Choir Boys/transcript
- (The camera is in front of Squidward's house, while the beginning of "The Marriage of Figaro" plays, cut to the inside of Squidward's house, the camera then cuts to the blue sign that says "Squidward's bathroom; DO NOT ENTER." Then pans down to the SpongeBob-like texture that says "Unless you are Squidward".)
- (Cut to the inside of Squidward's bathroom. A silhouette of Squidward is seen in the shower curtain along with steam. Squidward takes a deep breath.)
- Squidward: (Off-key) Fi-ga-ro. Figaro! (Pause, Squidward then stretchs his arms wide.) Fi-ga-ro! (Cut to the outside) Fi-ga-ro!
- Squidward: Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!
- (Cut back inside)
- Squidward: FI-GA-RO!! (He then coughs, turns the water off and steps out of the shower, cut to the toilet paper and the toilet, the toilet becomes sad, cut to the toilet paper.)
- Toilet Paper: Don't feel bad. He didn't use me yesterday either.
- Squidward: La la la la la la la!
- Squidward: (Puts on Robe and Scarf infront of Mirror) (Holds photo of the Men's Chrous) I am anxious to make a strong first impression, and share to my singing skills with the famed Bikini Bottom Mens Chorus. La-LALALAAA. But I needn't be too anxious, for once they hear this masters voice, they'll give me the Lead Solo for sure! Vi-ga-ro!
- Squidward: (Walks Outside and Passes Spongebob Laying on the Ground) Huh?
- Squidward: Well, looks like a forlorn Spongebob sprawled out in the dirt.
- Spongebob: (Cuts to Spongebob) (Loud Sigh)
- Squidward: (Cuts back to Squidwrd) Obviously depressed...
- Squidward: (Smiles) Oh, what a lovely day! For me! Hahahahaha!
- Spongebob: (Grabs Squidward's Leg)
- Squidward: Huh?
- Spongebob: Squidward? My playmate Patrick is away, at a family reunion. Sad and Alone, I am desperate for something to do, or someone to play with. (Coughs)
- Squidward: (Cuts to Squidwards face, then his legs) (Removes Spongebob's Hand from his Leg)
- Squidward: Well, I have no time for the likes of you.
- Spongebob: Squidward? Where are you going, all dressed up?
- Squidward: None of your business!
- Spongebob: Can I come?
- Squidward: And, no you can't.
- Spongebob: Are you going to a fancy store?
- Squidward: No
- Spongebob: A fancy party?
- Squidward: No
- Spongebob: A hot fancy pants date?
- Squidward: NO
- Spongebob: "Can I Come?" (x12)
- Squidward: "No!" (x11)
- Squidward: Does that answer your questions?
- Spongebob: All except for that last one.
- Squidward: NO YOU CAN'T!!
- Squidward: (Sweating) If you must know..... I will be a feature solo for an inpenting concert proformas with the Bikini Bottom's Men's choir. And in the big time... Not playtime. Now if you excuse me.
- SpongeBob: Wow.
- SpongeBob: I may not as be you and your buddys, Squidward. But I do have a song in my heart I want to share. (Clears Throat Loudly) Then SpongeBob sing "Laaaaaa". (cough)
- Squidward: (Speeds off in his Bicycle, leaving dirt in Spongebob's Face)
- Spongebob: (Coughs Loudly)
- Squidwawd: Au Revior
- Squidward: See you in nose-bleed seats!. (Laughs)
- Squidward: "La La La La La La La, La La La La La La La, La La". (SpongeBob in unison Squidward,) "La! La! La! La! La! La!".
- SpongeBob: I'm good enough to join the Men's Choir. I promise.
- Squidward: Yuck!
- SpongeBob: Perhaps Squidward didn't see me.
- Squidward: "Fe-a-La" (cleaning throat) "Fe-a-La!"
- SpongeBob: This giant hole will get his attention.
- Squidward: "Fe-a-Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" (fell off his bike) Ow! (he went to Jellyfish fields) I think I hit the wrong note back there (jellyfish approach) What the...?!
- SpongeBob: I here by issue you with this ticket, for darastic frowning, and failing to listen to my song!
- Squidward: Your song? What are you, some kind of...
- SpongeBob: That's right! I'm a singing traffic cop!
- Squidward: A singing traffic ...
- SpongeBob: "O Sole Mio..."
- Squidward: (rips off SpongeBob's mustache) SpongeBob, I will be late to practice with all of your tomfoolery slowing me down! (grabs the ticket and rips it up) It is a high honor to be chosen for the Bikini Bottom men's chorus!