Bummer Vacation/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Bummer Vacation" from season 4, which aired on October 13, 2006.

Mr. Krabs: Squidward! SpongeBob! Just put me out of my misery.
SpongeBob: Why, Mr. Krabs? What could be wrong on this fine day?
Mr. Krabs: Fine?! [grabs SpongeBob's mouth and ties it up] Today's not the day for that word, boy. Not after I received this letter from the Fry Cooks Union. It says here fry cook SpongeBob SquarePants has accumulated too much vacation time. And if you don't take some time off, I'll have to pay a fine. [cries]
SpongeBob: Time off?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I guess there's no other way to say this...SpongeBob, take a vacation.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, Mr. Krabs. [runs out]
Mr. Krabs: Well, that went better than expected.
SpongeBob: [running down the street] I'm ready, vacation. I'm ready, vacation. Vacation. Vacation. [enters his house] Hey, Gary.
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: That's right, Gary, I am home early. I'm on vacation. Well, good night, Gary. [walks into his bed and closes his eyes for no more than two seconds before his alarm goes off. Scene cuts to him lifting his weights, eating cereal, flossing, showering, then putting on some spray to make him shine. He grabs his hat then walks into the Krusty Krab] Good morning, Krusty Krew! Hello, Squidward.
Squidward: I thought you were on vacation.
Mr. Krabs: [stops SpongeBob] He was and is. I told you to take a vacation, boy.
SpongeBob: What's a vacation?
Mr. Krabs: Well, a vacation is when you don't come into work.
SpongeBob: [gasps] No work?! But what'll I do all day?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I dunno. Just go have fun or whatever. I really don't care. Ya just can't be here.
SpongeBob: But who will fry the patties and clean the grill while I'm gone? Squidward can't do it all alone.
Squidward: Nor will I.
Mr. Krabs: That's why I've hired an unpaid intern as your temporary replacement.
Patrick: [walks in] Good morning, boss. I'm ready for my first day.
Mr. Krabs: Speaking of starfish, here's your replacement right here.
SpongeBob: Replacement?
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: That's enough banter on my dime.
Patrick: Ok, boss.
Mr. Krabs: Wait a second, Patrick. You'll need the right tools for the job. [takes SpongeBob's hat and spatula and gives it to Patrick]
Patrick: Wow. [notices his reflection in the spatula] Huh! They put a tiny me in the belly scratcher. [scratches his belly and his back] Wow. It scratches backs, too!
Mr. Krabs: Ah, take it from me, SpongeBob. Just go on home. Enjoy your vacation.
SpongeBob: I really should tell Patrick the proper patty-flipping technique. [Mr. Krabs shuts the doors in SpongeBob's face.}
Patrick: Working at the Krusty Krab. Making Krabby Patties all day. Flipping Krusty Krab working patties krab...uhh, that's a hard song to remember. [opens his rock and jumps in] Huh?
SpongeBob: [sitting in the corner of Patrick's rock] Who do they think they are? I gave the best years of my life to this place and they think they can just fire me like that? Like trash? I don't think so!
Patrick: SpongeBob? Is that you?
SpongeBob: [turns around with an evil look on his face] I've been waiting for you, Patrick! [walks towards Patrick, growling]
Patrick: SpongeBob, you're scaring me. Ahh! [SpongeBob laughs maniacally and closes in around Patrick. Scene cuts to Krusty Krab]
Squidward: What’ll be?
Customer: One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: One shell on a shingle. [Patrick gives Squidward the order then many orders come out, it blocks the window just for Mr. Krabs to notice]
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be...Patrick! Your cooking's improved one-thousand fold. Congratulations, boy, you've finally got the hang of it. [Patrick turns around, and it turns out to be SpongeBob in a Patrick costume] SpongeBob? No wonder. Patrick could never flip that many patties in an hour. What happened to that feller, anyway?
SpongeBob: Oh, I told him to stay home and watch television. [Patrick is sitting at home watching a broken TV]
Mr. Krabs: Why'd you do it, laddy?
SpongeBob: [starts to cry] Oh, Mr Krabs, I love the putrid grease of the Krusty Krab so much, I just couldn't stay away!
Mr. Krabs: You don't have to. [takes out a calendar] Your accumulated vacation time is used up. [tears up calendar] The union can't fine me, anymore.
SpongeBob: You must've saved a fortune.
Mr. Krabs: Bumping barnacles, yes. [laughs and holds up a dime] There she is.
SpongeBob: Wow! That's more than I make in a year.
Mr. Krabs: Don't be askin me for a raise. Just get back to work.
SpongeBob: [jumps out of the Patrick costume] Yippee! I happily acquiesce.