Get Ouch/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Get Ouch/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[Ouchie is sleeping in a chair inside his pet tree. On the wall are pictures of him with the Star family.]
Ouchie: [snoring; yawns, stretches; rings a bell]
Patrick: [puts his face in the hole] Good morning, Ouchie!
Ouchie: [happily panting]
[Patrick removes his face from the hole, and there is an impression. His face goes back to normal and Ouchie sticks to his head. Patrick spins and gestures a path for Ouchie on a throne in his room. Squidina throws flowers and brings a jewel-encrusted cup down.]
Squidina: [fluffs pillow] Someone needs a cushion fluffing!
Patrick: [holding a golden goblet] And I've got your favorite [opens it to show pet treats] dish! [feeds Ouchie two of the treats]
Squidina: [shining Ouchie's feet with a cloth] Let's get those spineys nice and shiny. [they shine]
Patrick: And how about a [wiggles fingers] massage for [massages Ouchie] our very favorite urchin? [his hands are covered in spines, sighs, falls over and thuds]
Squidina: [puts a crown on Ouchie] And a little crown!
Patrick: [gets up] For the best Ouchie in town! [holds goblet and tickles Ouchie's chin] You're so cute!
Squidina: [pinches Ouchie] And safe!
Patrick: [feeds Ouchie treats] And dry!
Squidina: And loved!
[A marshmallow bounces from Patrick's hand across the room, to the window. It is raining and Pinkeye stares into the room. Lightning strikes.]
Pinkeye: [stomach rumbles, grunts and jumps down, steps on a squeaky toy bone; picks it up, squeaks it, and laughs evilly]
Patrick: Let's go get Ouchie some more treats.
Squidina: Okay!
[Squidina pirouettes out of the room as Patrick does leaps and walks backwards.]
Ouchie: [sips drink, hears toy squeaking] Ah?
[Pinkeye is holding the toy bone up near the window and squeaking it repeatedly.]
Ouchie: [pants, jumps to the window]
Pinkeye: Ooh!
[Pinkeye moves the toy around and Ouchie crashes into the window. Ouchie jumps after it again, and Pinkeye moves it away. The third time, Pinkeye throws the toy far away from the window.]
Pinkeye: Let's go!
[Ouchie hops backwards and dashes through the window, spinning it and making Pinkeye flip to the other side. Pinkeye hops onto Ouchie's seat. He grabs the cup and goblet and prepares to eat, but Ouchie is on the armrest with his crown, squeaking the toy.]
Ouchie: [growls, pants]
Pinkeye: [pours the goblet and cup into his mouth, runs away]
Ouchie: [growls, dashes and his crown falls off]
[Ouchie chases Pinkeye around the room. Pinkeye hops on the puppet theater and onto a rocket hanging from the ceiling. He spins around and jumps on a disco ball. Ouchie follows him, so he jumps on a small planet, they swings off a ringed one. Ouchie holds onto the string. The disco ball lands in a pool and the small planet crushes Patrick's desk. Pinkeye lands and jumps away. Ouchie lands, slips on the water, but jumps after him. Pinkeye leaps off the edge of the throne and Ouchie gets stuck on it, tipping it over. The rocket comes loose and bounces around the room, setting off a model volcano. It spins and lights the room on fire. The rocket lands in a hanging toilet and gets flushed, piercing through the toilet and making water pour out. The rocket crashes into tiki heads in the corner of the room, then keeps going and crashes into Ouchie's room in the tree.]
Pinkeye: [squeaks, puts crown back on Ouchie and flutters his eyes, then eats the treats out of the goblet]
Ouchie: [growls]
[The rocket starts up again and pushes the tree away. Pinkeye walks away casually, then stops to pick up and eat the marshmallow, then hops out of the window. The tree crashes and two spotlights fall. Cecil opens the bedroom door and shows the others: Squidina takes out a portrait of Ouchie, Bunny takes out a diamond ring in a box, Cecil has a bouquet of flowers, and Patrick has a paper with a poorly drawn heart.]
Cecil: Oh, Ouchie! [shocked] Aye aye aye! [looks at the destroyed room] What in the Great Barrier Reef happened here? [toilet falls] Ouchie, did you do all this?
Ouchie: [sad growl, rapid growling]
Cecil: [sighs, takes out chain and fastens Ouchie] Sorry, Ouchie, but naughty urchins get put [closes the chain with two live-action fingers] outside.
Patrick: [sniffles, runs away crying]
[Squidina and Bunny run after Patrick.]
Cecil: I'm so angry! I need to take a [pointing with each word] long reckless drive!
Ouchie: [sad growling]
[Cecil walks away to show Pinkeye behind him.]
Pinkeye: [waves, rubs fur]
Ouchie: [bites at Pinkeye, but the chain holds him back]
Pinkeye: [blows kiss, hops away]
[Cecil gets in the car. Pinkeye hops behind it and pats the back bumper. Ouchie growls and lunges at him. Pinkeye rubs mud on himself and throws a stick behind the car. When Cecil runs it over, Pinkeye moans and pounds the back of the car with his fist twice.]
Cecil: Oh! [exits the car]
Pinkeye: [coughing]
Cecil: Oh no! I hit a poor, defenseless sea-bunny!
[Pinkeye is seen on the ground, twitching.]
Cecil: Hold on! [rips shirt to reveal muscle] I'll save you! [his muscle sags and becomes fat, picks up Pinkeye] Stay with me, lil' guy! Stay with me!
Ouchie: [barking]
[Cecil is carrying Pinkeye in a swaddle. Before Cecil closes the door, Pinkeye blows a raspberry at Ouchie. Ouchie groans sadly.]
Cecil: [shuts door] Sea bunny down!
Bunny, Patrick, and Squidina: [excited] Oh! A sea bunny? [running to him] Let me see, let me see, let me see!
[Pinkeye looks sad and whimpers. He sees the family and looks cute as hearts appear.]
Bunny, Patrick, and Squidina: Awww!
[A heart flies into Patrick's eye.]
Bunny, Patrick, and Squidina: He's adorable!
Cecil: [holds Pinkeye on a cushion, puts him on the couch] Okay, sea-bunny, you'll just have to live here and let us [Bunny, Squidina, and Patrick appear behind the couch] spoil you back to health!
Squidina: How about a [fluffs cushion] nice cushion fluffing?
Bunny: And some [opens goblet full of treats] special treats!
Pinkeye: [gasps in excitement]
Cecil: [massages Pinkeye] And a nice, relaxing massage!
Pinkeye: [relaxes noise]
Squidina: [as Patrick holds out a crown] And a little crown!
Pinkeye: [puts it on Pinkeye] For the best sea-bunny in town!
Cecil: And now that you're cute and safe and loved, it's time for the Star family to have their dinner! [sits on the couch]
[Squidina gets in a small chair, Patrick sits upside-down on the couch, Bunny sits on the phone chair.]
[They all take out TV dinners.]
Squidina, Bunny, Patrick, and Cecil: [giggling excitedly]
Bunny: Let's eat!
[A shot of the Real XL TV Dinner is shown. Squidina opens hers to show live-action peas, corn, mashed potatoes, and beef.]
Pinkeye: [is about to eat from goblet, sniffs, sighs hungrily]
Squidina: [fastens bib, eats a spoonful of mashed potatoes] Mm-mm!
Pinkeye: [drools, hears a fork stabbing and looks at Bunny]
Bunny: [eats a forkful of lasagna]
Cecil: Oh. [giggles, bites into a giant steak]
Pinkeye: [throws goblet away, jumps at Cecil, who grabs him]
Cecil: Sorry, little buddy, this is people food, not sea-bunny food. [sets him down and pats his head]
Pinkeye: [angry growling]
Patrick: [pokes Pinkeye] Yeah, sea-bunny, [grabs goblet from his forehead] eat this! It's really good, see? [eats a piece and chews it, then pours the whole thing in his mouth]
Pinkeye: [throws crown away, jumps in front of the TV (which is showing live-action footage of a sea snail), and takes out a toy trophy, squeaks it]
Squidina, Patrick, Cecil, and Bunny: [gasps, drop food]
Pinkeye: [runs into a back room, squeaking the trophy]
Squidina, Patrick, Cecil, and Bunny: Mine, mine, mine, mine! Mine, mine, mine! [Pinkeye throws it in the basement, they follow it and crash on the ground, moan in pain, then keep fighting for it] Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
Pinkeye: [waves, shuts the door]
Squidina: [holds trophy, giggles] I got it, I got it, I--! [squeaks it, throws it away] Oh, barnacles.
Bunny: Well, at least we're imprisoned [embraces Cecil, who smiles] as a family!
GrandPat: [head pokes out from the couch] Beh, if we're all stuck down here forever, [gets out from the couch] we gotta start adapting. Now, who do we eat first? [rubs hands and licks lips]
Squidina: I'm the youngest, so it shouldn't be me.
Patrick: [makes cute face] I'm too pretty to eat.
Cecil: [takes off his shirt to show mustache hair on his chest] And I'm mostly mustache.
GrandPat: Fah! This is a serious matter that must be decided [pounds fist into palm] seriously. We'll do it [shows a board game called Sugar Safari] with a children's board game!
[Fade to Ouchie, still chained outside.]
Ouchie: [sad howling, whimpers; takes a spine and uses it to unlock the chain; fastens a bindle stick to one of his spines and walks away, then pauses to look at the window]
[A shooting star flashes across the sky.]
Ouchie: [cries, gets caught in a net]
Marvin: Gotcha! Next stop, the pound! [throws Ouchie inside his truck, shuts doors, sighs] I love my job.
[Marvin walks away to show his truck saying "Marvin's Pet Prison" with an illustration of a sad snail in prison clothes. Attached to him is a lock and a ball in chain with Marvin's winking face on it.]
[Ouchie claws at the doors.]
Ouchie: [desperate growls]
[Animal shadows approach him.]
Ouchie: [scared growling]
Worm: [barking]
Snail: [hissing]
Sea bear: [growls]
Slappy: [giggles] I'm here too.
Ouchie: [scared growls, inhales and launches a spine]
[The spine bounces around the truck. Slappy reflects it with his hip. Marvin is driving the truck and the spine pierces the windshield.]
Marvin: Ooh!
[The spine lands on the road and glints. Marvin runs over it.]
Marvin: [yelling, spinning wheel]
[Everyone inside the truck bounces around. The truck swerves on the road and crashes into a stop sign. The air bag inflates and Marvin pops on top of it.]
Marvin: I hate my job.
[The animals fall out of the truck. They cheer and hold up Ouchie, then look in confusion at Slappy.]
Slappy: [pulls up a carrier] No, no, go on without me. [goes into his cage]I'm too much of a menace to society. [shuts the door and waves]
Animals: [cheering]
Ouchie: [jumps up and points]
[The Star house has been vandalized by Pinkeye and has lots of trash around it. Pinkeye eats live-action corn, a tomato, and a TV dinner. He licks the tray clean and throws it into a pile of other trays. The sea bear lifts Ouchie to the window as the worm and snail glare at Pinkeye.]
Ouchie: [growling]
Other animals: [nod]
[Ouchie jumps away and the animals follow him. Pinkeye jumps on the phone chair to dial a number.]
Voice on phone: [indistinct, high-pitched mumbling]
Pinkeye: [takes out a menu for a pizza place] Huh... Ah, let me get a... [lifts two fingers, mumbles, shuts menu and throws it away]
[The doorbell rings. Pinkeye gets excited and sticks his tongue out, then runs to the door. He smashes into the doorknob and opens it, revealing a pizza chef. The chef unzips himself to show Ouchie with the animals.]
Animals: [growling]
Pinkeye: [screams, slams door shut]
[Pinkeye holds back the door as it gets pounded on. He looks around the room in fear, before spotting a security system panel on the wall. He presses buttons on it to lock the house down. An alarm blares as the entire house is covered in metal. Pinkeye taunts Ouchie and laughs from inside the house.]
Ouchie: [bangs on door, makes sad noises and cries, sighs, cries and goes back into the cup Cecil chained him to]
[The other animals look at Ouchie in concern.]
Sea bear: [soft growling]
Ouchie: [sad growling]
[The animals look at each other and then growl at the house. They spot an opening in the house's teakettle spout. They clamor and get Ouchie's attention.]
Ouchie: Ah?
[The sea bear ties the worm and snail into a slingshot: the snail's shell forms the bottom and its eyestalks are the string, and the worm makes the middle part. He twangs the string.]
Ouchie: [excited panting]
[The sea bear loads Ouchie into the slingshot, aims, and flings him into the spout.]
Ouchie: [happy shout]
Pinkeye: [dusts off hands, evil laugh]
[Ouchie crawls down the wall. Pinkeye looks shocked.]
Ouchie: [growls, shoots out spikes at Pinkeye]
Pinkeye: [runs around] Ah! Ah! Ah!
[Pinkeye climbs to the security system and hits a button on it. A burglar alarm activates and blares.]
Pinkeye: [evil laugh]
[A panel opens beneath Ouchie and knocks him off, showing an alarm light. Other panels open to show alarms, a hand with a rolling pin, and a lit match. The hat rack shows a variety of weapons. Ouchie growls and avoids a boxing glove, a hammer, a shovel, a frying pan, a fire, and arrows.]
Ouchie: Ah! Ah! Uh! Ah! Uh!
Pinkeye: [evil laugh as boxing gloves hit, wipes tear, presses more buttons, laughs]
[Ouchie is injured. A hand places a fake female urchin on a spool of thread in the living room. Ouchie looks at it and the screen sparkles.]
Ouchie: Ah? [eyes pop out and turn into hearts] Whoa! [whistles]
[Ouchie runs to the fake urchin, leaving a trail of fire. He slicks back his head spikes and grabs it, but the hand pulls it away. A cage drops on him.]
Ouchie: [growling]
[Pinkeye pushes up a step stool and faces Ouchie.]
Ouchie: [growling]
Pinkeye: [wraps Ouchie's cage with a package reading "To Klopnod", sticks a bow on it, whistles while spinning it on his finger and walking away]
[The security system lifts up.]
Pinkeye: [laughs, exits, steps into the animals' shadows] Uh-oh!
Animals: [growling]
Pinkeye: [nervous laughter and smile, tears off paper and throws it away]
Ouchie: [growls]
Pinkeye: [takes off cage lid and pets Ouchie; sea bear grabs him] Oof!
Ouchie: [happy] Ah!
[The screen slides to the basement, where Patrick is being cooked in a pot. Bunny chops carrots into it, GrandPat puts another log in, Cecil is holding a stick, and Squidina is wearing her bib.]
Cecil: Well, son, since you didn't make it to candy castle, we're all gonna eat you.
Patrick: [calmly] Makes sense.
[The family takes out their utensils.]
Cecil: Now, who wants dark meat?
Patrick: [raises hand] Ooh, ooh! I do, I do!
[The door opens, and the family turn to look.]
Cecil and Squidina: Huh?
[The sea bear holds out Pinkeye, who is tied in rope. Ouchie, the snail, and the worm are on the steps.]
Star family: Ouchie!
Ouchie: [jumps up and kicks Pinkeye with a boot]
Pinkeye: [falls on ground, squeaks]
Star family: Huh? [growl and approach Pinkeye threateningly]
Pinkeye: [scared noise]
[The screen fades to black. Red stars and impact clouds appear as the family attacks Pinkeye.]
Pinkeye: [injured noises]
Star family: [grunting and shouting]
[The screen comes back to Patrick holding Ouchie, who is wearing his crown again.]
Patrick: [rubs Ouchie against his face] Oh, Ouchie! I'm sorry for ever doubting you.]
[The rest of the family is seen, along with the snail, sea bear, and worm, in the living room.]
Patrick: You and your friends saved us from that naughty sea-bunny.
Everyone: [cheering]
[The sea bear picks up a carrier, where an injured Pinkeye is clinking a cup against the bars. The sea bear shakes the cage, sending Pinkeye falling to the back of it. A table is set up.]
Pinkeye: [shakes head]
[Slappy is sitting at the other side of the table.]
Slappy: Hey, Bunky. You're just in time for dinner.
Pinkeye: [holds silverware and waves arms excitedly]
Slappy: [lifts a dinner platter to show the squeaky toy bone] Bon appétit!
Pinkeye: [groans, bites it and it squeaks]
[Iris out on Pinkeye.]