Biddy Sitting/transcript

• [The episode begins with a big baby bottle that says "SquarePants and Star BabySitting". SpongeBob paints on the bottle and Squidward reads the bottle.]
• Squidward: [reading the bottle] "SquarePants and Star Babysitting"? Oh, please. What do you two nitwits know about taking care of babies?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Just watch!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick pull out powder.]
• Squidward: Huh?
• [SpongeBob and Patrick begin to put powder on Squidward while SpongeBob pulls out supplies out of the bottle.]
• SpongeBob: [pulls out a pin] Safety pin! [pulls out a bottle of ointment.] Ointment!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick stop putting powder on Squidward until we see him with a diaper, a rattle, and a bonnet on him.]
• Squidward: Goo. Goo... [crying until SpongeBob puts a dummy in his mouth.]
• [Squidward starts sucking on the dummy.]
• SpongeBob: Aww, such good little squidy.
• Squidward: [realizes] What? What the? [spits out the dummy] No one in the right mind will ever hire you as babysitters!
• [Patrick starts sucking on the dummy.]
• Mother: Yoo-hoo! Babysitters! I could use some babysitters here!
• [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward look towards to the front of Conch Street where they see a woman waving to them.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, boy!
• [SpongeBob brings the baby bottle with him and runs into Squidward. Patrick hops onto the bottle until Squidward falls on his face. He then crosses his arms. SpongeBob and Patrick makes it to the woman's house in front of Conch Street.]
• SpongeBob: "SquarePants and Star Babysitters" at your service!
• Patrick: We sit on babies!
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Not literally.
• Patrick: Yeah, not in Italy.
• Mother: [waves goodbye with her hat] Now you kids behave and listen to the babysitters. Bye now!
• SpongeBob: Bye! [SpongeBob closes the door and sees all the babies. One baby is climbing the stair railing, another baby is chewing on a football, a baby comes out of the floorboard, a baby comes flying with a balloon until pops and the baby falls into the floorboard, two babies are playing with the lamp, one baby is on the chair, and another baby falls in a TV.] Whoa! A whole liege of little darlings. [SpongeBob and Patrick puts on helmets with rattles on them. They start shaking them.] Alright, Patrick, you take East plank, and I'll take the West, and we'll try to establish a map zone in the middle.
• Patrick: Hahahaha! These babies are no match for my... toddler style! [Patrick pulls out a pair of bottles in chain which they look like nunchucks. Patrick starts whipping the nunchuck bottles around and makes ninja sounds until he falls on his face.] Ow.
• [We cut to Patrick watching the babies cry until he makes a funny face. The babies stop crying and starts laughing. Patrick makes more funny faces until he stops and makes the babies cry. SpongeBob has five spoons on his head until Patrick puts a another one on his head. With six spoons, Patrick lifts SpongeBob up and dips the spoons in baby food. SpongeBob feeds the babies until they stopped crying. A baby is seen on shelf, knocking plates over. SpongeBob is catch the planes, so they won't break. The baby falls off the, SpongeBob screams, and manages to catch the baby. SpongeBob is relieved that he caught the baby, but the plates fall over the floor. The babies now are crying once again until they're diapers stink. SpongeBob puts a close pin on his nose and flips them over with a giant spatula.]
• SpongeBob: [whistles] Bring her down!
• [Patrick uses a claw to grab the babies. SpongeBob removes the diapers with a vacuum cleaner. He puts powder on their butts until he puts new diapers on them. Patrick releases them and SpongeBob flips them on their beds while the babies fall asleep. SpongeBob puts them to bad and high fives Patrick.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Shh...
• [Bubble transition to the next scene where the mother comes home. She puts her hat on the coat rack and notices SpongeBob reading a story.]
• SpongeBob: And they all lived happily ever after inside an oyster shell.
• Mother: Aww... Thank you, SquarePants and Star.
• [The mother hands them money. Patrick takes it and puts it in his pocket while he is sleeping. Bubble transition to the next scene where SpongeBob and Patrick are looking for someone for babysitting.]
• SpongeBob: Babysitting!
• Patrick: Skinny or chunky! Clean or funky!
• SpongeBob: We won't get paid if your kids mislave!
• Mary: Oh, boys, right here! Oh, I could use a babysitter!
• Patrick: Yay!
• SpongeBob: Ooh! [They rush towards Mary.] While you go out, and dance, and drevel...
• Patrick: ...While we watch your little devil!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick swirl her around.]
• Mary: Yes! Thank you! [hugs Patrick] Thank you! [hugs SpongeBob then runs off]
• SpongeBob: Wait! Where's the baby?
• Mary: She's inside! I'm free! I'm free! Hahahahaha!
• [Mary hops happily while SpongeBob and Patrick look confused at each other. But they both shrug and enters the house.]
• SpongeBob: Baby! [shakes the rattle] Baby?
• Patrick: [holds up a pillow] Is this the baby?
• SpongeBob: Hmm? No, I, I don't think so.
• Patrick: Huh. Oh! [holds up a lamp] This looks like a nice baby girl. [turns the lamp on]
• SpongeBob: She's nice, but she's not a baby. [Patrick throws the lamp.] Wait a minute. [SpongeBob runs to a wheelchair and looks down.] I found the baby.
• [SpongeBob turns the wheelchair around and shows Patrick the baby. But it wasn't a baby, it was Mary's mother from "Chocolate with Nuts." She is shown asleep and it startles Patrick.]
• Patrick: Eek! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
• SpongeBob: Patrick, all babies are beautiful. Even the ugly ones, and we don't know the baby's name is.
• Patrick: She looks like she's been in the tub too long. Let's call her Baby Prunes.
• SpongeBob: What a pretty name! Little Baby Prunes.
• [They both laugh until Mary's mother wakes up and screams as she sees SpongeBob and Patrick.]
• Mary's Mother: Who are you?! Where's lazy Mary?!
• Patrick: The baby can talk!
• Mary's Mother: Help! Help! It's a robbery!
• [SpongeBob puts a dummy in her mouth.]
• SpongeBob: No, Patrick, Baby Prunes is just mimicking what she's heard. It's just baby talk. She's babbling.
• Mary's Mother: [spits out the dummy] I'm not babbling, you bone heads!
• Patrick: Feeding time! [pulls out a spoon full of food] Here comes the airplane. [makes train noises and puts the food into Mary's mother's mouth, but she spits it out] Yum. Play time! [Patrick dumps out some blocks and throws the bottle away.] Kids love to build things with blocks!
• Mary's Mother: [chuckles] Oh, I'll build something alright.
• [We cut a bubble transition to all the blocks built into a jail with SpongeBob and Patrick in it. SpongeBob writes on the wall. Inside the play jail, there is a toilet, a pipe, a bunch, and shelf filled with books. SpongeBob checks his watch.]
• SpongeBob: "Happy birthday to mother on her 137th birthday." [gasps] 137 birthdays!?!? Oh! Baby Prunes isn't a baby, she's an old lady!