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Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Special

Intro

• TV announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man! Forceful, fearless, regular. Aided by his trusted ward, Barnacle Boy!
• Mermaid Man: [grabs Barnacle Boy and shakes him] Most important meal of the day.
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, put me down, you old coot!
• TV announcer: Protecting our seas and homes from our most dastardly of villains, including their number #1 arch nemesis, the Dirty Bubble.
• Dirty Bubble: [chasing and scaring a couple of citizens] A booga-booga-booga! [laughs]
• TV announcer: And their second most arch nemesis, Man Ray.
• Man Ray: [after making graffiti on a building] Oh, come on! What does it take to get to number #1 in this town?
• TV announcer: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Well, they're better than nothing.
• Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, unite! [he and Barnacle Boy join their rings together]

At the Sand Stadium

• TV announcer: The Sand Stadium, cultural hub of our undersea art community. Home of quality music from Bikini Bottom's finest performers. And also [referring to the whale performers] these guys. It's good to know if there's any trouble, the audience is safe tonight. For amongst them are Bikini Bottom's finest crime fighters. And also [referring to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy] these guys.
• Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy? [shakes Barnacle Boy] Barnacle Boy?
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, what is it now? I'm trying to watch.
• Mermaid Man: Who's winning?
• Barnacle Boy: What are you— [stutters] Oh, look. I told you. It's a musical performance, not a football game.
• Mermaid Man: [stupidly] Ah, you're only saying that because your team's losing.
• Barnacle Boy: [groans] No! I—oh, geez.
• Mermaid Man: [waves pennant] Who's court?

• Maestro:
  • SpongeBob: My big moment as a maestro! [bends his baton] Stay cool, SpongeBob. They're all watching you. [accidentally flicks his baton, sending it flying into the audience and hitting someone] Man: Ow! SpongeBob: Nah! Uh, here's the Whale Pants! One, two, three, four!
  • Patrick: Huh? Who are you? A-and what are you doing in my bathroom? Whale performer: Ahem! Patrick: Oh, right, uh. The choir. Okay, on this tune, I'll be performing alongside the delightful sounds of Whale On My Packs. Right now!
  • Squidward: My moment has arrived. Under the excellent conductorship of yours truly, Maestro Squidward, I present the Whale Philharmonic! Hit it!
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh! Welcome aboard all you heavily paying customers! Me and the Whaler Sailors here will play a few shanties for your pleasure! Feel free to throw money! No coin too heavy! [laughs]
  • Sandy: Howdy, y'all! Welcome to my hootin' annie! You're in for a treat tonight 'cause me and the fellers are in fine form! I present to you the Texas Blubber Boys!
  • Plankton: Behold my awesome power! Tonight, I will unleash my army of killer whales and— Whale performer: Ahem! Plankton: Oh, yeah. [clears throat] Here's the music of Whaletronic 2000. Activate!
• [The maestro begins his performance and the whales start to sing.]
• Mermaid Man: That quarterback is showing real progress this season.
• [The maestro continues his performance with the whales.]
• Mermaid Man: Did you find the hotdogs chewy this evening, Barnacle Boy?
• Barnacle Boy: That wasn't a hotdog, it was the arm of the chair, you old coot.
• Mermaid Man: [realizing] I thought it was a bit stale and hard to lift. Phew. I probably shouldn't have eaten all that cheesecake either. [rubs his belly and fiddles around with his utility belt, pushing one of the buttons that creates a bright flash, blinding the audience in the process]
• [All of the sudden, the Sand Stadium shakes and completely vanishes into thin air.]

• Maestro:
  • SpongeBob: Maybe they're all getting up to dance?
  • Patrick: Wow. The crowd's really getting into it tonight.
  • Squidward: They're all moved by my amazing performance!
  • Mr. Krabs: No! Come back! There ain't no refunds you know!
  • Sandy: Hotdog! We really brought the house down!
  • Plankton: Hmm. I don't remember activating a Doomsday device today.
• [The dust clears and the audience is scattered everywhere on the ground including Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.]
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, what have ya done this time, Mermaid Man?
• Lady: Oh, look! It's Mermaid Man! He's gone mad and destroyed the Sand Stadium! Someone call the police! Mermaid Man must've gone EVIL!!
• Mermaid Man: Evil!
• Barnacle Boy: Ah, geez! Come on, Mermaid Man! We better get to the bottom of this disappearance before we're arrested. [grabs Mermaid Man and drags him]
• Mermaid Man: I hope the merchandise stand hasn't sold out of those big foam hands. I-I love those things.

Police Chase

• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy rush to the invisible boatmobile. Mermaid Man jumps in, but Barnacle Boy falls straight to the ground, hurting his buttocks in the process.]
• Barnacle Boy: Ow!
• Mermaid Man: Ooh, sorry, Barnacle Boy. I must be in the passenger seat. [hops over to the driver seat]
• Barnacle Boy: [gets in the passenger seat] Remind me again why we made the invisible boatmobile invisible?
• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive away.]

• Police Officer:
  • SpongeBob: That rock hasn't moved for a while. And that seaweed is swaying a little too quickly. That coral looks awfully—
  • Patrick: [imitates static noise] Breaker, breaker. [static] What are you talking about? I didn't break anything. [static] No, I-uh. I was just saying. [static] You've got a smart mouth! Maybe I should run you in! [static] But you hate running! [static] You've got a smart mouth, Mister! Maybe I should—
  • Squidward: Join the police force they said. Exciting life of action they said. [blows raspberry] I say.
  • Mr. Krabs: [looking through his right claw] Clear. All clear. [looks through telescope] Still clear. Argh, I love double-overtime duty.
  • Sandy: ♪Oh, give me a home where the barnacles grow and the—♪
  • Plankton: Now that I've infiltrated the police force, I'll control Bikini Bottom from both sides of the law! And—
• Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, be on the lookout for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile! They are believed to be old and dangerous.

• Police officer:
  • SpongeBob: Officer SpongeBob understands over!
  • Patrick: Hello?
  • Squidward: Thank goodness you called. I am so bored.
  • Mr. Krabs: [imitates slurping a cup] Argh. [slurps]
  • Sandy: Copy that, chieferooney!
  • Plankton: Oh, what is it now?
• Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, have you seen Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive past the police officer.]

• Police officer:
  • SpongeBob: Wow. My heroes.
  • Patrick: Have I seen what now?
  • Squidward: I'm sorry. You were saying?
  • Mr. Krabs: Shiver me timbers!
  • Sandy: 10-4. We got a 10-12 on that 10-17. I got that 10-20 over.
  • Plankton: Maybe.
• Chief: [through walkie-talkie] That sounded like the invisible boatmobile! Was that them?

• Police officer:
  • SpongeBob: Steven! I mean Rodger! I mean—
  • Patrick: Who? Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Patrick: Oh! Yeah, I guess.
  • Squidward: Two floating old guys? Uh-huh.
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh. That it was. That it was.
  • Sandy: Didn't I just say that?
  • Plankton: Oh, very well. Yes!
• Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Apprehend them at once!

• Police Officer:
  • SpongeBob: I am on it! [peddles and talks in the sound of a siren] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!
  • Patrick: Copy that. Over and out. [imitates static] I'm in hot pursuit! [static] You're not that hot. [static] You've got a smart mouth! Maybe I— Chief: [through walkie-talkie] NOW!!! Patrick: Oh, yeah! [peddles and imitates siren]
  • Squidward: Finally, something to do! [plays clarinet as he peddles]
  • Mr. Krabs: Aye-aye, captain! Long as I get paid! [peddles as says the word, "money" as a siren]
  • Sandy: I'm on it! Yee-haw! [peddles really fast]
  • Plankton: When I become chief, I'm gonna fire that guy. [puts on helmet and peddles]
• Mermaid Man: Hey, I didn't know we had a radio.
• [The police officer gets closer.]
• Mermaid Man: Sing along, Barnacle Boy. I love this song!
• Barnacle Boy: That's not a song, you twit! It's a police siren! Barnacles! We need time to solve the disappearing building mystery and we can't do that if we're arrested!
• Mermaid Man: I'm sorry. I was thinking about cabbage. You were saying?
• Barnacle Boy: Floor it!
• [Mermaid Man floors the invisible boatmobile and they drive faster. The police officer continues to pursue them and keeps on peddling.]
• Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, I know a shortcut that would confuse anyone. Hold on! [drives a different way]
• [The police officer is starting to get tired from peddling and Gary slithers by.]

• Police Officer:
  • SpongeBob: Meow.
  • Patrick: [breathing heavily]
  • Squidward: [breathing heavily]
  • Mr. Krabs: Money... [screams] Money...
  • Sandy: [peddles by Gary as she breathes heavily]
  • Plankton: [breathing heavily]
• Gary: Meow.
• Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Request update on the chase, Officer!

• Police Officer:
  • SpongeBob: Want to succeed.... Having trouble... [gasps] Oh, there they are!
  • Patrick: [groans] I'm having trouble keeping up. [sighs] Oh! Hold on! I see them!
  • Squidward: [breathes] Thinking of a career change and... Oh, hold on. I see them!
  • Mr. Krabs: [groans] This peddlin' will be the end of me. [sighs] Wait! I see 'em!
  • Sandy: Targets in sight, sir!
  • Plankton: [groans] Curse my buff but minuscule legs! [grunts] Oh, wait! There they are!
• Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man?
• Mermaid Man: Not now, son. I'm trying to concentrate on all these devious twists and turns.
• Barnacle Boy: Uhh... Mermaid Man?
• Mermaid Man: They'll never catch us now! They couldn't keep up with the boatmobile!
• [The screen pans out to reveal that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just driving around the parking lot of Mrs. Puff's Boating School. The police officer finally catches up to them and parks at the front.]

• Police Officer:
  • SpongeBob: I'm bringing 'em in, sir!
  • Patrick: They are so busted!
  • Squidward: I get to arrest people! Hooray!
  • Mr. Krabs: Ne'er-do-wells ready for the brig, captain!
  • Sandy: I'll bring 'em in, chief! 10-4!
  • Plankton: The fools will soon be in the big house!

The Sneaky Hermit On Cue

• [The sneaky hermit watches everything behind the building.]

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: [evil laughter] They have arrested Mermaid Man for my crimes! Which doesn't sound fair really, but bah! I am a super villain and that is what we do! So, I guess I shall go do more villainous type stuff. [laughs]
  • Patrick: Har-har-har! They've arrested the wrong people for my crimes! My crimes! They won't be looking for me now, which is good. Uh, I think I'll say, "har-har-har!." Har-har-har!
  • Squidward: Ha! They've arrested Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy for my crimes. Heh. Really disappointing 'cause where's the recognition? But they won't be looking for me now. [laughs]
  • Mr. Krabs: [evil laughter] They've arrested Mermaid Man for me crimes! Oh, it sure warms me money purse. Now, I'll be free to steal anything I want! Buildings and money! Boats and money! Wallets with money in 'em! [laughs]
  • Sandy: [evil laughter] That sheriff has arrested those hero varmits instead of yours truly! They won't be lookin' for me now. I'm in the clear like a window in a swimmin' pool. [laughs]
  • Plankton: [evil laughter] The fools have arrested Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy for my crimes! My crimes! Leaving me free to steal everything I possibly can! Oh, the power is going to my head! Ouch! Ooh, my head. I mean [laughs]

News Flash #1

• Realistic Fish Head: News flash! It is believed that the masterminds behind the disappearance of Sand Stadium are none other than Bikini Bottom heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. When questioned, the older hero had this to say, "Is that a microphone? Is it time for pudding? Do these pants feel damp to you?" The ex-heroes are now doing time in Bikini Bottom Jail. We will keep you updated with further updates.

Jailed

• [Meanwhile in Bikini Bottom Jail, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are placed in a cell together. The two heroes struggle to figure out the disappearance of the Sand Stadium.]
• Barnacle Boy: Now, let's go over it again. Are you sure you didn't hit the building-obliteration button when you were foolin' around with your utility belt?
• Mermaid Man: I'm sure of it, Barnacle Boy. I was full of cheesecake, I reached down to loosen my belt, and I pressed this button by accident. [pushes the same button again]
• Barnacle Boy: Oh! Geez! [stutters] I sure wish you'd stop fiddling with that thing. Ya make me nervous.
• Mermaid Man: Nothin' to be afraid of, Barnacle Boy. It's just my chin-cam. [pulls out a picture of his chin] Lookie. Such a handsome chin. [pulls out another picture of his chin] And here's the picture I took at the Sand Stadium. Right before it vanished.
• Barnacle Boy: Well, that proves it wasn't you that caused the mess. This time at least.

• Prison Guard:
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, I know a story about mess. And it's not about Gary's litter box. [laughs] It's about an inmate years ago called Messy Messerson, who some called him Stanley. Nice guy, nice guy.
  • Patrick: You wanna hear about mess? We had an inmate. Messy Messerson, I think. Eh, but we called him Stanley and—Whoa! [falls over] I think Stanley had a pony and—Whew!
  • Squidward: Hmph! What do you know about mess? We had an inmate here once. Messy Messerson was his name. Or Stanley or something. Anyway, he smelled worse than SpongeBob's shoes. [snickers] Shoes. [snickers] SpongeBob. [snickers] I still got it.
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh. I know a thing or two about mess. I remember a filthy scurvy by the name of Messy Messerson. Or Stanley or something. Filthiest land-lubber that ever loved the land. Oh, the tales I can tell. Hee-hee.
  • Sandy: I'll tell y'all about mess. I remember an inmate called Messy Messerson. Or was it Stanley? Messy is a dump-truck in a twister. Soo-weet!
  • Plankton: Oh, you don't know what mess is. I remember an inmate, super messy. Probably had an electric messing ray. Messy Messerson, that was his name, but we called him Stanley. And—Whoa! [falls of the table]
• Barnacle Boy: Uh, yeah, thanks. Uh, somehow I don't think this is the work of someone called "Stanley."
• Man Ray: No, it doesn't sound like Stanley's style at all. Stanley "Messy" Messerson likes to make a mess. The Sand Stadium vanished too cleanly.
• Mermaid Man: Man Ray!
• Barnacle Boy: [gasps] Our second most arch nemesis!
• Man Ray: That's right, super-zeroes! It's me!
• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray growl at each other for a bit. But stop.]
• Mermaid Man: So, what are you in for?
• Man Ray: I got caught jaywalking. Could you believe it?
• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray share a laugh.]
• Dirty Bubble: You think that's bad? I got caught for having bad breath in a public place. Ho-ho!
• Mermaid Man: The Dirty Bubble?!
• Barnacle Boy: Our number #1 arch nemesis!
• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the Dirty Bubble growl at each other.]

• Prison Guard:
  • SpongeBob: That's enough of that, gentlemen!
  • Patrick: Oh, let's not go through that again!
  • Squidward: Oh, would you knock that off?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, not again!
  • Sandy: Oh, can it, fellers!
  • Plankton: Oh, brother! [hops up] Give it a rest!
• Dirty Bubble: Spoiled sport.

• Prison Guard:
  • SpongeBob: Let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. I think the stadium was a giant monster in disguise.
  • Patrick: Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. The monster who killed the butler could be in this...very...room.
  • Squidward: I have a theory about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. Maybe a big monster musical note blew it out of Bikini Bottom!
  • Mr. Krabs: Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. Maybe a huge monster of the deep ate it!
  • Sandy: Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. I think a huge monster truck dragged it away.
  • Plankton: Now, let's talk about [grunts] the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. [climbs back on the table] I think a giant monster robot teleported it to another dimension!
• Barnacle Boy: Monster?!

• Prison Guard:
  • SpongeBob: In disguise, yeah! Or maybe it was the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Patrick: Monster?! [falls over again] Hey, maybe the Sneaky Hermit took the stadium.
  • Squidward: Monster note! Or possibly the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Mr. Krabs: Stranger things happen at sea. Though it also could've been the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Sandy: It's a good theory! Or maybe it was the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Plankton: You got a better theory? Next thing you'll say it was the Sneaky Hermit.
• Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit. Of course! This crime shows all the signs that have been present throughout the hermit's criminal career!
• Barnacle Boy: What signs? What does the Sneaky Hermit do?
• [Suddenly, the entire building of Bikini Bottom Jail shakes and vanishes into thin air, just like the Sand Stadium.]
• Dirty Bubble: I think it would be fair to say that the Sneaky Hermit steals buildings.
• Man Ray: A fine observation, my villainous companion. Now, if everyone will excuse us, this sudden freedom has renewed my eagerness for villainy. Come, Dirty Bubble! [leaves]
• Dirty Bubble: Ooh, let's start with jaywalking. They couldn't possibly catch us twice. [leaves]
• Barnacle Boy: We should probably catch those two you know.
• Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. All in good time. First, I think we've got a hermit to catch. We'll start with the beach 'cause hermits love the beach. To the invisible boatmobile! Away!

• Prison Guard:
  • SpongeBob: [very dizzy] Nobody move! I think this building is unstable! [a ceiling tile falls on him]
  • Patrick: [laying down] I guess I'll have to go back to my job straightening paper clips I've failed to—Oof! [a ceiling tile falls on him]
  • Squidward: [very dizzy] Smell worse than SpongeBob's feet! [laughs] 'Cause his feet smell! Ha—Oof! [a ceiling tile falls on him]
  • Mr. Krabs: [very dizzy] I'll have a captain's basket and a side order of—[a ceiling tile falls on him]
  • Sandy: Dang that monster truck! [a ceiling tile falls on her]
  • Plankton: That hermit has style. [chuckles] I wonder if I could get a business card. [a ceiling tile falls on him]

News Flash #2

• Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of suspicion in the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. Authorities are now on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.

At Goo Lagoon

• [Meanwhile at Goo Lagoon. The Sneaky Hermit's lookout is hiding behind an ice cream vendor's stand with the new being played on the television.]
• Realistic Fish Head: [on TV] ...on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.
• [The ice cream vendor turns off the TV.]

• Lookout:
  • SpongeBob: You're in the news, boss! Oh, I'm so proud of you!
  • Patrick: You're all over the news, boss! They're saying you're large!
  • Squidward: You've hit the big time, boss! You're on the TV!
  • Mr. Krabs: You're on the news, boss! We can sell advertising space! Think of the money!
  • Sandy: Hot diggity, boss! You're on the tube!
  • Plankton: You're gettin' sloppy, boss. You're all over the news now.
• [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone.]

• Lookout:
  • SpongeBob: Oh, sure boss. I'll stick to my lookout job. [grabs binoculars] Let's see what I can see. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Fishy. [sees a strong guy] Fishy-fishy. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile and gasps] Oh! My favorite superheroes! [giggles]
  • Patrick: Hey, I didn't say it. I'm just the lookout remember. [grabs binoculars] I've seen some great stuff today too. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] A fish. [sees a strong guy] Another fish. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Hey! That kid's got ice cream!
  • Squidward: I know I'm supposed to be looking out. There's just nothing interesting to look at. [grabs binoculars] No art. No ballet. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Nothing. [sees a strong guy] Nothing. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] More nothing.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm not making much being a lookout, [grabs binoculars] but here's what I spy. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Little nipper. [sees a strong guy] Another nipper. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] Old fellers in tights. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Scallywag.
  • Sandy: Sure! I can watch TV and work at the same time. [grabs binoculars] Here's what I see. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Critter. [sees a strong guy] Critter. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] Couple of super people. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Critter with a cone.
  • Plankton: Don't complain to me. I'm just a lookout. Here's what I see. [flips over his binoculars and sees a citizen] Moron. [sees a strong guy] Imbecile. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] Very old superheroes. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Idiot.
• [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.]

• Lookout:
  • SpongeBob: I might have these the wrong way around. [flips his binoculars over and sees Mermaid Man up close]
  • Patrick: Oh, yeah. Well, it might be Mermaid Man. [looks through his binoculars and sees Mermaid Man up close]
  • Squidward: I thought it was Mermaid Man. [looks through his binoculars and sees Mermaid Man up close]
  • Mr. Krabs: False alarm. It's just the letter M. [looks through his binoculars and sees Mermaid Man up close]
  • Sandy: Could've sworn I saw some oldies. [looks through his binoculars and sees Mermaid Man up close]
  • Plankton: Hmm. [knocks on the binoculars] This equipment must be malfunctioning.
• Mermaid Man: Greetings, sea creature!

• Lookout:
  • SpongeBob: Whoa! [falls backwards and hides under the ice cream stand]
  • Patrick: Ahh! [hides under the ice cream stand]
  • Squidward: Ahh! [hides under the ice cream stand]
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh! [hides under the ice cream stand]
  • Sandy: Jiminy Biscuits! [hides under the ice cream stand]
  • Plankton: Great Scott! [hides under the binoculars]
• Ice Cream Vendor: What can I get you, gentlemen? Kelp sundae? Sea cucumber split? Information on any of the major super villains?
• Mermaid Man: Super what-no? No, I'd like two scoops of high fiber ice cream with Brussels sprouts sprinkles. Mmm.
• Ice Cream Vendor: Oh. Thought you might have been looking for a super villain. Someone hermit like? Bit sneaky?
• Mermaid Man: There's a sale on underpan—I—I mean, a Sneaky Hermit?!
• Ice Cream Vendor: That's the one. Was here not that long back. Said something about being hungry. Something about the Krusty Krab.
• Barnacle Boy: Jumpin' jellyfish, Mermaid Man! The Sneaky Hermit must be at the Krusty Krab! We should go immediately.
• Mermaid Man: Well, I don't need new undies, but I'm happy to go. To the Krusty Krab! Away! [he and Barnacle Boy leave Goo Lagoon]
• Ice Cream Vendor: Well, I got rid of them for ya.

• Lookout:
  • SpongeBob: I will make sure you get a pretty badge for your service.
  • Patrick: Thanks. I'll make sure you get a Sneaky Hermit t-shirt.
  • Squidward: I think there's a form you can fill out for a thank you gift or something.
  • Mr. Krabs: You've come to the wrong place if you're after a tip, laddie.
  • Sandy: Thanks, old timer. I'll give you a big Texas hug later.
  • Plankton: Excellent. My heartfelt thanks are all you'll need and all you'll get.
• Ice Cream Vendor: Great, thanks. No really.
• [The walkie-talkie rings.]

• Lookout:
  • SpongeBob: Hello.
  • Patrick: Hello, Sneaky Hermit's lookout speaking.
  • Squidward: Welcome to boredom. I'll be your host.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hello? Super villain's lookout speaking.
  • Sandy: Howdy!
  • Plankton: Speak!
• [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.]

• Lookout:
  • SpongeBob: Hi, boss! Oh, yup. I won't let anyone else through. No one's getting past these super sharp eyes again. [looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] N'ah! Barnacles! [hides under the ice cream stand again]
  • Patrick: Oh, hi, boss. Yeah, they're gone. Well, we shouldn't be having any more surprises like that again. [looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ahh! [climbs up the beach umbrella]
  • Squidward: Yes, Sneaky Hermit, they're gone. I won't slip like that again. [looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ahh!! [hides under the ice cream stand again] Well, there goes that job.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, Sneaky Hermit. I surely won't let anyone get past me sharp eyes again. [looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Argh! Aw, crabsticks. [hides under the ice cream stand again]
  • Sandy: Yep. Don't know how those guys passed my eagle eye. Won't happen again. [looks through her binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ah! Aw, nuts. [hides under the ice cream stand again]
  • Plankton: Well, you did give me low tech binoculars. Don't worry. It won't happen again. [looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ahh! [falls off the ice cream stand] This is not my fault.
• Ice Cream Vendor: What can I do for you Mr. Man Ray and Mr. Dirty Bubble, sirs?
• Dirty Bubble: Oh! I knew these disguises wouldn't work.
• Man Ray: What a waste of two bucks. [throws away his mask] Uh, we're looking for the Sneaky Hermit's secret hideout.
• Ice Cream Vendor: The secret one? That's just over the hill there.
• Dirty Bubble: Well, that was easy.
• Ice Cream Vendor: Sure! Follow the signs. You can't miss it.
• [A sign that says "Sneaky Hermit's secret lair 10 yards" is shown. Inside the Sneaky Hermit's lair, it is filled with various objects including buildings.]

Meeting with the Sneaky Hermit

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: All this stuff is mine! 'Cause I am evil, see? I am the Sneaky Hermit! [evil laughter] And soon my little friend. Soon... [the chair turns] You know, I should get that chair fixed.
  • Patrick: Ahh. I sure have stolen a lot of stuff! And soon little sidekick. Soon... [the chair turns] I really should get that chair fixed.
  • Squidward: Gosh, I'm sure cut out to be a super villain! And soon little sidekick. Soon... [the chair turns] I really should fix that chair.
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh! Look at all me stuff! I stole it 'cause I'm a villain. And soon me laddie. Soon... [the chair turns] I really should fix that chair.
  • Sandy: Ah, sure have took me a lot of possessions! Bein' a villain and all. And soon... [the chair turns] That chair is so spooky.
  • Plankton: Almost all of Bikini Bottom mine! All mine! And soon my precious cohort. Soon... [the chair turns] That chair is creepin' me out.
• Lary: Meow.

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Soon, all of Bikini Bottom will be on my back! [evil laughter and looks at the picture of his ex-wife] Why did you leave me? You took our home. And now, I'm evil and I just wanna steal all of Bikini Bottom! And— [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Oh, visitors.
  • Patrick: Soon, all of Bikini Bottom will be my home! [looks at the picture of his ex-wife] If only you hadn't left me and taken the house. Now, all I wanna do is steal all of Bikini Bottom! And— [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] What?
  • Squidward: Soon, this whole wretched town will be mine! [looks at the picture of his ex-wife] I was happy with you. Why'd you take our house? Now, all I want is to steal all of Bikini Bottom! And— [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Oh, just when I was getting into it.
  • Mr. Krabs: Soon, I'll own everything! [evil laughter and looks at the picture of his ex-wife] Oh, my sweetness. You left me dry and took our home. And now I'm crabby and evil and wanna steal all of Bikini Bottom! And— [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] D'oh! Just when I was gettin' nice and angry!
  • Sandy: Soon, I'll have this whole town as my own personal spread! [looks at the picture of her ex-husband] Oh, my darlin'. You done left and took our house and turn me into a evil super villain! Bets on! [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Who in tarnation could that be?
  • Plankton: Soon, I'll have it all! [looks at the picture of his ex-wife] You took my heart. And then our home. No wonder I'm evil. Now, I just want all of Bikini Bottom! And— [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Ugh! This had better be good.
• [The Sneaky Hermit opens the door and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble.]
• Man Ray: Ah, the famous Sneaky Hermit! We meet at last.
• Dirty Bubble: We just broke out of the joint. And we brought cookies!

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Kelp chip! My favorite! Come in! [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] What can I do for you, fellas?
  • Patrick: Cookies? Come on in! [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] So, what's up?
  • Squidward: I'd prefer crème brûlée, but come in. [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] This had better be good.
  • Mr. Krabs: Money be better, but come in! [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] So, what are you thinking?
  • Sandy: Cookies! Get on in here! [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] What's on your mind, boys?
  • Plankton: Evil is welcome here. Come in! [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] Speak!
• Dirty Bubble: We've noticed you've been doing some delightfully evil work of late. And we're thinking of a team up. A team up of evil!! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
• Man Ray: We'll help each other out. Hatch evil plans, make prank phone calls. It'll be fun! What do you say?

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, friends. Sounds fun and could fit right into my own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] You got it. [pulls out a bag] Distract Mermaid Man with this captive. Then we can play. Play evil!
  • Patrick: That sounds good. And will fit right into my own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Yeah, that sounds great. [pulls out a bag] I stole this from the mayor's house. Use it to distract Mermaid Man. Then we can do evil stuff.
  • Squidward: Hmm. This is perfect. And it'll fit right into my own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Yeah, okay, whatever. [pulls out a bag] Get this ungoofed captive off my hands, distract Mermaid Man with it, then we'll team up.
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh. I like this idea. 'Cause it'll fit right into me own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] It's a deal. [pulls out a bag] Take this money bag—I mean, uh, prisoner and distract Mermaid Man. Then we can do evil.
  • Sandy: That's a piece of luck. This will fit right into my own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Sounds good. [pulls out a bag] Take this wrigglin' critter to distract Mermaid Man. Then we can go do evil together.
  • Plankton: Yes, this new idea could fit right into my own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Good plan. [pulls out a bag] This captive should serve to distract Mermaid Man. Leaving us free for more evil!
• Man Ray: Hurrah! I think this is going to work out just fine! Come, Dirty Bubble. Let's begin our alliance of sneakiness.
• Dirty Bubble: Let's go to the Chum Bucket. I have an idea. See you soon, Sneaky Hermit.
• Man Ray: Yes, farewell, Hermit. I think this is the beginning of a diabolical friendship.

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Yay! Friendship! I mean yes. Diabolical. [evil laughter] Now, everyone will be out of my way! Hooray!
  • Patrick: Yes. And thanks for the cookies. [evil laughter] And now, everyone will be out of my way! Yay!
  • Squidward: Oh, it's diabolical alright. [evil laughter] Now, everyone will be out of my way!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, it'll be somethin'. See ya later. Maybe. [evil laughter but coughs a little] Now, everyone will be out of my way! Hooray!
  • Sandy: You betcha. Thanks for them there cookies. [evil laughter] Now, everyone will be out of my way! Hotdog!
  • Plankton: Yes. Diabolical. [evil laughter] Now, everyone will be out of my way! I win!
• [Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble leave with the bag holding the captive.]
• Lary: [meows in evil laughter]

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: I am off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs, little buddy. Guard the evil lair and remember to brush your teeth. [leaves]
  • Patrick: I'm off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs. Do your homework and no TV after 8:00. [leaves]
  • Squidward: I'm off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs. Make sure you get a few hours of clarinet lessons in. [leaves]
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs. Sleep well. And keep away from me money. [leaves]
  • Sandy: I'm off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs. Try to get a decent workout in before bed, little sidekick. [leaves]
  • Plankton: I'm off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs. If you think of any new diabolical plans, page me. [leaves]
• Lary: Meow.

At the Krusty Krab

• [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab.]
• French Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the world famous Krabby Patty. And today, it is—
• TV announcer: Hey, buddy, I'm narrating this scene!
• French Narrator: Pardon? Ooh, sorry. My mistake. Please carry on.
• TV announcer: Thank you. [clears throat] The Krusty Krab. Here we find Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sent to find the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit is not here. Only tasty and nutritious meals at affordable prices.
• French Narrator: Ooh, monsieur, that was very good.
• TV announcer: Why, thank you. I have had some training and—hey, is this thing still on?
• French Narrator: Oop, the barnacles! [switches music]
• [Inside the Krusty Krab, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are eating a couple of Krabby Patties and French fries and drinking cups of soda.]
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, come on, Mermaid Man! That shady character at the beach obviously sent us on a wild goose chase!
• Mermaid Man: Don't be silly, son. There are no wild geese here. We're at the bottom of the ocean. [goose honks] Waiter?
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. [sneezes] Huh.
• Mermaid Man: A little more pepper, please? I sure do love it.

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: Pepper up!
  • Patrick: You got it!
  • Squidward: Of course you do.
  • Mr. Krabs: Me too. It's cheap.
  • Sandy: Comin' right up!
  • Plankton: Like I've got nothin' better to do.
• [The waiter grinds pepper on the Krabby Patty.]
• Mermaid Man: Little more. [the waiter grinds more] More. [the waiter grinds more] Little more, thanks. [the waiter grinds more] Just a bit more.

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: [chuckles] How 'bout you just keep that pepper? [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder]
  • Patrick: Uh, maybe sir would like to keep the pepper? [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder]
  • Squidward: Oh, for crying out loud! Would you just keep the pepper?! [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder]
  • Mr. Krabs: You, uh, wanna keep that pepper? I'll add it to your bill. [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder]
  • Sandy: You sure do like that pepper. How 'bout y'all just take it? [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder]
  • Plankton: Oh, just take the pepper! [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder]
• Mermaid Man: Thanks. I sure love that pepper!
• Barnacle Boy: [sneezes and groans] We're wasting time. We should be out finding the Sneaky Hermit.

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: Did you say "Sneaky Hermit"?
  • Patrick: Did you say "Sneaky Hermit"?
  • Squidward: Did you say "Sneaky Hermit"?
  • Mr. Krabs: Did you say "Sneaky Hermit"?
  • Sandy: Did you say "Sneaky Hermit"?
  • Plankton: Did you say "Sneaky Hermit"?
• Barnacle Boy: Yes, I did.

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: The hermit used to be in my tap dancing class.
  • Patrick: Oh. I sat next to the hermit at school.
  • Squidward: The hermit used to deliver my newspapers.
  • Mr. Krabs: I sailed with the hermit once. Many years ago.
  • Sandy: The hermit's my third cousin. Twice removed.
  • Plankton: I played Parcheesi with the hermit as a kid.
• Barnacle Boy: Well, that's a coincidence.

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
  • Patrick: Yep.
  • Squidward: Yeah.
  • Mr. Krabs: Aye.
  • Sandy: Sure is.
  • Plankton: Yes.
• Mermaid Man: Do you have any idea where this hermit is now?

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: Nuh-uh.
  • Patrick: No.
  • Squidward: Nope.
  • Mr. Krabs: Nay.
  • Sandy: Nope.
  • Plankton: No.
• Barnacle Boy: Well, have ya seen anything suspicious?

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: Would suspicious be like, uh, seeing Man Ray drag a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket, perhaps?
  • Patrick: Yep. I saw Man Ray drag a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket.
  • Squidward: You mean, like, Man Ray dragging a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket?
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, if ya call Man Ray carrying a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket suspicious, then yes.
  • Sandy: Well, I did see Man Ray drag a wrigglin' sack into the Chum Bucket.
  • Plankton: Only Man Ray dragging a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket.
• Barnacle Boy: I call that suspicious.
• Mermaid Man: 'Cause no one goes into the Chum Bucket. [rimshot]
• Barnacle Boy: When did you see this?

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: Now. Out the window.
  • Patrick: Out the window just now.
  • Squidward: Out that window just now.
  • Mr. Krabs: Right now. Out the window right there.
  • Sandy: Just now. While you were talkin'.
  • Plankton: Just then. Out the window. Sheesh!
• Barnacle Boy: Merciful mussels, Mermaid Man! We've got work to do!
• Mermaid Man: To the Chum Bucket!

• Waiter:
  • SpongeBob: Thank you for coming to the Krusty Krab! Please come again!
  • Patrick: Thank you for dining at the Krusty Krab!
  • Squidward: I don't care where you go!
  • Mr. Krabs: There's a fee for makin' dramatic announcements!
  • Sandy: Thanks for comin'! It's been a hoot!
  • Plankton: Enjoy the Chum Bucket! I know I would.
• Mermaid Man: Oh, yes. Thanks, uh. Now where was I? Oh, yeah! To the Chum Bucket away!

Freeing the Captive

• [Meanwhile, trouble is brewing at the Chum Bucket. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble are forcing the captive to run on the treadmill and create a vortex of stinkiness.]

• Captive:
  • SpongeBob: Ugh! This is terrible! Where is the fun? Ow! I'm not wearing the right shoes! [pants] I need my headband! [pants] Oh, I didn't stretch out first!
  • Patrick: [panting] Oh! Oh, it's horrible! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop! [panting] I'm too cuddly to run! My legs are getting all muscully! [cries]
  • Squidward: [pants] Oh, this is terrible! Why me? [panting] Oh, could my life get any worse? [pants]
  • Mr. Krabs: [groans] Oh, me poor legs! Oh, this isn't fun! Ooh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [sighs] Me sea legs are turning to sea jelly!
  • Sandy: Oh, this is one workout I'm not enjoying! [groans] I'm dealing with the treadmill, but that food stinks! Blech!
  • Plankton: [groans] Ow, ow! [moans] This is horrible! I'm too important for this! I only got little legs! This is sizist and exhausting! Ow! [groans]
• Dirty Bubble: That kid is so annoying.
• Man Ray: Yes, my hollow spherical accomplice! But it'll prove an adequate distraction for our bumbling superheroes.
• Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit will be pleased. Let's invite our new chum to my lair. We can concoct our evil plans over herbal tea! [laughs]
• Man Ray: By the power of Darjeeling! What a capital idea! [hears the invisible boatmobile pulling up outside] Wait, what's that? It sounds like the invisible buffoonmobile. Our heroes have arrived!
• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy appear through the double doors.]
• Mermaid Man: I'll have a burger and fries!
• [Barnacle Boy becomes embarrassed and gives Mermaid Man the script.]
• Mermaid Man: I mean unhand that captive, you vile fiends!

• Captive:
  • SpongeBob: Mermaid Man, I knew you'd save me!
  • Patrick: Oh! Oh, thank goodness you're here! I was starting to get definition in my thigh muscles!
  • Squidward: Oh, oh, at last! I'm close to throwing up here!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, thank me lucky stars! It's nice to see you, boys!
  • Sandy: Hot dang! Nice to see you, fellers! This smells worse than Trash Day on a hog farm!
  • Plankton: [sighs] I'd never thought I would be pleased to see superheroes, but thank goodness you're here!
• Dirty Bubble: You're too late, Moron Man! The mayor's child is trapped inside a vortex of stinkiness! [laughs] The treadmill creates static keeping the vile stench from the Chum Bucket food at bay. But stop running and... WHAM! It's nothing but slimy skin and skunk jokes for a really long time. [laughs]
• Mermaid Man: That's diabolical, Dirty Bubble! And really kinda...icky.
• Dirty Bubble: Try to save the mayor's kid if you will. It should keep you occupied for quite some time. [laughs along with Man Ray]
• [Mermaid Man inadvertently does a wicked laugh as well.]
• Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man?
• Mermaid Man: Oh, sorry. It got caught up in the moment. [chuckles]
• Man Ray: So long, old timers! [leaves with the Dirty Bubble]
• Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit! This is only gonna stall us from finding the Sneaky Hermit, but we really gotta free the mayor's kid.
• Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. The kid. You're gonna be just fine. Oh, sweet merciful Neptune! What is that smell?!
• Barnacle Boy: It's the vortex of stinkiness, Mermaid Man. [flips the switches on the machine] We've got to shut off this machine and free the captive.
• Mermaid Man: Did you shut it off?
• Barnacle Boy: Nope.
• Mermaid Man: [tries to turn the machine off using Barnacle Boy] How 'bout now?
• Barnacle Boy: Nope.
• Mermaid Man: [wearing a hat] Now?
• Barnacle Boy: Nope.

• Captive:
  • SpongeBob: Uh, anytime soon would be great.
  • Patrick: [panting and breathing heavily]
  • Squidward: Oh, would you please hurry up?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Little quicker, boys! This ain't fun!
  • Sandy: [grunts] Uh, can we hurry this along fellers?
  • Plankton: Sweet mercy! It can't be that hard!
• Mermaid Man: [throws a ball at Barnacle Boy] Is it off?
• Barnacle Boy: Nope.
• Mermaid Man: [throws another ball at Barnacle Boy] Still?
• Barnacle Boy: Nope.
• [Suddenly, they hear rumbling sounds behind the double doors. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble appear and they're angry.]
• Man Ray: We are so mad!
• Dirty Bubble: We got double-crossed!
• Man Ray: [pushes the Dirty Bubble away] While we were here setting up traps to help the Sneaky Hermit, the hermit was busy stealing our lairs!
• Mermaid Man: Wow. That really is sneaky.
• Barnacle Boy: Sounds like this hermit is sneakier than all of us. Um, what would you fellas say to combining forces and going after this villain together?
• Dirty Bubble: That's pretty much why we're here.
• Mermaid Man: Well, that was easy.
• Barnacle Boy: I know a hunter in Jellyfish Fields who could track anything. I bet he will be able to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail with a little help.
• Mermaid Man: Well, there's nothing much left to say except... super beings from both sides and both ends of good and evil unite!
• [Everyone joins hands.]

• Captive:
  • SpongeBob: If it's no trouble, would you mind helping me before you go? I-I mean if there's time.
  • Patrick: [panting and breathing heavily] Fellas? A little help here?
  • Squidward: [panting] You forgetting something?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh, fellers? Remember me? [laughs weakly]
  • Sandy: [pants] Uh, care to help a girl squirrel?
  • Plankton: For the love of Neptune! Stop this thing!
• Man Ray: Oh, sorry. Let me get that for you. [shuts off the machine]

At the Jellyfish Fields

• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble head off the Jellyfish Fields to look for the hunter. They gaze through the tall grass while jellyfish are buzzing above them.]
• Man Ray: So, where is this hunter, Pumpernickel Boy?
• Barnacle Boy: Hey, no name calling during the truce, remember?
• Mermaid Man: Maybe the hunter is hunting the jellyfish king.
• Dirty Bubble: Or maybe we're wasting our time. What if this hunter knows nothing? Or doesn't even exist?

• Hunter:
  • SpongeBob: I sense with my keen hunter senses that you seek the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Patrick: My hunter's instincts tell me you seek the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Squidward: Don't tell me. You want the Sneaky Hermit, right?
  • Mr. Krabs: The sculler buddies. You're on a quest for the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Sandy: I'm guessin' y'all are tracking the Sneaky Hermit.
  • Plankton: It's obvious to a brilliant hunter like me that you seek the Sneaky Hermit.
• Man Ray: [loudly] Curse that name!

• Hunter:
  • SpongeBob: Please! Use your indoor voice. If you're very quiet, I'll help you.
  • Patrick: Shh! If you're quiet, I'll help you.
  • Squidward: Oh, for—If you shut up, I'll help you.
  • Mr. Krabs: Pipe down! If you're quiet, I'll help ya.
  • Sandy: Shush it! If you're quiet, I'll help you.
  • Plankton: Silence, fool! If you're quiet, I'll help you.
• Man Ray: [quietly] Curse that name!

• Hunter:
  • SpongeBob: Good job. Follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tipping over.
  • Patrick: That's better. Follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tipping over. [falls over]
  • Squidward: Whatever. Follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tipping over.
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh, that's better. Follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tippin' over.
  • Sandy: That's better. Follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tippin' over.
  • Plankton: Alrighty then. Follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tipping over.
• Barnacle Boy: [whispers] I see!
• Mermaid Man: I see...when I wear my glasses, which I've lost again.
• Dirty Bubble: [feels something] Quit standing on my foot, Man Ray!
• Man Ray: [yells loudly] For goodness sake, you don't have a foot you infertile bubble!
• [Man Ray's outburst scares the jellyfish king away.]

• Hunter:
  • SpongeBob: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The hermit is stealing bigger things. I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights.
  • Patrick: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The hermit is stealing bigger things. I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights.
  • Squidward: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The hermit likes big things. I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights.
  • Mr. Krabs: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The hermit wants big treasure. I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights.
  • Sandy: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The hermit's a gatherer. I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights.
  • Plankton: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] If I were the hermit, I'd have a really big building in my sights.
• Dirty Bubble: The hermit wears tights?
• Barnacle Boy: The permit test bites?
• Man Ray: Old Herbet was right?
• Mermaid Man: [loudly] The jelly pudding was lightly toasted in pajamas?
• [Mermaid Man's exclamation scares the jellyfish king away.]

• Hunter:
  • SpongeBob: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the hermit wears soft, wool underpants.
  • Patrick: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the hermit wears comfortable shoes.
  • Squidward: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the hermit has a hammock.
  • Mr. Krabs: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the hermit likes plush armchairs.
  • Sandy: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the hermit drinks warm milk when feeling down.
  • Plankton: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the hermit has elastic trousers.
• Barnacle Boy: What the? That's not helpful!
• Dirty Bubble: Well, it could be.
• Man Ray: Yes, you never know.
• Mermaid Man: Comfort is important, young ward.
• [The jellyfish king appears behind Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble. The Dirty Bubble makes a loud belch and sends the jellyfish king flying away.]
• Dirty Bubble: Ooh, pardon me. Well, I am full of air, you know.

• Hunter:
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I can't take it anymore! Ooh! I'll track the hermit myself!
  • Patrick: Ugh! Okay, I'll track the hermit for you personally if you promise to leave me alone!
  • Squidward: Oh, for crying out loud! I'll track the hermit for you if you promise to leave me alone!
  • Mr. Krabs: Avast ye with your noise! I'll track the hermit meself if ya just leave me be!
  • Sandy: Oh, for Pete's sake! If you promise to leave me alone, I'll track the hermit for you myself!
  • Plankton: I can't work like this! Look, I'll track the hermit for you myself if you'd just leave me alone!
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, well, that's decent of ya. [chuckles] You can come with us in our invisible boatmobile.
• Mermaid Man: [quietly] Away!
• [The Dirty Bubble belches.]

News Flash #3

• Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have enlisted the help of the finest hunter in Jellyfish Fields. It is believed that the Sneaky Hermit is somewhere in downtown Bikini Bottom. Not far from this very studio...[the studio disappears] Um...we'll be right back.

The Final Battle

• [The scene changes to downtown Bikini Bottom.]
• TV announcer: Downtown Bikini Bottom, a fitting setting for our final battle. A dramatic location for the powers of good and evil to clash climatically. And a really good place for pizza.
• [The Sneaky Hermit is going around stealing many stuff and balancing them on his back. Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble pull over and exit the invisible boatmobile.]
• Dirty Bubble: That hunter sure left in a hurry.
• Mermaid Man: I didn't even get a chance to say bye-bye.
• Man Ray: Well, you were annoying, Dirty Bubble.
• Dirty Bubble: I was annoying?
• Man Ray: All that disgusting belching.
• Barnacle Boy: Knock it off. It doesn't matter. We know all we need to know about the Sneaky Hermit.
• Man Ray: Indeed. We'll soon put an end to the "Stinky" Hermit! [rimshot]
• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble share a good laugh.]
• Dirty Bubble: The hermit's really in for a surprise!
• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble continue laughing. When all of a sudden, the Sneaky Hermit sneaks up behind them and steals the invisible boatmobile.]
• Mermaid Man: Oh, hey, Barnacle Boy, where did you park the invisible boatmobile?
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, I didn't park it, Mermaid Man. You did. [chuckles] It's just over—[sees the invisible boatmobile missing and gasps] Oh my gosh!
• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble gasp in a shocking surprise.]
• Mermaid Man: The invisible boatmobile! It's been stolen!

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: And I'm the one who's got it!
  • Patrick: Oh, come on! It's just a boatmobile.
  • Squidward: Oh, quit blubbering. It's just a boatmobile.
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh! That it has! By me!
  • Sandy: That's 'cause I done took it!
  • Plankton: It's just an old boatmobile. Sheesh!
• Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit!

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: They don't come any sneakier, boys.
  • Patrick: The Sneaky Hermit?!
  • Squidward: The very same.
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh, the Sneaky Hermit! Argh!
  • Sandy: You sure got that right!
  • Plankton: Yes. So, bow down, lowly beings!
• Barnacle Boy: You've been busy, Hermit. You've stolen almost the whole town.
• Man Ray: And put it all on your back, too. It's reasonably impressive.
• Mermaid Man: You've stolen our invisible boatmobile, Sneaky Hermit!
• Dirty Bubble: You stole our evil lairs!
• Mermaid Man: Evil bears?!
• [The screen shows two koala bears with red, evil eyes.]
• Barnacle Boy: But why, Hermit? Why did you do it?

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: I wanted the best home ever.
  • Patrick: Everyone needs a home.
  • Squidward: I needed a home.
  • Mr. Krabs: Money. I mean, uh, I needed a home.
  • Sandy: You can't deny a lady a home.
  • Plankton: I wanted a good home.
• Barnacle Boy: A home? You've got all of Bikini Bottom on your back!
• Dirty Bubble: What's your plan? To put the whole town on your back? Then the next town? Then eventually the whole world?

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Hmm....maybe.
  • Patrick: Uh, maybe.
  • Squidward: You, uh, could say that.
  • Mr. Krabs: Um...perhaps...yeah.
  • Sandy: Uh...yep.
  • Plankton: That's the plan.
• Barnacle Boy: All on your back? Where will you stand?
• Man Ray: Wow! I'm an evil genius who wants to take over the world, but even I'm not that crazy!
• Dirty Bubble: Enough talk! Can we fight already?
• Mermaid Man: [facing the wrong way] Hurrah! Prepare to make a fool of yourself, [Barnacle Boy turns him around] Sneaky Hermit!

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: I am already there, Mermaid Man!
  • Patrick: It's a little late for that!
  • Squidward: Ha! I'll beat you to it!
  • Mr. Krabs: I like to see ya try!
  • Sandy: I'll fool you!
  • Plankton: You mean of you, Mermaid Man!
• Barnacle Boy: I hope you brought a stunt double, Hermit. Because this is gonna hurt.
• Mermaid Man: [summons a swarm of jellyfish] Sea creatures of the deep unite!
• [The Sneaky Hermit runs away. The hermit's stunt double (depending on which character) punches and kicks away the jellyfish. He then puts another building onto his back.]
• Dirty Bubble: By all things dirty, I—uh—[stutters] Make you dirty!
• [The Dirty Bubble charges at the Sneaky Hermit's stunt double. The stunt double grabs a helicopter and blows the Dirty Bubble away with the propeller. The Dirty Bubble is sent flying into a pile of trash with a character's face in his mouth (depending on which character).]
• Gary: Meow.
• [The Sneaky Hermit continues to steal buildings and goes for the giant sea needle in the middle of the city.]
• Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit's about to steal the Sea Needle!
• Mermaid Man: Aw, nuts! That's the last building in Bikini Bottom.
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, barnacles.

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Oh, I cannot lift it! Why, why, why?
  • Patrick: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Why is this building so hard?!
  • Squidward: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Oh, why can't I lift this building?
  • Mr. Krabs: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Why's this building givin' me troubles?
  • Sandy: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Oh, why is this buildin' bein' stubborn?
  • Plankton: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] What's wrong with this building?!
• Mermaid Man: I know! I know! It's locked! Lookie! [points to a lock at the very top of the building] You could just take that lock off and then take the building. You can even use those window-washer platforms to get up there.

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Hey, thanks.
  • Patrick: Thanks!
  • Squidward: Ha! Thanks.
  • Mr. Krabs: Thanks!
  • Sandy: Much obliged.
  • Plankton: Thanks, fool.
• Dirty Bubble: [groans] Why do you good guys have to be so helpful?
• [The Sneaky Hermit climbs onto the winder-washing platform and goes up.]
• Barnacle Boy: We should, um, probably try to stop that from happening. [chuckles]
• Mermaid Man: Excellent idea, Barnacle Boy! All those in favor?
• Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: Aye!
• Mermaid Man: All against?

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Nay!
  • Patrick: Nay!
  • Squidward: Nay!
  • Mr. Krabs: Nay!
  • Sandy: Nay!
  • Plankton: Nay!
• Barnacle Boy: Quiet you!
• Mermaid Man: Alright, there's not much left to say but...to the window-washing platforms on the side of the Sea Needle [as Mermaid Man talks, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble get annoyed and get a head start] building to rescue Bikini Bottom from the clutches of the evil Sneaky Hermit, [breathes and Barnacle Boy grabs him by the arm] away!
• [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble climb on the window-washing platforms and go up after the Sneaky Hermit. The hermit is struggling to reach the top.]
• Mermaid Man: You'll never get away with this, you sneaky thing.
• Dirty Bubble: Can we hurry this up? I'm getting a bit dizzy here.

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Okie doke. Have a bite of my hermit nippers!
  • Patrick: With pleasure. Prepare for hermit nippers!
  • Squidward: You asked for it! Behold my hermit nippers!
  • Mr. Krabs: You got it, laddie. Prepare for hermit nippers! [chortles]
  • Sandy: You got it! Hermit nippers comin' at ya!
  • Plankton: Of course. Taste my hermit nippers!
• [The Sneaky Hermit fires his hermit nippers at the Dirty Bubble. But he dodges all of them.]
• Dirty Bubble: [laughs] Your nippers are no match for my dirty breath of doom!
• [The Dirty Bubble inhales and blows a horrible stench of bad breath at the Sneaky Hermit, but the hermit dodges and it affected Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy instead.]
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez! [coughs] Whew. That's worse than Mermaid Man's socks.

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Hey, you should try my sneaky frightener!
  • Patrick: Ha! Let me try. I give you the sneaky frightener!
  • Squidward: Ha! Try my sneaky frightener on for size!
  • Mr. Krabs: Argh, funny. But taste the sting of me sneaky frightener!
  • Sandy: Funny, but not as funny as my sneaky frightener!
  • Plankton: Ha! Tremble before my sneaky frightener!
• [The Sneaky Hermit forms a ball and launches it over to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The sneaky frightener floats behind Barnacle Boy's ear.]
• Sneaky frightener: Boo!
• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump in fright and the ball pops like a bubble.]
• Man Ray: Okay, now this is getting weird.
• Barnacle Boy: The powers of good will prevail! Behold! Raging whirlpool!
• [Barnacle Boy performs his raging whirlpool technique at the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit dodges the attack and it hits the Dirty Bubble.]
• Dirty Bubble: [spins around] Hey, w-watch it! You're gonna make me s-s-spill my lunch!
• Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, that's it! Spilling! The hunter told us that if the hermit loses balance, then everything on its back could fall off. And the hermit is susceptible to sneezing. You know what that means?
• Mermaid Man: We're having prune and broccoli pudding for desert tonight?
• Barnacle Boy: No, you old coot. Pepper! We use some pepper and make the hermit sneeze.
• Mermaid Man: Good idea, Barnacle Boy! If only we had some.
• Barnacle Boy: You got some in your pocket from before!
• Dirty Bubble: Oh, this isn't helping at all.
• [Everyone reaches the very top of the Sea Needle.]
• Mermaid Man: [holds out the pepper grinder] Hey! Here's some pepper! Okay, Hermit, I've got a handful of pepper here. And I gotta warn ya, it's especially tasty. The jig is up!

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: It should take more than pep—uh oh.
  • Patrick: Pepper? Is that all you—uh oh.
  • Squidward: Ha! Pepper. As if that—uh oh.
  • Mr. Krabs: All you got is pepper? [laughs, but pauses] Oh, barnacles.
  • Sandy: Is that all you got? I—oh dagnabbit!
  • Plankton: Oh, come on. Pepper? I mean oh dear.
• Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, I give you a handful of delicious pepper! [sprays pepper in the Sneaky Hermit's face]

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Ah—ah—ah—ah—
  • Patrick: Ah—ah—ah—ah—ah—
  • Squidward: Ah—[grunts as he is about to sneeze]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah—[grunts as he is about to sneeze]
  • Sandy: Ah—ah—
  • Plankton: Ah—ah—ah—ah—
• Mermaid Man: [looks down] You know, being up here doesn't feel safe anymore.
• Barnacle Boy: You got that right, old man. Let's scoot.
• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy let go of the ropes and descend down.]

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Ah—ah—ah—ah—
  • Patrick: Ah—ah—ah—ah—ah—
  • Squidward: Ah—[grunts as he is about to sneeze]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah—ah—ah—ah—
  • Sandy: Ah—ah—
  • Plankton: Ah—ah—ah—
• Man Ray: I think those bumbling ninnies might be onto something. Let's get out of here!
• Dirty Bubble: Not so fast, Man Ray! I'm still feeling [Man Ray lets go of the rope and descends down] queaaaaaassssyyyyy!

• Sneaky Hermit:
  • SpongeBob: Achoooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] I am flying!
  • Patrick: Achoooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] Hey, I can see my house from here!
  • Squidward: Achooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] Oh, I hope I paid my health insurance!
  • Mr. Krabs: Achooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money!
  • Sandy: Achoooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] I ain't no flyin' fox!
  • Plankton: Aaaaaccchoooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] Not again! This isn't happening!
• [As the Sneaky Hermit flies away into the distance, all of the buildings he stole return to their proper positions. Bikini Bottom is back to the way it is.]

Ending

• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy land safely on the ground.]
• Barnacle Boy: Well, we sure did teach that little critter something about not stealing buildings and storing them on your back and plotting to take over the world.
• Mermaid Man: We sure did. And teaming up with our enemies worked.
• [Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble land safely on the ground.]
• Dirty Bubble: [feeling sick] Spinning, spinning, spinning! [goes somewhere to throw up]
• Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray: Eeewww!
• Mermaid Man: Feeling good now, Dirty Bubble?
• Dirty Bubble: No. I think I'm almost back to feeling evil again.
• Mermaid Man: Oh.
• Man Ray: So, would you like to come and throw rocks with us?
• Barnacle Boy: No, we're still good I'm afraid.
• Man Ray: Oh. So, um... Ah, the heck with it. Come, Dirty Bubble, I'm tired of all this goodness! Let's go steal chocolate chips out of the prison warden's cookies!
• Dirty Bubble: Now you're talking. Time for some evil!
• [Man Ray draws on Mermaid Man's face.]
• Mermaid Man: Evil?
• [Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble run off into the streets to continue doing evil.]
• Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man?
• Mermaid Man: Yes, son?
• Barnacle Boy: Are you going to, uh, fix that anytime soon?
• Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy.
• Barnacle Boy: So, what do you say we go see the rest of that performance at the Sand Stadium?
• Mermaid Man: We're going back to the football game?! Hot dog! I love football!
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. It's not foot—[stutters] Oh, whatever. Yep. Let's go see the rest of the "football game."
• Mermaid Man: Yippee! [he and Barnacle Boy enter the invisible boatmobile] Ice cream, ice cream. Can I have ice cream?
• Barnacle Boy: As much as you want, old chump.
• Mermaid Man: Hee-hee! Best day ever! [drives away]
• TV announcer: And so once again, the forces of badness have been outdone by the forces of goodness. And thank goodness there's an end to the madness. Tune in next time for another mostly interesting episode of The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!
• French Narrator: Ah, monsieur, you really are very good at that.
• TV announcer: Thanks again, my French companion. There's a funny story about how I got into cartoons. You see, when I was just a kid, I had this deep voice.

Gill Hammerstein cutscenes

Intro

• [Gil Hammerstein was seen chilling on his chair. The phone suddenly starts ringing in which Gil falls down before getting up and picking it up.]
• Gil Hammerstein: Gil Hammerstein speaking!
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Ah, sir! So nice to-
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Okay. Okay, okay, yes sir. The plans are all in place. I-I'm down at the Mermalair setting now and I am confident we found the-
• Boss On Phone: [speaking angry gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes sir. I am aware of how important the anniversary special of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy is, and I am completely convinced!
• Boss On Phone: [speaking furious gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes sir! Sure, sure, sure! We'll put all of the contestants through their paces, see how they do in the three scenes and the one that performs the best will get the part!
• Boss On Phone: [speaking furious gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes sir! And the most popular contender overall will get the coveted Supervillain role!
• Boss On Phone: [speaking angry gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: [chuckles] Good one, pal.
• Boss On Phone: [speaking furious gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: I... I am so, so, so sorry, sir. So sorry I-I called you that, uh, I just got a bit carried away with the moment. It-it won't happen again.
• Boss On Phone: [speaking furious gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes sir! Okay, okay, okay. Just leave it to me, I'll take care of everything! Miss Penningkin, get me the first contest host on the line! Now!

Pre-Contests

Interviewing with Bubble Bass

• Gil Hammerstein: Bubble Bass! I couldn't have picked a greater culinary connoisseur to judge the best waiter!
• Bubble Bass: No, you could not! My superior gastronomic and culinary skills will sort the majestic from the meek! [laughs]
• Gil Hammerstein: Uh-huh, right... So, how is that high fat, high carb thing working out for you anyway?
• Bubble Bass: Fine. Thank you very much!
• Gil Hammerstein: Anywho, just make sure you sort the good from the bad.
• Bubble Bass: Of course I will. That's why you chose me.
• Gil Hammerstein: Right... I'll be waiting.

Interviewing with Larry

• Gil Hammerstein: Larry! How's the lifeguard business treatin' ya?
• Larry: Y'know, surf, sand, and sun. The usual.
• Gil Hammerstein: Super! So, what tryouts do you have planned for our contestants?
• Larry: Well, Gil, I have three beach activities that should test whether they have...the right stuff!
• Gil Hammerstein: Great! Let's see if they sink...
• Larry: Or swim! [laughs]
• Gil Hammerstein: [laughs]
• Larry: Good one, Gil!
• Gil Hammerstein: Okay, I'll be waiting. Let the games begin!

Interviewing with Mrs. Puff

• Gil Hammerstein: Mrs. Puff! Simply delightful to have you hosting this round of auditions!
• Mrs. Puff: Mr. Hammerstein, it's an honor that you chose my boating school as a set for your new show!
• Gil Hammerstein: And what have you got in mind for our contestants?
• Mrs. Puff: I will be testing their driving skills. To get the police officer role, they'll have to ace these driving tests.
• Gil Hammerstein: Great, Mrs. Puff, great. Just make sure you find the most qualified one amongst them.
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, yes! Only the one with the most perseverance and skill will be qualified for this role.
• Gil Hammerstein: Okay, Mrs. Puff, let's get this part cast. Start your engines!

Interviewing with Squilliam

• Gil Hammerstein: Squilliam! Good to see real talent! You still upstaging your old pal Squidward?
• Squilliam: I live his dream whenever I can! It's the glory of genuine talent!
• Gil Hammerstein: It sure is! So, do you think you can find the star there at Sand Stadium?
• Squilliam: It'll be hard. What are you looking for?
• Gil Hammerstein: I want someone with rhythm and melody who can sing and dance! You know, a real performer. I want a star, Squilliam! No less!
• Squilliam: Well, I have a three-part audition that should sort the somebodies from the... nobodies.
• Gil Hammerstein: Excellent! Well, what are you waiting for? Bring down the crowds! Make this good Squilliam, I'll be waiting.

Interviewing with Karen

• Gil Hammerstein: Karen! So lovely to talk to you again! How have you and your delightful husband Plankton been?
• Karen: Sheldon? Don't get me started on him! After all these years wasting his time trying to corner the fast food market, now he thinks he can rule the world just by winning a role in a TV show! Which is --
• Gil Hammerstein: ...Right. Well, hope that works out for him. Now, on to business. What are you intending to do with our hopefuls?
• Karen: Well, I have three challenges for them here in the Chum Bucket. Whoever survives them will be the one for the role.
• Gil Hammerstein: Okay, are you ready for our wannabees?
• Karen: Yeah, sure. Send in the organic life-forms!
• Gil Hammerstein: All right, I'll be checking out the action here!

Interviewing with Kevin C. Cucumber

• Gil Hammerstein: Well, if it isn't Kevin C. Cucumber! How are those jellyfish treating you?
• Kevin: Fine. [gets stung] Ow! Just fine. [gets stung] Ow!
• Gil Hammerstein: Well, I trust you thought of some interesting tests for the contestants.
• Kevin: [laughs] Oh, yes. I have devised some events that they will find truly -- [gets stung] Ow! Ugh! Shocking.
• Gil Hammerstein: Supurb! Shocking makes for great ratings! Let's get started! I'll be waiting!
• Kevin: Okay, I -- [gets stung] Ow! Oh, forget it.

Interviewing with Don

• Gil Hammerstein: Don! How are things?
• Don: Ripped! And... ready, baby!
• Gil Hammerstein: ...Right. Well, what have you got lined up for our competitors?
• Don: These puny little weaklings won't know what's about to hit 'em! I have ten years hard labor for them, mashed into ten minutes!
• Gil Hammerstein: Great. Make sure only the best one is left standing.
• Don: Oh, oh, yeah! They're in for jail time they will not soon forget!
• Gil Hammerstein: Okay, okay! I'll be waiting.

Interviewing with Cannonball Jenkins

• Gil Hammerstein: Ah, Cannonball Jenkins! Who better to judge potential stunt doubles! How are you, Cannonball?
• Cannonball Jenkins: No, I don't want to go to the mall, dagnabbit! City folk. I told you no good would come from city folk! Why, when I was a boy-
• Gil Hammerstein: Um. Um, yeah, yeah, right, right, and what have you got planned for our fearless competitors?
• Cannonball Jenkins: Doors!? What doors? I don't see no doors! Huh! City folk and their doors. Well, when I was a boy-
• Gil Hammerstein: Are you ready for the stunt tryouts!?
• Cannonball Jenkins: Brussel sprouts!? Now you're just plain talking crazy! I haven't had eaten brussel sprouts since I was a boy!
• Gil Hammerstein: Whatever! Just roll the camera... sheesh!
• Cannonball Jenkins: And then back in '42, I got shot out of a cannon over enemy lines. Spent eight months stuck in a tree I did! Oh, those were the days...

Post-Contests

Interviewing with Bubble Bass

• Gil Hammerstein: Bubble Bass, how did the waiter tryouts go?
• Bubble Bass: As I suspected, they were all... terrible! It was a complete and utter waste of my valuable time!
• Gil Hammerstein: Just tell me who the winner is!
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Bubble Bass: It pains me to say this, but the only mildly competent one... was SquarePants.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Fine! That wasn't so hard, now was it? Get Mr. SquarePants down to the Krusty Krab set!
• If Patrick wins:
  • Bubble Bass: Patrick Star was the best of the worst. Barely tolerable, but he is the winner.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Great, nice work Bubble Bass. Send a car for Mr. Star. He's on set in 5 minutes.
• If Squidward wins:
  • Bubble Bass: Squidward Tentacles will make the best waiter of the bunch.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Squidward? Ok, he's our waiter in the next role then. Send a car for Squidward.
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Bubble Bass: Mr. Eugene Krabs. He will make a... nearly competent waiter.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Figures; it is his restaurant, after all. Make sure Mr. Krabs is on set in 5 minutes.
• If Sandy wins:
  • Bubble Bass: Sandy Cheeks. Her food handling abilities were...barely acceptable.
  • Gil Hammerstein:Ok ok, Sandy Cheeks has won the role. Send Ms. Cheeks down to wardrobe.
• If Plankton wins:
  • Bubble Bass: Plankton. Plankton is the most capable of the bunch.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Plankton it is. Get Mr. Plankton down to the waiter set.

Interviewing with Larry

• Gil Hammerstein: Larry, how did the beach tryouts go?
• Larry: They were awesome! The little guys tried their hearts out.
• Gil Hammerstein: And who was the winner?
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Larry: The square absorbent one, SpongeBob!
  • Gil Hammerstein: SpongeBob? Okay, I guess that could work. See if wardrobe has a pair of trunks for Mr. SquarePants!
• If Patrick wins:
  • Larry: The star man, Patrick Star!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Patrick Star it is! Get Mr. Star down to Goo Lagoon. This star's a-rising!
• If Squidward wins:
  • Larry: Squidward Tentacles is your lookout, man!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Great, I'll give him the good news. Send Mr. Tentacles down to wardrobe.
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Larry: The crab man, Krabs is the winner!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Guess he's not "Krusty" after all, get Mr. Krabs down to the set for the Lookout role.
• If Sandy wins:
  • Larry: Sandy Cheeks is the queen of the sand!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Sandy Cheeks, eh? Yeah, I'm sure she's got a knack for those beach tryouts. Get Ms. Cheeks down to wardrobe.
• If Plankton wins:
  • Larry: Plankton,the little guy dominated!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Plankton it is! Nice work, Larry. See that a car is sent for Mr. Plankton.

Interviewing with Mrs. Puff

• Gil Hammerstein: Mrs. Puff, that was fantastic! So, who's our big star? Who is the best on the course?
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, Mr. Hammerstein, I am so sorry. I have never seen such bad driving! This is truly a dark day for Mrs. Puff's Driving School!
• Gil Hammerstein: Come now, Mrs. Puff. The audience loved it! I say, give 'em what they want. Now, who's the winner? Who won the police officer role?
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob SquarePants. My worst student was the best of the bunch.
  • Gil Hammerstein: SquarePants, eh? Who would've thought a guy without a license could've won that role? Get Mr. SquarePants down to the motor pool so he can be assigned a vehicle for the role.
• If Patrick wins:
  • Mrs. Puff: I don't know how he did it, but Patrick was the winner!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Well, the audience has spoken. Thanks, Mrs. Puff. Get Mr. Star to the set. Shooting starts in 5 minutes.
• If Squidward wins:
  • Mrs. Puff: Squidward Tentacles.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Ok, ok, an octopus? This might cause some problems. Well, I've been surprised before, let's see what he can do. Get wardrobe on the line, I want to know if they have any four-legged pants.
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Mrs. Puff: Mr. Eugene Krabs.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Well, good for him, must have an appeal to the older demographic. Nice hosting job, Mrs. Puff. Get Mr. Krabs down to makeup. See if they can make him look young... or, at least, younger.
• If Sandy wins:
  • Mrs. Puff: Sandy Cheeks!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Sandy Cheeks, eh? I can see that on a billboard already. Thanks, Mrs. Puff, great job. Send a car for Ms. Cheeks. She is needed on set.
• If Plankton wins:
  • Mrs. Puff: Plankton.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Ah, perfect, he was born for this role. Excellent work, Mrs. Puff. Let them know on set that Mr. Plankton is on his way.

Interviewing with Squilliam

• Gil Hammerstein: Squilliam, baby! So, who's the star of this scene? Who's my maestro?
• Squilliam: The winner was...
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes?
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Squilliam: SpongeBob SquarePants!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Really? I never would've picked him for being talented. Well, well! Nice work, Squilliam, I'll see you down at the country club tomorrow. Send Mr. SquarePants down to wardrobe! He's on his way to bein' a star!
• If Patrick wins:
  • Squilliam: Patrick Star!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Patrick Star, eh? Ooh, he has a nice name to be a superstar! Good work, Squilliam! Miss Penningkin, send Patrick Star to makeup. See if you can do something about that face.
• If Squidward wins:
  • Squilliam: Squidward Tentacles?
  • Gil Hammerstein: Squidward? I am surprised, he came across as whiny and annoying. Send Mr. Tentacles down to makeup and see what audio can do about that voice.
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Squilliam: Mr. Eugene Krabs!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Eugene Krabs, not a very Hollywood name but a star's a star! Quick! Get Mr. Krabs down to the set, they're about to start shooting!
• If Sandy wins:
  • Squilliam: Sandy Cheeks!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Sandy? Ooh! So we have our new leading lady! Excellent work, Squilliam! Send Sandy Cheeks to the set!
• If Plankton wins:
  • Squilliam: Plankton!
  • Gil Hammerstein: That's all we need, another megalomaniacal movie star, but you can't deny the talent. Thanks, Squilliam, baby. Nice work. Send a very tiny limo for Plankton. He's needed on set.

Interviewing with Karen

• Gil Hammerstein: So, how did our actors do in the auditions for the captive role?
• Karen: They were keen! They were eager! They were... yeah, not very good.
• Gil Hammerstein: Surely, one was better than the rest.
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Karen: Well, out of the contenders, SpongeBob SquarePants would make the best captive!
  • Gil Hammerstein: SpongeBob? Okay then, thanks, Karen! Order a cab for Mr. SquarePants! He's needed down on the lot, make it a yellow cab, he should like that.
• If Patrick wins:
  • Karen: Patrick Star has the best nash for the captive role.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Patrick, eh? Thanks for that, Karen. See that Patrick Star gets down to wardrobe.
• If Squidward wins:
  • Karen: Squidward Tentacles should be cast as the captive!
  • Gil Hammerstein: A nice whiny role for Squidward. Perfect! Squidward wins the captive role, send a car for him.
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Karen: Mr. Krabs would make an excellent captive.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Oooooh, he'll hate being in the Chum Bucket thanks Karen. Mr. Krabs to the lot, the cameras start rolling in 5 minutes.
• If Sandy wins:
  • Karen: Sandy Cheeks should play the captive.
  • Gil Hammerstein: I like it. Thanks, Karen. Ms. Cheeks to makeup!
• If Plankton wins:
  • Karen: Plankton. He's the best actor for the captive role. My little guy!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Plankton, great. Nice hosting job, Karen. See that Mr. Plankton is down on the lot in 5 minutes.

Interviewing with Kevin C. Cucumber

• Gil Hammerstein: Kevin, that was fantastic!
• Kevin: Well, I don't like to brag, but -- [gets stung] Ow!
• Gil Hammerstein: So, who was the most electrifying contestant?
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Kevin: Sponge -- [gets stung] Ow! -- Bob SquarePants. [gets stung] Ow!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Great! Nice work, Kevin! Get Mr. SquarePants down to wardrobe!
• If Patrick wins:
  • Kevin: Patrick -- [gets stung] Ow! -- Star.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Patrick? A fearless hunter? [laughs] Really? Well, ok I guess. Get Mr. Star down to the Jellyfish Fields set.
• If Squidward wins:
  • Kevin: Squidward -- [gets stung] Ow! -- Tentacles.
  • Gil Hammerstein: You know, Kevin, you should really stay away from those jellyfish. Send a car for Squidward. He's needed on set.
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Kevin: Mr. -- [gets stung] Ow! -- Krabs.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Mr. Krabs it is! Good work Kevin, get Mr. Krabs down to the Hunter Role set.
• If Sandy wins:
  • Kevin: Sandy -- [gets stung] Ow! -- Cheeks.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Sounds good. Thanks, Kevin. See that Ms. Cheeks gets to wardrobe.
• If Plankton wins:
  • Kevin: Plank -- [gets stung] Ow! -- ton.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Plankton is our fearless hunter? I hope our audience knows what they're doing, see what wardrobe has for mini hunter outfits.

Interviewing with Don

• Gil Hammerstein: Great, Don, just great. You really put them through a tough tryout.
• Don: Hey, Gil, most of the weaklings fell by the wayside, but we have our prison champion! Our top dog! Our number one! Our numero uno!
• Gil Hammerstein: Okay, okay, okay. I get the idea. Who's the winner?
• Don: Our prison warden is going to be...
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Don: SpongeBob SquarePants!
  • Gil Hammerstein: SpongeBob? Kinda puny for a prison warden, but he could still demand respect. Thanks, Don. Send a car for Mr. SquarePants, he's needed down on the set.
• If Patrick wins:
  • Don: Star, Patrick Star! He has been victorious!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Star, eh? We'll see. Nice, Don, good work. Get Mr. Star down to wardrobe.
• If Squidward wins:
  • Don: Squidward Tentacles!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Squidward? Fine warden material. He'll come in handy. Get it? Handy? He's an octopus! [laughs] Nice work, Don. Squidward to the set!
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Don: Mr. Krabs - he is the best of the worst, sir.
  • Gil Hammerstein: Great, great. He'll fit the role perfectly. Send Mr. Krabs to the jail set.
• If Sandy wins:
  • Don: Sandy Cheeks - this Texas toughy NAILED IT!
  • Gil Hammerstein: You'd have to be nuts not to pick the squirrel! Get it? Nuts? [laughs] Ok. Get Ms. Cheeks down to the prison set. The cameras are ready to roll.
• If Plankton wins:
  • Don: Plankton, sir. He may be short, but he is packing a lot of anger!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Great, Don. Nice work. Miss Penningken, see what wardrobe has in an extra extra small warden's outfit.

Interviewing with Cannonball Jenkins

• Gil Hammerstein: Cannonball, that was great! So who's the winner?
• Cannonball Jenkins: Dinner?! I don't need dinner! Dagnabbit, it's morning, you crazy city folk! I told you no good would come from city folk.
• Gil Hammerstein: Sheesh. Who is the winner?!
• Cannonball Jenkins: Winner? Well, why didn't you just ask?
• If Spongebob wins:
  • Cannonball Jenkins: The young'un... Spongebob Squarepants!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Finally. Well, thanks, Cannonball. Get Mr. Squarepants down to the stunt double set!
• If Patrick wins:
  • Cannonball Jenkins: The pink one, Patrick!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Okay, thanks, Cannonball. Get Patrick down to wardrobe.
• If Squidward wins:
  • Cannonball Jenkins: The four-legged one, Squidward!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Nice job, Cannonball. Get Squidward down to makeup.
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Cannonball Jenkins: The cheap one, Mr. Krabs!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Mr. Krabs it is. Send for Mr. Krabs, he's need down on the set. Filming starts in 5 minutes.
• If Sandy wins:
  • Cannonball Jenkins: The young gal, Sandy Cheeks!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Sandy? Nice job, Cannonball.
• If Plankton wins:
  • Cannonball Jenkin: The little nasty one, Plankton!
  • Gil Hammerstein: Plankton? Kind of short for a stunt double. But oh well. Send for Mr. Plankton. He has won the stunt double role.

Outro

• Gil Hammerstein: Well, that's it! All the roles have been cast! Now, time to tally up the popularity points, and decide who wins the Supervillain role. [the phone rings; answers] Gil Hammerstein speaking!
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Ah! Sure is lovely to --.
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes, sir. We finished casting all the roles for the special Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy episode. The contestants were --
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes, sir! I-I-I'm just figuring out who wins the --
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes, sir, yes, sir. The winner is...
• If SpongeBob wins:
  • Gil Hammerstein: SpongeBob! SpongeBob has won the...
• If Patrick wins:
  • Gil Hammerstein: Patrick! Patrick Star has won the...
• If Squidward wins:
  • Gil Hammerstein: Squidward! Squidward Tentacles has won the...
• If Sandy wins:
  • Gil Hammerstein: Sandy! Sandy Cheeks has won the...
• If Mr. Krabs wins:
  • Gil Hammerstein: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs has won the...
• If Plankton wins:
  • Gil Hammerstein: Plankton! Plankton has won the...
• Gil Hammerstein: ...Supervillain role.
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Yes, sir. We filled all the roles. We can finally see the episode!
• Boss On Phone: [speaking gibberish]
• Gil Hammerstein: Okay, sir. I will put it through to you now. Hope you like it.

Gil's Funny Moments (If no one has enough popularity points)

• Gil Hammerstein: Terrible. Just terrible. Get back in there and do better.
• Gil Hammerstein: Seemed like such a good idea. Cast some unknowns, get the ratings up, easy. Nobody told me they're all unknowns, because... they have no talent! Please, don't let me down! Go back and do better!
• Gil Hammerstein: Huh? What?! Who? Oh, that was terrible! Get back in there and do a better job. Feel the roles. Be the roles. Amateurs... Trained dolphins could do a better job. *dolphin noises*
• Gil Hammerstein: What was that? Is that acting? I don't think so. Try again!
• Gil Hammerstein: How! Can! They! Be! So! Bad?! Just! Go! Back! And! Try! Harder! Please!
• Gil Hammerstein: That was atrocious. Go back to acting school! I couldn't cast you in a pond with that effort. Get back in there and do BETTER!!

Gameplay

Cheering/Winning phrases

• SpongeBob:
  • All right!
  • Go, SpongeBob!
  • Go, self!
  • Sweet victory!
  • Wow! I won!
  • Yay!
  • Yay, I'm winning!
  • I'm number one, I'm number one!
  • SpongeBob, in the lead!

• Patrick:
  • Sweet!
  • I'm the winner!
  • Wow, I am the not loser guy!
  • I win! I win!
  • I'm winning, I'm winning!
  • Winning, good!
  • I can't lose!

• Squidward:
  • Oh, that's nice.
  • I won? Naturally.
  • Squidward wins again!
  • All hail Squidward!
  • I'm very good at this.
  • I deserve to win!
  • For once, I'm winning!

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Hooray!
  • Winning's sweet, but money's better!
  • Where's me cash prize?
  • You're looking at a winner!
  • I love winning!
  • Eugene Krabs, yooou're winning!
  • I'm so... happy...

• Sandy:
  • Yee-haw!
  • Good game, y'all!
  • Critters rule!
  • That's for Texas!
  • Ride 'em, cow-squirrel!
  • Atta girl!

• Plankton:
  • Perfect!
  • Victory is mine!
  • Yes, all according to plan.
  • I dominate this game.
  • I'm winning because I'm aggressive!
  • Sorry, losers!
  • Eat my sand, losers! Heh-heh!

Upset/Losing phrases

• SpongeBob:
  • What's happening?!
  • What is going on?!
  • What the?!
  • Must do better!
  • I don't wanna lose!
  • I'll just try harder.

• Patrick:
  • Huh?
  • Not good.
  • What?
  • No!
  • It's gut-check time!
  • No more mister loser guy!

• Squidward:
  • Oh no.
  • Not fair!
  • Oh great.
  • This isn't going well.
  • Hmph, I better try harder!
  • Why is this happening?

• Mr. Krabs:
  • No, no, no!
  • There's no reason for that!
  • Oh... Barnacles.
  • I gotta get going!
  • So you think I'm beat, eh?

• Sandy:
  • This ain't good.
  • Whoa!
  • Hey!
  • I love a challenge!
  • Now, I get tough!
  • I'm coming from behind!
  • I gotta stop hibernating!

• Plankton:
  • It's all going wrong!
  • WHY?!
  • Not happening!
  • I must NOT suffer defeat!
  • I refuse to lose!
  • Losing is unacceptable!

Team phrases

• SpongeBob:
  • What a terrific teammate!
  • Great job, pal!

• Patrick:
  • Nice.
  • Sweet!
  • We rule.

• Squidward:
  • Way to not blow it!
  • You're not totally useless.
  • I'd help you.

• Mr. Krabs:
  • It's good as gold!
  • You deserve a raise, maybe not.

• Sandy Cheeks:
  • Nice going, partner!
  • Sure you're not from Texas?

• Plankton:
  • Not bad!
  • I'm impressed!
  • You serve me well.

"Perfect" phrases

• SpongeBob
  • A perfect score!
  • Ooh, perfect-cion!

• Patrick
  • I made no mistake!
  • Me? Perfect?

• Squidward:
  • You can't beat perfection.
  • A perfect performance.

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Perfect! [laughs]
  • I'm perfect!

• Sandy Cheeks:
  • Not one mistake!
  • Perfection, Texas style!

• Plankton:
  • Flawless.
  • I'm small and I'm perfect!

"Faster" phrases

• SpongeBob:
  • Whoa! We're speeding up!
  • Oh, no! Even faster!
  • Here we go!

• Patrick:
  • Faster?! No!
  • Ooh! That's speedy!
  • That's awful quick.

• Squidward:
  • Slow down!
  • Just what I wanted, more speed!
  • Oh, boy! Even faster!

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Oh, no...
  • I'm too old for this!
  • Too fast!

• Sandy:
  • Bring...it...on!
  • Yeee-haw!
  • Yeah! More action!

• Plankton:
  • The faster I go, the faster I win!
  • I can handle the speed!
  • Even faster?

Order Up

Waiter phrases

• SpongeBob:
  • Right away!
  • You got it!
  • Your wish is my command!

• Patrick:
  • You're the boss...I mean customer.
  • Yes...I will get this.
  • OK, if that's what you want.

• Squidward:
  • It's your funeral.
  • Like to live dangerously, eh?
  • Whatever you say.

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Sure... but no free ketchup!
  • Long as you pay...
  • Uhh... you got money, right?

• Sandy:
  • I'm on it!
  • Sounds great!
  • Comin' up!

• Plankton:
  • Oh, I suppose so.
  • If you say so.
  • Yes, your highness.

Cook phrases

• SpongeBob:
  • It's ready!
  • Grub's good to go!
  • Order up!

• Patrick:
  • Order down!...I mean, up!
  • Here's food.
  • You take it!

• Squidward:
  • Order up.
  • Slop's ready.
  • I've done my part.

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Order up!
  • Food for sale!
  • Get it and pay!

• Sandy:
  • Chow's on!
  • Order up!
  • Come and get it!

• Plankton:
  • Order up!
  • I made it. Now eat!
  • I order you to take this!

Weight & Sea

• SpongeBob:
  • Muscles is my middle name!

• Patrick:
  • Help you what?
  • Patrick strong!

• Larry
  • That's not the weight we need!
  • Get ready to lift, beachgoers!
  • All right, let's lift!
  • Get those arms up!
  • Hey, that was heavy!

• Don
  • Dude, wrong weight!
  • Let's lift some metal!
  • Let's nail this!
  • Next time we'll nail it!
  • That went all sideways.

Surf Resc-Goo

• SpongeBob:
  • Got it!
  • Bullseye!
  • It's a big one!
  • Come to Papa!
  • Here it comes!
  • Gotcha!
  • That's it!
  • Come on back!
  • Pulling in...!

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Pulling in!
  • That's it!
  • Right on the money!
  • That's good!
  • You're mine!
  • I love fishing!
  • Wheeee!
  • Mine! All mine!!
  • Come on back!

• Squidward:
  • Top this!
  • Oh, boy!
  • Feels big.
  • Come on back!
  • Pulling in!
  • That's it!
  • I've got it!
  • I expect nothing less.
  • Yeah!

• Plankton:
  • Come to me!
  • Come to Plankton!
  • Gotcha!
  • Come on back!
  • Pulling in!
  • That's it!
  • Oh, yeah!
  • You are all mine!
  • Bam!

Rock Bottom

Starting solo

• Mr. Krabs:
  • A-one, a-two...
  • Here goes nothing!
  • And now, me solo!

• SpongeBob:
  • I'm ready...to rock!
  • Here goes!
  • You ready to rock?!

• Squidward:
  • At last!
  • Prepare to be dazzled!
  • Now some good music!

• Patrick:
  • And now...me!
  • Yes! I will play.
  • My turn!

• Plankton:
  • Instrument, do my bidding!
  • Now I attack the music!
  • Dig this!

• Sandy:
  • My time to shine!
  • I suppose it's my turn.

Ending solo

• Mr. Krabs:
  • That's a sailor jam!
  • Beautiful!
  • Music to your ears!
  • Not my best.
  • I've been at sea too long.
  • Eh, me ears are all stuffed up!

• SpongeBob:
  • Now, that's music!
  • I rock!
  • Thank you, Bikini Bottom!
  • Well, that was great...kinda.
  • Maybe I should've practiced.
  • Um, sorry!
  • Or something like that.

• Squidward:
  • Practice makes perfect!
  • That was good, wasn't it?
  • That wasn't my fault!
  • Um, one more time?

• Patrick:
  • Patrick rocks!
  • I rock!
  • I'm really more of a singer.
  • I stunk up the joint...

• Plankton:
  • Hey, I can be artistic!
  • Rock and rule!
  • Man, I was not good.
  • Can you do better?
  • I'm playing this evil tune.
  • I'm a monster player!

• Sandy:
  • I love it!
  • Thank you!
  • Not bad, huh?
  • I'm dreadful sorry.
  • My bad!

Machine Meltdown

• Karen:
  • Team 1/2, machine efficiency 75%.
  • Team 1/2, your generator is starting to wear.
  • Team 1's/2's generator is half-repaired.
  • Meltdown! Team 1/2, repair your generator immediately!
  • Team 1/2, well done!
  • Components busted.
  • Oop, there goes another one.

• SpongeBob:
  • I'll fix it!
  • This'll be good as new!

• Patrick:
  • I'll fix this thingmajig!
  • Gimme, I'll fix it.
  • Is this part important?

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Where's the manual?
  • Stop lollygagging!
  • Get back to work

• Plankton:
  • Repair yourself!
  • Work, or be destroyed!
  • I command you to work!

• Sandy:
  • This goes here...
  • Almost got it.
  • I'll tighten this.

• Squidward:
  • Work, you stupid thing!
  • Come on, work.
  • Come on, you piece of junk.

Charge!

• SpongeBob:
  • All charged up!
  • SpongeBob at full charge!

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Argh, she's all charged.
  • Argh, she's all charged!

• Patrick:
  • I feel tingly!
  • Hehe, static!

• Sandy:
  • Yee-haw! I'm all charged up!
  • Charged up, and ready for action!

• Squidward:
  • This can't be good for me.
  • I'm fully charged!

• Plankton:
  • I can feel my power.
  • My power is at its peak!

Breakin' Out

Caught by security

• SpongeBob:
  • But I'm so innocent!
  • I didn't do it!
  • I'm innocent!

• Patrick:
  • That tickles!
  • Whee! A hook!
  • Let me go!

• Squidward:
  • How humiliating.
  • Officer, no!
  • Hey, my shirt!

• Mr. Krabs:
  • Help!
  • Not the brig!
  • I don't want a fine!

• Sandy:
  • Uh-oh, a Texas ranger!
  • Turn me loose!
  • Now I'm mad!

• Plankton:
  • Oh, no...the law!
  • Not again...
  • This is inconvenient.

Getting out of prison

• SpongeBob:
  • Thank you...
  • See you later!
  • Well, that was great.

• Patrick:
  • Do I have to leave?
  • I'm free!
  • Bye-bye!

• Squidward:
  • Finally!
  • Took long enough.
  • About time!

• Mr. Krabs:
  • That was terrible!
  • At last!
  • So long, suckers!

• Plankton:
  • Here I come, world!
  • I'm busting out!
  • I'll be back to CRUSH YOU!

• Sandy:
  • I'm back in the game!

Full basket

• SpongeBob:
  • I've got a full load!
  • I'm full, I'm full!

Rubble Rabble

• SpongeBob:
  • Big rock here!
  • Move, rock!
  • Stupid rock!
  • Ha...ha...ew...
  • Help me out!

• Plankton:
  • So, you think you're big!
  • I regret I'm too small for these rocks!
  • That rock is creating a problem.
  • Destroy that big rock!
  • Ah... ah... Eww...

• Sandy:
  • Bring it on, big rock!
  • Ah...ha...eww...

• Patrick:
  • Ooh, a big one!

• Mr. Krabs:
  • This rock's as big as a ship.
  • That's a big rock.
  • Arggh, she's a big one.
  • Ah...ah...eww!
  • Remove that large rock!

• Squidward:
  • Uh, little help?
  • I'm not built for hard labor.
  • Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

Blistering Barnacles

• Cannonball Jenkins:
  • Barnacles!
  • Here come more of them pesky barnacles!
  • I knew another swarm would come!
  • Well, we didn't have to worry about barnacles when I was a boy.
  • That barnacle's a bigg'n!