Bubble Bass's Tab/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Bubble Bass's Tab" from season 12, which aired on April 9, 2021.

[the episode begins at the Krusty Krab]
Squidward: One large Flatsom fries. Extra jetsam. [drops it on tray] Four orders of duckweed. [drops it on tray]
Bubble Bass: Hmm. Methinks thou forgot my gravy, thou lumpish clay-brained flap dragon.
SpongeBob: [laughs] Flap dragon. [giggles]
Squidward: [sighs] Oh, and finally, one Deep Sea Donut. [drops it on tray] That comes to a total of-
Bubble Bass: Whatever the measure, squire, put it on my account.
Mr. Krabs: [peaks in from tray] Oh, no, you don't. No more food for you until you pay your tab. [rolls out a long check]
Bubble Bass: P-p-p-ay t-t-t-t-tab? [reaches into his pocket and grabs a coin] I'll flip you for it. [flips coin]
Mr. Krabs: [grabs coin] I'll take that.
Bubble Bass: [pulls game from pants] How about a friendly game of Three Deadly Challenges?
SpongeBob: Oh, castle! Pick castle!
Mr. Krabs: Oh... [slaps game out of Bubble Bass' hands]
Bubble Bass: [runs out of building]
Squidward: [laughs] I bet we'll never see that game geek again.
Bubble Bass: [through drive thru speaker] 50 Krabby Patties, please. Extra pickles. [at the drive thru window] Put it on my tab.
SpongeBob: [walks up to drive thru window to deliver food to Bubble Bass] Coming right up!
Mr. Krabs: [yelling] Bubble Bass! You...
Bubble Bass: [singing/taunting] Hey, nonny nonny! You look pretty funny! You won't get my money! [starts rubbing his butt on drive thru window] Nah nah nah nah nah!
[a dad in his car honks horn, causing Bubble Bass to run away]
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! I want you and SpongeBob to go after Bubble Bass, and collect his tab! [gives the tab to Squidward]
SpongeBob: [squeals]
Squidward: Blech.
[transition to next scene at Bubble Bass' house, where SpongeBob and Squidward are about to arrive at]
SpongeBob: [singing] Hey, nonny nonny! You look pretty funny! You won't get my money! [stops singing] I can't help it. It's catchy.
Squidward: Look, I just want to collect the money as soon as possible and go. Bubble Bass, we're here to collect your tab! [kicks down door]
SpongeBob: Squidward, that was so masculine.
Squidward: Heh. Well, I... Let's go. [he and SpongeBob walk into Bubble Bass' house] I know you're in here. Come out!
SpongeBob: [sniffs] Hmm. Smells funny in here.
[Bubble Bass appears as a moose head on the wall before popping back into the wall]
Squidward: Smells like deadbeat. Hmm. [shouting] If you don't pay up, we'll... sell this furniture. [holds up nearby chair and drops it, damaging the corner; SpongeBob gasps] Whoops. How much do you think this is worth? I just chipped it.
SpongeBob: Oh, it was the chip that sold me! [holds out a dollar bill] I'll give you ten bucks.
Bubble Bass: [from basement] Hey! Don't touch mother's things! I'll pay the tab! Come downstairs, and we'll work it out. [he pulls the carpet, causing SpongeBob and Squidward to painfully fall down the stairs into the basement]
SpongeBob: [lands in Squidward's lap] My savior.
Squidward: [rolls SpongeBob off his lap] Alright, where is he?
Bubble Bass: [from underground room; hatch opens] If you want me to pay, you'll have to play the Three Deadly Challenges!
SpongeBob: [jumps into the air] Oh! The Three Deadly Challenges! I got this game! [ he opens up his body, revealing a shelf of board games] Where is it? Game of Strife, Chutes and Bladders... Oh, here it is! [he pulls out Three Deadly Challenges and closes his body] Ah! The Three Deadly Challenges!
Squidward: A board game. Whoopee.
SpongeBob: [shouting] Okay, Bubble Bass! We accept the challenge!
Squidward: Why are you giving him the upper hand? He owes us money!
SpongeBob: Oh. But I wanna pway the Thwee Deadwy Chawenges.
Squidward: Oh, all wight al- [clears throat] -alright already! Let's get this over with!
SpongeBob: Oh yeah! [Squidward kicks him into underground cellar as SpongeBob laughs]
Squidward: Oh, boy. [climbs ladder into cellar]
[in the cellar]
SpongeBob: Wow. A life-size version of the Three Deadly Challenges. Beautiful.
Squidward: Looks like a hobo campground.
SpongeBob: No, Squidward. You have to look with your imagination. [he waves his hand across the screen, revealing a more fantasy-like landscape]
Squidward: What the? No! [he ruins the fantasy landscape with his tentacles] It's a dump!
Bubble Bass: Thou art two oozing cysts on the hind side of a plague dog's nose.
Squidward: What did he say?
SpongeBob: The colorful insults are the best part of the game.
Squidward: That figures. Hmm. [walks to where Bubble Bass is along with SpongeBob] So how do you win this goofball game, anyway?
SpongeBob: Since Bubble Bass challenged us, all we have to do is get close enough to tag him out. We get three chances, or should I say three challenges.
Squidward: Oh. [grunts]
SpongeBob: Oh, boy! [he and Squidward grab a sword] Look, Squidward! [slashes with a cardboard sword a few times]
Squidward: Oh, this feels stupid. [sighs]
SpongeBob and Squidward: Charge!
[SpongeBob and Squidward charge up the cardboard mountain. Squidward yells as he hit Bubble Bass' belly with the sword]
Squidward: Hmm? [the mountain starts shaking] Uh oh.
[SpongeBob grabs onto Squidward as the structure falls down. They both scream as they crash to the ground. A crowd cheering sound effect plays from a speaker]
Squidward: [tags what he assumes to be Bubble Bass] Tag, you lose! [he laughs along with SpongeBob, but accidentally rips apart the decoy. SpongeBob screams]
SpongeBob: We decapitated him!
Squidward: Oh, calm down. It's just a dummy he made from his mother's couch cushions and a sleeping bag. [sighs] All of this for a tab?
SpongeBob: Oh! But you were magnificent, Squidward. So strong and courageous.
Squidward: [pushing SpongeBob back] As always.
Bubble Bass: Thy canker sore bottoms curdle seaweed and sour the ocean.
Squidward: Oh, you-
SpongeBob: [getting up] I got this one, Squidward. Oh, yeah? Well, your pillows are filled with urchins, [pulling on Squidward's shirt and letting go] and your shirts are inside out!
Squidward: [rubbing his nose] Adding injury to insult.
[trumpet fanfare plays as SpongeBob and Squidward enter a cardboard arena]
Squidward: Oh... Oh, look at all this junk.
SpongeBob: [excitedly] I know. Isn't it great?
Squidward: [pulls on his nose] Let's finish this. [grabs a red cloth] He's obviously in that bullpen.

[Squidward laughs. SpongeBob exits the kitchen with a rose in his mouth.]
SpongeBob: [takes the rose out of his mouth] Ole, Señor Squidward?
[Squidward jumps out the boat, and holds his arm out to SpongeBob.]
Squidward: Ole, SpongeBob.
[SpongeBob puts the rose back into his mouth, twirls, and then starts dancing with Squidward.]
Squidward: I'll lead.
Mama Bass: [pokes Squidward's arm] May I?
[Mama Bass giggles whilst looking at Squidward.]
Squidward: Eh, but of course. [he and Mama Bass dance. SpongeBob eats the rose and the episode ends with Squidward and Mama Bass dancing out of the Krusty Krab]