Club SpongeBob/transcript

Template:EpisodeTr/42a

[Scene starts with Squidward coming out of his with a bicycle]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [Giggling]
SpongeBob: Wey wook. It's Widward! [Hey look. It's Squidward!]
Squidward: Wha-?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
SpongeBob: Widward's woing to work. [Squidward's going to work]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
Patrick: Where does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab? [Where does he work? At the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
Squidward: What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?
SpongeBob: We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.
Squidward: Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member, besides being a moron? He-he-he. Moron... as a requirement... he-he-he.
SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward, but you couldn't even get in if you tried!
Squidward: Well I'll have you know.. that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.
Patrick: What'd he say?
SpongeBob: I dunno, something about his nose?
Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in!
Squidward: Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in?
[Climbs vine]
Squidward: Why you should be begging me to join!
SpongeBob and Patrick: No, no, no! Stop, Squid, you can't join! You can't fit in!
[Squidward gets stuck in the treehouse]
Squidward: Well this is stupid. There's no room up here!
Patrick: That's what we've been trying to tell you!
SpongeBob: We've been stuck up here for three days.
Patrick: We told you you would fit in.
Squidward: [sneers]
SpongeBob: Well since you're here, Squidward we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready, Patrick?
Patrick: Ready!
[SpongeBob and Patrick starts singing]

Welcome to our club, Welcome to our club.

Welcome Squidward

Welcome Squidward!

Squidward: Shut your half-wit pieholes! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!
[Gets to floor then vine snaps]
Squidward: AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nancy: Whoa!
Frank: Make a wish, honey.
[Treehouse falls into kelp forest]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Again! Again! WHOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOO!!
Squidward: Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!
Patrick: What happened?
[Squidward moves away]
Squidward: Where are we? We're lost! There's no way out! Stuck.. in the middle of nowhere with SpongeBob and Patrick!
[SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward, crying]
Squidward: Oh, why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?
SpongeBob: Oh cheer up Squid. It could be worse.
Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.
[Zooms in on Squidward's head]
Squidward: Well... this is the end..
SpongeBob: No it's not Squidward!
Patrick: [building coffins] It's not?
SpongeBob: Come on guys, we'll be fine! [patting Squidward's head] As long as we stick together. Remember, we're a club!
SpongeBob and Patrick: WHOOOLOOOLOOOOLLOOOOLOOOO!!
SpongeBob: And besides... we have THIS!
[SpongeBob pulls out the Magic Conch Shell]
Squidward: What's that?
Patrick: OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!
SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell, will I ever get married?
Magic Conch: Maybe someday.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oooohhhh...
Squidward: You've got to be kidding! That is just a STUPID toy! How can that possibly help us?
SpongeBob: [gasp] Squidward, we must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes its advice before we do anything.
Patrick: The shell knows all!
SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
Magic Conch: Nothing.
Patrick: THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!
Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!
[SpongeBob and Patrick sit down, doing nothing]
Squidward: [gets mad] I can't believe you two are gonna take advice from a TOY!
[SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing]
Squidward: Alright. Alright. Alright! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity! But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!
[Walking away in kelp forest]
Squidward: Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha.
[Squidward runs fast and scared]
Squidward: What was that? I was already here! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost! Ohh... I'm HOPELESSLY LOST! Ill never get out of here!
[Sees light]
Squidward: Huh? Huh? Hhahahahahahaahhaa! I'm FREE!! Take that SpongeBob and Patrick! Ahahaha! Ahahaha!
[Fist pumps in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick]
Squidward: Huh? Ohh...there's no way out of here.
[Stick is thrown at Patrick's head.. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire]
Squidward: How's it going over there at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight?
[Steps on bug]
Squidward: Aahhhhh...
[Throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob]
Squidward: Oooohh.. Doesn't that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days..
[Walks over to Patrick]
Squidward: How about you Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat. Well you can't have any.
[Walks Away]
Squidward: And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!
[Shakes butt at SpongeBob]
Squidward: If you had listened to me you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead you listen to a talking clam...
[Moves back to Club Squidward]
Squidward: That tells you NOTHING! As if the answers of all your answers will fall right out of the sky! Hahaha! Fall right out of the sky!
[Airplane falling out of the sky]
Scooter: Dude!! We're falling right out the sky! We gotta drop the load!
[Presses "Drop the Load" button. Drops picnic supplies [food] to where SpongeBob and Patrick are]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Praise the Magic Conch!
[Squidward stares and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahahahaha!
Squidward: Hey uhh SpongeBob.. that sure is a lot of food you got there..
SpongeBob: It's a gift from the Magic Conch..
Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh! Smoked Sausages! My favorite!
[Reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them]
Squidward: Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...
SpongeBob: Squidward...
Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Once a member, always a member!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [clink glasses] To the club! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!
Squidward: Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me...
[Runs to table with all the food]
Squidward: What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?
SpongeBob: Why don't you ask.. The Magic Conch Squidward?
Squidward: Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
[SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away]
SpongeBob: [gasp] Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!
Patrick: Maybe he's not a brother.
[SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed]
Squidward: Hey-he-he, you guys have it all wrong. I love this little piece of plastic.
[picks up Magic Conch]
Squidward: Hello there. Magic Conch, I was wondering... uh, should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
Magic Conch: Neither.
Squidward: Oh. Well what about the soup?
Magic Conch: I don't think so.
Squidward: Could I have anything to eat?
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: No?! What do you mean "No"? I'm starving here!
Patrick: [takes Magic Conch] Here, lemme try. Magic Conch, could Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super terrific sandwich?
Magic Conch: No.
Patrick: Hmm.. could I have some of this yummy-delicious super terrific sandwich?
Magic Conch: Yes.
Patrick: Alright! [Vacuums in sandwich and burps loudly] Sorry Squidward.
Squidward: Give me that! [takes Magic Conch] Could I have something to eat?
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?
Magic Conch: Try asking again.
Squidward: Can I have something to eat?
Magic Conch: [in a very insulting, sarcastic-like tone] No.
[Squidward fumes...getting mad]
SpongeBob: Squidward, are you alright?
[Squidward still getting mad]
Patrick: Maybe we could ask the shell if he's okay.
Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help?
[Cuts through kelp...seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]
Squidward: I'm SAVED!
[Runs over to Rescuer]
Squidward: You don't know how happy I am to see you. I've been stranded out here for weeks with these two barnacle heads and their Magic Conch Shell!
Rescuer: Magic...Conch...Shell? [pulls out Magic Conch] YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? [with two big teeth]
SpongeBob and Patrick: The Magic Conch! A club member!
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!
Squidward: [in surprise and grunting] Abrae.
Rescuer: My conch told me to come and save you guys.
SpongeBob, Patrick and Rescuer: Hooray for the magic conches!
Rescuer: Alright Magic Conch.. What do we do now?
Magic Conch: Nothing.
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them]
Squidward: ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!
[Sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer]