A SquarePants Family Vacation/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "A SquarePants Family Vacation" from season 8, which aired on November 11, 2011.

[Mr. Krabs walks outside of his house, opens his mailbox, and then sticks his claw into it.]
Mr. Krabs: [With his eyes closed] Please be money, please be money. [Pulls out postcard from mailbox.] Oh! That's not money. It's from SpongeBob. [Puts on his glasses, and reads the postcard] "Dear Mr... Krabs, please come to my house tonight. I am having a free money party." Free money party!? This sounds too good to be true!
[Cuts to scene to show Squidward by his mailbox]
Squidward: [Reads postcard] "Dear Squidward, come to my house tonight I am having a... [surprised] ...latte sipping contest?" This sound too good to be true!
[Cuts to inside of Sandy's treedome]
Sandy: [Reading postcard] "Please come by my house tonight. I'm having a science fair!" Oh, SpongeBob, this sounds too good to be true!" [Her science experiment fizzes]
[Cuts to Larry lifting weights]
Larry: [Reading postcard] Um... "I am having a weight lifting competition!?" This sounds too good to be true!
[Cuts to Mrs. Puff at boating school]
Mrs. Puff: [Gasps as she reads postcard] "A quiet evening studying the rules of the road!?" [Laughs] Oh! Ahem... That sounds too good to be true.
[Cuts to the inside of the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: [Reading postcard] "A meeting of the minds to discuss the ultimate downfall of the Krusty Krab!?" This sounds too good to be true!
[Cuts to Mr. Krabs knocking on SpongeBob's door]
SpongeBob: [opens the door] Welcome, friends! Please come in!
[Everyone walks inside]
SpongeBob: I'm so glad you all could make it! Tonight is going to be a magical evening filled with... magic!
Mr. Krabs: Eh... SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yes, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Can we skip the magic and get right to the free money?
Squidward: How 'bout the latte sipping?
Larry: And what about the pumping of the iron?
Plankton: And diabolical conspiracies?
Sandy: And let's not forget the science fair!
SpongeBob: The real reason I called you here was to watch this slideshow of photos from my family vacation!
Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Larry, and Pearl: I knew it was too good to be true!
[Patrick then bursts through the crowd]
Patrick: Ahaha! Ahaha! Sorry I'm late, SpongeBob! I had to find my movie watching hat!
Plankton: That does it... I'm gone. [Plankton starts to leave, but the others exit, and Larry squishes him, followed by Pearl, Mrs. Puff, and Sandy, all stepping on him] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
SpongeBob: Wait! Wait! You're going to miss the first slide! [Clicks button and sticks his tongue out]
[A slide of Patrick appears on the screen next to the wall.]
Squidward: Looks more like a slip than a slide. Ha ha!
Mr. Krabs: I've seen enough.
[They start leaving while Sandy is angry]
SpongeBob: Wait! Come back! [Moves projector] See, it's Patrick!
Patrick: Hey! It's me!
Squidward: Why is it all orange and blurry?
SpongeBob: Where?
Squidward: See, right there on the entire thing!
SpongeBob: Oh! That's because Patrick was spraying the camera with Cheese Fizz!
[Ripples to SpongeBob taking picture]
SpongeBob: Patrick! You're spraying the camera with Cheese Fizz! The pictures will come out all orange and blurry.
Patrick: I can't help it, SpongeBob! I'm so excited about going on a family vacation with you and your parents that my aim is off! [Patrick sprays himself in the eye with Cheese Fizz.] See? [Patrick blinks, squirting the Cheese Fizz into his mouth and then lick his lips.] There we go...
SpongeBob: I know what you mean. Sometimes it feels like I've been waiting my entire life to go on this trip!
Patrick: Really? Why is that?
SpongeBob: Probably because I have.
Patrick: Have what?
SpongeBob: Been waiting.
Patrick: [Breathing heavily] Wait... you mean so... What?
[SpongeBob throws the camera behind him and then gasps]
SpongeBob: Patrick! They're here!
[SpongeBob's parents pull up in their station wagon. Harold pokes his head out of the window.]
Harold: Good morning son, are you ready to head out?
SpongeBob: You bet!
Margaret: SpongeBob! Don't leave your luggage behind! [points to Patrick]
SpongeBob: [laughs] That's not a luggage, that's Patrick! He's coming with us, remember?
Harold: Well, shake a leg boys. The Great Barrier Reef isn't gonna visit itself!
Margaret: Your father's right son!
Harold: [Muttering] They know I'm right...
[Cuts to the family driving.]
Patrick: [As SpongeBob pulls out a map] You brought homework?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, it's a brochure detailing all the fun we'll have at our final destination! [opens brochure] The Great Barrier Reef! See? there's a huge assortment of slides, and trampolines...
Patrick: [Drooling] And forts...
SpongeBob: And ropes to swing on...
Patrick: [Still drooling] And forts.
SpongeBob: And a water park! [Camera zooms out, pans to Patrick drooling on map.] Oh wait, that's just where you drooled on it. [Closes brochure] I can't wait to get there! How about you?
Patrick: No, I can't.
SpongeBob: [With his eyes closed] Yeah...
Patrick: [Sweating] No, I mean I really can't. [Shouting] I've been in this confined space for too long, somebody help! [bangs on the car windows] Get me out of here!
[Cuts to the car driving on the ride with Patrick silently banging on the window.]
Harold: Alright, boys, alright, turn down the volume back there.
Margaret: [Turns to face the backseat] I have an idea! Why don't we play a road game to pass the time?
SpongeBob: Yeah!
Maragaret: Anybody know any?
Patrick: [Raises hand frantically] Oh! Oh! Oh! Hide and seek! [Patrick dives under the passenger seat.]
SpongeBob: Hey, why does he get to go first?
Harold: [Singing] "And she threw it all away..."
Patrick: [Flies into windshield] Okay find me!
Harold: [Screams) Egad!

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "A SquarePants Family Vacation" from season 8, which aired on November 11, 2011.

SpongeBob: [Turns to Margaret) Actually this place seems a little bit-

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "A SquarePants Family Vacation" from season 8, which aired on November 11, 2011.

Patrick: (Sweating) "Well, I'd probably be enjoying the view if I still had any blood flowing through my arms, OW!."

(Vine starts to break)

SpongeBob: "Don't worry Patrick, you're patience isn't the only thing that's wearing thin! (Vine breaks, both screaming and swinging on a vine. SpongeBob sees different vine) Grab it Patrick!"

Patrick: "Got it! Okay SpongeBob, your turn! SpongeBob!"

SpongeBob: (Snoring, wakes up and grabs vine) "Oh I got it!"

(SpongeBob and Patrick slide through the sand, land behind a rock)

Monster: (Looks around, shrugs and flies away)

SpongeBob: "Whew, that was a close one, right Patrick?"

Patrick: "Yeah, looks like everything worked out just... vine..." (Patrick laughing)

(Ringing noise)

SpongeBob: "Patrick... Patrick, did you hear that?"

Patrick: It sounded like it came from the other side of this big rock!"

SpongeBob: "This isn't a big rock, it's a big wall!)

(Camera zooms out to reveal "no parking" sign on brick wall)

Patrick: "Do you think it belongs to that gift shop right there?"

(Camera pans to gift shop)

SpongeBob: (Walks up to gift shop) "What would a gift shop be doing right in the middle of nowhere?"

Patrick: "Uh... selling gifts?"

(SpongeBob and Patrick enter gift shop)

SpongeBob: (Looking around) "Wow Patrick, look at all this stuff! (Taking multiple pictures) You gonna buy something?"

Patrick: "No, I'm not in the market for any souvenirs."

SpongeBob: "Well you can never have to many- (Gasps) Oh no! I just realized what this place is!"

Patrick: "You have?"

SpongeBob: "Patrick, we have walked straight into a (whispering) tourist trap..."

Patrick: "A TRAP!"

SpongeBob: "Shhh..."

Patrick: (Whispering) "...A trap..."

SpongeBob: (Sweating) "Come on. Let's escape, before we spend all our money on useless trinkets..."

(SpongeBob and Patrick tip-toeing out of gift shop)

SpongeBob: "Patrick wait, I saw a very nice driftwood sculpture over there which would work great as a mantlepiece."

Patrick: "SpongeBob no!"

(Cuts to Patrick spelling his name in the sand, SpongeBob enters crying and carrying multiple shopping bags")

Patrick: "SpongeBob!"

SpongeBob" "Patrick that tourist shop took me for everything I had! Now we don't have any money, we're still lost, and we're gonna be in big trouble! Oh this vacation is a disaster!"

Patrick: "SpongeBob I-"

(SpongeBob bursts into tears)

Patrick: "I don't think this vacation has been a disaster."

SpongeBob: "...You don't?"

Patrick: (Picks up brochure, opens) "No! Of course not, see?! We did everything we dreamed of doing at The Great Barrier Reef."

SpongeBob: "Patrick you're right! We went down a sewage pipe..."

Patrick: "Like a slide."

SpongeBob: "Bounced off a huge anemone..."

Patrick: "Like a trampoline."

SpongeBob: "Hid in a nest!"

Patrick: "Like a fort!"

SpongeBob: "And swung on some vines! Which are a lot like ropes! This vacation has it all!"

Patrick: (Closes brochure) "All except for one thing."

SpongeBob: "Whats that?"

Patrick: "A way out of here."

SpongeBob: "My poor parents must be worried sick."

Patrick: "I suggest we take a nap here until they come and find us! And then we'll be well-rested on the way home."

SpongeBob: (Walking away, Leaving his bags.) "I suggest we start walking."

Patrick: "I was afraid he was gonna suggest that."

(Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, singing The Road Song with tired, dry voices)

Patrick: "SpongeBob, maybe we should take a break from the singing for a while."

SpongeBob: "Good idea Patrick. I'll just play the road song on this whistle I got from the souvenir shop."

(SpongeBob playing The Road Song on whistle)

Harold: "Oh hey son, we're ready to go."

(SpongeBob continues playing, multiple animals begin to follow as he walks with Patrick through the forrest)

Patrick: "Wow SpongeBob, you're pretty good with that thing."

SpongeBob: "Well thanks Patrick, glad you think so."

Patrick: "Apparently I'm not the only one who does."

SpongeBob: "What do you mean? Who else could- (Camera zooms out to reveal the monster) Oh no not again.

(The monster drops to the floor)

Patrick: "The whistle seems to have soothed it."

SpongeBob: "I think it's offering us a ride!"

(fruit fly points to its back)

(Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick on top of the monster)

---

Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. (Continues throughout song)

When I'm above the road

All I see is sky

When I'm above the road

On a giant fruit fly

When I'm above the road

(Both) He used to fill us with dread...

When I'm above the road

I'm as snug as a baby bug in bed

Let's all sing the above the road song

I wanna sing it all day long

Let's all sing the above the road song (Clap Clap!)

Let's all sing alonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng

Duh...

---

(Giant Fruit fly drops SpongeBob and Patrick back onto playground)

SpongeBob: "Thanks again. Patrick I think that is the friendliest terrifyingly large insect I have ever had the pleasure of being carried off by."

Patrick: Me too.

(Margaret and Harold pull up in car)

Margaret: "SpongeBob? Oh there you are!"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "A SquarePants Family Vacation" from season 8, which aired on November 11, 2011.