Big Pink Loser/transcript

Narrator: Ah, bikini bottom. (Patrick yans, then, the mail fish puts the package in)

Patrick: A reward? I never gotten an award before! Hey, rock, I got an award! Patrick: Hey, jellyfish, I got an award! (Jellyfish sting patrick)

Patrick: World, I got an award... (Patrick gasps for water)

Patrick: I gotta show spongebob!

Spongebob: Hold still, gary.

Gary: Meow.

Spongebob: Almost done. (Spongebob screams as patrick opens the door) Patrick: Spongebob, I got an award!

Spongebob: (Spongebob falls down) Wow, great, patrick.

Patrick: Read it! Spongebob: For doing great things and stuff, spongebob squarepants you must to get by the state?

Patrick: Well, that's a funny way to spell my name.

Spongebob: Patrick, I think that trophy is for me.

Patrick: But, it's shiny.

Spongebob: And you know what else is shiny?

Patrick: Ice cream!

SpongeBob: Exactly!

Patrick: I can find it, isn't here.

Spongebob: No Don't that's not, that's my... Award closet.

Patrick: I want an award!

Spongebob: Patrick, don't cry. (Patrick cries) Patrick: I can't get an award because I never done anything!

Spongebob: But, you're patrick star. You can do whatever you want.

Patrick: Well, I can't because you're spongebob.

Spongebob: Patrick, if you think you're not smarter, what would you do?

Patrick: Hmm... I want to defeat the giant monkey man and save the 9th deminton!

Spongebob: Me too! But, that sounds a little hard. Why don't we start smaller?

Patrick: I want to defeat the little monkey man and save the 8th deminton!

Spongebob: Smaller.

Patrick: Doctor.

Spongebob: Smaller.

Patrick: Fireman?

Spongebob: The smallest you can think of!

Patrick: A job at the krusty krab?

Spongebob: Yeah! I do things at work all the time!

Patrick: Then, let's go! Spongebob: Patrick, you need to do the job. Hi, squidward. I need you to hire this man.

Squidward: And look who quit. Patrick: Do I get an award now? Spongebob: No, you have to work. Patrick: Tartar sauce. (Patrick gobbles it up)

Patrick: Do I get an award now? Spongebob: No, you need to take it to the customer. (Patrick burps)

Patrick: Do I get it now? Spongebob: No, now, this time, make sure it goes to the customer. (Patrick gobbles it up as the customer is about to eat it)

Patrick: Do I get it now?

Spongebob: No. Patrick: Barnacles! Spongebob: Let's do another task. Spongebob: You ring and listen whoever gives you a question. Woman #1: Is this the krusty krab? Patrick: No, this is patrick. Woman #2: Is this the krusty krab? Patrick: No, this is patrick.

Man #1: Is this the krusty krab?

Patrick: No, this is patrick! I'm not a krusty krab.

Spongebob: Uhh, that's the name of the restaurant. Patrick: Ohhh, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Fish paste! Spongebob: It's a little dusty, so, why don't you sweep up?

Patrick: What's the point? I'll never get it right. Spongebob: You'll be fine. (Patrick squeaks) Customer: Hey, are you from stupidtown? Spongebob: Keep trying, patrick! Award man: I got a lot of awards for spongebob squarepants!

Patrick: Grrrrrrrrrrr... Why can't I do anything right?!?! Uhhhh! Uhhh! Uhhh! Uhhh! Uhh! Uhh! (Customers cough) Patrick: (Patrick snarls) Spongebob: Kitchen. Patrick: I'm never getting an award now. Spongebob: Don't worry, patrick. Just get a jar. Patrick, that's a pickle.

Patrick: I don't care.

SpongeBob: You need a jar. (picks a spatula) No. (picks his pants) No. (picks up SpongeBob) No. Try...this! (gives Patrick a jar) Now take the lid off the jar. (puts the lid in his mouth) Just relax. Lift your hand. Great! We're almost there. Now put it on the lid. (puts hand on counter) No the lid. (Patrick tries for the lid over and over as SpongeBob keeps telling him "the lid". Few seconds later, Patrick is almost there) Freeze!! (hand is on the side of the jar) Almost there. Now head for the lid. (hand goes lower) Cold. (hand goes higher) Warmer. (hand goes higher) Warmer. (hand goes higher) Warmer. You're hot. You're on fire!!

Patrick: Ow, it burns.

SpongeBob: Ok, ok. Wait, wait. Do exactly as I do. (takes it off again) Exactly as I do. (takes it off again) Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

Patrick: Exactly as you do. (takes lid off jar) Oh, no, I broke it!

SpongeBob: No, no, Patrick, you did it!

Patrick: I did? (both cheer as Patrick throws the jar into the floor) Touchdown!

SpongeBob: That was great, Patrick! You really got the hang of it.

Patrick: Yeah. Remember when I had my up? And I put it on the lid?

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.

Patrick: Then I took the lid off and I thought I broke it.

SpongeBob: (laughs) Yeah.

Patrick: But I didn't. I opened the jar with my hand. And it was all because you showed me how to do it. I'm never gonna forget this.

SpongeBob: Patrick, you do exactly what I do and you'll have an award in no time. (night becomes day in SpongeBob's House then clam cock-a-doodle-doo's everyone up) I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. (notices Patrick dressed up like him)

Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Wow. It's amazing how a simple change of clothes can make a guy look...just...like...me.

Patrick: Yup. If I'm gonna be an award winner, I've gotta dress like one.

SpongeBob: That's creepy...but flattering! I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready... (Patrick copies SpongeBob then SpongeBob stops)

SpongeBob: Well, back to the ol' grind.

Patrick: Well, back to the ol' grind.

SpongeBob: Forget my hat.

Patrick: Uhh, me, too.

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob mops the floor then puts the mop up. Patrick mops the floor but makes it slippery. SpongeBob comes out with a handful of plates and slips and breaks them all. Patrick follows in SpongeBob's footsteps)

SpongeBob & Patrick: Whew! (drops his spatula)

SpongeBob: (laughs) Dropped my spatula. (bends down to pick it up)

Patrick: Uhh, me, too. (drops spatula then picks it up. Patrick copies SpongeBob's every move including putting his hand on the grill. Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds)

SpongeBob: Aha! (shows the fake hand) You're copying me!

Patrick: Yes.

SpongeBob: Why are you doing that?

Patrick: So I can get an award like you.

SpongeBob: Well, it's annoying, so stop it!

Patrick: Stop it. (both imitate the others facial expressions)

SpongeBob: Say, you're good.

Patrick: Thanks.

SpongeBob & Patrick: Ha! Darn. Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as...pickled fish lips!! (both cover their mouth) Sea weavle. Gorgy smorgy.

SpongeBob: At least I'm safe inside my mind.

Patrick: At least I'm safe inside my mind.

SpongeBob & Patrick: Ahh!

SpongeBob: Stop copying me!

Patrick: There's no award for that.

Squidward: (leaning against a poll and reading) Well, I guess it's safe to go in, now. (puts hat back on and walks in)

SpongeBob: Patrick, how long are you going to keep this up?

Patrick: Until I have as many awards as you.

SpongeBob: We'll see about that!

Patrick: No, we won't.

SpongeBob: (takes out a jump-rope) I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.

Patrick: Me, too. (takes out a jump-rope)

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. (crosses arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope) Ha! Not a scratch on me. (body breaks down into pieces)

Patrick: Oh, no you don't! (squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces. Then both hit a hammer on their heads)

SpongeBob: Not much fun being me, now, huh Patrick?

Patrick: Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you. (Patrick hits himself too hard and stops and gets a headache. SpongeBob runs into Patrick's rock painted as a SpongeBob's house)

Patrick: My turn! (runs into the pineapple rock)

SpongeBob: (runs into his pineapple) I wish I had the old Patrick back, but he just want to be like me. (comes out of house dressed like Patrick) Hi, I'm Patrick Star. I'm the laziest, pinkest starfish in Bikini Bottom and I wish I were me and not SpongeBob.

Patrick: What's so great about being a Big Pink Loser? (SpongeBob's nose pokes out) Exactly. I was never closer to an award then the minute I started copying you.

SpongeBob: But, Patrick...

Patrick: Patrick's not here!

Delivery Guy: Trophy delivery! (shoves a trophy box in SpongeBob's mouth)

SpongeBob: Another trophy?

Patrick: Oh, great! What's it for this time?

SpongeBob: 'For Doing Absolutely Nothing Longer Than Anyone Else'.

Patrick! This trophy's for you!

Patrick: Yay! (puts trophy on head) Eee!

SpongeBob: So, what are you going to do, now?

Patrick: I'm gonna go protect my title. (jumps in his rock and falls asleep)