Club SpongeBob/transcript

(Scene starts with Squidward coming out of his with a bicycle.)

• SpongeBob and Patrick (Giggling)

• SpongeBob Wey wook.. wit's Widward!! (Hey look... it's Squidward!!)

• Squidward Wha-?

• SpongeBob and Patrick (laughter)

• SpongeBob Widward's woing wo work. (Squidward's going to work)

• SpongeBob and Patrick (laughter)

• Patrick Where...woes we work? Wat, we Wusty Wab? (Where does he work? At the Krusty Krab)

• SpongeBob and Patrick (laughter)

• Squidward What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?

• SpongeBob We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.

• Squidward Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... he-he-he...moron...as a requirement...he-he-he.

• SpongeBob Sorry Squidward.. but you couldn't even get in if you tried!!

• Squidward Well I'll have you know.. that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.

• Patrick What'd he say?

• SpongeBob I dunno, something about his nose?

• Patrick Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in!

• Squidward Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in?

(Climbs vine)

• Squidward Why...you should be begging me to join!

• SpongeBob and Patrick No, no, no! Stop, Squid, you can't join! You can't fit in!

(Squidward gets stuck in the treehouse)

• Squidward Well this is stupid... there's no room up here!!

• Patrick That's what we've been trying to tell you!!

• SpongeBobSquidward, we've been stuck up here for three days..

• Patrick We told you you would fit in..

• Squidward (sneers)

• SpongeBob Well...since you're here Squidward...we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?

• Patrick Ready!

• Music Welcome to our club, Welcome to our club.

Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward, Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward!

• Squidward Shut your half-wit pieholes!! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!!

(Gets to floor then vine snaps)

• Squidward AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Nancy Whoa!

• Frank Make a wish, honey.

(Treehouse falls into kelp forest)

• SpongeBob and Patrick Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO...

• Squidward Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!!

• Patrick What happened?

(Squidward moves away)

• Squidward Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out!! Stuck.. in the middle of nowhere.. with SpongeBob and Patrick!!

(SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward crying)

• Squidward Why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?

• SpongeBob Oh cheer up Squid. It could be worse.

• Patrick Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.

(Zooms in on Squidward's head)

• Squidward Well.. this is the end..

• SpongeBob No it's not Squidward!!

Patrick: (building coffins) It's not?

• SpongeBob Come on guys, we'll be fine!! (patting Squidward's head) As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!! WHOOOLOOOLOOOOLLOOOOLOOOO!! And besides...we have THIS!!

(SpongeBob pulls out the Magic Conch Shell)

• Squidward What's that?

• Patrick OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell!! Ask it something!! Ask it something!!

SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?

• Magic Conch Maybe someday.

• SpongeBob and Patrick Oooohhhh...

• Squidward You've got to be kidding!! That is just a STUPID toy!! How can that possibly help us?

• SpongeBob (gasp) Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes it's advice before we do anything.

• Patrick The shell knows all!!

• SpongeBob Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?

• Magic Conch Nothing.

• Patrick THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!!

• Squidward Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!!

(SpongeBob and Patrick sit down.. doing nothing)

• Squidward (gets mad) I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!!

(SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing.)

• Squidward Alright. Alright. Alright!! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!!

(Walking away in kelp forest)

• Squidward Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha.

(Squidward runs fast and scared.)

• Squidward What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get out of here!!

(Sees light)

• Squidward Huh? Huh? Hhahahahahahaahhaa!! I'm FREE!! Take that SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!!

(Fist pumps in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick)

• Squidward Ohh...there's no way out of here.

(Stick is thrown at Patrick's head.. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire) Squidward: How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight?

(Steps on bug)

• Squidward Aahhhhh...

(Throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob)

• Squidward Oooohh.. Doesn't that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days..

(Walks over to Patrick)

• Squidward How about you Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat.. Well you can't have any..

(Walks Away)

• Squidward And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!!

(Shakes butt at SpongeBob)

• Squidward If you had listened to me.. you'd have food.. shelter.. and a roaring fire.. But instead.. you listen to a talking clam..

(Moves back to Club Squidward)

• Squidward That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your answers will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky!!

(Airplane falling out of the sky)

• Pilot 1 Dude!! We're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!!

(Presses "Drop the Load" button. Drops picnic supplies (food) to where SpongeBob and Patrick are)

• SpongeBob and Patrick Praise the Magic Conch!!

(Squidward stares and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat)

• SpongeBob and Patrick Ahahahaha!!

• Squidward Hey uhh SpongeBob.. that sure is a lot of food you got there..

• SpongeBob It's a gift from the Magic Conch..

• Squidward Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!!

(Reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them)

• Squidward Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...

• SpongeBob Squidward...

{{L|Squidward: {{L|Yes, SpongeBob?

• SpongeBob Once a member, always a member!!

• SpongeBob and Patrick (clink glasses) To the club!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!

• Squidward Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me...

(Runs to table with all the food)

• Squidward What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?

• SpongeBob Why don't you ask.. The Magic Conch Squidward?

• Squidward Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.

(SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away)

• SpongeBob (gasp) Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!!

• Patrick Maybe he's not a brother.

(SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed)

• Squidward Hehehe...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic.

(picks up Magic Conch)

• Squidward Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?

• Magic Conch Neither.

• Squidward Oh. Well what about the soup?

• Magic Conch I don't think so.

• Squidward Can I have anything to eat?

• Magic Conch No.

• Squidward No?! What do you mean No? I'm starving here!!

• Patrick (takes Magic Conch) Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super terrific sandwich?

• Magic Conch No.

• Patrick Hmm.. can i have some of this yummy-delicious super terrific sandwich?

{{L|Magic Conch: {{L|Yes.

• Patrick Walright!! (Vacuums in sandwich and burps loudly) Sorry Squidward.

• Squidward Give me that. (takes Magic Conch) Could I have something to eat?

• Magic Conch No.

• Squidward Could I have something to eat?

• Magic Conch No.

• Squidward Could I have something to eat?

• Magic Conch No.

• Squidward Can't you say anything else but no?

• Magic Conch Try asking again.

• Squidward Can I have something to eat?

• Magic Conch (in a very insulting, sarcastic-like tone) No.

(Squidward fumes...getting mad)

• SpongeBob Squidward, are you alrightt?

(Squidward still getting mad)

• Patrick Maybe we could ask the shell if he's okay.

• Rescuer Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help?

(Cuts through kelp...seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward)

• Squidward I'm SAVED!!

(Runs over to Rescuer)

• Squidward You don't know how happy I am to see you.. I've been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads.. and their Magic Conch Shell!!

• Rescuer Magic...Conch...Shell? (pulls out Magic Conch) YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? (with two big teeth)

• SpongeBob and Patrick The Magic Conch!! A club member!!

• SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!!

• Squidward (in surprise) Abra.

• Rescuer My conch told me to come and save you guys!!

{{L|SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescue{{L|R: Hooray for the magic conches!!

• Rescuer Alright Magic Conch.. What do we do now?

• Magic Conch Nothing.

• SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer All hail the Magic Conch!!

(SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them)

• Squidward ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!

(Sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer)