Captain Pipsqueak/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Captain Pipsqueak" from season 13, which aired on July 22, 2022.

• [The episode opens at the Chum Bucket. Karen is slicing a cucumber, humming a tune.]
• Karen: ♪ La-da-dee, la-da-da, la-da-da ♪
• [Distant screaming is heard coming from Plankton.]
• Karen: Uh-oh. Incoming.
• [Plankton screams and groans as he is thrown from the Krusty Krab and back into the Chum Bucket.]
• Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Plankton, you're a hot mess. Serves ya right, for trying to steal me formular, for the gazillionth time.
• Plankton: I'll have my revenge! Mark my words! [his arm falls off] Aw, come on.
• [Mr. Krabs continues laughing.]
• Plankton: This isn't over!
• [Plankton grunts as Karen grabs him.]
• Karen: Oh, hard day at work? I know what you need.
• [Karen puts Plankton in a spa bath. Plankton screams mildly in discomfort.]
• Plankton: Ahh! [gasps. He sighs, whimpers, and starts to cry] Oh, Karen, I'm never gonna get that Krabby Patty formula! [sniffles, and takes the cucumber slice off his eye. His eye sticks on the cucumber] Oops. [swallows the eye and the eye grows back. He chews on the cucumber slice] Mmm, not bad. [leans back onto the spa tub, grabs the TV remote, and turns on the television. The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy is on. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are tied on a chained rope by E.V.I.L at they start to drop in a hole filed with molten lava]
• E.V.I.L.: [laughter]
• Man Ray: Enjoy your molten face peels!
• Narrator: Holy clambake! Are Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy about to become hero flambé cooked by Man Ray and his criminal posse of E.V.I.L.?
• Plankton: I hope so! I love it when the villains gain the upper hand. [laughs]
• Narrator: As our heroes face certain doom, the villains escape to their secret underground lair!
• E.V.I.L: [laughs]
• Plankton: Of course! All I need to do is join the criminals of E.V.I.L.! They'll help me defeat Krabs.
• Karen: Smart thinking. [comes with a towel] You can go as "Towel Man."
• Plankton: Don't be a wisenheimer. [comes out of the tub. His butt shows] I can't accessorize this old rag. [uses the towel to cover himself] I need a real costume.
• [Bubble transition. Music plays.]
• Plankton: [comes out with a clown costume holding a pie bomb] Eh?
• Karen: [buzzes with a thumbs down]
• Plankton: Aw. [blows the candle on the pie bomb, which causes it to explode] Ah! [hisses as he comes out with a spider costume]
• Karen: [buzzes with a thumbs down]
• Plankton: [growls and snarls. His teeth fall out. The teeth roar and chase him] Ah! [bubble transition. Plankton comes out with a purple costume and laughs]
• Karen: [dings]
• Plankton: [smiles and walks, but then trips and groans] Maybe a shorter cape. [bubble transition]
• [A bus drives and stops at a dumpster. Plankton walks out of the bus, and the bus leaves.]
• Plankton: This must be the entrance to their secret lair. A little dumpster dive, and I'm in. [jumps into the dumpster. He puts his head out of the trash and swims through it, looking for the door. He strains and groans] Where's the door? [gets out of the dumpster and gets surprised] Ooh?
• [A sign blinking reading the E.V.I.L lair is at the dumpster the arrow is pointing at.]
• Plankton: Wrong dumpster. [sighs] Of course.
• [Bubble transition.]
• Plankton: [walks into the E.V.I.L. lair] Hello? [laughs] I'm here to join the forces of E.V.I.L.!
• [Plankton walks into the audition room, and Dennis appears handing him a clipboard.]
• Dennis: Dude.
• Plankton: Huh, wha-?
• Dennis: Sign in and wait your turn.
• Villain: Red leather, yellow leather.
• Thief: Get out of the car, fellas!
• Sticky Fins Whiting: Take all your money and put it in the bag!
• Dr. Negative: No, Mr. Bob. I expect you to fry. [cackles]
• Madame Hagfish: When the full moon rises...
• Earworm: [speaking lines]
• Tattletale Strangler: I am the Strangler! [clears his throat] I'm the Strangler.
• Robot Mantis: [growling]
• Prawn: What is this yellow thing? Some kind of mold?
• DoodleBob: [babbling]
• Dorsal Dan: To be or--line!
• Gordon: [throws his paper and uses a mallet to smash a watermelon] Ha.
• [Civilians chatting.]
• Man Ray: We've got quite an impressive rogues gallery up there, eh? [stands up] Thank you for taking time out of your scandalous schedules to try out for E.V.I.L. As you all know, we can only pick one new villain to join Team E.V.I.L., so let the judging begin! [gets a clipboard and covers his eyes with a blindfold] Eeny, meeny, miney--- [grunts] Nosferatu!
• Nosferatu: [hissing]
• [The Tattletale Strangler pushes Nosferatu.]
• Tattletale Strangler: No way, Man Ray! I was first!
• Man Ray: First to go bye-bye. [cackles]
• Tattletale Strangler: Huh? [screams while being zapped]
• [All the villains gasp.]
• Man Ray: Be gone! [blows the ray] Nosferatu, proceed.