbuh 3 has stuck his body in a trombone. Trombone notes are heard as he walks towards his seat. As he sits down, he makes a sound on his trombone. Makes a loud trombone noise as he opens his mouth. Stares at himself.]''}}
+{{L|''[Patrick walks in and it is revealed that Sandy has stuck his body in a trombone. Trombone notes are heard as he walks towards his seat. As he sits down, he makes a sound on his trombone. Makes a loud trombone noise as he opens his mouth. Stares at himself.]''}}
 {{L|Narrator|Day two.}}
 {{L|''[The scene shows the band walking down a street playing Semper Fidelis, badly.]''}}
-{{L|Professor|Okay, that's perfect, everybody. Bubble Bowl, here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers, let's move! C'mon, move!}}
+{{L|Squidward|Okay, that's perfect, everybody. Bubble Bowl, here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers, let's move! C'mon, move!}}
 {{L|''[The flag twirlers spin so hard that they take off into the sky and crash into a blimp, which causes an explosion. A trumpet player plays Taps while everyone mourns, except Squidward, who just lies down on the ground.]''}}
 {{L|Narrator|Day three.}}
+{{L|Squidward|How's that harmonica solo coming, Plankton?}}
-{{L|Professor|Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that you haven't improved since we began... ''[Patrick chews on a trumpet]'' ...but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?}}
+{{L|Plankton|It's tremendous, you wanna see?}}
-{{L|Dexter|''[loudly]'' Correct!}}
+{{L|''[Plankton plays the harmonica by running to and from the holes quickly, but soon runs out of breath; on his way to the last hole he blows an unsuccessful last raspberry into the harmonica and faints.]''}}
-{{L|Professor|So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four! ''[screen cuts to the outside of the music school and a blast of noise ensues, breaking the windows. Cuts back inside the music school, where Squidward's face is deformed beyond recognition, his shirt's been ripped, and his baton breaks]'' Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.}}
+{{L|Narrator|Day four.}}
-{{L|Ed|Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!}}
+{{L|Squidward|Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that you haven't improved since we began... ''[Patrick chews on a trumpet]'' ...but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?}}
-{{L|Grim|What was that, punk?!}}
+{{L|Plankton|''[loudly]'' Correct!}}
-{{L|Ed|''[shouts loudly]'' Big... meaty... ''claws''!}}
+{{L|Squidward|So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four! ''[screen cuts to the outside of the music school and a blast of noise ensues, breaking the windows. Cuts back inside the music school, where Squidward's face is deformed beyond recognition, his shirt's been ripped, and his baton breaks]'' Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.}}
-{{L|Grim|Well, these claws ain't for just attractin' mates!}}
+{{L|Harold|Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!}}
-{{L|Ed|Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!}}
+{{L|Mr. Krabs|What did you say, punk?!}}
-{{L|Numbuh 5|''[tries intervening]'' No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.}}
+{{L|Harold|''[shouts loudly]'' Big... meaty... ''claws''!}}
-{{L|Mandark|Oh, so now Numbuh 4 is gonna preach to us again.}}
+{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, these claws ain't for just attractin' mates!}}
-{{L|Professor|Wait, wait. I know tensions are high... ''[everyone gets into a fight. Buttercup and Johnny Bravo are yelling at each other. Eddy slams a drum on Buttercup.]'' There's a deposit on that equipment, people! ''[everyone uses their instruments as weapons. Grim and Ed charge at each other with large woodwinds, but try to screech to a halt, and Richard Watterson slams them both with her cymbals]'' Settle down, please!}}
+{{L|Harold|Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!}}
-{{L|''[Numbuh 3 and Gumball are fighting. Numbuh 3 breaks the xylophone keys from Frank and Frank runs away. Billy kicks Numbuh 3, who growls at him before producing a trumpet with an evil grin. Billy realizes what's coming and runs away screaming as Numbuh 3 chases him with the trumpet. The scene cuts to the clock which shows it being 10 o'clock and everyone stops fighting.]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[tries intervening]'' No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.}}
-{{L|Lazlo|Hey, class is over.}}
+{{L|Nancy|Oh, so now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us.}}
-{{L|''[The band members walk to the door where Professor slams it open.]''}}
+{{L|Squidward|Wait, wait. I know tensions are high... ''[everyone gets into a fight. Pilar and Larry are yelling at each other. Medley slams a drum on Pilar.]'' There's a deposit on that equipment, people! ''[everyone uses their instruments as weapons. Mr. Krabs and Harold charge at each other with large woodwinds, but try to screech to a halt, and Mrs. Puff slams them both with her cymbals]'' Settle down, please!}}
-{{L|Professor|Well, you did it. You took my one chance in happiness... and ''crushed'' it! Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces. I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks. ''[sobbing]'' Thanks for nothing!}}
+{{L|''[Sandy and Frank are fighting. Sandy breaks the xylophone keys from Frank and Frank runs away. Patrick kicks Sandy, who growls at him before producing a trumpet with an evil grin. Patrick realizes what's coming and runs away screaming as Sandy chases him with the trumpet. The scene cuts to the clock which shows it being 10 o'clock and everyone stops fighting.]''}}
+{{L|Fred|Hey, class is over.}}
+{{L|''[The band members walk to the door where Squidward slams it open.]''}}
+{{L|Squidward|Well, you did it. You took my one chance in happiness... and ''crushed'' it! Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces. I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks. ''[sobbing]'' Thanks for nothing!}}
 {{L|''[Squidward leaves.]''}}
 {{L|Patrick|You're welcome.}}