BassWard/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "BassWard" from season 14, which aired on November 23, 2023.

• [The episode opens at the Bikini Bottom train station. Squidward, with his luggage, waits for the train to arrive.]
• Squidward: Jetsam City, here I come! This is going to be the best weekend ever!
• Bubble Bass: [bumps into Squidward with his luggage cart] Squidward.
• Squidward: Bubble Bass.
• Bubble Bass: Don't tell me you're going to the Jetsam City comic convention too.
• Squidward: Oh, why would I waste my time on an idiotic comic book convention? I am a man of sophistication. [holds up his clarinet case] I'm going to the clarinet convention.
• Bubble Bass: Oh, please! Talk about a waste of time.
• Squidward: [growls] Shows what you know. The lecture on the history of spit valves is worth the price of admission alone.
• Bubble Bass: When I said talk about a waste of time, I didn't mean it literally.
• Squidward: Hmph!
• Conductor: [train pulls into the train station] All aboard for the train to Jetsam City!
• Squidward: [to Bubble Bass] Just stay away from me.
• Bubble Bass: Dit to the O.
• [Squidward and Bubble Bass go their separate ways and walk towards the train. Squidward tries entering through one door but is stopped as a group of people crowd the entrance. Squidward pushes them all into the cabin. He falls before getting up, and sees that the cabin is very full.]
• Squidward: [groans] Huh? [sees the passengers in the cabin] Typical.
• Waitress: Fondue sir?
• Bubble Bass: One bubbling bowl of melted cheese, please.
• Waitress: You're in luck, sir. I just made a fresh, piping hot batch. What size would you like?
• Bubble Bass: Oh ho, I brought [shows the waitress a very large soup pot] my own fondue pot. Fill it to the rib.
• Waitress: Yes, sir. [attempts to serve the melted cheese with a serving soup spoon but a drop almost falls on Squidward]
• Squidward: Uh, hey hey, be-be-be careful with that.
• Conductor: Next stop, Jetsam City!
• [The train promptly accelerates, and the impact of the acceleration causes Squidward to get burned with the fondue.]
• Squidward: [screams] Hot!
• Bubble Bass: Where did you get such an adorable baby who clearly wants the window [opens the window] open.
• [The heavy breeze causes several train passenger items to fly out.]
• Squidward: [angrily] The baby wants it [closes the window] closed!
• Bubble Bass: The baby wants it [reopens the window] open.
• Squidward: [recloses the window] Closed!
• Bubble Bass: [reopens the window] Open!
• Squidward: [recloses the window] Closed!
• Bubble Bass: [reopens the window] Open! [the baby flies out]
• Squidward and Bubble Bass: Huh? The baby!
• Bubble Bass: We're going to die out here! [sobs]
• Squidward: Huh? Maybe not, look! Old Man Jenkins has a farm.
• Bubble Bass: And on that farm, he has a ride?
• Squidward and Bubble Bass: E-I-E-I-O!
• Squidward: With a tractor here...
• Bubble Bass: And some horsies there...
• Squidward: Here a boat...
• Bubble Bass: Here a bike...
• Squidward and Bubble Bass: Everywhere our boots to hide!
• Bubble Bass: Old Man Jenkins has a plane.
• Squidward: E-I-E-I...oh yeah. Quit it.