Accidents Will Happen/transcript

(Transitions to the Krusty Krab, which is surrounded by boats. In his office, Mr. Krabs is checking his money records. He hears shouting from outside)

Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. Sounds like a mutiny. (he goes outside and gasps) What the-?! (The restaurant is filled with customers shouting angrily) What in Neptune's knickers is this?! (A customer grabs him)

Customer: Where's the dude in the boat, man? WHERE'S THE DUDE IN THE BOAT?!

Mr. Krabs: Ooooooh! You mean Mr. Squidward. (he turns and points) Well, he's at his post right over the- (the wooden boat is empty) Where's me cashier?! (He looks down at the customer, who's still holding his arm. He glares at him, and pulls his arm away. Mr. Krabs bursts into the kitchen) SPONGEBOB! Where in Poseidon's pattyhole is that sorry excuse for a cashier?

SpongeBob: "Sorry excuse for a cash-?" Oooooh! You mean Squidward.

Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Yes. I mean Squidward. WHERE IS HE?!

SpongeBob: He's in the storage room. Says he's working on something requiring... (in a whisper) ...complete privacy.

Mr. Krabs: Oooooh. He requires privacy, does he? (the sound of a chain snapping is heard, followed by a loud crash. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs burst into the storage room) What's all the ruckus?! (A shelf has partially collapsed, and there are buns scattered in a heap all over the floor. Squidward emerges from the pile, rubbing his head and groaning. Mr. Krabs gasps) Oh no! Please, no! This is terrible! (he bursts into tears) Are you hurt?

Squidward: Oh, well. Thank you for ask-

Mr. Krabs: I wasn't talking to you! (He picks up some of the buns) Don't worry, papa's here. (he bursts into tears again)

Squidward: Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs continues sobbing) Mr. Krabs! (Mr. Krabs sobs even louder) MR. KRABS! (he stops sobbing) Your shelf collapsed on me, and I twisted my ankle. (H'e lifts up his tentacle, which is badly twisted)

Mr. Krabs: I didn't even know you had ankles.

Squidward: As if working here wasn't bad enough, now I've been injured on the job.

Mr. Krabs: Injured? On the job?! Oh no! That would mean...

SpongeBob: It's all right here, Mr. Krabs. (Mr. Krabs turns and looks as SpongeBob moves some boxes aside to reveal a poster with "OWS" written on it) The Bikini Bottom OWS Worker Safety Guidlines. Let's see, it says here...blah blah blah blah, "accident"... blah blah blah blah, "owner negligence"... blah blah blah blah, "substantial fines".

Mr. Krabs: Substantial fines?! (he turns back to Squidward, laughing nervously) You know, Squidward... uh... I can't really let the OWS hear about this, you know. (laughs nervously. Squidward smirks)

Squidward: Really? Well, maybe I should give them a call. (picks up a phone)