Day of the Dartfish/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Day of the Dartfish/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode begins in the Star house's living room. A tiny door is seen in the wall, with a fish doorplate that says "THE DARTFISH." The Dartfish are seen in their bed, all snoring. The camera pans over them, with their portraits on the wall above their heads. A noise is heard, which wakes up Daddy Dartfish.]
Daddy Dartfish: Huh?
[The ground shakes, and several things from inside the house get sucked up, including the Dartfish's bed.]
Teensy Tom, Mommy Dartfish, and Sister Dartfish: Huh? [scream as they fly out of the house]
Bunny: [reading a book while humming and vacuuming near the Dartfish house]
Daddy Dartfish: [flying through the air] Whoa! [gets hit by a scarf, which wraps around him] That's a wrap on me.
Mommy Dartfish: [flying through the air, gets sprayed with perfume and hit with makeup] Oh! [makeup is now on her face] Ready for my close-up!
Teensy Tom: [in the air, hits a baseball with a bat] Whoa! Touchdown!
Sister Dartfish: [in the air, a phone rings, which she answers] Yes? Hey, Becky. Oh, nothing. What're you doing?
Daddy Dartfish: [grabs onto a pipe, and his mustache rips off] My stache!
Mommy Dartfish: [the mustache lands on her face] Huh, now I'm the daddy.
Teensy Tom: [grabbing onto an open screw; his skin rips off, then his muscles rip off as he turns into a ghost, then his ghost layer gets sucked in to reveal a polygon model underneath; get sucked in and screams]
Daddy Dartfish: Teensy Tom!
Bunny: [flicks a switch on the vacuum to turn it off; sing-songy] A clean hole is a happy hole.
Teensy Tom: [yelps, falls into his clothes being held by his mother] What's for breakfast, Mom?
Mommy Dartfish: [sets down Teensy Tom] Like always, whatever the Stars don't eat.
Daddy Dartfish: [putting on a backpack] Do you remember the Dartfish code of honor?
Sister Dartfish: Never be greedy, take only what's needy.
Teensy Tom: [hangs a picture of the Star family] Bless the Stars for they are aquatic, with them we live symbiotic.
Picture frame: [hangs down, all yell]
Daddy Dartfish: [fixes picture frame] If we keep them [rubs Teensy Tom's head] alive, the Stars will provide. Alright, Dartfish, [points, all head outside] time to forage for some food. [sniffs, sighs] The great indoors. [zoom out] Let's do what Patrick's pants did the other day, and split up. [everyone each holds up one hand] Family hand stack.
All: [put their hands in the middle] Go Dartfish! [lift hands and wander off]
[Wipe transition to Teensy Tom entering the kitchen.]
Teensy Tom: Ah!
Patrick: [with a piece of bread on a plate] You're looking a little naked, Mr. Bread. Let me help you get dressed. [puts steak dressing, a wheel of cheese, a pizza, a bowl of noodles, a watermelon, and a sink with dishes on the bread]
Teensy Tom: [drooling in awe] Oh, I'm sure to get a piece of that. [walks]
Patrick: [carrying a refrigerator] This should keep it cool. [puts fridge on top of the sandwich, puts on a bib, and rubs his hands together] Okay, sandwich. I'm ready for you-- [gets crushed by the fridge, screams]
Teensy Tom: Patrick! [runs to the fridge]
Patrick: [groans]
Teensy Tom: Oh, no. What do I do? [sees an olive and a piece of celery] Oh! Okay. [picks up the olive and celery] This might work. [places the olive down and puts the celery in between it and the fridge] I'll save you, Patrick! [runs to the makeshift catapult and jumps on it, which just sends himself flying into the air, bouncing off a lightbulb, into a blender, which sends him flying in three pieces, and screams as he hits the glove on top of a cactus; he gets flung back onto the catapult, which sends the fridge flying through the ceiling]
Patrick: Whoa. Hey! [points to cactus] Did you do that? I'd just like to thank you [hugs cactus] ever so much, Mr. Kitchen Cactus Man. [lets go, with cactus spikes all over him, then flops back to his food] Now, where was I? [eats the sandwich full, and burps out a single crumb]
Teensy Tom: Yay! The stars pro-- [notices the fridge is falling back down] huh? [the fridge falls onto the crumb] Aw, nuts.
[The scene fades to outside, where the camera pans over to the garage, where Cecil is working on the family van. He is repeatedly hitting an engine knob with a screwdriver.]
Cecil: [rubs forehead with screwdriver] The doodad in the thingamajig don't fit the gizmo. Hmm. [continues using the screwdriver on an engine knob] Mm-hmm.
Daddy Dartfish: [climbing up onto the table, then wipes himself off] Oh, my. [sees an opened burrito] Would you look at that burrito.
Cecil: [sets down an active saw and takes a bite out of his burrito, then takes back his screwdriver]
[A piece of the burrito falls down.]
Daddy Dartfish: Ooh.
Cecil: I don't get it. I tried the buzzsaw and the screwdriver, what more could I possibly do? Ugh, [facepalms] I need some more burrito for my brain. [accidentally grabs the active saw and puts spicy sauce on it]
Daddy Dartfish: [gasps] Oh, no! [whimpers, looks around, and sees the power switch on an extension cord, gasps] [jumps to the switch to turn it off]
Cecil: [bites down on the saw just as it turns off] Hey! Who turned off my burrito! Wait, this isn't my burrito. Hmm. [Daddy Dartfish takes a crumb as he picks up the burrito] Oh. It's all your fault, you delicious burrito. I should've never ordered a breakfast burrito at night! [tosses the burrito into flaming barrel] Take that!
Daddy Dartfish: [screams, jumps off] Geronimo! [the burrito lands in the barrel] So much for the bean cuisine.
[Bean transition to Sister Dartfish, who is walking in Squidina's room.]
Squidina: I told you.
Sister Dartfish: Huh?
Squidina: [on the phone while holding a donut, a cloth, and a clipboard in her tentacles] I need 300 rubber duckies by tomorrow. This show doesn't run itself, people. [takes a bite out of the donut, making a sprinkle drop]
Sister Dartfish: [gasps]
[The sprinkle rolls to Sister Dartfish.]
Sister Dartfish: Jackpot! [tries to grab the sprinkle] Huh?
Squidina: I don't care if it puts a knot in Neptune's tail. [loses balance] Huh? Huh? Whoa!
Sister Dartfish: Oh, no! [climbs a nearby curtain, and rides a hook] Here I come, Squidina! Almost there!
Squidina: Whoa! Whoa! [falls]
Sister Dartfish: [throws the hook to Squidina]
Squidina: Whoa! [her shirt gets grabbed by the hook, and spins around in a circle] Huh? Whee! Hey, this gives me [writes on clipboard] an idea for a really cool flying segment. [shirt rips] Huh? [falls down and screams]
Sister Dartfish: [reaching for sprinkle] Oh!
[The sprinkle falls down in a gap between the floor planks.]
Sister Dartfish: Oh.
[Wipe transition to the Dartfish family on the carpet.]
Sister Dartfish: Dad, I'm afraid we failed.
Teensy Tom: And now we're even hungrier than before. [stomach rumbles]
Daddy Dartfish: Do not fret, children. Your dad's got a new plan, and it involves the person in [points to a medieval-style door] that room.
Teensy Tom, Mommy Dartfish, and Sister Dartfish: GrandPat?
Daddy Dartfish: That's right. And have you ever seen GrandPat's beard? Why, it's a cornucopia of crumbs.
GrandPat: [sitting at a table with a cake with birthday candles that spell "MINE"; puts on a bib] Best part about bein' my age, I got no more friends alive to share my cake with. [eats a slice of cake] Oh, now I got the cake sleeps. [falls over, snoring]
Daddy Dartfish: [all standing on GrandPat's skin] We made it to the dense jungles of the bushy brow amazon. Let the crumb harvest begin. [uses the spike on his head to cut through GrandPat's beard]
Teensy Tom: [points] Hey, Dad. Look!
[Slappy's hands emerge from an ice cream painting, and he takes the cake.]
All: [gasp]
Daddy Dartfish: GrandPat, wake up! [pulls one of GrandPat's eyes open]
GrandPat: [wakes up] Huh? My cake! [gets up, his beard majorly cut off] My beard! We got a dirty no-good cake stealin' thief on our hands. [falls asleep again, snoring]
Daddy Dartfish: [all emerge from GrandPat's beard] Did you hear that, family? Someone is breaking the Dartfish code. We gotta catch this thief.
Mommy Dartfish: [pulls a strand of beard hair and picks up her son] Tom, sweetie, [wraps the beard hair around her son] Mommy's gonna need a hand. [swings Tom and throws him to the wall]
Teensy Tom: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[The other Dartfish walk on the beard hair rope. Daddy Dartfish lifts the painting to reveal the cake being pulled by a rope.]
Daddy Dartfish: Follow that cake!
Dartfish: [all chase after the cake]
Daddy Dartfish: Okay, family. You know the drill.
Dartfish: [consecutively jump onto the cake and emerge from underneath the candle letters]
Slappy: [squeezes through a crack in the wall, pulling the cake along]
[The Dartfish all exit the cake, and see various stolen Star family items in a room.]
Daddy Dartfish: [off-screen] Look at all the other stuff he's stolen from the Star family.
Teensy Tom: [off-screen; pan over to a Patrick Show stage] He even took The Patrick Show set.
Sister Dartfish: [off-screen; pan over to Patrick in a glass display] And Patrick.
Patrick: [waves] Hi.
Slappy: [putting a glass display over the cake] You're the perfect addition to my collection.
Daddy Dartfish: Um, excuse us.
Slappy: [looks behind] Huh?
Daddy Dartfish: Sorry to bother. We couldn't help to notice you've stolen all of the Star family's belongings. And, well, we were just wondering, how could you ever do such a terrible thing to such a generous family?
Slappy: Oh, I-- I can't help it! I should be ashamed, but I'm not! All that matters is that I can complete my precious collection! The only thing left to collect [looking at an empty Dartfish Family display shelf] is the Dartfish Family.
Mommy Dartfish: [looks at her husband]
Slappy: Wait a second. [turns around and points] You are the Dartfish Family.
Daddy Dartfish: Dartfish, dart!
Dartfish: [run away from Slappy, who chases after them]
Slappy: [cackles]
Daddy Dartfish: [Dartfish stop running] Okay, Dartfish. Let's give him the old flat tire.
Dartfish: [all raise their heads]
Slappy: [running and laughing, then steps on the Dartfish's head spikes and screams, holding his foot crying] You Dartfish are not very smart fish. [grabs the Dartfish] But not to worry. [holds a plastic bag] You'll be safe in this Mylar bag. [chuckles as he puts the Dartfish in the bag, which fall out due to their spikes]
Dartfish: [turn right-side up in the air, then run away once they land]
Slappy: [notices the empty bag] My collection! Come back here! [the Patrick Show theme plays] Ooh, The Patrick Show is about to start. [runs outside, breaking through the wall, and sits on a stool with the lawnies] Yes! [claps]
[The curtains open to reveal absolutely nothing in the room except for the stage platform.]
Lavender fish: Huh? Where's Patrick's desk?
Orange fish: And where's Patrick?
Slappy: [whimpers]
Squidina: [walks onstage with a clipboard] Uh, sorry, everyone. The Patrick Show is having some technical difficulties at the moment.
Slappy: [shivers fearfully]
Daddy Dartfish: Psst. Excuse me. [whispers indistinctly to Squidina]
Squidina: Oh. [lets Daddy Dartfish onto the stage as the other Dartfish join him] We interrupt this interruption to bring you an important message from the Dartfish Family. [presses a button on a remote to bring out a robot arm to hold out a magnifying glass onto Daddy Dartfish]
Daddy Dartfish: [clears throat, waves] Hello, everyone.
Slappy: [frightened]
Daddy Dartfish: We all love The Patrick Show, and wish we could take a part of it and put it in our pocket. Or add it to a giant collection that we have hidden in the wall.
Slappy: [looks around nervously]
Daddy Dartfish: But The Patrick Show isn't just for you. It's for everyone. And if we share that love, it's sure to grow.
Slappy: It's like he's talking directly to me.
Daddy Dartfish: I am talking directly to [points] you.
Slappy: I can still fix this. [walks off]
[A wall of the stage room breaks open to spill out all of Slappy's stolen stuff.]
Squidina: [points] Look, all the other stuff he stole, including Patrick.
Patrick: [waves] Hello.
Slappy: Sorry for collecting you. No hard feelings?
Patrick: Okay! [a hook grabs him, which breaks him out of the glass display] Oh, cool! [gets pulled up] A flying segment! [spins around on the hook as the rope is being held by Squidina] Whee!
Squidina: Thank you, Dartfish Family.
Patrick: [grabs the cake] Yeah, thanks. [eats the cake whole, which drops a crumb]
Dartfish: The Star-- [get crushed by the giant crumb; emerge] provide.