Boating School

Template:Episode "Boating School" is a SpongeBob SquarePants episode from season one. SpongeBob tries to pass the driving exam to get his license, but things do not go well. There is a coloring book to tie-in with this episode.

Time/Date:

• Wednesday, March 3
  • 8:00 AM: SpongeBob wakes up
• Thursday, March 4

Characters Present:

• SpongeBob SquarePants
• Mrs. Puff (debut)
• Squidward Tentacles
• Patrick Star
• Ambulance Drivers (debut)
• Gary
• Fred

Plot

SpongeBob is excited because Mrs. Puff's Boating School driving exam is today. If he passes it, he will get his license. First, he must pass the oral section of the exam. Having taken the exam thirty-seven times previously, SpongeBob is able to answer the questions before they are even asked. However, he panics in the boat and does not the driving portion of the exam and instead, crashes into a lighthouse, causing Mrs. Puff to enlarge her body by puffing. Later that night, he complains about his failure to his exam. Gary asks SpongeBob to go for a walk, but he denies it. Patrick is then heard talking to him from a walkie-talkie under his bed covers. He then heads into his closet and finds Patrick with his clothes on. Patrick attempts to cheer SpongeBob up with a "surprise" 9calling himself "Patrick SquarePants), but SpongeBob is too depressed to laugh. He explains his problem to Patrick and mentions that he needs someone to help him think straight during the exam. Patrick quickly devises a plan. He puts a walkie-talkie inside SpongeBob's head so that he can talk SpongeBob through the test, hiding the antenna with a cowboy hat.

The next day, SpongeBob goes back to take the test again. When asked to start the boat, he initially panics, but Patrick's instructions keep him calm. This is followed by a video montage of SpongeBob acing the exam, interspersed with shots of Patrick eating SpongeBob's food and reading his diary while helping him. Mrs. Puff is floored by his sudden improvement and jokingly suggests that SpongeBob's success is due to an antenna under his hat through which "some guy miles away is giving him all the answers." SpongeBob (and Patrick) finds this hilarious, until Mrs. Puff concludes, "But that would be cheating!" Upon realizing that he has been cheating, SpongeBob goes into hysterics, driving wildly all over the course and sobbing while Mrs. Puff tries desperately to stop him. patrick, who has heard SpongeBob that he was cheating and "[Patrick]" was giving him all the answers, runs out of Sponge's house, then jumping under his rock, sobbing. He crashes the boat and thus does not the test yet another time. Upon leaving boating school, he finds Gary riding his unicycle. This means that Sponge can ride his unicycle again, and at the end of the episode he then says that he's going to surprise someone at the hospital.

Transcript

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob's foghorn alarm goes off) This is it, Gary!

Gary: Meow. (SpongeBob’s bed bounce up and flings SpongeBob at the calendar where he lands on March 3rd with the words 'boating exam today!' on it then drops to the floor) The big boating exam is today! I’ve never felt so capable! (door opens from underneath him. Comes out of his house riding a bike) I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready. Squidward! Squidward!

Squidward: What?

SpongeBob: I’m ready, Squidward! (SpongeBob rides his unicycle around Squidward's house)

Squidward: Ready to move?

SpongeBob: No, I’m ready to pass my boating test. (rides his bike towards the school) I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready… (stops his bike near a dumpster and jumps off of it) I’m ready-eady-eady-eady-eady-eady-eady-eady-ready. Well pal, I won’t be needing you anymore. (throws the bike into the dumpster) I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready! Oh, yeah! I'm ready!

Citizen: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, I just got my license!

SpongeBob: (snaps fingers) Hey, I’m getting mine next!

Citizen: Hey, I doubt it! (walks off)

SpongeBob: Ok, see you on the road. I’m ready! Here I come, Mrs. Puff! I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready(jumps around the boardwalk)

Mrs. Puff: (sighs) I’m not ready. (opens the door)

SpongeBob: Hi, Mrs. Puff! Today is the day I’m going to pass my boating exam!

Mrs. Puff: (with clipboard and pen in hand) We’ll see about that, SpongeBob. First we must...

SpongeBob: First I must pass the oral exam. I am confident in my abilities to successfully succeed.

Mrs. Puff: I know. Ok, #1: What is the front of the boat?

SpongeBob: The bow. (Mrs. Puff writes down his answer)

Mrs. Puff: What is the back?

SpongeBob: Stern. (Mrs. Puff writes down his answer)

Mrs. Puff: #3: Right is…

SpongeBob: Starboard. Port. Skipper. Deck. Cabin. Galley. Keel. 1924. (Mrs. Puff writes down his answers)

Mrs. Puff: You’ve past the oral test. What a surprise! (gets in the boat and secures herself tightly) Now it’s time to once again take the driving portion of the exam. Ok, SpongeBob, get in the boat.

SpongeBob: Oh, in this boat right here? (looks at his watch) Is it time already?

Mrs. Puff: Get in the boat, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Oh yeah, absolutely. (gets in)

Mrs. Puff: All you have to do is get on the track. (looks ahead to the track that gets longer and longer) Ok, SpongeBob, what’s the first thing you do?

SpongeBob: 1924?

Mrs. Puff: No, no. First thing is to start the boat. (Mrs. Puff turns the engine on and SpongeBob goes crazy) SpongeBob? SpongeBob? Relax, it’s only the boat.

SpongeBob: The boat?

Mrs. Puff: Ok, now what do you do next?

SpongeBob: Floor it?

Mrs. Puff: Yes...no, no! Don’t floor it.

SpongeBob: Floor it?

Mrs. Puff: No, no, don’t, don’t floor it.

SpongeBob: Ok, floor it.

Mrs. Puff: No! No! (SpongeBob pushes the accelerator down and starts driving backwards really fast by some spectators and drives into a building. After crashing, Mrs Puff becomes big & round)

Mrs. Puff: (deep voice) Oh, SpongeBob, why?

Fred: My leg!

SpongeBob: (in his bed) I don’t know why, Gary. I don’t know. I’m tired of failing that boating test. I’ve already taken it thirty-seven times.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Ok, thirty-eight. (puts his pillow on his head)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: No, Gary, I’m not walking.

Patrick: (over walkie-talkie in SpongeBob’s bed) SpongeBob, this is star ranger, over.

SpongeBob: (through walkie-talkie) What is it, Patrick?

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) I got a surprise for you.

SpongeBob: (through walkie-talkie) Oh, Patrick, I’m not in the mood.

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Get out of bed. (SpongeBob gets out of bed)

SpongeBob: (through walkie-talkie) Ok, now what, Patrick?

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Go to your closet for a surprise. (SpongeBob slides down a room and stands up in front of his closet door)

SpongeBob: (through walkie-talkie) Ok, I’m at the closet.

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Listen carefully. What’s pink and square at the same time?

SpongeBob: (through walkie-talkie) I don’t know, Patrick. (SpongeBob opens the closet door and Patrick has one of SpongeBob’s square pants on)

Patrick: Patrick SquarePants!

SpongeBob: Pat, don’t do that. (sits in a chair) I’ve got too much to worry about.

Patrick: What’s the problem?

SpongeBob: I can’t pass my boating exam. I’ve taken it thirty-seven...

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: ...uhh, thirty-eight times. I know all the answers... (Patrick's square pants rip off) ...until I get behind the wheel. I just need something to help me think straight.

Patrick: Thinking straight is what I do. You drive and I’ll do all the thinking for you. (takes SpongeBob’s walkie-talkie)

SpongeBob: How are we going to do that? (Patrick puts a walkie-talkie into SpongeBob’s head with the antenna coming out of the top)

Patrick: Come in, SpongeBob. Hello? Hello?

SpongeBob: Hey! I can hear you in my head! This is great! While I’m taking the test, you can give me all the answers. (SpongeBob notices the antenna sticking out) Wait a minute, Patrick. Won’t I look silly with this antenna coming out of my head? (Patrick puts a tall hat over the antenna. Next, we see a big telescope peeking out SpongeBob’s upstairs window)

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Pat to Sponge, Pat to Sponge, testing, testing. (looking through the telescope at SpongeBob) Testing, testing, testing, testing, testing, testing! Testing!! (yells) Testing! Ah! Test. Do you read?!

SpongeBob: Sponge to Pat, I read you loud and clear, over. Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Got your apple ready? (SpongeBob shows an apple) Lucky undergarments? Hold on. Hold on. (Patrick focuses in on the underwear with the telescope to reveal the word 'lucky' on the top of it) Bingo! Underwear, apple, and me. You’re ready to get that license. Uh-oh, here comes Mrs. Puff! Act natural. (SpongeBob jumps out of the boat and on the ground and starts chewing grass)

SpongeBob: Moo.

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) No, no, get in the boat! (SpongeBob jumps in the boat. A siren is heard as Mrs. Puff comes out an ambulance and into the boat) Give her the apple. (SpongeBob gives her the apple)

SpongeBob: Here you go, ma’am. (Mrs. Puff throws apple in her mouth and swallows)

Mrs. Puff: Let’s get this over with. (takes a deep breath) What’s the first thing you do? (puts hands and arms over head for protection)

SpongeBob: Uhh...

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Start the boat. (SpongeBob pushes a button that starts the boat causing Mrs. Puff to go crazy)

SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff. Mrs. Puff!

Mrs. Puff: Whoa-ho! Huh? What?

SpongeBob: It’s ok, it’s only the boat.

Mrs. Puff: The boat? You started the boat?

SpongeBob: I...I think so.

Mrs. Puff: Oh. Well...what’s the second thing you do?

SpongeBob: 1924?

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) No, no, put it in drive.

SpongeBob: Put it in drive?

Mrs. Puff: Yes, yes, yes! (SpongeBob pushes lever down to drive) Put it in drive. Then what?

SpongeBob: (lifts leg up) Floor it?

Mrs. Puff: No! Ahh! No-o-o.

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Freeze, mister! (SpongeBob stops) Big toe. (SpongeBob’s big toe pops out of his shoe and gently pushes the accelerator down)

Mrs. Puff: Oh gracious. Oh gracious! Oh-oh. Ha-ha! Ah, we haven’t crashed yet.

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Ok, you’re coming to your first turn. (giant wall with the word 'wall' on it is shown and a left curve)

Mrs. Puff: Oh no, the first turn. Please, tell me you know what to do at the first turn.

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Left. (SpongeBob turns left)

Mrs. Puff: Oh!

Patrick: (through walkie-talkie) Right. (SpongeBob turns right)

Mrs. Puff: Oh! Oh my, this is splendid, SpongeBob. You’re doing fine. (SpongeBob stops at a stop sign and looks both ways before starting to drive again. Then drives around with his left arm out making a signal. Patrick still talking to SpongeBob through the walkie-talkie as SpongeBob drives over a big hill in the road. As Mrs. Puff writes a couple things on her clipboard, Patrick is putting on another pair of square pants. SpongeBob pulls back on the boat and the boat jumps in the air over a big anchor. Patrick finds SpongeBob’s diary and begins to read and laugh at it as SpongeBob jumps off a ramp through a ring of fire. Fred is walking across the course but SpongeBob stops the boat and helps him walk across. He gets back in the boat as Patrick is eating out of SpongeBob’s fridge. SpongeBob is sitting back and driving with his feet and driving upside down) Splendid! Wonderful! (sign that reads 'finish line' is just ahead) There’s the finish line. It’s unbelievable. You’ve shown the most spectacular improvement of any student I’ve ever seen. What’s your secret? A little radio in your head? (everyone laughs) Oh, and under that hat is some kind of, uhh, antenna? (everyone laughs) And some guy miles away from here is giving you all the answers? (everyone laughs) Oh, yes, but that would be cheating. (SpongeBob opens his eyes wide realizing he is cheating)

Patrick: Haha! Cheating! Haha! Haha!

SpongeBob: I’m cheating. Mrs Puff!

Mrs. Puff: Yes, my star pupil?

SpongeBob: I think I’m cheating.

Mrs. Puff: What’s that, dear? (SpongeBob takes a hold of Mrs. Puff)

SpongeBob: I think I am cheating!

Mrs. Puff: You've...you’ve let go of the wheel.

SpongeBob: I do have an antenna under my hat. (shows antennae under hat) There is a guy giving me all the answers. It’s all true! (crying) I’m cheating! I’m cheating! I’m cheating!

Patrick: What? (Patrick runs out of SpongeBob’s house and back under his rock)

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mrs. Puff! I'm sorry!

Mrs. Puff: The wheel, SpongeBob. The wheel...

SpongeBob: Cheating...I'm a cheater. Cheater...

Mrs. Puff: No, no, no. It's quite alright, you can cheat.

SpongeBob: No...I'm cheating!

Mrs. Puff: At least, SpongeBob...

SpongeBob: Cheating.

Mrs. Puff: Cheat that way!

SpongeBob: I'm a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

Mrs. Puff: It's ok to cheat today!

SpongeBob: No...

Mrs. Puff: That way! Cheat that way!

SpongeBob: Cheater.

Mrs. Puff: (manly voice) Oh, SpongeBob, why?

SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, I think I cheated.

Fred: My leg!

SpongeBob: Uhh, I’m sorry for letting you down again, Mrs. Puff.

Mrs. Puff: It’s ok, SpongeBob, you didn’t mean it. Ok, boys, take me away. (EMTs shove Mrs. Puff into the ambulance)

SpongeBob: Don’t worry, Mrs. Puff. I’ll try harder next semester. (Mrs. Puff screams as she is taken away by the ambulance) It’ll be great! (walks away) Only now I don’t even have my bike.

Gary: (with SpongeBob’s bike) Meow.

SpongeBob: Gary! My bike! You found it! This sponge is still mobile! (rides away on his bike) Alright, let’s go surprise someone at the hospital!